My official poetry thread.

From time to time I will post & share some of my poetry. feel free to give feedback. good or bad, aslong as it's honest. I'm always open to suggestions on ways I can improve. don't hold back.

Untitled

This is where I reduce to tears.
(this is when you show me you care)
Seperate the pieces.scatter them.forget you even exist.
But I can't picture me without you.
(even this thought is about you)
Is it so wrong I love you.
(I hate you because I love you)
I love the lies that are more black then white.
(The ones you mean to hurt)
And I love to hurt.if it makes you happy.
(a SMILE)
(pain isn't pain without you).
(and they say).
Misery loves company.
My sequenced breath.
timed to coincide with your heartbeat.
My heartbeat wasn't meant to beat.
a second that your lungs don't breath.
All that is me.nothing.
(NOTHING-NOT-A-THING.just nothing)
I discovered something in the storm.
So cold.appearing so warm.
Brought into your world.
(imbrued)...............In the words of you.
(imbrued).
With broken promises.
(imbrued)...........In the eyes of you.
(IMBRUED).
Without you showing a second thought.............(I KNEW)
When you said you never loved me.you didn't............(and I knew)
When you said you wished I would die.you realy did.
This emotional string.ends here.and as of now.
(now as of me)
I will live without you.and you shall see me smile.
(and your feelings won't mean anything).
(in the sense of hate).
I WILL HATE YOU.
Because inside.these scabs tell me "I still love you".

Of One’s Self & The Self Of One

Pulchritudinous.poisoned.perfect as diamonds beneath the sea.
The sound scars make.onomatopoeiate me leaving me. (CRYING)
Design outset nascency.iluminate yourself in the light of you.
Distort what they destroyed.It's as beautiful as tonights view.
Twilight so splendid.dawn my burgandy dream.I won't awake.
As this absconds.demoralizing.as disfigurement creates.
Lacerations.cicatrices.stains.wishes that never came true.
The vociferating voice.my body.pleads for the pity of you.
(& ONLY YOU)
Thus your proposed conclusion.with this crestfallen image of me.
Extraction of my soul.benevolence.as for you I bleed.
In our graves.happyness has become what we've made.
In the breathing dust of autumns crippled wind.(TOGETHER).I laid.

November

This is MY star.you'll never be able to have it.
You can't even touch it.NEVER grasp it.
Bring you back down to reality.
Nothing even means shit to me.
They say stars shine bright on lonely nights.
A little special sign in the sky that assures
everything will be alright.
Its cold.WAKE UP.
This is MY cold you wake from.
I’m so disgusted with you.
& when I’m next to you I feel so empty too.
I hope you die.
I'll whisper I love you & watch you die.
This is MY HATE.You'll never be able to have it.
You can't even touch it.NEVER grasp it.
Bring yourself so close into me.
Press your chest against mine & feel our hearts beat.
Just the warmth alone could bring tears to your eyes.
What do you do when gray clouds clutter skies.
The small slivers of pain that make first loves break apart.
Held in that special place reserved for you called my heart.
Its so cold & lonely on your own.
Its so hard when your without feelings.all alone.
This is MY time to shine like the angels who’ve lost their wings.
This is MY time to sing like the harp with broken strings.
I'll take it all in stride with the evil in your eyes.
I know you can't wait to shatter promises & reveal lies.
But I’m here for you because I love you.
Bring yourself closer to me.so I can kiss.hold.& hug you.
This is MY moon.You'll never be able to have it.
You can't even touch it.NEVER grasp it.
And when I fall off it I hope I die.
Just the whispers in the wind “You were all mine”

Of Stars & X's

Kill the moon.shatter the sky.destroy the sun.
I am here now.you can believe in me.(it has begun)
The stars have crossed each other out.
(the stars have crossed each other out)
I will lead you from.as darkness implodes.
Time shatters.blackness matters.light unfolds.
This path.falling.the ground beneath our feet.
We've regained our minds.no longer afraid to think.
(we begin to sink).the atmospheres getting cold.
Baby hurry up.were almost to the end of the road.
Look around.everythings incinerating.even the night's eyes.
A storm of embers.punishment for all of life's little lies.
The stars have crossed each other out.
(the stars have crossed each other out)
We walk upon ashes.as the rain burns our skin.
Truth has been brought forth.not to be forgiven again.
Destroying.all that was ever to be created.
This worlds collapsed.lifes deleted.deaths impregnated.
Love.we must run.and avoid being completely erased
Three words leave my face and I desinigrate.
It's only you now.please don't be afraid
Maybe we were never meant to be in this place.
A final second.its over now.
Life is over now.(it's over now and...)
The stars have crossed each other out.
(the stars have crossed each other out)
The stars have crossed each other out.
(the stars........have crossed each other out)

uhm that is really good stuff camby...sad but warm,cold yet safe...

a pillow for promise

it feels like im falling from these clouds.
i don't have the words to show you.
or you to walk me through this dream.
i wish not to awake.
let us dream of each other forever.
i will wait for you at the bottom.
of me as it was then for you.
for you as it was then of me.
heaven would part way to see your beautiful face.
and i can feel future comming to a close.
so close to being cold.
i give you this last rose.
the one i pricked my finger on.
the one covered in thorns.
if you look closely though.(you'll see)
a reflection.
a snow covered happy home.
a smile at the bottom of 3 words.
a set of eyes iridizing in the mirror.
a hope that you will find me here.
imprisoned as you pull the petals.
i drown to last leaf of sky.
if you catch me.
i'll grow wings and together.
away we will fly.

Blue is my favorite color

Papercut my wrists.
wraith around the edges.
I hope we forget.(forgive to forget)
seal sacrafice in empty images.
leave the surface stained.
tarnished skin.
windows locked.the air still seaps in.
breath it.away from your lies.
seperate these feelings.
undo dieing eyes.
cave emotional ceilings.
(words undo my feelings)
incinerate my singed heart.
a wish for an irigating kiss.
with all imperfections.
could you only.relieve me of this.
will all your hatred.
I wish for an irigating kiss.
with promises breaking.
could you only.(for me).find forgiveness.




feel free to post feedback. someone. anyone.

wow uhm holy crap the last one kinda made me sad and hopeful and lonely.

Thank you for taking the time to read my pieces. & thank you even more for responding. Im glad you related it to emotions. I think it means I'm doing something right. I want people to feel how I feel when I write.

you sound like yer alone and scared but hopeful but synical about things sometimes...but all you wnat is security trust and somone to love.....that's humanity in general but along the way we fuck it up with niavety and ignorancwe and other petty things...but keep sending the poems they're good

untitled

I sunk into stars.(as it unfolds).I sunk into dreams.(long ago)
a piece of me has fallen into you. (don't let go)
my heart.my hope.the air we breathe.my dreams.
(the thread and needles use to sow my seams)
you have given so much more then you've stole.
yet you've stolen the one piece that makes me whole.
my heart.you could stab it.stomp on and destroy it.
my hope.you could cut short.deny and overthrow it.
If this air I breath hasn't already filled your lungs. (I rather suffocate)
If these nights my thoughts wonder. (I rather my mind abriviate)
(now as you sleep).I lay awake and think
(now as you sleep).I am happy {just} to know you breathe
(now as you sleep).happiness is more then a belief
(now as you sleep).I know.you are my missing piece

untitled

Underneath these moments.believe into faith.bleed.
This eve scrapes you.soft as the morning we breath.
It reminds me.how it feels to suffocate.in disbelief.
I read your lips.before you opened your mouth to speak.
Impaled.the sharpest of dull blades.I can not bleed.
Don't let me die now.is all i ask.
As my body falls.you won't catch me.
I'll reach for you and feel my whole world colapse.

("after all we've been through")
("I just don't love you)

Wraith

I Implore this lucid star gazing infatuation.
Reverie.amongst us.design this notion in asperation.
Intend to pretend.depreciate honesty.
Apraise lies.wish fiction with eternity.
Cantillate.your screams.into hope.
Desiderate.solicist the dreams.invoked.
I was there.that same cloud.as you are.
Suffocating in effluvium.just as you are.
You though.heretofore have drowned.consciousness
And I antecedently guided.you into incapacitated emptyness
So synchronically.we will welcome despair.
And concomitantly well find answers to whats not there.

Untitled

This night is ever so cold.
I feel midnight's teardrops against my skin.
I found the words to say.
to you.again.(for us to pretend)
no distance.no seperation.
this is where love dies.
we watch this water drain itself.
as a hope.a promise of tomorrow.
all I can think of.I want to be with you.
how could this be the end to all we've been through.
you notice.me.I'm not the same now.
not how I used to be.never.
I won't write the past down as fallacy.
back then.you actuley loved me.
back then.everything was perfect.
smiles cherished through this life.
now lies ground emotion in despair.
I'm standing outside.(in the rain)
without care.
see, this is my apologie.and goodbye.
(me without you)
this was our happy home.washed away.
by the designs the current drew.
the last words I spoke.
"I love you"
I'll meet you in heaven.(farewell)
'I love you"

Sunsets in silence (Beautiful)

design this promise.perfect as you are.
a taste of happiness.a sample of you.
patchwork the pieces.lets mend us.
sorrow never got anyone anywhere.
and I can't always promise to be there.
tonight.i'll take you into me.
tonight.i'll caress your body gently.
I'll lavish wonderland in shameless lust.
I want you to scream.(like you can't get enough)
for you to cum........(on my lips.in my mouth.on my tounge)
I'll feel you finish and after we are done........

I'll press play on tomorrow.let you find the smiles.
it's beautiful.beautiful like your eyes.
beautiful like the girl inside.
maybe today we'll watch the sun stain the skies.
it'll be beautiful......beautiful like the color of your eyes.

these powder shapes.soft as you are
they shade the sky.overshadowing us.
let's let them stay.
cover us from the world below.
this is my heaven.(with you alone)
tonight our bed is on a thousand cloudy pillows.
snow breathes from the ground we walk.
and they have saved us the silence.
listen as to you my heart talks.
"I love you" without words.
gorgeous as the horizion draws itself.
I'll hold you.forever if the night never ends.
as together.we melt. (and...)

I'll press play on tomorrow.let you find the smiles.
it's beautiful.beautiful like your eyes.
beautiful like the girl inside.
maybe today we'll watch the sun stain the skies.
it'll be beautiful......beautiful like the color of your eyes.

"I love you" without words.
gorgeous as the skyline draws itself.
I'll hold you.forever.if the night never ends.
as together.we melt. (and then)

I'll press play on tomorrow.let you find the smiles.
it's beautiful.beautiful like your eyes.
beautiful like the girl inside.
maybe today we'll watch the sun stain the skies.
it'll be beautiful......beautiful like the color of your eyes.

yeah your stuff is pretty good just note that most people come to this board for disscusion and not to read a bunch of poems but yes i do like you work keep it up

sad, but interesting. Not my cup of tea though, but I respect your creativity.

Um, I guess I have a different opinion then other people. I didn't really like it, kind of boring. But kidthorazine is right.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BloodyRomance

Um, I guess I have a different opinion then other people. I didn't really like it, kind of boring. But kidthorazine is right.

---

Did you know mark ryden just released the limited edition blood book???

(your avatar leads me to believe that may intrest you)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BloodyRomance

It's kind of long and stupid sorry!
Come with me my dearest girl,
Come with me into my cold dark world
The monsters creep here all night long
So come with me while we sing our song
In the dark of the night we stalk the living
We kill all night , that's our way of giving
We are doing you all a favor by sending you to your home
Down where the flames will make ashes of your bones
Don't sin little girl, don't be like me
You don't want to die like me, hanging by a rope from a tree
Come with me into the gates of hell
Where you can no longer hear that wretched church bell
Come with me into my cold dark world
So sinister,the purest skin shall be curled
Down we go, laughing all the way
Little girl you shouldn't obey, this will surely be the end of your day
Satan has come for you
Your life is done for you
Decaying slowly rotting to the bone
The pain so great you can't help but moan
The pain will never stop
For eternity you will drop
It's unbelievable
Simply inconceivable
You are mine now, a slave of death
You have breathed your very last breath
Diving into the flames of dawn
Follow me , now come along
Perish young one into your grave
Your the one I'm going to save
The flames lick you
Satan kisses you
Die little girl
Just give it a whirl
You might find it fun
To consume everyone
Come with me little angel into your grave
Now you be the one to be brave
Falling, falling into the hole
This is where you shall stay because your life I have stole
Dark, damp mudd to consume you
This is what I have done to you
Decaying slowly fading away
Rotting away right where you lay
You will be like me
Which should fill you with glee
You are no longer sane
But you still feel all the pain
Now your god will be Satan, pure evil he is
No little child you are one of his
From the pits of the grave flames rise
Taking you to your god you despise
Rising from the flames is Satan himself
Now that he has you, he has found his new wealth
A kiss on the cheek will send you to hell
No one can hear you, so don't bother to yell
Falling endlessly through time and space
Now you must believe that death has a face
Hell is a place with endless fears
A story well told by all your shed tears
The blood from your eyes drips on to the burnt ground
This is where your eternity has been found
Sinner sinner
I shall have you for dinner
You are the one that I seek
From your cuts blood shall leek
Gripping tight I pierce your skin
This is what you get for your sin
I want to lick your bones until they are dry
Come on, stop me..I'd like to see you try
Come with me my dearest girl,
Come with me into my cold dark world
Your now in hell, Satans lair
For your sin, it's only fair
Dream go to sleep and take a break
Just remember here you will never wake
We don't need the sun
To burn everyone
Here in hell you will stay
In the darkness you will lay
The only light is the flame
Which should fill you with all your shame
Worship me with great power
Do it now or it's you I will devoure
All these souls they are my heat
I'm the only one that cannot be beat
I shall throw you down
But down make a sound
You cannot beat me
You cannot defeat me
In my world you shall stay
Always here day after day
Nobody cares for you
No one will be there for you
You are dead now
Satan has kissed you now
I have taken away every real
Lives are simply so easy to steal
If I go in your mind you won't believe what I'd find
Insane you have become
Just like everyone
Never return to Earth
This is your new birth
Hell is filled with bitter illusions
Real or not , it's your conclusion.
-Wednesday

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I accepted that you think my work is boring, I welcome critisism. However I do question what makes it boring to you after reading some of your work? with such intresting lines such as "I shall throw you down, But down make a sound"

now now wax poetically politely or or slight you may be

The clipped wings of a tortured dove

I could sever your reflection from the mirror.
paint each piece perfect.(cut chemicals with dust)
ash covers this sky we look upon.
if only to be blind, I will open my eyes.
as they bleed.I will taste tomorrow's promises.
erasing all that is forgotten.did you remember to exist.
at the end of this wish.three words."love.lost.rememberance"
reminding me how affectionate that look on your face is.
you would dream of a better day.if it wasn't for me.
scars that still bleed years later.
opening wounds like heaven's arms parting clouds.
I part these wings to catch the constellations.
notes to self that sing themselves.I sacraficed those stars.
as if one's self is not the selfishness shared.
opposed by this dark dementia.I whisper a secret
now we are cleansed and you are purified.
without me.I shallow my soul in your sins.(drowning)
sincerly signed.
I've deleted all we used to be.
sincerly signed.
I've seperated you away from me.

After I've been harshly critisizing others lately, I find it only fair to offer my work to the same. (even if these are a bit outdated)

The only ones I liked were my favorite color is blue and sunsets in silence, and I only really liked parts of those. As I said in another thread, they're just too cliche gothy for me. There aren't many emotions, lines, or thoughts that are new here. I firmly believe that a writer can make great stuff in any genre, but gothic love poetry is always a really hard sell for me.

I dont know if i can give any helpful suggestions since I generally hate the style of writing. But hey, the market for this kinda stuff is way bigger than the market for my stuff, so with a bit of hard work and patience you could probably get accepted into a ton of poetry zines. Best of luck on that. sorry i couldnt really be very helpful.

you're wrong, taking time to read my stuff is the most helpfull thing you could do. so for that I thank you. it's okay that you don't like it.

you always were good with words...youre not very hard to track down you know, how many forums do you belong to?!
anyway as i always have, i think your poetry is unflawed but perhaps i am a little bias.
you'll always be the only one who knows
what it is to burn

(dont think im stalking you)

i think there all really good ,you got some of the fellings im havin right now in some of you works .i like them all
A;)

*creams jeans*

haha i'm a poetry nut. now i'm gonna go run & read every one of these.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Camby Savelle

The clipped wings of a tortured dove

I could sever your reflection from the mirror.
paint each piece perfect.(cut chemicals with dust)
ash covers this sky we look upon.
if only to be blind, I will open my eyes.
as they bleed.I will taste tomorrow's promises.
erasing all that is forgotten.did you remember to exist.
at the end of this wish.three words."love.lost.rememberance"
reminding me how affectionate that look on your face is.
you would dream of a better day.if it wasn't for me.
scars that still bleed years later.
opening wounds like heaven's arms parting clouds.
I part these wings to catch the constellations.
notes to self that sing themselves.I sacraficed those stars.
as if one's self is not the selfishness shared.
opposed by this dark dementia.I whisper a secret
now we are cleansed and you are purified.
without me.I shallow my soul in your sins.(drowning)
sincerly signed.
I've deleted all we used to be.
sincerly signed.
I've seperated you away from me.

---

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Camby Savelle

This is MY time to shine like the angels who’ve lost their wings.
This is MY time to sing like the harp with broken strings.

---

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Camby Savelle

a pillow for promise

it feels like im falling from these clouds.
i don't have the words to show you.
or you to walk me through this dream.
i wish not to awake.
let us dream of each other forever.
i will wait for you at the bottom.
of me as it was then for you.
for you as it was then of me.
heaven would part way to see your beautiful face.
and i can feel future comming to a close.
so close to being cold.
i give you this last rose.
the one i pricked my finger on.
the one covered in thorns.
if you look closely though.(you'll see)
a reflection.
a snow covered happy home.
a smile at the bottom of 3 words.
a set of eyes iridizing in the mirror.
a hope that you will find me here.
imprisoned as you pull the petals.
i drown to last leaf of sky.
if you catch me.
i'll grow wings and together.
away we will fly.

---

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Camby Savelle

you have given so much more then you've stole.
yet you've stolen the one piece that makes me whole.
my heart.you could stab it.stomp on and destroy it.

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Yep, thats what I like.:thumb:

I am the worlds worst at accepting criticism so I am odd about it.

But it does have a very sad feeling to it, but I cant really say anything there because most of my writting is pretty sad.