Sometimes the internet can be very isolating. We sit at home and, in a way, we feel connected to so many people. But not very connected. It is overwhelming and difficult to deeply connect with anyone. Sometimes this causes us to to put in-person human interaction up on a pedestal and forget what it is really like.

Now, admittedly, I went to school in Belgium for a while and none of my classmates were like the angriest Belgian gamer ever, as depicted in this video. Athene says he is the best paladin in the world. I always thought paladins were supposed to rescue virgins and helpless townspeople and such, always on the side of good, but I’m not a big World of Warcraft gamer. Maybe paladins are different in WOW. Athene appears to be sponsored by WOW gold farmers, so he must be doing something right.

Athene is equal opportunity and spices up this gaming clip with a cute shirtless guy on one side and a girl with lots of very lovely cleavage on the other. He swears really a lot. I mean, I looooooooooooove to cuss and Athene cusses way more than I do. I find the non-stop English swearing with a Belgian accent charming. Your mileage may vary.

Most importantly, Athene and friends let you experience via video what it would be like to have your unsavory pals playing video games in the living room. I still sometimes miss living in a punk rock (or other) group house where there is always a party, but I’m not missing it right now. Because I watched this video.

(Thanks to our beloved advertiser Busted Tees for the photos in the graphic. Please do not blame them for the lewd linguistics lesson which follows.)

Will Judy: Coffee had better be the answer right now, because there’s nothing else going.

Considering initialized knuckle tattoos. Right hand: ROFL, Left hand: TLDR

Amelia G: I am not sure you are jovial enough for an ROFL knuckle set. What is TLDR?

Will Judy: “Too Long; Didn’t Read”

Shittiest, most smugly dismissive response to a post possible, worse than “Id hit it” or “tranny?”

Amelia G: It is probably good for the world that I didn’t know what that stood for and, perhaps solely as a result of this, had not noticed it before.

This conversation reminds me that I need to start a “Would you hit it?” thread somewhere.

As a linguistically informed individual, how would you deconstruct (deconstruct is my word of the week) the hit it expression. What is one hitting? Is the usage that one will smack one’s privates against another’s? Is it a more general colliding of human beings in a sexual context? Is hitting it something one does *with* someone else or *to* someone else? Is the usage supposed to apply only to men hitting women (e.g. tap that ass) or also to women hitting men (as it certainly is used in common parlance)?

Will Judy: Etymologically speaking: One of the many theories explaining the word “fuck” traces it back to the Olde Englishe verb “fokken”, “to strike”. Fokken in the sense “to strike” is still in use in German, although there is a separate word, fichen, for “to fuck”.

I think the current usage of “hit that” traces back to “hitting skins”, late 80s slang conflating beating drums (drumskins) with having the vigorous sex. “I’d hit skins with that fine thing” boiled down to “I’d hit that”.

There’s also the whole thing of shouting “Hit it!” to get something started, which goes back to time immemorial.

Amelia G: You have no idea how much pleasure and relief I am currently receiving from your explanation. Can I repost this? (with credit/blame of course)

Will Judy: You have my freely given permission.

‘Shy,’ ‘proper,’ ‘politically correct,’ ‘distinguished’ are just not the words used to describe this man. In fact, most people quite often would go with, ‘vulgar,’ ‘uncouth,’ ‘improper’ and a ‘highly charged ball of beer fueled sexual energy.’ I mean, we’re talking about a guy, whose nickname is “Sketchy.” Speaking of which, he also happens to be the only person I know who’s named ‘Racci.’ Never could a person be more appropriately named.

I met him approximately fourteen years ago when I went to go cover an old band of his from Atlanta doing a show in Cocoa Beach, Florida when I was running a fanzine out of Tampa. It was a weird venue, and honestly, the most I can remember of that night was they wouldn’t turn off the smoke machine and it made for horrible photos. We were introduced at that show, but didn’t really pass more than a few words.

A few weeks later, one of my friends, who was super into him at the time, asked me to go with her to see his band up in Atlanta, GA. I figured I’d get some better live photos than the previous shots to go with my review. I ended up being pretty much a third wheel and went out to the stairwell to drink some beer alone when my friend left the hotel leaving Racci and me on the stairway enjoying conversation. That was our very first discussion and the beginning of a very hilariously awesome friendship. All over some girl, some beer and some conversations at a Hampton Inn. You ever have snapshots of your memories? This stairwell with two people and a case of beer, is one of mine.

Skip ahead a few years, and I’m living in Los Angeles and he’s in Tampa. His former band, Genitorturers, and my former band, Triggerpimp, are doing a few shows together. We’re betting beers like poker chips, taking hilarious photos that scare even us later, wrecking motorcycles in parking lots, flashing each other from behind curtains during shows, shaving heads and more or less, catching up while having a blast doing so. The snapshot of this moment would be him and I sitting on the walkway of the Maritime Hall in San Francisco outside the bus, both drinking a Pabst, covered in stage make-up and sweat, laughing our asses off, cuddled up under a huge jacket in the cold complaining about the gas station across the street and their lack of alcoholic beverages, i.e. Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

Years later, he’s in Dope… Touring… More touring… Late night phone calls… I see with pride how this talented boy became an amazingly phenomenal man. I now hear his name mentioned in awe from circles of musicians and fans alike. I see his face in magazines. It’s a bit unbelievable. This boy that I would share beer with fourteen years ago would become a man known for his extraordinary talent and live show, as well as his crazy backstage antics.

Now, he’s currently touring with Wednesday 13, of Murderdolls and Frankenstein Drag Queen of Planet 13 fame, in lieu of the album Fang Bang released on September 12th here in the states. I don’t often interview friends, because they tend to make for lengthy and awkward interviews, but in this case, well, with our history, it makes for one hell of a read. Especially when we both have been drinking and there’s a ton of truth to uncover. Then again, we’ve never had to be drinking, to sling some dirt or let our hair down. Neither one of us has any shame.

So enough with the pretty poetry, time to get to the real meat of this interview. Open yourself up a Pabst, grill a steak, put on some AC/DC and rev your engines… Here is Mr. Racci “Sketchy” Shay…

TC: Is this going to be too invasive? (referring to the placement of the recording device)
Racci: I’m getting a boner.
TC: No, you’re not… Damn, do you smell that?
Racci: Smell this. (farting)
TC: That smells like lima beans. No, seriously, come on, do you smell that?
Racci: Now I’m really getting a boner.
TC: Is it the sexy musk?
Racci: Yes, I definitely have a boner. (pauses) This is really not “professional.”
TC: Um, this is Blue Blood Magazine, they like boners.
Racci: Then they’re going to love this interview.

TC: Hear the tour’s going great, how much longer you out there?

Racci: I don’t know a couple more weeks and then we’re off to Europe early September.
TC: Anything planned for after Europe?
Racci: I’m hoping to do a lot more slut fucking. (laughing) You know, I’m kind of on a roll right now, and I’m hoping that things continue to go in that direction…

TC: Now I get asked this a lot, and I’ll admit, I’ve given some hilarious stories to this, because they never seem to want to accept the truth. What the hell kind of name is ‘Racci?’

Racci: Well, the true story is not as fun as the actual definition of the word, ‘racy.’ The true story is that my father is a racecar driver and that’s my real name and no one ever seems to want to believe it. When I was in high school people used to make fun of me for having that name and I hated it. Once I started playing rock and roll I realized that it was a pretty rock and roll name. If you look it up in the dictionary, you know, take out a ‘C’ and the ‘I’ and add a ‘Y’ and, it means, well… how should I word this?
TC: (laughing) ‘Racy’ means something sexually risqué or suggestive…
Racci: Yeah, this is what you do, why don’t you transcribe the definition and put it in this interview, and then we can pretend that I just said the definition.
TC: Why don’t I just put in everything you just said because it’s a bit funnier…
Racci: Fine, that’s actually great. I’m just a little sick and am feeling a little lazy.

TC: Anyone who’s ever been backstage at a show with you, KNOWS you always have something hilarious going on… Okay, give me a highlight reel of some of the antics so far on this tour.

Racci: (evil laughter) You realize that the tour manager across the room just smiles from ear to ear, from having to put up with it. Here’s an interesting story of what just happened in Cleveland. (The tour manager then starts laughing and leaves the room shaking his head.) I had, I don’t know, about a dozen girls or so on the bus, and I’m raising hell listening to David Allen Coe…
TC: (laughing) Wait, which song?
Racci: Oh, who knows? We celebrate his entire catalog. Anyways, I began singing one of the songs through the tip of my penis, so my penis is actually singing the song…
TC: (laughing loudly)
Racci: Then I started playing the banjo part with my penis, like my penis was the actual banjo.
TC: Well, your penis has a lot of… diversity…
Racci: Yeah, well, we’ll get to that in a bit…
TC: (laughing) Why are you calling it a ‘penis?’ it’s big enough to be called a ‘cock.’ You can say ‘cock.’
Racci: I would say that only you would know, but you know, a lot of other people know that as well. So if you say so and they say so, then fine, I have a ‘cock.’ So back to the story…
TC: Yes, so you were playing banjo with your cock, or better Racci’s playing banjo with his cock…
Racci: (laughing) Yes, so some people on the bus got disgusted and left…
TC: Disgusted by you?
Racci: (laughing harder) See that’s how I thin out the herd, to see who can deal with the ‘sketchy’…
TC: To see who’s the dirtiest hooker on the bus?
Racci: Exactly, or ‘hookers,’ plural, specifically plural.
TC: Did you have to slutpunch any of them?
Racci: I slutpunch them all in the baby maker all the time.
TC: (laughing)
Racci: So, I figured I would test the waters, picked up a bottle of Jack Daniels, and slammed the rest of it. Sit in the middle of the room and then pissed in the bottle. One or two more people left the room when they saw that. Then I said, “All right here we go”. I tipped the bottle back and drank the piss, and about five people left. I figured who was left was ‘ready.’
TC: (laughing harder)
Racci: See that’s how I test out the sluts, to make sure that they are ‘Sketchy Worthy,’ you know? If they are “down with the sketchiness.”
TC: (laughing)
Racci: There are just too many stories to tell. (laughing) I have this costume I like to put on. Like I’ve got my rebel flag thong and I have a rebel flag that I tie around my neck as a cape. Wednesday and I went to a toy store like a week ago and bought ourselves some kid’s police riot helmets. So that’s now my official super hero costume, after the sketchiness, and when I want to get everyone off of the bus. I’ll crank up “Battle Axe” by Quiet Riot really loud and try to aggravate the fuck out of people. Usually doesn’t work though, it usually backfires. They all just grab me and rip the costume off me.
TC: (laughing) Yeah, I can imagine how that could happen.

TC: For the people, who are just hearing about you for the first time, give them a little Racci 101…

Racci: Back in the early 90’s, I was in a gothic/glam/metal, whatever you want to call it, called Shok L’Amour. From there I went out and spent about five or six years with the Genitorturers which were glorious years of debauchment. After that, I spent five seasons with Dope. Then Wednesday and I were partying one night at a Genitorturers show in Orlando and we destroyed the dressing room. He started smashing coffee pots and I took a shit in the middle of the room. Gen got a little mad, but she knows that it was ‘Sketchy’, and “Racci’s going to do what he’s going to do.” You know, like, the old saying “Does a bear shit in the woods?” It’s more like “Does a Racci shit in the dressing room?”
TC: (laughing) Yes… Yes, he does.
Racci: (laughing) So we decided it was time that we play together and it’s been full throttle ever since. We’re just having fun. I’ve enjoyed all of the bands that I’ve been in, but there’s been a lot of ‘seriousness’ that went with that. Not to say, that we don’t care about what we’re doing, but right now, we just want to have fun. We just want to be Motley Crue on the Shout at the Devil tour and that’s just what we’ve been doing. We’ve just raised hell, total hell so far.

TC: As an often touring musician who really loves his job, what’s the hardest part about being on the road?

Racci: Fucking sound checks! Jesus Christ! I’d like to be specific with that. It’s the ‘Hurry up and wait!’ That is the most painful thing about being in the music business. PERIOD. Its always “We’ve got to go. Got to go! Got to go! Got to go! (pauses) Okay, now wait here for the next hour.” It doesn’t matter if you’re on tour, in the studio, at a photo or video shoot. It’s the same old scenario. (pauses) No, actually, the worst thing about touring is when all the booze is gone and it’s 5 AM and you can’t get anymore. Bus calls are pretty shitty, too. Say, if you are on the back of the bus with a “special young lady”…
TC: “Special friend”
Racci: (laughing and doing a Spinal Tap parody) “Yes, this is my ‘special friend’ Cindy…”
TC: (laughing) Truly?
Racci: (laughing) Yes, truly. You know when the bus starts to crank you realize you got to hurry up and do the deed, or else you’re going to be in the bunk by yourself with a laptop later. I do that anyways, but I’d rather just appreciate the moment in the moment. I love doing these types of magazine interviews. Blue Blood rocks.

TC: You’ve played a lot of shows with a lot of other bands through out the years. Who are some of the coolest people to share a stage with?

Racci: I think the coolest person I’ve got to share a stage with is probably one of my best friends, and that’s David Vincent. (Editor’s note: David Vincent is the bassist of Genitorturers.)You know, it’s so difficult to just do one story about him. Actually, I have a good story for you. You might have to condense this a bit. Once upon a time, I had to drive a car down to Tampa for a friend from Atlanta. So I went down and spent a week with David and Gen. (This was when I was in Dope.) We went out drinking and got really hammered, and the drummer that was in the band at the time, Angel, was in the back seat. So we’re driving this car around that doesn’t belong to me. I have no registration, no insurance on it, no nothing. We’re driving in an area that is known for a lot of prostitution, and David goes “Let’s go back to my house real quick…” So we go back to his house, and then he gets back into the car and says, “All right, let’s go back…” We drive back to where these prostitutes were and these are transvestite prostitutes. I’m talking about the most ugly men with tits you’ve ever seen in your life. David then pulls out this cherry bomb that he got in Tijuana when he was on tour with Morbid Angel, and it was like literally a quarter stick of dynamite. So we pull up beside these prostitutes, calling them over to the car, and as they start walking over to the car Dave lights one throwing it out the window. This thing sounds like a shotgun going off. KABOOM! They hit the ground. We take off. It was all good and fine, at this point, but we decided to do it again. You know, there’s police everywhere because it’s a known prostitution area, but we have to do it again. Next thing you know, there’s a cop coming. So I “Dukes of Hazzard” it down this street, then pull down another street, about the time I got to my third turn there’s like thirty cops blocking us off. They then get us out of the car and spread us over the hood. The cop, now, he’s a good ol’ boy, and we’re good ol’ boys, and he says, “I don’t know what the hell you do up there in Georgia, but we don’t throw firearms and rockets and stuff out of a car down here.” (laughing) We said “Look, it was just a prostitute and we were just razzing them.” And the cop says “I know we have a big problem with prostitutes here, but you can’t be throwing dynamite at a prostitute.”
TC and Racci: (laughing)
Racci: So amazingly enough, Dave explains that he only lives a few blocks away and the cops let us go. So we got off. That’s one of my many favorite David moments. Sorry David.

TC: Do you find a lot of Genitorturers and Dope fans getting into Wednesday 13?

Racci: Of course there is a lot of Dope fans into Wednesday 13, from years back, when there was a little, debacle between Edsel and Tripp being in the Murderdolls. What a lot of people don’t realize that I was in the original incarnation of the Murderdolls called The Rejects. So it’s kind of like a close-knit family that has some bad blood because Tripp and Edsel hated each other at the time. At the end of the day, though, the fans translate over. As far the Genitorturers fans go, I think, I’ve seen a lot of Genitorturers fans out on this tour, but most of them are people who knew me from I was in the band, and that’s the main reason they’ve come out, because it’s more of a family type of thing, a society, that people are involved in. But there are some similarities that I think that Genitorturers fans could appreciate in Wednesday 13.

TC: Okay, you’ve done this officially in a few mediums and forums, but there seems to still be a lot of confusion amongst the fans… Dish it; what’s the dirt on Dope?

Racci: (whistles) I’m going to say for the record, right off the bat, a lot of people have been asking me on this tour why I quit Dope. What I’ve been saying and what really keeps me from opening my mouth up too much, is a great analogy. Have you ever fucked someone for a really long time and you just got really sick of fucking them and had to just go and fuck somebody else? That’s kind of where I was. You know, it’s like, during that time while you are fucking somebody, all you do is argue because you get bitter about this or that, and it’s like, you just kind of need to move onto something fresh. I mean, I could go on all day with things that I disagreed with one or other members of the band, and I’m sure that they can do the same. It’s definitely a shit-slinging scenario that neither them nor I are interested in getting into, but I think that’s really the bulk of it. Sometimes you just need to go fuck somebody new. Nothing like some good strange.

TC: So what does the future hold for Racci?

Racci: I am hoping in the couple hours to be having sex with you.
TC: (laughing Don’t you mean licking my ass like a bowl full of ice cream?
Racci: (laughing) Yes, maybe put some chocolate syrup on it.
TC: (laughing hard) So you want my ass to be sticky?
Racci: (laughing) It’s going to be when I’m done with you.
TC: I really shouldn’t expect too serious of an answer to this one.
Racci: No, no you really shouldn’t.

TC: To be interesting, I’ve come up with some name association questions for you. Basic gist, I say a word and you tell me the first word that comes to your mind. Normally, I would only ask for just one word, the first one that comes to mind, but I feel with you, well, I have to bend this rule. So just how about the first sentence that comes to mind.

Racci: Yeah, that’s probably best.

Steak: Pabst Blue Ribbon
Pabst Blue Ribbon: Steak
David Allen Coe: “Don’t bite the dick that fucks you honey”
Star Star: “I’ve got a lover with a nylon grip, and I’m still loving that same old pig”
Sketchy: I am
Chick-Fil-A: The best food, next to pussy, I’ve ever put in my mouth
Matches: Usually in the end of my cock
TITAYS!!!: HEY BALLS!!! (laughing)
Cock: cum on her face
Slutpunch: Straight to the baby maker!!!
Spinal Tap: “These go to eleven…”
Caddyshack: “Gunga galunga gunga galunga”
Tommy Lee: Sometimes you just have to answer these seriously. He’s the biggest influence on my career.

TC: Okay, now for some “Either/Or’s”…

Ramones or Misfits: Misfits
Kiss or Motley Crue: Motley Crue
Creepers or Converse: Recently, Creepers
Jack Daniels or Jagermeister: JACK FUCKING DANIELS
Pabst or… (pauses) Okay, fine, I’ll just give you that one.: That’s fine by me!
Drinking or Dope: Definitely drinking
Chick-Fil-A or Steak: Chick-Fil-A
Ron Burgundy or Ricky Bobby: Ron Burgundy because he’s the balls.
Racci or Sketchy: Right now, I’ll officially say ‘Sketchy’ is back.

TC: Okay, here’s a hypothetical question… You drink yourself sober, and as you are calling it a night, down comes a your fairy rock father. He sits down next to you and says, “I’ll grant you three wishes and allow you to make one law.” You turn to him and say…

Racci: Three wishes AND a law? A law?
TC: (laughing) Yes, you know those things you love to break.
Racci: (laughing) Well, for the wishes… One, I’d want another bottle of Jack Daniels just so that I can see if I can get any more drunk. Two, I want a slut. Three, I want another slut. And the law is, “When the cock comes out its time to start fucking.”

TC: So are there any pieces of advice or wisdom you’d like to share before I call it a night and we get back to drinking some Pabst?

Racci: Yes, because we need to close this out properly. I have some quotes that I live by, and I would love to share them with others.

In the immortal words of Mick Shrimpton, from Spinal Tap, “As long as I have sex and drugs, I think I can do without the rock and roll.”

Also from Spinal Tap, from Viv Savage, “Have a good time, all the time, and if you can’t fuck them, then fuck them.”

Then my own personal words of wisdom:

“When in doubt, just throw a turd.”

“When people piss you off, go shit on their porch.”

and, the most important…

“Suck it.”

That’s it this interview is over.

Wednesday 13 European Tour Dates:

Oct 4 2006 11:00P Magasin 4 Brussels
Oct 5 2006 11:00P Mean Fiddler London

Wednesday 13 US Tour Dates opening for Alice Cooper:

Oct 20, 2006 Jim Thorpe, PA Penn’s Peak
Oct 21, 2006 New York, NY Roseland Ballroom
Oct 23, 2006 Washington, DC Warner Theatre
Oct 24, 2006 Lakewood, NJ Strand Theatre
Oct 25, 2006 Rochester, NY Auditorium Theatre
Oct 27, 2006 Reading, PA Sovereign Perf. Arts Ctr.
Oct 28, 2006 Atlantic City, NJ House of Blues
Oct 29, 2006 Boston, MA Orpheum Theatre

Please get more information on Racci’s band, Wednesday 13 at:
http://www.wednesday13.com
http://www.myspace.com/officialwednesday13

Racci uses Pearl Drums, Vic Firth Sticks, Instanbul Alchemy Cymbals, Coffin Case, and Dirtbag Clothing.

Any kind of extreme hair makes a statement, but none so unambiguous as the Mohawk. A shaved head makes a statement, but you have to parse it out. A shaved head can say near anything: “I’m a javascript programmer who cuts his own hair,” “I’m a 136 lb. passive-aggressive Vegan dickhole,” “Welcome to the Brotherhood, prag,” “Hi, I’m Dave Attell, and welcome to Insomniac,” “The girls can come in, but you losers have to leave,” or “No, I’m not the Dalai Lama, I’m Hunter S. Thompson, you little screwhead.”

A Mohawk says one thing: “Fuck you.” A Mohawk is a tonsorial middle finger to the world.

A Mohawk is different from a set of whitewalls, which is frankly not so far from a mullet. Lank, greasy sk8hawks also verge into mullet territory. A Mohawk stands up, bristling and sharp, and does not flop onto your forehead giving you a comical strip of extra-dense forehead zits.

When seen in nature, the Mohawk is there to intimidate. A raised strip of fur along the spine is the universal sign for “I’m ready to kick your ass, boy.” Rhodesian ridgeback dogs have permanent Mohawks, and they were bred to take on lions. You don’t want to get caught with your hackles down when your job is fucking with bigger, badder species. Think hyenas, or wild boar.

The name comes from the Mohawk tribe of native Americans, who held a bunch of territory around what’s now upstate New York. They actually didn’t sport Mohawks any more than the Huron and Iroquois or anyone else did at the time, but “Mohawk” sounds more badass than “Algonquin”. Brits call the haircut a “Mohican”, which is cute.

(Daniel Boone was captured by Indians around 1778 and given a Mohawk as a test of his courage. They did it the old-fashioned way, by pulling the hairs out one by one. The story’s probably bullshit and the Indians were Shawnees anyway.)

Mohawks were popular with paratroopers in World War II, for obvious reasons: “We jump out of planes, and most of us will be dead when we hit the ground. Fuck you.” Paratroopers also yelled “Geronimo!” when they jumped; all this proves is that people don’t give a shit about the particulars of native American history.

Regardless, the Mohawk wouldn’t have come into its own if WWII hadn’t fucked the British economy gutless. By the mid-70s, things were bleak, dull, and awful enough that kids were wandering around with safety pins through their faces and all kinds of shit in their hair. Punks adopted the Mohawk to say, “There aren’t any jobs; just booze, drugs, noisy music and general collapse. Fuck you.”

The punks brought the Mohawk into its own, but anything that looks that cool is going to get co-opted by the generalist media culture and diluted to pisswater. Punk didn’t sell enough records, so it got watered down and re-branded as “New Wave”, and instead of razor & glue Mohawks, 80s audiences got the “fish fin”, which was basically long 70s hair brushed up the sides and glued in place. Worse yet was the wighawk, a strap-on cotton candy confection seen on tarts in Duran Duran videos and on Sigue Sigue Sputnik.

The 80s also saw the rise of the jockhawk, as sported by Mr. T and the bad-guy wrestler in that Matthew Modine movie. Jockhawks were and are undyed, accompanied by a half-inch minimum of stubble on the sides, allowing them to grow out by Prom time. The jockhawk endures, depressing all who are not fans of WWE Raw.

The 80s did, however, give us The Road Warrior, which remains the Mohawkin’est movie ever. It should not be blamed for inspiring a slew of crummy post-apocalyptic wighawk extravaganzas, or for sticking us with Mel Gibson for two decades.

The 90s were a dire time for the Mohawk, what with lank, greasy hair being all the rage and the Cult of the Mullet looming. Yes, I know, Rancid and all that. They were fun, but I saw Repo Man when it came out and unlike the Baby Boomers, I don’t cream my khakis whenever I see stuff from my youth repackaged and resold. Times just weren’t shitty enough in the 90s for a distinctive ‘hawk to emerge. It was too easy to get a job and keep your fucked-up hair during the Boom, and easy times breed weakness and complacency. Thank god that’s over…

A Mohawk seen on the street these days says, “I’m a bike messenger. Fuck you.” Or, “I’m 16 and I know everything about being punk. Fuck you.” Or, “I’m in a band that will implode after two months for better or worse. Fuck you.” A Mohawk seen in the media says, “I’m a Finnish snowboard champ and I’m totally extreme. Dude.” Or, “I’m David Fucking Beckham and you wanted to Fuck a Spice Girl and I did it, and here’s my stupid fucking haircut this week.”

The 21st Century Mohawk is still waiting to be born, says me. The time is ripe. We have a repressive, conservative, bullshit-spouting administration in office. By the most optimistic estimates, the economy will stay in the toilet for three more years. War is declared, and battle come down (in a few weeks or months, count on it). Things are going to suck so much more before they suck less. There is no better time to take those hot, thrumming WAHL clippers in hand and strip away everything but a bright, bristling strip of Fuck You.

The world is waiting.