I just been dealing with some things and i was just wondering what other people think about relationships... i find my self wondering if its all worth while.... sometimes i feel like the luckiest man alive n others i cant sleep like tonight and i just wonder about things.... have u ever felt like that just laying awake thinking about someone else.... n how they fell... she says she loves me but at times she shows me that she dont really love any one... i dont really understand her or any one for that matter... people always find away to shock me and make me go wow i guess life is all 50/50 sometimes good and some times bad but when it comes to life i mean you take the good and the bad and try and have fun but with relationships is it worth it... should we deal with every thing and keep trying dealing with hurt feelings along the way with the issues that we face in the relationship that we have... so really is it really all worth it in the end?
Sure they are. They're challenges, though. Y'gotta get good at them to get the rewards with the least possible pain; learn see what's going on, and rise above the emotional currents when they're taking you the wrong way.
On the subject of your own relationship: love is an emotion, not a flatly constant quality of 'having a relationship', even if our culture encourages us to see it that way. Nobody feels in love all the time - you'd never get to doing anything but cuddle. Other moods will naturally come up, and love will stop playing an immediate role. This doesn't mean your relationship is failing; affections need to be triggered by doing or saying the right things. It is your ability to do that - even if it only succeeds some of the time - that tells you someone still loves you.
One thing people need to keep in mind, is that not everyone defines or experiences "love" in the same way.
If the other person had some terrible childhood, they might think certain bad behaviors are totally ok
in a romantic relationship. But other people who had different childhoods, might get really upset if
you don't think of them every minute of every day. People expect you to feel the same things
they do, and expect you to do the same sorts of things they do. So many of the problems in
relationships are caused because of people's expectations of each other.
One of the best things, is to get to the point where you are happy being alone.
That way you can look at a relationship as a "bonus" to your life.
And if the other person is too much drama, cut them loose.
It's also important to realize if you are the one making all kinds of expectations out of the other person.
You need to let them live their own life, do what they want to do, etc.
You can't control another person.
You should be with someone because you both have a good time being together.
You should both enjoy the relationship enough to keep it going.
But you need to give each other enough space to be your own person, and do your own things.
The worst thing is realizing a relationship is over, and you spent all your time catering to their
needs, doing things they wanted to do, and sacrificed your own life and your own goals.
I know a lot of people who got divorced after being with someone for years, and realized
that even though they were happy being together, the only things they did were together.
Movies together, dinners together, hanging around the house together, etc. So neither
person really took any time to do things to move their own lives forward. So it's like the
relationship put their life on "pause". And they didn't get going again until after they
were divorced. I think it's fine to enjoy time together. But don't make the relationship
the only thing you do with your life. Have friends, have career goals, have hobbies...
Feel like you accomplished things with your life, even if the relationship doesn't
A relationship for the sake of not being alone is not worth it. I won't go as far as to say that relationships should be easy, or that people don't fight in good relationships, but I do believe that when we know what we want and can take care of and appreciate ourselves we will always be prepared for the battle.
Speaking from my personal experiences with relationships to date- I've had some passionate ones that just crashed and violently exploded, and some very lukewarm ones that sort of fizzled out over a long period of time. The former type ripped my heart out and stomped on it when they didn't work out, but I think that sort of passion and love is worth a little heartache and a lot of waiting. If the process of a relationship has you thinking more about the possible ending of it than just enjoying the moment it might be worthwhile to explore whether a relationship is something you need right now. Of course, seeing as this was posted quite awhile ago maybe you already have!