Mike Judge’s Office Space is a hysterically brilliant piece on the soul-sucking nature of certain sorts of employment. The scene where they smash the fax machine is one of the most inspiring moments in American cinema ever. Viewpoint character Peter Gibbons, played with perfect comic timing by Ron Livingston, decides that, rather than quitting his job, he will simply stop going. He and his next door neighbor Lawrence, played with deadpan humor by Diedrich Bader, discuss what they would do if they had mad money. Lawrence’s only unrealized ambition is to have a threesome with two chicks.

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.

Mainstream porn overflows with girl/girl sex, but it is all of the sort where the women are supposed to be into it because they are just soooooooo overheated and no man is handy, not because they like women. The male consumer can fantasize that all he has to do is show up with a taste of the real thing (i.e. cock) and that would just make those ladies’ day.

I find the whole issue difficult. On the one hand, I know that site members often enjoy girl/girl pairings, even if the women pictured would not normally have sex with one another in the natural course of events. So there is certainly money in shooting lesbian sex, but I suffer from the punk rock problem of not being particularly fiscally motivated. Something which puts even more social pressure on me to shoot faux lesbian interactions is that many altmodels believe that their ticket to fame and fortune is being photographed fondling the breasts of a model more internet famous than they are. You might be shocked at how much static I have received from mostly straight models for declaring a moratorium on fake lesbian shoots for BlueBlood.com. If two people want me to photograph them having sex, as an artist, I am only really inspired to shoot them if I believe they are truly into each other and would be making love whether or not there was a camera in the room.

When I was fourteen and had a youthful fixation on heterosexual couplings, I was troubled by the mainstream porn my friends were able to get ahold of in Israel where I went to ninth grade, because there was always some sort of lesbian scene in every flick. I have the vague notion that porn movies may have been illegal in Israel, so this probably limited what my underage unsavory pals were able to get their hands on, but I still viscerally recall my discomfitted response to the chick in Flesh Gordon being forced to eat hairy muff. Yes, I played Dungeons & Dragons and watched science fiction porn. (Probably no surprise there.)

As an adult, my take on sexual orientation is . . . let’s just say different from what it was as a teen. I really don’t care about whether someone’s genitalia are innie or outie; I just want something real, something genuinely passionate, something with a true human connection.

Back in the early 90’s, when I would be interviewed about Blue Blood magazine in print, I would always say it was erotica and not porn and point out that I was a woman and women can only produce erotica. I thought I was kidding. But there is a certain oddness to the approach mainstream porn has to human sexuality.

Every year, AVN or Adult Video News, has an awards show for porn videos and porn performances from the preceding year. The first time I ever came across this particular awards show was some time after fantabulous writer-cum-video-director David Aaron Clark had written the first issue of Blue Blood in print up for the late lamented Scew newspaper. Forrest Black and I went to meet him and Mistress Shane after they finished up at the AVN awards show in Vegas. DAC and Shane were mostly being entertainingly curmudgeonly about the enormous breasts in teen prom dresses wandering around the casino, but I was un-jaded and wide-eyed at the time. I’ve still never actually attended an AVN award show. Admittedly, I don’t particularly care for that variety of video media, so much of it would really go over my head. But I’m still fascinated by the culture which surrounds it.

Yesterday sexpert blogger Violet Blue covered Syd Blakovich and Madison Young’s red carpet walk at the AVN awards. Now a good-looking pornstar can generally get work if she is willing to have sex with other females on camera, even if she will not have boy/girl sex that way. There is almost the sense that a pornstar who only does women is somehow more of a nice girl than one who does men in films. Offhand, I can’t think of any major video porn star who has sex exclusively with men on camera.

So you’d think that people would just find it hot if Madison Young brought Syd Blakovich as her date to the AVN Awards. The talented Julie Simone shot some stuff of Madison Young which will be appearing on BlueBlood.com soon and I already covered extremely sexy badass Syd Blakovich’s Ultimate Surrender triumphs on here. So you can pretty much take it as a given that I think Syd Blakovich and Madison Young dating would be hot.

Violet Blue reports that AVN apparently didn’t want Syd Blakovich, in her cool steampunk outfit, to walk the porn red carpet with Madison Young. WTF? Someone would have to check with Summer Cummings and Skye Blue to see if this is actually the first time a girl/girl couple has attempted to take that red carpet stroll together, but, whether this is the first or the zillionth time a woman has brought another woman as her genuine date, it is messed up that an industry which insists on girl/girl sex would balk lest anyone think it was genuine girl/girl sex.

I mean, is it really excessively feminist to request that Porn Valley not whine if the women, they want to fuck each other, actually enjoy fucking each other?

PS I’ve seen a bunch of sex blogs, Violet Blue’s Tiny Nibbles included, posting pics of Gianna Lynn and her AVN awards dates. With how much some folks yammer on about porn crossing over to the mainstream, as though sex were somehow totally separate from all other areas of life, you’d think somebody in smutville would have noted that Gianna Lynn’s dates were UFC contract winner Ryan Bader and former Arizona State University
 classmate and fellow MMA fighter CB Dollaway.

Season 6 of Ultimate Surrender just started, hot on the heels of this month’s Summer Vengeance Championship bout between ex-Marine Dia Zerva and sexy tattooed Syd Blakovich aka The Hungarian Nightmare. I guess I should back up a bit and explain what exactly Ultimate Surrender is.

Ultimate Surrender bills itself as a “competitive sexual female wrestling site”. Now there have been cat-fighting sites on the internet, pretty much since computers started vaguely being able to communicate with one another, but Ultimate Surrender takes it to another level. There have been sites where hot women wrestled, either naked or clothed. There have been Geocities compilations of stills from movies where chicks kick ass. But nobody really went all the way to do erotic combat right until the folks at Kink did it.

The thing I really like about all the Kink sites is that they really understand the fetishes they cater to and attempt to actually fulfill them. For example, their first site Hogtied did not just feature bondage and BDSM, but went the distance to show forced orgasms. And, let’s face it, it is not just the intricacies of the rope work which are hot, no matter how pretty shibari can get.

Kink started in 1997 with Hogtied and has since branched out with quite a number of sites, Ultimate Surrender launching in 2004. The basic concept of Ultimate Surrender features either two women or two teams of women getting in the ring, roughly wrestling one another either for real or an awfully convincing facsimile thereof, and the winners sexually dominating the losers. The format is three rounds of competitive wrestling followed by a fourth round where the winner gets to have her way with the loser. It is by having the fourth round that I feel Kink really demonstrates their thorough understanding of the fetish and their willingness to go all the way to deliver what its fans truly fantasize about.

BlueBlood.com and the Kink sites feature quite a bit of crossover of talent. In the Ultimate Surrender competitions, Ariel X actually has fought very successfully, season after season. Others like Justine Joli only appeared once in Season 3 where she got Ultimate Surrender viewer comments like:

“Justine is such a bad wrestler . . . That being said Justine is beautiful to the extreme, so at the end of the day she always knows she is gorgeous. Matt even tried to triple Justines pay if only she could get one lousy point . . . not even that worked. On the bright side Justine made really cute noises while Nina was mopping up the floor with her. Nina did the right thing not letting Justine cum in RD-4. Very funny post session interview.”

I think most or possibly all of the Kink sites’ scenes feature exit interviews. Basically, these are videos where they interview the girls about their experiences, what they liked, what they didn’t like, what they thought they would not like but loved, etc. This is partly smart for legal reasons, due to the extremity and roleplaying nature of many of their scenarios, but I think it is also interesting when, for example, I hated a male dom’s voice in a scene and the girl mentions that same complaint in her exit interview. Kink’s stated mission is to provide “authentic fetish entertainment that seeks to demystify alternative sexualities and inspire sexual adventurers” and I think they do a good job of this. Particularly, in the fetish world, a lot of fetishes have been almost entirely desexualized in their presentation and Kink really puts the sex back in kinky sex.

You can check out our free SFW Ultimate Surrender photo gallery or head right over to Ultimate Surrender to get your very own extremely NSFW membership.