Just in case no one picked this up from all the pinstripes and shotgun-themed photo sets on BlueBlood.com or the fact that I roll in a Lincoln Town Car:
Yes, I have a mobster fetish.

Triad Election is actually the second in a series of Hong Kong mobster from action director Johnnie To, but it is the first to be released stateside this month. It has been well-received on the festival circuit, partly for its perceived anti-commercial (or at least anti-big business) message, but the salient points of interest here are gangsters, issues of honor and competition, and lots of gunplay.

Trailer after the Read more » jump below.

Shortly after I first moved to California, I got an account at Washington Mutual. I went with them because they had a no interest/no fees/no math/no hassle account and they gave me overdraft protection. I’ve banked with them for a long time, but it appears that one of their goals for this year is to get rid of all their long-time customers.

March 13, 2006, they launched a media blitz campaign which is theoretically about how opposed to traditional stodgy bankers they are. The television spots and billboards show paid-looking guys in pinstriped suits chomping cigars and being penned up in what is apparently WaMu’s basement. The ad campaign is designed by advertising powerhouse Leo Burnett and directed by Martin Granger, of the Moxie Pictures production company, who is also apparently responsible for the creepy Burger King ads. The main thrust of the supposedly humorous spots is, according to a Business Wire press release, intended to point out how non-traditional WaMu is in the normally stodgy banking world. This is just my opinion, but it strikes me that the message comunicated is that only losers bank at WaMu, that people with any clue how to handle their dough put it some place else.

I’d like to say that there are many areas of my life where I follow the excitement. I want to hang out with people who take risks and look for adventure. But I don’t necessarily want them handling my dough. Think about who you would most like to go on a bender with in Vegas. Now imagine that person holding all of your money. Doesn’t exactly give you the FDIC-insured warm fuzzies, does it?

Now it might be humiliating to pull out the loser-branded bank card when shopping in Los Angeles, but I’d probably get over it, if Washington Mutual hadn’t simultaneously started to do seemingly everything in their power to irritate long-standing customers.

First, WaMu took most of their customers in California and I believe also Washington and Oregon and turned off their Visa cards and send them Gold MasterCards in place of them. On the phone, a WaMu rep told me to just tell her what my recurring transactions on the Visa were so they would know to honor them. Needless to say, ‘cause I’d hardly be writing this article if they’d taken care of me, WaMu failed to honor any of my recurring transactions. This included nonessentials like my car insurance, warehouse space, and videos-by-mail subscription. WaMu personnel assured me that, despite the numerous inconveniences, there were many advantages to having the new MasterCard they had forced on me. The first half dozen or so WaMu people I complained to directed me to consult the literature they had sent me to discover the advantages they were sure existed, even if they couldn’t think of them. Turns out, the Gold MasterCard is, you know, sorta sparkley yellow-toned instead of blue. I like the color blue better. (Forrest Black wishes for Blue Blood readers to know that those with Platinum Visa debit cards didn’t even get a color change when forced to switch to MasterCard.) After extensive complaints research, I found a supervisor who advised me that the MC has a higher spending limit for accessing my own money for a day’s purchases. That seems like it would be a WaMu limit, rather than a Visa vs. MasterCard thing, but, okay, that is a plus. Then they tried to claim that MasterCard is accepted at more locations worldwide than Visa. Now, I won’t pretend to having been to every corner of the earth, although I have lived on three continents and in five countries, so it is possible that there is some godforsaken territory, unfamiliar to me, where MasterCard is the preferred mode of payment for machine guns and gruel. But I’m pretty sure that I know the main arena in which MasterCard would be accepted more places than Visa. You see merchants who are purveyers of adult material and gambling and similar products have to pay a hefty fee to Visa each year, so some opt to solely accept MasterCard. I’m not much of a gambler though. Supposedly, despite rising fees, there might be a few other benefits to the MC, but they are not available to longtime customers. Yes, you read that correctly. WaMu is giving preference to new customers over loyal ones. I really think WaMu needs to come up with something to offer as compensation to all their customers who had to deal with having their perfectly good debit Visas turned off.

Second, Washington Mutual stopped accepting a large percentage of deposits made at the ATM. I get a lot of little checks and it is difficult to keep track of who has paid me, both for my own records, and for tax purposes, unless I have a separate record for each deposit. Part of the original appeal of WaMu to me was, as I said, the ease of no fees. I prefer to bank this way and banks which charge for every deposit make me feel profligate for doing so. I’m willing to give up the interest on that account for this convenience. Welll, no dice any more. Washington Mutual ATMs now accept only a couple of envelopes before displaying a message saying the customer is over the $100,000 daily limit. I’m not saying I’d mind if my checks added up to that, but as these sorts of desposits don’t, the first time it happened I thought the ATM was broken or or perhaps possessed. Turns out this is WaMu’s oblique way of saying that they want to limit how many deposits any customer can make in a given day. None of their phone personnel or in-bank customers service workers appear to be briefed on this policy, so I get a different answer every time. Although their tellers are extremely irritated by the longer lines inside the bank and the grumpier customer base. The phone people suggest that it is Federal law that the first $100 of any deposit be made available right away. Others suggest that the amount is $100 total in a given day is all that Federal law requires. If the former is the case, then it looks like Washington Mutual is looking to have more float with their customers’ money. Short explanation of float is that, by forcing their customers to combine eight deposits in one envelope, then they would only have to make $100 available right away, instead of $800, but they would still get use of the money. If anyone knows the answer to the question about what the actual law is, I would muchly appreciate accurate info, and I haven’t had any luck getting it from my bank.

Oh yeah, and Washington Mutual redesigned the insides of a bunch of their banks to be very unbanklike, so that other people are all up in your business, tellers are actually out in the middle of the bank, and the money comes from these weird open kiosks. I don’t even have the words, but fortunately for me, there is an unrefurbished branch fairly close to me and I drive out of my way to make my deposits. I wouldn’t normally have to enter the bank, so normally I’d be indifferent to bad interior design and horrible traffic design, but I have to go inside to make my deposits now, which also means I have to make them during bankers’ hours.

So Washington Mutual is not a small bank. What can you do if you are one of their legion of disgruntled customers? According to their phone support, who admittedly have been wrong before, WaMu will change its policies if enough customers express their opinions.You can phone (800) 788-7000 and press zero a bunch of times and you will eventually get a human being on the line. In order to change policy, it is not sufficient to express your opinion. No record will be made of this. You must request that they fill out a complaint form and you may need to wait for a supervisor to come on the line for this. This is probably the best option if you dislike WaMu limiting your ability to make deposits or if the MasterCard thing has been a problem for you. If you are annoyed by the incredibly annoying anti-stodgy bankers campaign, its Cold War Communist charicatures, its possible racism, its possible sexism, its implications that all WaMu customers are losers, or anything else in the litany of complaints I’ve heard and read about that campaign, then you are probably better off contacting Mary Kelley at Washington Mutual. Her phone number is (206) 377-6878, but I’m probably going to personally just email her at mary.kelley@wamu.net because I am shy on the telephone.

I’ve asked Washinton Mutual employees over and over again where the stodgy bankers are, but they refuse to tell me. If they keep implementing structures which functionally might as well be designed to drive me away, I’m willing to go. Anyone got some suggestions? Because I want to bank where the traditional bankers are steering the ship.

I never thought I would be a car person. I always spent all of what money I made on art projects. I drove an increasingly rusted out Camaro for years. When I used to take it on road trips through the deep South, I would be able to tell the depth by whether people at gas stations were asking, “hey, yew all wanna sell that car?” But then I moved to Los Angeles. I loved the city, but I was baffled by the car culture here. People who liked me would avert their eyes if they saw me in my Camaro. The Camaro might have been the ugliest car in the city, but it had a fast engine under the hood and most of the time it ran. Only I got parking tickets all the time. For parking violations I’d never even heard of. Basically, I think they all added up to, if you are going to park a car this ugly on our street, we will charge you accordingly.

When I was a kid, my paternal grandfather used to buy a new champagne Lincoln Continental every year. This was back in the days when it was the size of a continent and the Town Car was a little bit smaller and perhaps more feminine. When I was six, I heard somebody or other saying that the Continental was awfully big and I said that I thought I would perhaps get the more practical Town Car when I grew up. I think this may have been viewed as cute. I was never cute enough to convince my grandfather’s chauffeur to let me play with his gun. When I complained about this to my father, he told me that my grandfather’s chauffeur did not have a gun.

My grandfather grew up very poor in a tough neighborhood and was the only member of his family to get an advanced education. He claimed to have been Golden Gloves in college and, as an older man, he still had a powerful boxer’s build in his pinstriped suits. He drank scotch and smoked cigars. He planned to take a few hundred people on a weekend cruise for his seventieth birthday. He told me duckling with black cherry sauce would be one of the menu choices just for me.

When my Camaro finally gave up the ghost and could not be repaired and could not be driven above 35mph without certain death, I was at a loss. I didn’t know what else to get. I was a disenfranchised artistic punk rocker. But I was also in Los Angeles. I know people in LA will judge you on your ride. But I am not from around here and I do not know the code. I don’t know what a certain car says about a certain person. I asked everyone I knew what they thought I should have. I think maybe they could not tell me because then how could they judge me on it.

My Camaro was ugly. It was rusty. My clothing often got torn getting in and out of it. It had such deep-seated dirt, it was impossible to really clean. It had no working A/C and I often got heatstroke in it. My neighbors would throw smoothies on it because they didn’t like it being parked nearby. Once I actually got pulled over and the police forced me to remove the little voodoo doll which had hung from the rearview since before I bought the car. It stopped working shortly thereafter. I surprised myself by crying when it was towed away for the last time. That Camaro was such a symbol of my chosen road less traveled.

I live three blocks from a Lincoln dealership. After the Camaro breathed its last, I was paralyzed for a month on the vehicle issue. I finally decided to go over to the Lincoln dealership and just test drive a Town Car. I probably wouldn’t even like it. The fleet manager thought it was weird that a little purple-haired girl wanted to try that one. He tried to steer me towards an LS which is the sporty sedan Lincoln is trying to position against BMW and Mercedes. I didn’t even want to try one. I wanted to get in a new Town Car, see that it was not what I wanted, and then go buy another beat up big car from the seventies.

But the second I slid behind the wheel of that black gleaming Town Car, I wanted it so bad my stomach hurt. It smelled like leather and the A/C worked immediately and I drove the fleet manager all over Hollywood and cracks in the pavement which had once caused my Camaro’s bent wheel well to cut the tire below . . . well, I couldn’t even feel those bumps in the road.

My grandfather started a trust fund for me at the same time he began making plans for his seventieth birthday party bash. My grandfather worked very very hard for everything he had. He died of a heart attack before the birthday he was so looking forward to. The trust fund I got when I finished university was eight hundred dollars, not even enough to make a dent in my student loans. But there were more than four hundred people at my grandfather’s funeral and I know he would have liked that, even if it was not quite the party he’d planned.

When I sat in my Lincoln Town Car for the first time, I had the most intense sense that maybe some of the life I had once expected could happen. It made me feel optimistic. I still have no idea what Los Angeles natives make of it. They mumble about it not being the car they would have expected, but they still can’t tell me what would have been the right choice.

And I’ve finally got the car I wanted when I was six-years-old and anything was possible.