Tucker Max, Pink, Mosh, Threesome, The Time of Someone Else’s Life

Last night, I finished reading Tucker Max’s most recent book Hilarity Ensues. I also read his Assholes Finish First, but I didn’t bother reviewing it here at the time. Nor did I mention the fast-forwardable movie based on his first book.

I am on record for thinking Tucker Max’s first book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is a work of genius. I’ve re-read I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and I stand by my prior statements; the book is brilliant. Tucker Max is brilliant.

The problem with the Asshole book is already there is the title. At least for me, the appeal of Tucker’s bad behavior in the first book is mostly his fearlessness, not that some people will be offended by his behavior. Some of the brilliance of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is Tucker Max doing the drunk, slutty, literary equivalent of dancing like nobody is watching. By the second book, he is obviously painfully aware of how many people are watching and being mean about his dance moves. Worse still, it is awkwardly obvious that fame has put Tucker Max in the room with women he really can’t read or handle. So the assholery didn’t really appeal to me, and I kinda don’t think he was finishing first in most of the stories in that book, and the title lacked the wit of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.

The most notable tale about this is one about a Hollywood girl who is one of those courtesan types who show up when you first start getting successful in Los Angeles. (I’ve been there and I probably didn’t fare that much better than Tucker Max, although I like to think I eventually parsed what was going on.) Basically, Los Angeles is packed with professionally beautiful women who have learned how to make you think they are your soulmate. These are women who, not only can get next to you and then emotionally brutalize you, but who will be destructive for practice. Once you’ve been here a while, you either build up some defenses or you move to Austin. So anyway, Tucker writes about getting into a relationship with a courtesan type Hollywood girl and then he writes about how surprised he is later when the courtesan type can convince his next girlfriend to have a threesome with the two of them and even become friends with the newer girlfriend. It is clear he doesn’t get the level of effort and ability a high end Hollywood courtesan type is capable of. Maybe he should read some Coerte Felske (or move to Austin.)

Anyway, I wasn’t really planning on writing about it. But then I was watching this Pink music video for Blow Me (One Last Kiss), because Mosh is in it, and I was working on the Blue Blood VIP Contributors blog (not SFW unless you work in my office). The gist of Blow Me (One Last Kiss) is that Pink’s boyfriend is not terribly attentive, so she dresses up like Marlene Dietrich, and sexy dances with Mosh at a party. Mosh’s look is indubitably also riffing on something which is on TCM a lot, but I haven’t placed what. Pink’s guy (played by Some Dude) walks in on them while they are dancing. Pink looks guilty. Some Dude offers an engagement ring and Pink gets all happy . . . until she realizes that the ring is actually intended for Mosh. So Pink goes to the wedding wearing all black and some steampunk guy drops a giant bloody heart on the wedding and everything gets all Carrie, and then they fly off on his bicycle personal flyer in an homage to E.T. and fin. The Blow Me (One Last Kiss) video is beautifully lit and composed and Pink and Mosh look gorgeous. But the video got me thinking about how often women I know haven’t figured out that the chick who started acting hot for them, who seems all soulmate-esque, actually wants their man. Sometimes real friendships (and hot sex) can grow out of these things. But, sheesh, people, at least know what you are getting into. (I am so clueful that I once wore black to a friend’s wedding because I didn’t know any better. And then felt obligated to pretend like, yeah, sure, I was making some kind of statement, other than that I thought I looked nice in that black dress, black stockings, and black heels.)

Incidentally, the movie I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is unwatchable because, while someone like Russell Brand can communicate dickhead sex appeal on camera, Matt Whateverhislastnamewas, who was cast as Tucker Max, was woefully unqualified to demonstrate any of what is awesome about the author. I mean, if I were building a Frankenstein man out of kidnapped dudes, the actor version might have better raw materials, but Tucker Max is just generally much more attractive. (If you think I am saying that personality and brains count, I swear I am not. No, wait, I guess I am.)

Anyway, the best part of Hilarity Ensues is about Tucker Max hanging out with the guys from Deadliest Catch, Discovery’s macho crab-fishing show. The Deadliest Catch portion was authentic and joyful, clearly something the author was genuinely enjoying. I know personally all-too-well how awful it is to feel like you are having the time of someone else’s life. So I hope future Tucker Max writing is more about living the life he wants to and less about the carousing someone else thinks they would enjoy if they were him.

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avatar Posted by on January 18, 2013. Filed under Books, Headline, Music, Personalities, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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