This is vague but I need opinions.

Let's say your parent's were both abusing prescribed medications from their Dr.s. for over 3 years. By abusing I mean 10 + Vicodin ES a day, 12, 1 mg Xanax a day... One of the parent's, the mother, had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibro Myalgia, supposedly. The father had threatened to kill the mother and other family members in the past. Do you think you would honestly not know that there was a problem if those were your parents?? I mean, do you think you would condone this behaviour? Is it just a coping mechanism to deny what is in front of you? Now, the mother has killed herself with these pills and the daughter is still somewhat in denial and trying to put blame on anyone but her own mother. What is the best way to deal with something like this? I have no choice but to interact with this person at least 2-3 times a month. I avoid confrontations If I have to but I haven't seen the daughter for at least a month but will in 2 weeks. I usually will just say it how I see it but I feel it's a delicate time and I should use discretion and tact if at all possible.

ouch ..i my self was addicted to Vicodin for 12 yrs ,and Valium for almost the same amount of time ,i have many back probs ,im not gonna even go into.

but i also drank very heavy on those meds .the first step as in any addiction even for those not abusing is denial .and admitting there is or in the case you speak was a problem,it seams there is alot of miss focus ,she has to see that her mother was abuseing ,and yes it killed her ,pain will make people take drugs ,but most people abuse for the high associated with the drug..

she has to want help if there is still a underlying problem with admitting there was a problem at all,if she doesn't ,don't force the issue.. unless you feel she might be so depressed about it and still and needs help ..

there are place's online and off where she can seek help ,
dont bring the subject up ,if she does dont say you understand , no one but a trained sociologist,or psychiatric can really help her and suggest that maybe she should talk to some one in a better position to maybe help her with such a serious problem.

there is i would say alot of guilt she is feeling i would say but i don't know for sure .but it also sounds like there was a lot of other abuse involved ,mentally and physically .but im making a assumpstion..

I would think very carefully what im going to say BEFORE i say it as not to set her off .ya easier said than done ,but in my opinion this is a professional matter for a trained person to help her ,not you or any one can ..and she has to want the help .. just my opinion..


i hope this helps in some way

Anarkey,
The mother did abuse the daughter in her early years , very much so. You were correct on that. I have spoken to the daughter now that her mother is deceased just once. I haven't seen her. When we spoke she basically tried to sway the guilt onto my family.Not the fact that her mother killed herself by her own hands. My brother and this woman (the daughter) have a child, and they had to go through court proceedings and all that fun stuff already... for visitations. Then her mother kills herself, so she is blaming my parents, my brother, probably me as well. There was no other way to get around this but to go to court, she took the baby for months, far away. My brother had no choice but to get lawyers involved. She sees no guilt in herself, that's what I find amazing. I worry about my niece, she is only 5 months old, she cannot protect herself. This is just a big mess. I appreciate your advice.

I'm very sad too hear there is a child ,and a relative involved ..
you and your brother have every right to be concerned for the welfare of his child .
I hope all works out

it definatley sounds like she needs some psychiatric help, but usually in cases like this where she is in such bad denial about the situation, she will probably follow in her mothers footsteps. i would be concerned for your niece as well, with a past like that its hard to be stable let alone if you wont let yourself see the truth, it sounds liek this woman has a very rocky road ahead of her. Also she may be feeling alot of guilt about her mothers death/life herself, alot of time kids coming from an abusive/disfunctional family place blame on their selves, its much easy to do that then see someone you love in their true light.

I know this is by no means your or your family's fault ,if she's not willing to accept that fact that her mother had a drug problem ,abused her <the daughter.and that there was other factors involved with her mothers death .
And does not want to seek help because of the denial she's in ,I'm sure in most states the courts will them selves ask for a mental evaluation and investigate all parties involved in such matters ,especially when a child is involed and the childs welfare is at stake.

sounds like she has more than a denial type issues and has other mental problems i'm sorry to say ,again id leave such matters in the hands of a train professional in those fields ..

as i am not one ,just my opinion

I don't know what to tell you...

My grand-mother is a manic-deppressive, pharmacutical addicted hypocondreact (sp) and i have had to live with things like that my whole life... Don't get me wrong.. I love her to death.. but the only thing that keeps her functional is the Drugs.. I hate it...

not much you can do except tell her to get over it and hope she listens

i have often found that in screwed-up situations like this, there is always one person - the knot at the centre of the tangle, the sole cause of all the trouble. they may not be the most obvious or visible, but if you examine the situation carefully and above all without them seeing you do it (so they can't put on an act), you can usually spot them.

they are often sociopaths with no feeling for other peoples' pain, or manic obsessives who can't stop to consider that what they're doing is hurting people.

i know this sounds really harsh, but the only way to stop the bullshit is to locate that person and kill them.

what, is the ordinarily mild, shy, former Buddhist Sheramil advocating MURDER?

yes. these people exist for no other reason than to fuck up the lives of those around them. they are the REAL freaks; just because someone has tattoos, piercings and brightly-colored hair doesn't mean they aren't decent, kind and easy to get along with.

and just because someone looks mild and unassuming and dresses like a fifties TV show Mom doesn't mean they aren't a rabid, seething swamp of barely-hidden hatred inside.

sociopaths in particular are very good at hiding their insanity; often, they'll act normally except towards one person - their target. when their hapless victim tries to get everyone else to see the freakish behavior, the sociopath stands back and looks innocent.

the law isn't going to do anything about this. i'm afraid it's up to you.

I understand that the courts won't get involved until something serious happens. Unfortunately, that may be too late. You are all correct , if she doesn't see she has issues, she never will. The courts don't necessarily care about the facts of a matter. The fact that her parents were both severe addicts and she was residing with them, out in the middle of nowhere swayed the courts not one bit in my brothers favor. We were coming from the standpoint that the mother of the baby cannot possibly stay up all night and day long to care for the child, and her parents could barely care for their daily needs let alone a newborn. Now her mother is not there at all. The pressure is on her even more to care for her father and the baby on her own. It is one of those things you hope get better with time but I honestly don't see how. Thanks for the advice to all that answered.