when scorpions mate the male drops his load on the ground while they dance, then waltzes his partner over it so that she can pick it up with her own naughty bits. every now and then the female decides to eat the male afterwards, so males often sedate the female with a bit of wine, romantic music and some light stinging.
the lion really is king, in the eyes of the ladies, in that they have been known to have sex up to 300 times over several days with their favourite lady friend. at first the female is pretty uninterested, but by the end the male exhausted and is coaxed on by the insatiable lioness, sometimes violently. somewhat less impressive however (and perhaps explaining the females lack of satisfaction) is the fact that each copulation lasts an average of 20 seconds.
comparitively, an australian marsupial mouse is known to quite literally fuck itself to death, with males barely pausing between 12-hour-long rounds with different females. these orgies have been known to involve one male and more than 15 females, with males often dying of starvation between and even during their suicidal sex sessions. and in case that wasnt rough enough, when they do manage to stop for breath, they spend it fighting off the other men wanting to, ahem, share their genes.
now, i know what youre thinking. these are all very interesting, but come ON, we're talking about sex here. give me something REALLY filthy.
all right. you asked for it.
under the sea we start looking at a whole world of strange, with many species of fish being creatures of... complicated gender. for example, when a community of basslets loses a male is removed (maybe he gets bored or the shoal next door has some major basslet babes), then one of the females changes colour and grows a [CENSORED]. in clownfish, this is reversed - if there are no females, one of the men activates dormant ovary cells and starts to produce eggs. one fo the juveniles becomes an adult male to fill the new space, so that the breeding population of the group stays constant. now, scary part #1: daddy clownfish becomes mummy clownfish, but mummy still has a dingdong. scary part #2: remember finding nemo? well, once the only female clownfish in the population was gone, marlin would have turned into marlinette, and totally gotten down with lil nemo. just dont tell the kids.
not all sea creatures are cockswappers though - many underwater species, especially deep sea creatures and molluscs, are actually hermaphrodites, having fully operation penii as well as vagoos. in fact, one of the most graphic examples of this is the sea hare. when this mollusc finds a partner that has fallen deeply in love with, after a few dates one of them will act as the male and slip its hentai-esque tentacle penis into its beloved's velvetpouch. after a few minutes, they swap jobs - suddenly hes the bitch. often, passing sea hares will join in, forming a chain of squishy sea slug sluts. in fact, if enough of them join in, the leader will move around to the back and form a daisy chain of fornication. ah, romance.
if its orgies you want though, forget the molluscs. lets go ogle some coral reef. being locked in place (the living coral being permanently attached to the dead coral), the coral polyps have to do it at a distance. synchronised to certain lunar phases, whole reefs simultaneously release both their sperm and their eggs which float to the surface as a multicoloured goop. we may consider ourselves sexually liberated, but the biggest sexual event in the world occurs when the Great Barrier Reef does it, covering around 2000km in reproductive soup in one go.
well, i certainly hope youve enjoyed todays episode of "Wow, There Really Are Things Out There More Fucked Up Than Us!" feel free to tune in next week, when our producers will most likely have forgotten to pay us, and we will most likely have forgotten to sober up before the show. bye bye now!
Allot of people believe that pre-packaged chocolate milk has blood in it and the chocolate is to cover it up. This is false. Allot of people also believe that milk has somatic cells ( pus) in it. This is true. However, I will continue to eat dairy products...because cheese is tasty.