This week BBC America ran the Torchwood miniseries Children of Earth one episode a night all week building to tonight’s epic finale. Sunday, they will run the whole Torchwood Children of Earth series with all five episodes back to back, so there is still time to catch it. Purely from an entertainment perspective, I recommend watching the first four episodes and skipping the fifth. Children of Earth has Torchwood’s usual style and panache and dark-edged fun. Captain Jack Harkness, played by the pretty John Barrowman, even has a couple of nude scenes which BBC half-heartedly fuzzed out for the American audience. One can always hope they will be censor fuzz-free on the Torchwood Children of Earth DVD release. The DVD comes out next week and it is pre-ordering at a #8 ranking for all DVDs on Amazon.

Torchwood is reportedly BBC America’s biggest hit ever. As usual, Torchwood has accompanying behind-the-scenes DVD extras segments with Children of Earth. The interviews in this one with show creator (and primary writer) Russell T. Davies are interesting and insightful. The BTS here is more about how the writer and actors feel about the subject matter, and less focused on the special effects the way earlier seasons of the show were.

My favorite aspect of Torchwood has always been that it is science fiction aimed at an adult audience and makes no pretense of being for children or being in any sort of YA genre. Torchwood Season 3 aka the Children of Earth miniseries asks a moral question: If an apparently unstoppable alien foe asked you to make an immoral and misery-inducing decision or face almost certain annihilation, what would you do? Do you give in to terrorists? Do you negotiate with terrorists? Do you accept physical destruction over psychological and societal destruction or vice-versa? Do you welcome your new alien overlord?

The Torchwood answer is that the people in charge in the U.K. would definitely go with immoral misery inducing over righteous probable immolation. Maybe this is accurate. We did fight a revolution and put together documents guaranteeing Americans the right to bear arms to protect us from the government . . . because the founding fathers of the USA did not trust the British leaders.

A problem with this Torchwood season is that the British answer is sort of supposed to be the world’s answer and I think Russell T. Davies is dead wrong in his idea of how other countries would handle such a moral dilemma. I do not believe that all other nations would see that England had made a bad deal with a drug addict alien, and just lie back and get fucked, while thinking of England. Without giving too much away, I have to point out that the citizenry of a significant number of the world’s nations are armed and most people feel a core lizard-brain, bone-deep, biological imperative to protect children. Sure, there are people like me who are more likely to comply with an unreasonable polite request than a reasonable demand with a threat attached. But, when it comes to children, I think the urge to protect them goes beyond anything volitional for almost all people, even those normally subservient to authority.

As a science fiction hero, Captain Jack Harkness was inspiring because he was happy-go-lucky and knew how to have a good time, despite being tormented by immortality and all he had seen, a fifty-first century guy who knew all the ladies and gents were hot for him and saw gender as a quaint criterion for choosing sex partners. Captain Jack Harkness thought out of the box and saw solutions when everyone else was ready to give up hope. He was sometimes pragmatic and unsympathetic to the pain of mere mortals, but he did not tend to roll with acceptable losses because he was a guy who liked to win. It is so rare to see winners treated as good guys in genre fiction that the Captain Jack Harkness characterization was really refreshing.

I can’t tell if Russell T. Davies is sick of doing Torchwood. Certainly that is the conjecture of a lot of Torchwood fans who felt Children of Earth went a little too far off the hub. Given how big a record-setting hit the show is, I can’t see BBC just dropping it. I realize BBC has been beefing up their science fiction fare with Primeval, the new Being Human, and of course old stalwart Doctor Who, but I just don’t see the businesspeople dropping Torchwood from all future Supernatual Saturdays. In the BTS interviews, the Torchwood actors appear viscerally angry about the trajectory of Torchwood Season Three. Partly because parts of Torchwood Children of Earth are genius, it becomes very frustrating how many holes are in the plot and how out of character a number of beloved characters behaved. Gwen Cooper, played by Eve Myles, gets a lot more action hero and less kind and less determined. Gwen Cooper’s clumsily loving husband Rhys Williams, played by Kai Owen, suddenly gets all bad-ass and understanding. Ianto Jones, played by Gareth David-Lloyd, stops being the hot secretary Jack is banging and starts whinging about where is their relationship going. Russell T. Davies has had such a large and good impact on the genre and I always mean to use my psych degree for good instead of evil, but, for fuck’s sake, Children of Earth comes across like Russell T. Davies has either let success go to his head or used to be in love with whomever he based Captain Jack Harkness on and they just had a bad break-up or the guy got busted for child-molesting or something equally faith-destroying. As a Torchwood fan, I have to say I did enjoy the first four episodes of the miniseries, even though they seemed to somewhat violate the internal consistency of the Torchwood world, but the resolution leaves me feeling kind of angry and disappointed.

Which all leaves me with the question: How likely would you personally be to give in to threatening demands from a junkie from another planet?

The Tudors from Showtime has season one and season two out on DVD and season three starts today. You can view the first episode of the new Showtime season for free at this special link, albeit with one scene involving breasts blurred out. I’m assuming you all already know where to find delightful breasts anyway. If you watch the free episode of The Tudors, you will see a “previously on The Tudors” segment which, if you did not pay attention in eighth grade history, will contain spoilers.

Although show creator and writer Michael Hirst takes some creative license with the back stories for specific lesser-known characters, most of the plotline is set by history, so the really fascinating aspects of the show are how it explores the nature of power conflicts and how visually stunning the whole thing is. The Tudors highlights that King Henry the VIII’s efforts to, not only support the Reformation, but practically claim Protestantism as his own creation, was largely a matter of asserting his kingly power. King Henry wanted, as king, to be able to marry whomever he pleased and it did not hurt that looting the churches of England would be helpful for the sovereign’s war chest. Some characters, such as the queen’s minstrel Mark Smeaton, played by David Alpay, are embellished beyond what history knows about him, but it all serves to make the story very compelling watching and to explore how different people use different tools at their disposal to grapple for what they want.

This is all played out against beautiful scenery with impossibly sumptuous Tudor costumes, all selected to express both the individuality of the characters and the time period. The outfits are so impressive that the wardrobe and costuming team lead by Joan Bergin won an Emmy for an episode in season one and another Emmy for an episode in season two. One detail of the costuming which is inaccurate is that men in Tudor England wore tremendous codpieces to emphasize their manly packages. According to Joan Bergin in The Tudors: Royal Stylemakers, this was deemed likely to be too distracting to modern viewers. We do know how much modern viewers fear the cock. I wish folks would get over that, but the outfits in The Tudors are so lush and gorgeous that I covet them every episode for everyone I know. I would surely appreciate an invite from anyone who wants to hook me up with a private studio sale of costumes used on The Tudors. I will totally start dressing like either a dude or a chick from the 1500’s.

King Henry VIII is played by Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Since the first time I saw him, I have thought Jonathan Rhys Meyers is simply one of the best looking men who ever lived. On first meeting Jonathan Rhys Meyers, my brother commented that he actually is what so many leading men actors are described as being. For quite a while, Jonathan Rhys Meyers only seemed to appear in things where he played characters with drug problems and/or ambiguous sexuality who were always supporting roles. Although he made a good Elvis, Velvet Goldmine and B. Monkey are the two movies I would most expect Blue Blood readers to be familiar with. Shortly after appearing in The Lion in Winter, where Jonathan Rhys Meyers ironically played the effeminately alluring yet scheming youthful king of France, he hit the gym to get a more manly body so he could play more manly roles. He is quoted as saying, “At some point in your career as an actor you’re going to have to get on a Stairmaster. The days of Harris and O’Toole are gone. If you want to be at the top of your game, you can’t be out partying with your friends, or having six pints a night down the pub.” The results, displayed to pleasing effect in The Tudors, appear to have been quite effective. Although “I am the King of England,” might at first seem like an unlikely catchphrase, Jonathan Rhys Meyers manages to deliver it with such impact that he communicates the essence of being a ruler and intending to command all he surveys and more.

I’d never seen Natalie Dormer, who played Anne Boleyn before, but with her creamy complexion, raven hair, and twisted little smile, she was completely convincing as the seductress who could change the course of world events. All the casting in The Tudors is really excellent. It is one of those shows which becomes very engrossing. Peter O’Toole, brought in late on as the Pope in Rome, was fabulous as a counterpoint character who also believed in his absolute power.

Aside from being so visually beautiful and compellingly sexy that it demonstrates why mainstream adult video porn will ultimately lose in the mainstreaming of naughtiness (yay!), The Tudors asks the interesting human question of, What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?

Zack and Miri Make a Porno, a Kevin Smith romantic comedy starring Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks, just came out on DVD. I hear there may have been some difficulties getting an R rating which caused some of the trash talk dialog I expect and love in Kevin Smith movies to be toned down. Now it would be easy to focus on how flawed the porn video business concept in the movie is (The whole business plan is to market to an email list they do not own.), but the point of the movie is really to be a lewd When Harry Met Sally. A recurring theme in Kevin Smith movies is realizing that the woman a man should love and appreciate most is perhaps right in front of him. So the movie is fine as a romantic comedy. It is not as hilarious as Clerks or as emotional as Chasing Amy, but it is solid enough.

The really remarkable thing about the movie is that Kevin Smith is good at making porn. It is no secret that I tend not to care for most video porn product. (This oddly gets me many job offers to make mainstream adult video product. Porn Valley is weird.) But I did say that I would excuse almost any obscenity if Jason Mewes did full frontal nudity and, although I would have preferred it if he were visibly hard, Jason Mewes is indeed nude through quite a bit of Zack and Miri Make a Porno, including a full frontal nude scene. The DVD has an extended version of the more appealing (not involving excrement) sex scene between Katie Morgan and Jason Mewes. Most of the rest of the cast is transfixed watching them have sex on the coffeehouse counter. And it is honestly surprisingly hot.

During the scenes where Jason Mewes’ character Lester is supposed to be banging the strip club waitress Stacey cast for the Zack and Miri’s porn movie, it certainly seemed like they were actually having sex. I had to look up who the actress playing Stacey is and it turns out she is Katie Morgan. Katie Morgan has excellent comic timing. Or perhaps Kevin Smith can just direct the heck out of a blonde big titty porn chick. At any rate, her acting is at least as entertaining and nuanced as anyone else in the movie, but Katie Morgan is apparently best known for having been in a couple hundred porn movies. Is that cinema verite?

The other really hot moment in Zack and Miri Make a Porno is when the two stars, Seth Rogen’s Zack Brown and Elizabeth Banks’ Miri Linky, are supposed to be doing it for the camera. Only they have a real moment. When Elizabeth banks says she is going to come and invites him to come with her, it is a really believable and beautiful piece of film-making. Genuinely hot and sexy and I would give any porn flick with a scene like that two thumbs up.

So go figure. A cautionary note: If a porn star named Brandon St. Randy, played by Justin Long, at your class reunion tells you he makes $100,000 a year, there are a few things to keep in mind. First of all, a pornstar who once got paid $1,000 for a scene will do special pornstar math and decide that means he or she makes $365,000 a year because there are 365 days in the year. For the very physically fit or twink dynamite, gay porn pays on-screen talent infinitely better than straight porn. Transsexual porn pays even better, if you are pretty enough. There is a lot more to making dough from smut than just having sex with your best friend at your place of employment, but isn’t finding love a better outcome anyway?

PS The merch for Zack and Miri Make a Porno is really inspired.

The 2009 version of Last House on the Left bears the tagline: If bad people hurt someone you love, how far would you go to hurt them back? The 1972 version of course famously had a tagline which became a catchphrase: To avoid fainting, keep repeating it’s only a movie, only a movie, only a movie . . .

Well, Last House on the Left was initially intended to be an envelope-pushing 70’s porn feature and its legacy as a movie has been far beyond that of the average only a movie flick. There is the notion that the current spate of torture porn horror movies is something new, but people like Wes Craven and Sean S. Cunningham pioneered the genre more than three decades ago. Wes Craven, most famous for Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream, wrote and directed the original Last House on the Left and Sean S. Cunningham, most famous for Friday the 13th, produced it. Before you even take into account the legions of movie-makers influenced by Craven and Cunningham, the legacy of Last House on the Left is huge simply for how its creators built on their own work. For the 2009 Last House on the Left, Craven and Cunningham both serve as producers. The director of 2009’s version is Dennis Iliadis whose main previous credit is the movie Hardcore, about two prostitutes who fall in love.

The initial torture porn grew out of 1970’s porn porn. At the time, partly because video not being used yet, any porn flick more involved than a tiny stag loop tended to be approached as a feature. A lot of the underground creative work at the time was about exploring taboos, so there was not as much differentiation in which taboos could appear in which medium. Today, if you want to feature nonconsensual sex acts in your work, you must put the violence in an R-rated movie for theatrical or DVD distribution. You may not put nonconsensual sex acts in material distributed in adult industry channels. This is not solely because the government might crack down on you if you repeatedly dare them too like Rob Black of Extreme Associates; the primary issue is that major trade publications and video distributors will not accept adult videos which feature nonconsensual acts (yes, even when it is just acting, even if it is bad acting) and companies which process payments for adult websites will not accept credit cards for material which features nonconsensual acts. Exploitation cinema is not something new for the new millennium. Where the violence and horror end up in the marketplace and where the sex and nudity end up all boils down to the restrictions of varied distribution channels.

Nonetheless, in the original Last House on the Left, most of the forced boy/girl sex and forced girl/girl sex and watersports all got left on the cutting room floor and the violence stayed in. The violence was still shocking to theatrical audiences at the time and reviewers tended to express . . . well, horror. Last House on the Left features horrible chainsaw brutality before Scarface or Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Here is how you know Wes Craven is an original creative mind: He acknowledges his influences. He looked to Ulla Isaksson’s script for Ingmar Bergman’s Jungfrukällan or Virgin Spring for the plotline for Last House on the Left. And Wes Craven is a strong enough and secure enough creative person that he can say where he got the idea without diminishing himself.

Living in Hollywood and working on the internet, I am often exposed to people who try to come up with tricks for success. These tricks are the creative person’s version of get-rich-quick schemes and just as likely to fail. Some of these desperate tricksters come up with all these little rules about how the best way to succeed is to get inspiration from someone more innovative and deny where the inspiration comes from. Which is right up there with the notion that anyone who has ever done anything for mature audiences must be somehow crossing over and rising up if they do anything for a different distribution channel or that doing anything adult means one must be consigned to exclusively producing adult material.

Wes Craven’s oevre ably demonstrates the only two unmalleable requirements for creative success: Be really good at what you do and work at it.

Vladimir Putin has released a judo video. You may recall that Vladimir Putin tied Anderson Cooper for Blue Blood fancy in the 2006 top hottest men countdown. Funkatron recalled and made sure he immediately alerted me when The Daily Mail announced what is obviously one of the most important DVD releases of the year.

Although the DVD includes hometown judo champion and black belt Vladimir Putin philosophizing about martial arts and demonstrating judo moves, he says that he feels the most important contributions are from his partner on the video, World and Olympic judo champion Yasuhiro Yamashita. Vladimir Putin feels that sports and health are vital to the growth and health of a nation and is happy to use his celebrity to help bring Yasuhiro Yamashita healthy wisdom to the people.

So far, I haven’t figured out who the publicist for the video is because I suspect it is someone who might generally promote things not exactly on my journalistic beat. I can’t find the video on Netflix or Amazon yet. And I guess there is a good chance it is in Russian, which I can’t even remember swear words in at the moment. But I approve most anything Vladimir Putin wants to support with his coiled ready stance and his pale blue crystal ice stare. (I mean, except for throwing journalists who supported him out of Russia and like any plans he might have for world domination which include conquering America. But except for those things, he is totally hot and his philosophies are worth exploring.)

Torchwood season two came out on DVD last week. A lot of you have probably been watching it on BBC America, but, if you’ve missed this Doctor Who spin-off for adult fen, I definitely recommend picking up the DVDs. You can watch seasons one and two straight through in an orgy of science fiction consumption now.

If you are not familiar with Doctor Who, allow me to give you the basic overview. The Doctor is a regenerating, very long-lived, highly-curious, extremely intelligent womanizer from outer space. Gallifrey in the something or other nebula, if memory serves. The Doctor Who SF serial has been around for ages and gone through many iterations with different actors playing the man who invites strange women to come for a ride in his penis car TARDIS and see the world. And other worlds. In the past, present, and future. When they start to age, the dashing Time Lord ditches them. If guys sometimes being a little piggy towards their lady friends troubles you too much, you may want to go re-read some Ursula LeGuin instead of watching, but these BBC shows really are fun.

In the Christopher Eccleston Doctor and Billie Piper companion iteration of the show, the character of Captain Jack Harkness was introduced. Jack is a 51st century kinda guy, omnisexual and happy to make sexual conquests of men and women. For a while, Jack, the Doctor, and Rose travel together in the TARDIS on Doctor Who and, although it is never explicitly stated, the implication is that they are having hot three-way space-faring sex.

Although many of the earlier incarnations of Doctor Who were pretty cheesy in the effects department, the Russell T. Davies version is more pleasing to the eye and more convincing. He ups the anti even farther with the sleek production design and good looks of Torchwood.

When John Barrowman’s Captain Jack Harkness gets spun off to his own Torchwood show, however, the erotic undertones become much more clearly stated. The whole first season is mostly a sexy and always-on Jack seductively leading a team of alien hunters who sometimes police the Cardiff rift in time and space and more often experience sexual tensions amongst themselves.

The first season of Torchwood is reminiscent of frosh year of college in the way the characters have some mix and match attractions and jockey for position as they get used to and attached to one another. Jack is slightly more queer than bisexual in season two, but he still appears delightfully prepared to eat anything. Even Freema Agyeman’s incredibly annoying Martha Jones who followed Rose Tyler as the Doctor’s companion on Doctor Who and never even got into his pants. The second season also has a bit less alien-hunting and playing with cool extraterrestrial technology than the first. But the second season has lots of fun with the character of Captain John Hart, ably played by fandom veteran James Marsters. Captain John is Captain Jack’s former Time Agent partner and, of course, because Jack is a slut and a half, Jack’s former lover.

One of my favorite things about Torchwood is that it is not made for children. Science fiction books acknowledge that the fan base is not exclusively eleven-year-old boys, but television and movies rarely do, so Torchwood is a welcome difference in the field. A lot of science fiction, fantasy, and horror television assumes its audience is young, can’t handle difficult themes, and needs to be whomped on the head with any point. Torchwood maturely, in every sense of the word, addresses adult themes of sexuality. It is a very nuanced show which assumes its audience is intelligent and able to pick up on subtleties in how the characters interact.

And, for your immediate viewing pleasure, we’ve got a hot and sexy Torchwood season 2 photo gallery courtesy of the nice folks at BBC America.

For bonus dork points if you’d like to win bets in the con hotel bar: Doctor Who’s companion is named Rose Tyler. Jack Harkness’ policewoman hire is named Gwen Cooper. The woman the gay romantic lead falls in love with, in Torchwood show creator Russell T. Davies’ script for Bob & Rose, is named Rose Cooper.

Lakeshore Entertainment, the creators of Crank, are bringing us Pathology, now out on DVD. Crank is the sort of quality enjoyable-but-won’t-change-your-life movie that I’d expect Hollywood to put out tons of, but which actually rarely gets produced. The movie banked largely on the appeal of Jason Statham’s ability to project manly manliness and a simple but tight script. And it worked.

Pathology stars Milo Ventimiglia, best known for playing the intelligent and sensitive, yet brooding and multi-powered Peter on NBC’s Heroes. In Pathology, Milo Ventimiglia plays a brilliant med student who others are trying to lure into a deadly game of murder as only medical lab experts could commit it. I haven’t seen the flick yet, but, from what I hear, I expect that it is a good solid watch. And, with the world going to Hell in a hand-basket at the moment, we can all use all the pleasantly engrossing diversion we can get.

Check out our Pathology gallery courtesy of Fox, if you just think Milo Ventimiglia is cute. Watch the trailers to get more of a feel for the movie, but be forewarned they are redband trailers and contain some gorey R-rated material. In all fairness, I can’t personally decide if I think Milo Ventimiglia is a hottie and a half or I just have a thing for uber-powerful conflicted superheroes.

I have never ever smoked marijuana, but I loved Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. That is a seriously hilarious movie and I really enjoy the buddy vibe between the friend who is concerned about consequences and the friend who just wants adventure. I have those two friends debating in my head all the time.

If you must smoke pot while you watch Harold and Kumar, I recommend renting Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle now. If you do not require the sweet herb for your movie experience, then you will be pleased to know that the sequel, Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, opened this weekend.

I’ve written about writer/director/producer Sean Abley’s Socket movie here before, when it first hit the festival circuit. Now the movie is out on DVD and available from TLA Video. TLA Releasing put out Socket and the TLA media empire is descended from the Theatre of the Living Arts experimental theatre group in 60’s Philadelphia.

A couple of days ago, Sean Abley and a couple hundred of his closest friends got together at MJ’s Bar in Silverlake to celebrate the release of Socket on DVD. The event was hosted by promoter Jovy Janolo and producers John Carrozza, Doug Prinzivalli, Matt Mishkoff, and of course Sean himself. The VIP goodie bags included an interesting-looking DVD of a spooky movie called Amnesia, a coupon for a discount on TLA releases, and a pass for thirty free minutes of VOD which promise to “put the HARD back in hardcore DVD.” Blue Blood’s Forrest Black had the honor of receiving the final goodie bag of the night. The doorman apologized to me and told me he guessed I’d be re-gifting because the stuff in there was for, you know, jacking off. I was expecting the DVD and such to be more like what I would get at a regular business convention for web professionals, but TLA in general and Socket and Amnesia in specific appear to be for the purposes of movie movies and not jack off vids. Then again, I couldn’t get the VOD site to load, so maybe my tender sensibilities would have been scalded. Oh, and I’m a chick, so I guess I’m expected to care whether fictional characters romance and fuck exactly who I would personally want and be able to romance and fuck. Or not. I’m a fan of quality, so you know I’m a pervert. Polite of the doorman to warn me, just in case, though.

I’ve already praised the fun story and killer funny dialog in Socket and I’ve already told y’all you should see it, so I’m just going to mention an awesome factoid about the film, which can only now be revealed. Velvet Candy Entertainment and Dark Blue Films are so resourceful that the whole flick was made for $45,000. Sean Abley says that it was very difficult to have people judging his baby like it cost many times what it did, when he and his team were really very clever about how they did things. The filmmaker says, “I’d learned through my previous producing projects that you should never reveal the budget of your film until you’ve sold it. “Well under a million dollars” is the standard response. So while Socket was making its way through the film fests and then on to the release date, being reviewed by every internet and gay rag critic on the planet, we kept our mouths shut and took the hits.”

My view of Sean Abley and Socket is that I know indie is usually just a buzz word, but this is truly what independent filmmaking and DIY are supposed to be about.

The DVD of the movie version of Stephen King’s The Mist came out this week. I think it is interesting that Stephen King is such a brilliant writer, yet his work does translate to the screen. It is rare that a good book can become a good movie. I think the key is the remarkable sympathy in Stephen King’s prose. I find it difficult to read his work because his characters are so likable and understandable. And then, of course, horrible things tend to happen to them, it being horror and all. Having horrible things happen to bad people can produce a certain schadenfreude, but watching bad things happen to people you like, people who make sense to you, can be painful and sad. King seems to have a unique comprehension of the human condition, which allows him to make people see what makes others tick in a sympathetic light. You always know why a Stephen King character would do the things they do and there is a certain strong and unusual comfort and appeal in that.

The movie version of the novel The Mist maintains a good sense of tension, as terrified townfolks try to figure out what is menacing them from inside the fog and try to make sense of why monsters would be after them. As neighbor turns on neighbor, The Mist asks the age old question of who the true monsters are. Bonus points for creepy religious zealotry. Triple word score for casting Emmy award-winner Andre Braugher, known for his role as Det. Frank Pembleton in Homicide Life on the Street, as Brent Norton.

Writer/director Frank Darabont has also done the successful adaptations for Stephen King’s The Green Mile, The Shawshank Redemption, Nightshift Collection Volume One: The Woman in the Room, and a variety of other genre films based on things besides Stephen King stories. He also directed the pilot of my favorite canceled show from this past year, Raines, starring Jeff Goldblum as a high-functioning insane detective.

For some interesting behind-the-scenes info about The Mist, you can check out this video shot at Comic Con by the good folks at Dread Central.