I kind of like this year’s female pop sound, but, for some reason, all the top-selling pop artists this years seem to sound oddly similar. Moreso than usual for such things, which is saying something. I don’t think that normally Britney Spears, Pink, Christina Aguilera, Rhianna, etc. all have nearly identical voices. I think this is one of those occasions where, if I knew more about how the female pop sausage is made, it probably boils down to just a few writing teams and just a couple of producers.

This year, barring visual cues, I can’t tell any of these chicks apart from their singing. The new Britney Spears single “Womanizer” is predictably stylish and expensive-looking. It is in the format of one of those videos where the girl wears a whole passel of different outfits to appeal to a larger variety of demographics. Britney Spears has always been marketed somewhat like this, but this vid kicks it up a notch.

There is even a sequence where Brit is all done up with a reddish pinkish bob for hair and fake tattoo sleeves. Basically, the scenario has her done up as a waitress who would have a lot of “friends” on MySpace. The temporary tattoos are what feel like they put it over the top, although certainly, as the meaning of having ink has changed, tattooed hotties like Masuimi Max and Kellie LaPlegua are getting their ink lasered off. So maybe there is no true permanence in counterculture beyond what is in your heart. The look can always be co-opted, often in ways which are glossier than the original.

They will gobble up fashion as fast as the underground can produce it, although genuinely individual and independent spirit is the part mainstream wants to leave behind. But, like, America’s favorite trainwreck Britney Spears is, like, sorta naked in the “Womanizer” video.

Edit: So apparently, although this video has been uploaded about a billion and a half times to YouTube, it is not embeddable the way most vids from there are. Blue Blood has a policy against linking pirated content, but Antiquiet has the Britney Spears Director’s Cut video and I’m linking that, despite Kevin Skwerl’s FBI arrest and indictment because him once again having special materials means that either (1) it’s all effing astroturf and thus the copyright holders want it approached this way or (2) Kevin Skwerl takes stuff from work.

I love music, or at least I used to, but the music industry sure makes me sick.

So I really think MTV needs to debut a liquor lesbian duet between Katy Perry and Amy Lee where they snog by the end. See, poor Katy Perry was asked by Steppin’ Out magazine who she would want to kiss. Her singing about how she kissed a girl and all. Katy Perry told Steppin’ Out that she would like to recreate the Madonna and Britney Spears kissing moment from whatever awards show that was at. She wanted Mily Cyrus to kiss her at the Teen Choice awards last week. Okay, I just Googled to see why I remembered the Madonna lesbian kiss being a threesome and to see what awards show it was at. The answer is the VMAs and the kiss was Madonna kissing both Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. How does Christina Aguilera get left out of that? But I digress.

So anyway Katy Perry said she wanted to do a stunt like the Video Music Awards one with Disney’s Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus. Miley Cyrus’ peeps issued a public response to this idea which can be distilled down to “ew, gross, no.” In more detail, Teen Choice Awards host Miley Cyrus told E Online’s Marc Malkin that “[Katy Perry] sang on my record. So I think she’s kind of getting back at me, because she was doing harmonies and backgrounds.”

Okay, that was kind of unintelligible, but Miley Cyrus is only like fifteen-years-old. But Katy Perry is still left with the problem of who to do a lesbian publicity stunt with now that Disney’s teen queen rejected her advances. According to my usual primary source for pop culture factoids, The Jesus Blog, Katy Perry found “that because singing about Christ did not bring riches and fame she has decided to sing about sensationalism and pull publicity stunts in order to be known.” Yep, you heard it here first (unless you read The Jesus Blog or are, ya know, very informed about Katy Perry), Katy Perry started off as Katy Hudson, singer of Xtian pop rock.

Now I have no problem with it if someone like Christina Aguilera or Alanis Morisette is initially marketed as wholesome and virginal and later marketed as more mature and maybe a bit dangerously slutty. That is just growing up. I think it is egregiously inappropriate to market very young girls in overtly sexual ways (Yes, I’m talking to you, Billy Ray Cyrus!) But it is pretty normal for young girls to grow up and for artists to evolve over time. All that makes sense.

But when Xtian artists like Amy Lee of Evanescence or Katy Perry sort of cross over into gothic and bi-curious markets, they tend to dilute both. Amy Lee can sell diluted darkness because she seems, to the uninitiated or overly gullible, to be coming from a gothic place. Amy Lee is the methadone of goth. Katy Perry can sell homophobia because she seems, to the uninitiated or overly gullible, to be coming from a sexually adventurous place. Katy Perry is the arsenic of sexual adventure. So I think Katy Perry’s peeps need to get with Amy Lee’s peeps, put together some sort of Ani DeFranco meets Coal Chamber mash-up, and have the two supposedly edgy artists make out to it. Lesbian kiss publicity stunt problem solved!