The recent Vampire-Con in Hollywood featured Vampirella’s Ball as the closing event. Comic book vampire Vampirella celebrated her 40th anniversary at the vampire convention, so I think it seemed only right to name the closing party after her. We have video coverage of the whole convention coming up soon, but the portraits we shot are exclusively from Vampirella’s Ball.

Forrest Black and I of course photographed Countess Lotti and Wendi Mirabella, the successful event mavens who made the whole weekend happen. Nella, who won the Vampirella look-alike contest kicks off our Vampire-Con photo gallery. We shot event MCs Count Smokula and the delicious Scarlet Rose (who also played a prostitute on my favorite Western of all time Deadwood.) You will find longtime friend of Blue Blood editor Pam Keesey in our portraits from the event. Other luminaries you will spot include gothic musician Andra Dare, horror actor Stephen Wozniak, and more.

I have to confess that the awesomest bit of our vampiric shooting adventure was most unexpected in context. This guy comes up to where the Blue Blood location studio is set up and he has kind of a long capsule intro. In Los Angeles, it is really really really a good idea to be able to state in a brief paragraph, while shaking hands, who you are and what you do and why who you are meeting should care. I suck at this on my own behalf. But I’m listening to this particular VIP guest of the convention give me his capsule intro and I am just racking my brain for where I recognize him from. At Blue Blood HQ, we sometimes call the frantic race to place someone as “work/TV/housemate of many years”. He has tremendous personal magnetism, piercing blue eyes, and the loudest blue shirt in the building, complete with rhinestones. So I’m mentally running through the face directory from the many conventions for internet professionals I have attended, spoken at, and exhibited at in my work for SpookyCash. No idea.

Finally he says his name and I’m just like OMG! Dennis Hof! If you’ve been living in a cave for the past gajillion years, Dennis Hof is the charismatic owner of Nevada’s best known legal brothel the Bunny Ranch. Forrest Black says that Dennis Hof is clearly a vampire because it just makes sense and, if Forrest were a vampire, he would definitely wear that shirt. Dennis Hof tells me that the Bunny Ranch can accommodate vampire roleplay for patrons. The two extremely sexy girls he has with him are a blonde Hayden Brooks and a brunette Phoenix James.

Dennis Hof says that Phoenix James is from Transylvania. I feel like a Transylvanian hooker is pretty much the ultimate accessory to bring to a vampire ball. Her bio says she grew up in Bucharest, but that is still Romania and close enough for rock and roll. And vampires.

The brilliant Ellen Von Unwerth shot an extensive pictorial of Lady Gaga in vampire drag for Out. The exclusive Out feature is called The Lady is a Vamp. The shoot styling is credited to someone named Nicola Formichetti who is seriously talented and who Bing informs me is the creative director of Dazed and Confused and is responsible for some of the fashion in Vogue Hommes Japan, V, Arena Homme, and others, as well as of course out. Always fun to discover the work of creative people I have not come across before.

Out calls Lady Gaga “Pop’s newest — and gayest — superstar”. One of the things I like about Lady Gaga is that I feel she is someone post-orientation in her approach to sexuality. She has stated often in interviews that she is attracted to women physically but only has romantic relationships with men. I’m not sure if that makes her super-gay, but maybe I am just feeling cantankerous today about people being so bent on labeling sexuality. I do not feel that an individual’s sexuality generally belongs in a tidy little box with a label stickered on it.

Then again, from an editorial perspective, I’m pleased that Out indentifies Lady Gaga as gay, however she defines herself. Because this gave Out reason to publish a beautiful portfolio of images of Lady Gaga shot by Ellen Von Unwerth. They did a ton of different set-ups and have both black and white and color and a whole spectrum of spooky themes. Lots of vampire and gothic tropes photographed appealingly. Smoky dark eyes, coffin, sunglasses at night, blood, nudity (probably sfw nudity) fangs, and cute skeleton in combat boots. Definitely worth checking out.

69 Eyes have released a video for the debut single off their forthcoming Back in Blood album. The video is called Dead Girls are Easy. It is sort of an 80’s sleaze rock video homage where the 7/11 clerk fantasizes about the hot gothic girls who prance through his store in the midnight hour. In his fantasy, the goth chicks turn out to be vampires who take him for a ride in their black as night car (a 70’s boat style Cadillac), gangbang him, and of course turn him into a vampire. Oh yeah, and the 7/11 clerk turns out to have a slammin’ bod hidden under his horrible orange uniform and he looks much hotter under blue light. Really, everyone looks hotter under blue light (See The Matrix, Underworld, and probably around a quarter to a third of my own photographic body of work.) Then the clerk wakes up and is it a dream or isn’t it? Sort of classic rock video/fairytale storyline.

For some reason, the Dead Girls Are Easy video has been released exclusively for Playboy so far. There is (alas) no nudity in the video, so I assume other outlets would have no problem with it.

Dead Girls Are Easy is directed by Bam Margera. I am embarrassed to say I had to do a search on his name, but he is an awfully accomplished guy. Bam Margera is a pro skater who most notably co-created Jackass and appeared as a primary character in Tony Hawk’s Underground video game from Activision.

I feel like I won back some awareness points, however, when I read the Playboy article about the 69 Eyes video and some of the accompanying text read, “The band may be from Helsinki, but their sleaze-rock sound is straight up Hollywood—think GN’R or L.A. Guns plus the cartoon horror of the Misfits. For the lyrics on the new LP, the 69 Eyes drew inspiration from vintage vampire soft-porn classics by directors like Jean Rollin. Their obsessions come to fruition in Bam’s video, an undead spin on the concept of ZZ Top’s “Sharp Dressed Man.”” I’m absolutely with them on the Sharp Dressed Man comparison, but, uhm, Hanoi Rock anyone? Hanoi Rocks was incredibly influential on the Hollywood hair metal or sleaze rock or whatever people want to call it this week’s scene. And, yes, Hanoi Rocks originally hailed from Helsinki, although it was the drunk driving death of their drummer Razzle in a car crash with Motley Crue’s Vince Neil at the wheel which most pundits agree kept the band from superstardom. Hanoi Rocks’s lead singer Michael Monroe was so ridiculously hot that I once had a girl at a solo performance rock show he performed try to fist fight me for being closer to the stage than she was. In point of fact, at a time when America is primarily marketing ironically uncool altrock and faux wholesome pop, Scandinavia is keeping the homefires of rock and roll and rockstar incandescence burning properly.

Anyway, 69 Eyes. Dead Girls Are Easy. Vampire gangbang sex.

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: Well, what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well, yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.

I was going to edit one of the awesomest exchanges in the very awesome Mike Judge movie Office Space to reflect the fantasy of four vampire chicks at the same time, but I figure you all get the concept.

If you are alt-identified, yet want Kris Allen to beat Adam Lambert in this week’s American Idol finale, then you are complicit in your own oppression. Rebels who want Adam Lambert to lose must just hate themselves.

People like to fuss about sex and sexuality, but the place where Adam Lambert is actually unusual is that it is rare to see new musicians with serious larger-than-life star quality in the spotlight today. I just watched a top 20 video countdown and Eminem was just about the only one who would turn heads in a room he walked into, on force of presence alone. So it is exciting to see someone who has the right counterculture vibe with a mix of subcultures gothic, punk, hard rock, rockabilly, emo, scene and more blended together for something unique and compelling. To anyone who states people like Adam Lambert are a dime a dozen and FOX is just not in-the-know, I have to say there are a lot of people with some of that general sort of style, but not a lot with that vibe and that level of both charisma and musical talent.

To receive the same kudos as someone who comes across more normal and mainstream, I often feel like I have to work at least twice as hard and produce work which is twice as good. I would be fine with this, except for the part where the whole process plateaus early. Allow me to explain. In a way, simple badges of flamboyance and theoretical nonconformity, such as tattoos or unnatural hair color, have become fairly common by 2009. Someone who truly has an artistic and offbeat spirit is still likely to have to be better than the next guy to achieve the same recognition. Unfortunately, people, who identify as somehow alternative or creative or freaky, tend to want to root for the underdog. This means that, as soon as one of their compatriots is about to come over the top and succeed for real, they get an enormous backlash from former supporters. So I see all these people, who were super excited by Adam Lambert’s early successed on American Idol, who are now not into him because he is perceived as the obvious front-runner; they think maybe they like the other final two member Kris Allen because he is the underdog.

Kris Allen is an appealing enough performer. In particular, I liked his performances of “She Works Hard for the Money” and “Heartless”. I most likely would not flip the channel if a music video of his came on. I actually think American Idol fans got it exactly right for the AI8 final two to be Kris Allen and Adam Lambert. (Alison Iraheta might be more demographically similar to Adam Lambert, but Kris Allen is a more ready-for-primetime performer.) Kris Allen is not the underdog to win this contest because he is somehow disadvantaged and just needs a little love and support. Kris Allen is not some sort of stray spaniel puppy in need of a home. Kris Allen is the underdog to win the American Idol competition because Adam Lambert deserves it far far far more than he does. Some of the web chatter about the final American Idol vote suggests more that people want to vote against Adam Lambert for being successful more than they want to vote for Kris Allen for any positive reason.

Opinionated and forthright judge Simon Cowell has stated in interviews that he would like to see Adam Lambert win. Led Zeppelin does not normally permit American Idol to use their songs, but they gave permission for Adam Lambert to sing “Whole Lotta Love”. U2 does not normally permit American Idol to use their songs, but they gave permission for Adam Lambert to sing “One”. When Slash from GNR mentored the Idols, he posted to his Twitter that he was especially impressed by Adam Lambert. When Katy Perry performed on the show, the legend on the back of her Elvis cape read “Adam Lambert”.

It seems like if Simon Cowel, Paula Abdul, Robert Plant, Bono, Slash, Katy Perry, and a host of other notables all feel strongly that Adam Lambert should win American Idol, then he should be a shoo-in sure thing. But he is not. The reason he is not is that inexplicably hot people with smudgy eyeliner and leather jackets and big boots hate themselves. Now nonconformity does tend to get push-back from the overculture, so I understand why many bohemians do not necessarily expect to always get praise. Getting praise, however, does not mean that you lose your individuality merit badge. You should expect to be able to win people over, when they see what you are really like.

No disrespect at all to Kris Allen, but Adam Lambert deserves to win American Idol. Adam Lambert earned the win. I know, I know, rebels figured out that 19E and the powers-that-be want to have Adam Lambert win, so it would be (oi oi) rebellious to vote for Kris Allen instead. A good rebel is ready to take the power, not just cry like a baby over whoever seems to be an authority. Voting against Adam Lambert is not sticking it to the man; it is just building a glass ceiling for your tribe. Hopefully Wednesday night still ends up being a coronation for Adam Lambert.

The BlueBlood VIP just passed one hundred thousand images with a series Forrest Black and I shot of an OG Blue Blood hottie from the magazine days. Blue Blood began in print sixteen years ago in the suburbs of Washington, DC, in the basement of a Maryland punk rock group house called New Cambodia.

I had previously done the BLT ::: Black Leather Times antisocial punk humor zine in a Virginia punk rock group house called Cambodia and I was ready to do something glossier and with more reach than BLT’s 2,000 copy print run and mostly local circulation. I don’t think I realized how much I was biting off or that it would eventually take a whole two car garage to house all the Blue Blood subscription magazines for any given issue while a pizza party of my friends feverishly stuffed envelopes and boxes in our unfurnished living room. Perhaps I had faith that Blue Blood would get the attention is has in press from everyone from The New York Times, Penthouse, and Draculina to HBO, FOX, and MTV. But I certainly could not have expected the audience of tens of millions of people the internet has brought.

It was extra meaningful to me and Forrest Black to have OG magazine covergirl Cherry Jason and her real life lover Ledgrey featured in the brand new series which took BlueBlood.com over the 100k mark. That is a whole lot of beautiful on-topic images, by a lot of creative photographers, shooting a lot of flamboyant people. I naturally still have a lot of friends in the DC area and generally get back mostly for weddings and similar occasions, but it’s also fun to check out how the club portion of the DC scene Blue Blood came out of is doing. This time out, Forrest Black and I went clubbing with Cherry and Ledgrey and pals and shot them over at their place.

Cherry is a dancer and Ledgrey is a banker and their place is in pretty much the most perfect, sought-after, convenient location in all of Washington, DC. Cherry and Ledgrey have such a wonderful energy, so we ended up with a bit of a gothic punk From Here to Eternity vibe in this series and the overall feel is just what we all wanted it to be.

Of course, although we have a safe for work free photo gallery of Cherry and Ledgrey on BlueBlood.net, you’ll have to head over to BlueBlood.com and pony up a few bucks to see the naughty bits.

The original Blue Blood magazine in print always opened with an entertainment section where we covered music, events, books, and all sorts of cool stuff. Pretty much like BlueBlood.net. Then there would be a number of short stories from big name genre fiction authors and a number of photo sets featuring exclusively real life couples doing what they would genuinely do whether or not there was a camera there. Now that we have digital cameras and the internet, the world is a different place and so we’ve added solo hottie sets to the mix, but, where BlueBlood.net is the digital incarnation of the magazine’s entertainment section, the hot stuff which made up the rest of the magazine resides on BlueBlood.com now in the VIP section. This way each sort of content is in its proper place to be viewed most conveniently.

Although naturally the history is important for a brand founded in 1992 like Blue Blood, let me break it down with a bit less history. BlueBlood.com features more than 100,000 erotic photos, including our world famous signature couples sets, and erotic fiction by some of the best genre writers in the world. BlueBlood.net features nightlife galleries, babe galleries, social critique, music videos, interviews with interesting people, book reviews, movie tidbits, comics info, television news, and entertainment journalism in general. To break it down even more simply:

BlueBlood.NET = SFW entertainment site
BlueBlood.COM = NSFW erotic site

BlueBlood.net and BlueBlood.com are intended for the same sorts of intelligent, independent thinkers, who enjoy the road less traveled, with lifestyles which are flamboyant, offbeat, and beyond the average person’s experience. Blue Blood in print used to be called The Trade Mag of Cool because Blue Blood’s audience is unusual, made up of tastemakers, the first in each of their respective scenes to know about and share new things, people who are just going to be more cool and creative than the norm.

One of the times it first became really apparent to me that a Blue Blood audience is really above and beyond, we were hanging out in New Orleans and I offered comp copies of the magazine to someone who worked for Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails. NIN’s album Pretty Hate Machine pretty much changed my life, so I was jazzed at the idea of passing along my work to someone like that. His assistant was all excited, but, when he looked at the cover, he was like, oh, Trent already has that issue.

After sixteen years, it is more difficult to get a rise out of me. I know a lot of rockstars and, at this point, I am often reluctant to interact in any way whatsoever with anyone whose work I love. My fear is that a negative personal interaction with the artist will reduce my pleasure in the art. At Blue Blood, we approach our shoots, especially our couples shoots, as a very collaborative process, so there is a lot of discussion of what will be shown. I remember the first time Forrest Black and I worked with Cherry Jason in the 90’s, she totally made us both blush. Shooting her this time, if anything, it was the other way around.

Sixteen years is a long time. Sometimes I rail against the things in the world which I either can’t change or haven’t changed yet. But I’m awfully happy with where Blue Blood is at sweet sixteen. As a big William Gibson fan, perhaps I could have imagined in 1992 what Blue Blood would look like in 2009, but I can’t say that I did. The plan was pretty much do a bunch of cool art projects for the community and wait for new technology to be invented to make the whole thing viable.

Sixteen years. Dozens of Blue Blood parties. Hundreds of stories. Thousands of articles. Tens of millions of readers. Getting to meet and work with so many cool people in so many walks of life. And now over one hundred thousand images in the BlueBlood VIP! Not that I didn’t work and sacrifice for it, but, on a good day, I am truly humbled and grateful for getting to have the life I have had so far. And today is a good day.

So Linda Holmes of MSNBC just posted an article where she called FOX’s American Idol front-runner Adam Lambert “self-indulgent and not particularly creative”. I know FOX and MSNBC are competitive with one another, but I just think Linda Holmes is way off-base. She goes on to say:

“But what, exactly, is the Adam Lambert constituency of the future? He would be popular with fans of … what? The judges seem to think that the answer is “Twilight,” but what kind of sense does that really make? . . . But before anyone goes anointing him some kind of highly marketable future star, take another look at that performance of “Ring Of Fire,” and ask yourself whether you’d hear that on the radio.”

First off, I feel like Twilight and Adam Lambert are two of the only major mainstream pop culture phenomenons of the new millennium which actually are made for an incredibly underserved demographic. When I look for Blue Blood appropriate subject matter which is new, Twilight and Adam Lambert are two of the only things on the radar there. The Twilight soundtrack has been in the Billboard top 10 for twenty-two weeks now. Carter Burwell’s freaking score for Twilight entered the Billboard charts five weeks ago and is still hanging in there. So, if MSNBC doesn’t see the relation between Adam Lambert and Twilight and what a lot of people would like to be entertained by, they need new pop culture analysts. (I’m expensive, but I invite them to get in touch.) American Idol winners also hold multiple spots in the current Billboard top 100 with Kelly Clarkson, David Cook, and Carrie Underwood all charting. So American Idol fans do buy music.

Secondly, turn on the radio or MTV and listen to the most recent Trent Reznor Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson David Bowie or Ministry or Combichrist or VNV Nation or Depeche Mode or Godhead or KMFDM or Marc Almond or Sisters or Mercy. Oh wait. You can’t. If you like either a goth-industrial and/or glam sound or a goth-industrial and/or glam look, you probably still don’t know which of those acts have new albums out. Because radio is not playing them. Yet many of those artists still movie significant units without radio airplay or MTV support.

Yet the MSNBC writer goes on to say:

“For all the discussion of Adam’s originality and freshness and relevance, his aesthetic is an inky-haired, nail-polished cliché — perhaps appealing and perhaps not, but certainly nothing you couldn’t see in New York, Seattle, or, for that matter, Akron. The sulky glower, the whimper-face, the moaning, the Sad Elvis sneer … there’s nothing wrong with it, per se, but to praise it as particularly creative screams, “I do not watch MTV.””

Does Linda Holmes watch MTV? I love music videos and I get multiple MTV channels, Music Choice downloads, and FUSE. And I’ve been publishing work with a dark glam gothic vampiric aesthetic for more than sixteen years and doing rock journalism, including covering the 80’s glam scene for a bunch of years on top of that. So I feel pretty qualified to say that MTV has very little to offer those who like inky-haired and nail-polished men. In point of fact, I must sorrowfully admit that the only options for that general taste are Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and Rev Theory. Maybe Good Charlotte and Avenged Sevenfold if any of the video channels were currently playing them, which they are not. I would also include Queens of the Stone Age based on musical talent and approach. And that is about it. Not that the music and merch sales there are poor.

I don’t have an iTunes account at the moment, so I can’t confirm this, but I hear that Adam Lambert’s performance of the Tears for Fears song “Mad World” was a top download. The voting on American Idol this year breaks a new record every episode. And both Vegas bet-makers and internet data analysts are pretty sure Adam Lambert is going to win American Idol this year. So somebody is interested in Adam Lambert, beyond the average American Idol audience.

I didn’t really have a lot to say about Adam Lambert’s performance of “Mad World” last week on American Idol, but, in light of today’s MSNBC article, I’m going to comment on it now. The show ran a bit overtime, but I always set my TiVo to record a few minutes extra at the end of live shows like sporting events and at the end of shows on networks like Comedy Central, Showtime, HBO, and NBC who have trouble telling time. So, unlike a few million Americans whose TiVos were not set for extra time, I saw Adam Lambert’s stripped down “Mad World”. He did the song bathed in blue light, without costuming, and with very little motion, and it came off powerful. Personally, I like guyliner and swivel hips, but I understand entirely why sometimes it is necessary to demonstrate that the eyeliner and pelvic moves are sizzle on an excellent steak. Otherwise, a genuinely talented performer who employs costume and drama can be dismissed as all sizzle.

The “Mad World” ode to teenage depression and alienation was originally written and recorded by Tears for Fears in 1982. That’s a bit before my time, but I was still a bit surprised that I had not recognized it when Adam Lambert performed it. Apparently, the version he sang was one redone for the Donnie Darko movie. I’ve never seen Donnie Darko, but I understand it is an aesthetically pleasing and depressing update of the James Stewart vehicle Harvey. (Not really, but they both have big rabbit phookas advising the main character.) I’m entertained that Richard Kelly, the writer/director of Donnie Darko, is one of the producers for the upcoming Tucker Max movie, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. (If only Tucker Max wore eyeliner.) At any rate, Richard Kelly had wanted to use a U2 song for the closing credits, but U2 were too pricey to license, so he had a gent named Gary Jules cover the Tears for Fears song instead, in order to stay within budget. The spare and emotional Gary Jules version turned out to be very popular and successful and has been used in a number of sountracks since.

So technically, Adam Lambert was supposed to perform a song on American Idol from the year he was born, 1982, but he kinda sang a song from 2001ish when Donnie Darko was released. But it did sound and look nice. Tears for Fears bassist Curt Smith who sang the original synthpop version of “Mad World” tweeted on his Twitter:

“Morning tweeps, still spring break in the Smith household. Ton of twits and e’s about Adam Lambert’s Mad World, for the record I thought his vocal performance was pretty great bar a wobbly last note. Sobering that the original was released year he was born. I must officially be an old man ;)”

I guess Curt Smith did tweet from TweetDeck, instead of Spaz, which is what all the cool kids are using, but still:

From MTV, Tears for Fears “Mad World” lyrics by Roland Orzabal and originally sung by Curt Smith:

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow

No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It is a very, very

Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what is my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

Clint Catalyst has written for BlueBlood.net, Gothic.net, Permission, America’s Next Top Model, and a generally surreal assortment of publications. Manic D Press published a collection of his fiction called Cottonmouth Kisses. In partnership with Michelle Tea, he also edited the critically-acclaimed Chills, Pills, Thrills, and Heartache, which featured a fiction piece by yours truly.

Clint Catalyst celebrated his birthday this past weekend at Los Angeles’ Bootie Shake mash-up night at the Echoplex. Rony Alwin had a photo booth set up in the VIP area sectioned off for Clint Catalyst’s guests and he shot the little thumb here of yours truly and the birthday boy. (Yes, it was a lil warm inside the nightclub.) You can see a whole gallery of the photos at his web site Rony’s Photo Booth. Clint Catalyst’s well-wishers included a predictable assortment of the creative and fabulous. Luminaries in attendance included Sonja Teri of Swindle magazine, designer Tarina Tarantino, actors Tony Ward and Kat Turner, producer Suren M. Seron, spooky musicians including Luke van der Luke, Yvette Lera, Romak from Romak & the Space Pirates, and Tina Root of Switchblade Symphony fame, currently working on Tre Lux and Quiet Halo, and writer/director Matthew Mishory whose forthcoming project Portland Clint Catalyst has a part in. Happy 29th birthday, Clint!

Twilight is out on DVD this week and, if you enjoy the tropes of cool sexy vampires, then Twilight is a fun watch. If you were just wondering whether or not to catch it on DVD or On Demand, then all you really need to know is that the movie has a pleasing cold color palette, nice-looking cast, interesting styling, creative quality directing, and a solid storyline with no plot holes and a satisfying ending. If vampires or lack of promiscuity or overwrought sexuality fill you with rage, then pass on Twilight, but otherwise it is enjoyable and hotter than I would have expected.

I admit that I would have enjoyed Twilight most between the ages of fourteen and fourteen. Yes, I know I said fourteen twice, but the target demographic for the movie is pretty specific. Realistically, the Twilight movie is probably aimed at girls aged twelve to nineteen, but it is just well enough done that it reaches beyond its core target demo. Not to put too fine a point on it, I think one of the reasons that vampires are so alluring to teen girls is that they are dangerously seductive, but they don’t put out particularly often. There is the aura of sexual excitement without the necessity to know precisely what to do with someone else’s private parts.

I wrote my thesis on Cross-cultural and Historical Vampire Legends as a Paradigm for Aggressive Human Sexuality. Keep in mind that I left home to go to school as a young jailbait teen. I found it startling that, all of a sudden, there were people around me who had this attitude that it was normal to have actual sex sex sexual intercourse with anyone they hooked up with. I was more of a go-getter than my peers in terms of acquiring the partners I wanted, but, even once I was entirely ready to have sex, I never got to the point where I wanted to have it immediately with someone I dated and I never got to the point where I wanted to have it with everyone I remotely liked. (This is inconvenient today, given that the circles I travel in include many people who treat fucking like a handshake i.e. a casual social interaction it is extremely rude and maybe even hostile to reject.) Heading off to university at sweet sixteen and being all hormonally hopped up, I was probably considered a bit of a menace to the people around me.

One of the aspects of Twilight which I think makes many adults respond in a viscerally negative way is its accurate portrayal of teenage female sexuality. I was more sure of what I did and did not want than the average teen, but sometimes the responsibility falls on the shoulders of the 100 plus year old vampire to say it is better to wait. One of the nicest scenes in the movie features Kristen Stewart’s Bella Swan and Robert Pattinson’s Edward Cullen making out in her bedroom. He pulls back saying he mustn’t lose control with her. She convinces him not to leave and they sit and talk and have an actual (if you will forgive the word choice) human interaction instead of just progressing to more physical intimacy.

Nonetheless, it is uncomfortable to realize that there are giant media corporations marketing sex to teenage girls. In the kickass opening episode for season 13 of South Park, episode 1311 “The Ring” brings up this issue to very comic effect. In particular, the Trey Parker-voiced Mr. Mouse who heads up Disney had me laughing out loud when he had to fly into Colorado to do damage control when the Jonas Brothers want to take off their purity rings. For those of you who, like me, had been blissfully unaware of the purity ring fad, the idea is to sell sexually stimulating media to young teens and then also sell them purity rings which are jewelry they can wear to remind themselves to be pure of heart and abstain from sex until marriage. In “The Ring”, when the Jonas Brothers want to take off their purity rings and make what they do just about their *cough* music, Mr. Mouse breaks it down for them, “You have to wear the purity rings because that’s how we can sell sex to little girls, ha, ha. See, if we make the posters with little girls reaching for your junk, then you have to wear purity rings or else Disney company looks baaaaaaaaad, ha, ha.” One of the many reasons the original Blue Blood magazine in print featured only real life couples doing what they would actually do on purpose in real life is that I think relationships are a good and desirable part of human sexual interaction. I hope there is some middle ground between romance-loathing, anti-relationship, indiscriminate swinging and the side-splittingly ridiculous drivel spewed on sites trying to sell teens cheap jewelry to be pure. So far my favorite comedy routine on a purity ring site is entitled, “The unimaginable consequences of Sexting”. Did I mention I’d love to see some common sense become more common?

Returning to the vampire motif in Twilight, why is this movie loathed by so many people who love them some True Blood, Interview with the Vampire, The Hunger, Near Dark, Lost Boys, and just about every other cinematic vampire ever created? South Park knows what is up once again. The brilliant season 12 finale of South Park, episode 1214 “The Ungroundable“, spoofed the pain of outsiders not being able to tell the difference between “goths” and “vampires”. I admit to knowing pretty much nobody, regardless of their actual subculture allegiance or tastes, who would claim self-described to be a goth or vampire, but South Park really did illustrate the issue there.

How does one react when something which felt like it was for you and your community suddenly become for other people? If a band you love becomes popular, do you stop listening to it when too many of its fans are people you feel could not understand the band’s message? Or say, if, for example, you and your friends have been having fabulous parties, reading obscure books, listening to obscure music, having creative sex, dressing flamboyantly, and producing media of your exploits, what do you do when a bunch of people with very different values start aping everything you do? Do you change and develop new interests or reject your own past? Do you reject the trendier portions of what is new? Do you examine which new media appears intended to destroy your culture and which new media is essentially a neighboring and perhaps friendly country?

The South Park answer is to burn Hot Topic down. Without inciting to riot, I’m comfortable with a rejection of Hot Topic because it seeks to destroy the very culture it serves; Hot Topic seeks to make the whole notion of enjoying gothic anything into some sort of teen fad that everyone is supposed to grow out of. Twilight just happens to be a teen fad and not one which its fans will necessarily all grow out of. Perhaps Twilight encourages abstinence, selectivity, or merely taking it slow, but I have trouble finding fault there, especially given the target demographic of teenage girls. I have not yet read the books by Stephenie Moyer which the Twilight movie is based on, but I do not believe that she or screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg from Dexter and The O.C. were trying to come up with a storyline which attacked gothic culture in general. (I reserve judgment until I’ve read the books and learned more about them.) I do not think director Catherine Hardwicke, whose previous directing credits include the controversial Thirteen, is hoping that having more people get into the whole vampire thing is going to be awesome for getting rid of gothic subculture. Prior to directing the edgy Thirteen, Catherine Hardwicke was primarily a production designer who worked on films from Tapeheads to Tank Girl. No surprise then that Twilight has such lovely aesthetics.

To recap:

– Twilight is entertaining if you like vampires.
– Teen girls do have discomfitting sexuality.
– Vampires are sexy, doubly so to teen girls.
– Purity rings are laughable, but abstinence and selectivity are not bad.
– South Park is sometimes very funny.
– Hot Topic sucks, seeking to make gothic culture juvenile and disempowered.
– Twilight invites everyone to enjoy a darker aesthetic.
– Twilight is out on DVD and On Demand now.

I’ll get back to y’all at such time as I develop a more complex opinion of Twilight.

The $1 BlueBlood.com sale is going to be coming to a close in just a few days.

With the inauguration of Barack Obama and the new administration, the world expects the economy to pick up. He could do nothing different and people’s expectations would help the economy. So much of how paper and digital money works has to do with trust and faith.

So we have faith that, pretty soon, everyone is going to be able to afford more than $1 for a BlueBlood VIP membership. There has never been a Blue Blood sale this discounted before, and there very likely never will be again, and this one is almost over.

The site currently featuring tens of thousands of photographs of 387 hotties and counting. From punks who like to smash things to ethereal gothic beauties to fetish deities, Blue Blood features the most stunningly and uniquely beautiful. A battalion of coffee table book and nightclub photographers have contributed to BlueBlood.com. Not to mention erotic fiction from some of the top names in genre writing and just a dab of video. The BlueBlood.com megasite offers excellent value with all the content from the multigirl gothic, punk, and rubber subsidiary sites produced by Blue Blood, as well as the world famous signature couples content, and the erotic fandom science fiction and fantasy content. And your BlueBlood VIP memberships pay to keep BlueBlood.net free.

And right now, you can check all that out for one dollar. Channel your inner Bixby Snyder and say, “I’d buy that for a dollar!” (Robocop references optional.)

So reality television shows have this creepy format thing where they bring back a season’s cast for a six month reunion. Like being on a reality show was tantamount to going to college or something and the whole class needs to get back together to reminisce and see how everybody turned out.

Admittedly, my family is kinda not into things like reunions or even graduations, so the last graduation I went to was when I finished sixth grade. I somewhat regretted not going to my own college reunion this spring when Barack Obama turned out to be the keynote speaker. So maybe I just don’t get the reunion thing, but I’m still in touch with a lot of people I went to school with. On purpose. Because I like and enjoy them. Because I shared enjoyable and life-forming experiences with them.

College does not seem much like reality TV, but VH1 did recently do a show called Charm School where rock manager extraordinaire and TV personality Sharon Osbourne and seminal nightclub impresario and TV personality Riki Rachtman were the deans. I guess the idea was to teach some manners to chicks who previously tried to date Flavor Flav or Bret Michaels or somebody like them.

One of my most embarrassing Hollywood moments, when I first moved out to Los Angeles, Forrest Black and I went over to visit sexy bassist Megan Maddox, when she was in, I think, Tairrie B’s My Ruin and possibly Taime Downe’s The Newlydeads as well, to shoot her for Tattoo Savage. A couple of other people, who I knew from Los Angeles nights on the town, were also hanging out there, and we all had the misfortune of watching Sheryl Crow do a GNR cover. So we’re all cringing and I tell some anecdote about how Guns n’ Roses changed my life. I cringed a lot more later when I finally put it together that Riki from the club was Riki Rachtman from Headbangers Ball who got the gig via Axl Rose and had a fuck of a lot more claim than yours truly on GNR being life-changing.

To return to reality television programming, still in progress, the second season of the Bret Michaels Rock of Love extravaganza definitely helped turn me off of reality TV. Aside from the way they made it painfully apparent that Bret Michaels is a sucky prize, the dude chose some generic liar chick over beautiful Tattoo Savage covergirl Daisy de La Hoya. Apparently, Bret Michaels just couldn’t get over the fact that Charles Edward from Seraphim Shock is Daisy’s ex and they still spend time together. I’ve shot Charles and he certainly is, circa 2008, a lot hotter than Bret. The Poison frontman apparently felt so threatened by a good-looking gothic guy that the show couldn’t even mention Seraphim Shock. Whatever. Although Daisy seemed to actually have inexplicably warm feelings for Bret, she demonstrably can do better, because she already has.

The reunion show for Rock of Love 2, gamely moderated by Riki Rachtman, was pretty much a horror show. A chick named Heather, who I guess competed on the first Rock of Love and advised on the second one, punched poor Daisy de La Hoya and it was my opinion that VH1, not only allowed it to happen, but was hoping it would. I felt terrible for Daisy, but, in Heather’s defense, Bret Michaels actually let Heather get his name tattooed to her throat in the first season. And then did not pick her. I think it is very bad manners to give someone the go-ahead to get a tattoo of your name if you know you are going to spurn their affections on national television.

So, although I watched none of the seasons of Charm School, I noticed that a number of people have been chortling about how the recent Charm School reunion trumped the Rock of Love reunion for catfight fetish. To make a long story moderately less long, some two-face, mean, drunk, ditzy blonde from one of the VH1 programs, made a crack about another contestant’s child. Sharon Osbourne told her that was not cool. So the drunk ditz, apparently named Megan Hauserman, made some rude cracks about Sharon Osbourne’s family and Ozzy Osbourne in specific. At this point, Sharon Osbourne demonstrated just one of the many many reasons why she is qualified to school these girls. Without a hair out of place, and without appearing to sweat or shake, Sharon Osbourne threw this red drink all over the rude bleach blonde and, although it is hard to make out in the tape above, apparently also pulled out clumps of her hair and scratched her and twisted her arm badly enough that VH1 rushed rude ditzy girl to the hospital. Normally, I disapprove of violence in disagreements, but I do think a lot of people have no sense that some things are sacred. I think that, to someone like this Megan Hauserman, nothing is sacred, so she may truly have no concept that going after someone’s son or husband is crossing a line, put there by civilization, for good reason. Those who choose to be uncivilized in that way to someone as tough and elegant as Sharon Osbourne should consider themselves lucky when they only end up clowned, with ruined hair and makeup, and an arm in a sling.

I walked by the Rock of Love 3 bus on Hollywood Boulevard this Saturday night, walking home from Pinkberry. Living in Los Angeles is surreal.