So here we have some ass clown punk who sends pictures of his junk to random people, and is sexting with minors. Says publicly his system's been hacked! And then when the cops get involved (he's a Congressman, so breaches of computer security have national security implications) herp derp derp herp no no I was just kidding it was a prank, so not my fault but no cops please.
Someone went into my system and distributed pics of someone's dick. No, it's not my dick. Oh wait, that implies my Facebook and Twitter accounts have pics of other people's dicks in them. Er, derp herp derp it's a right wing conspiracy, and who can say whose dick it is or even a dick at all, cause it's Photoshop.
Or not. Please stop asking me about this.
I refuse to talk about this. How dare you keep dragging things back to this question, I didn't answer it. I gave a stock lawyery answer that didn't answer the question. I won't let gutter concerns dictate my narrative. WHO KNOWS WHOSE DICK IT IS AND WHO CARES. It was and wasn't potentially my penis and it did or didn't exist in my Facebook account and Twitter and could have or could have not been put there by person or persons unknown as a hack which isn't a hack.
OK OK OK OK OK OK OK it's my dick, I sent it, I'm embarassed, but even though everyone's telling me the honorable thing to do is resign, I won't. I will defy the Republicans, and defy my own party.
Because I'm sick. Crocodile tears begin.
I wish to take a leave of absence, to seek "treatment". I'm not a moral failure, and though there's legal questions about sexually soliciting minors, well, if I play this up as being the victim, I leave long enough for the media to forget this story, and all the legal and press nonsense that should right now be getting me fired will magically blow away.