The recent Vampire-Con in Hollywood featured Vampirella’s Ball as the closing event. Comic book vampire Vampirella celebrated her 40th anniversary at the vampire convention, so I think it seemed only right to name the closing party after her. We have video coverage of the whole convention coming up soon, but the portraits we shot are exclusively from Vampirella’s Ball.

Forrest Black and I of course photographed Countess Lotti and Wendi Mirabella, the successful event mavens who made the whole weekend happen. Nella, who won the Vampirella look-alike contest kicks off our Vampire-Con photo gallery. We shot event MCs Count Smokula and the delicious Scarlet Rose (who also played a prostitute on my favorite Western of all time Deadwood.) You will find longtime friend of Blue Blood editor Pam Keesey in our portraits from the event. Other luminaries you will spot include gothic musician Andra Dare, horror actor Stephen Wozniak, and more.

I have to confess that the awesomest bit of our vampiric shooting adventure was most unexpected in context. This guy comes up to where the Blue Blood location studio is set up and he has kind of a long capsule intro. In Los Angeles, it is really really really a good idea to be able to state in a brief paragraph, while shaking hands, who you are and what you do and why who you are meeting should care. I suck at this on my own behalf. But I’m listening to this particular VIP guest of the convention give me his capsule intro and I am just racking my brain for where I recognize him from. At Blue Blood HQ, we sometimes call the frantic race to place someone as “work/TV/housemate of many years”. He has tremendous personal magnetism, piercing blue eyes, and the loudest blue shirt in the building, complete with rhinestones. So I’m mentally running through the face directory from the many conventions for internet professionals I have attended, spoken at, and exhibited at in my work for SpookyCash. No idea.

Finally he says his name and I’m just like OMG! Dennis Hof! If you’ve been living in a cave for the past gajillion years, Dennis Hof is the charismatic owner of Nevada’s best known legal brothel the Bunny Ranch. Forrest Black says that Dennis Hof is clearly a vampire because it just makes sense and, if Forrest were a vampire, he would definitely wear that shirt. Dennis Hof tells me that the Bunny Ranch can accommodate vampire roleplay for patrons. The two extremely sexy girls he has with him are a blonde Hayden Brooks and a brunette Phoenix James.

Dennis Hof says that Phoenix James is from Transylvania. I feel like a Transylvanian hooker is pretty much the ultimate accessory to bring to a vampire ball. Her bio says she grew up in Bucharest, but that is still Romania and close enough for rock and roll. And vampires.

For the last couple episodes of True Blood, the denizens of Bon Temps have been concerned about a maenad in their midst. The maenads were the handmaidens of Dionysus or Bacchus. Dionysus is the deity in charge of boozing, ecstasy, and ritual madness. On his high holy days, his female worshipers would get wasted, engage in random carnal acts, and tear animals limb from limb with their bare hands and eat the raw flesh. Ya know, party hardy.

On season two of True Blood, the vampires and shapeshifters and telepaths and regular folk are all scratching their heads, trying to figure out how to deal with the character of Maryann Forrester wreaking havoc in their town. Maryann Forrester is apparently a maenad and she calls Dionysus or Bacchus “the god who comes” and she is hoping to sacrifice something sufficiently tasty to get the object of her worship to actually show up for the party. According to the vampire queen, maenads always expect their deity to show up and they get stood up every time. Unfortunately, the vampire queen is played by Evan Rachel Wood, who looks beautiful in her red-painted lips, but is utterly unconvincing as a ruler who has been undead since before the industrial revolution. As a disaffected teenager, Evan Rachel Wood is a believable enough actress and I think she even gets prettier as she gets older, but Bill Compton’s maker Lorena, played by Mariana Klaveno, comes across so much more elegant and queenly. And what is up with the late 40’s-ish bathing suits and Eisenhower references and the whole art deco thing from a vampire who is older than man’s mastery of the steam engine? Anyway, oddball casting and styling and not exactly this otherwise excellent show’s finest hour.

Back to the maenad Maryann Forrester. Maryann Forrester is played by Michelle Forbes, who I first came across as the morbid but fun Dr. Julianna Cox from the coroner’s office on Homicide: Life on the Street. No stranger to genre, Michelle Forbes has been in Star Trek: Next Generation, Battlestar Galactica, 24, The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena, Lost, and more. I’ve seen some people whining about a genre show like True Blood appearing on HBO, but I hardly think True Blood pushed Sopranos or Deadwood off the air and I like seeing someone actually put effort into making a serious quality genre program for adults.

At any rate, Maryann Forrester is down with whatever keeps the party going. Every time she orders in a restaurant, it makes me crack up because I looooooove ordering multiple entrees and appetizers and waiters and waitresses often ask parties I am with if we are expecting more people. So Maryann Forrester is a sensualist. She likes to eat. She likes to throw legendary parties. She doesn’t mind the rough stuff, evangelizes it even. She cooks a delicious semi-human heart. And she wants to sacrifice Sam Merlotte (the workplace sexual harassment wereguy) to her deity. I admit that I am way past the point where I find orgies tiresome, but there is no denying that Maryann knows how to throw an exciting bash. Even if she does keep getting literally left at the altar.

I admit I like a good party as much as anyone and I might have thrown a few parties which revelers still talk about. But, more and more, I feel so sorry for the beautiful life of the party who is always waiting for a man who is never going to show up and treat her right.

Would you want to party with handmaidens of Dionysus?

PS Apparently, Michelle Forbes was in a movie called Love Bites in 1993 where Adam Ant plays a vampire. I’d be grateful if anyone could point me to where to find this vamp flick.

It is no secret that I love the vampire genre. I received Honors at Wesleyan University for my thesis on vampire legends as a paradigm for aggressive human sexuality. And I would like the record to show that I will be speaking on exactly that topic this weekend at Vampire Con in Hollywood. I’ll be taking part in the panel programming Sunday afternoon, after the movie nights, and before Vampirella’s Ball (more on this in a moment.) I’m excited that Wendi Mirabella and Lotti Pharriss Knowles have put Vampire-Con together.

The panel I am on is called Hot-Blooded: Vampires & Sexuality and is at 1pm at the Henry Fonda Theater on Hollywood Blvd. It will be moderated by David J. Skal, Author of Hollywood Gothic and V Is For Vampire: The A-Z Guide Of Everything Undead. I’m especially excited that Pam Keesey, who I’m looking forward to catching up with will be on the panel. She is the editor of multiple anthologies of lesbian vampire tales, Women Who Run with the Werewolves: Tales of Blood, Lust, and Metamorphosis, and Vamps: An Illustrated History of the Femme Fatale. Pam Keesey has a very engaging personality, has published yours truly, and once gave me a tour of Forrest Ackerman’s memorabilia collection. Other panelists are Hal Bodner, author of Bite Club: A West Hollywood Vampire Tale, filmmaker Fred Olen Ray from The Lair, actress Celeste Yarnall, best known at a vamp convention for her role in The Velvet Vampire, but who has appeared in everything from Melrose Place to Star Trek, and best-selling author, comic book writer, and filmmaker Donald F. Glut who recently directed the Elizabeth Bathory-inspired movie Blood Scarab. And we’ll be talking about vampire sex.

That evening, at the same venue, from 8:30pm to 1am, there will be Vampirella’s Ball. The music will be provided by DJ Xian and DJ Gary Calamar, music supervisor of HBO’s True Blood and KCRW radio DJ. Vampire Con describes the appropriate attire saying, “Costumes are thoroughly encouraged – Vampires, Victorian, Edwardian, Steampunk, Bohemian, Tribal, Gypsy.”

Forrest Black and I will have a location studio set up to photograph people involved in the event, revelers who most exemplify the themes of the event, and our close personal friends (i.e. not everyone, but photographic subjects best for doing press coverage on Vampire Con.) If we know you from online, please come find us on the roof Sunday night (or at my panel during the day) and say hello and where we know you from. I’m looking forward to running into tons of cool people at this event. Our favorite photos from the evening will of course appear here on BlueBlood.net.

69 Eyes have released a video for the debut single off their forthcoming Back in Blood album. The video is called Dead Girls are Easy. It is sort of an 80’s sleaze rock video homage where the 7/11 clerk fantasizes about the hot gothic girls who prance through his store in the midnight hour. In his fantasy, the goth chicks turn out to be vampires who take him for a ride in their black as night car (a 70’s boat style Cadillac), gangbang him, and of course turn him into a vampire. Oh yeah, and the 7/11 clerk turns out to have a slammin’ bod hidden under his horrible orange uniform and he looks much hotter under blue light. Really, everyone looks hotter under blue light (See The Matrix, Underworld, and probably around a quarter to a third of my own photographic body of work.) Then the clerk wakes up and is it a dream or isn’t it? Sort of classic rock video/fairytale storyline.

For some reason, the Dead Girls Are Easy video has been released exclusively for Playboy so far. There is (alas) no nudity in the video, so I assume other outlets would have no problem with it.

Dead Girls Are Easy is directed by Bam Margera. I am embarrassed to say I had to do a search on his name, but he is an awfully accomplished guy. Bam Margera is a pro skater who most notably co-created Jackass and appeared as a primary character in Tony Hawk’s Underground video game from Activision.

I feel like I won back some awareness points, however, when I read the Playboy article about the 69 Eyes video and some of the accompanying text read, “The band may be from Helsinki, but their sleaze-rock sound is straight up Hollywood—think GN’R or L.A. Guns plus the cartoon horror of the Misfits. For the lyrics on the new LP, the 69 Eyes drew inspiration from vintage vampire soft-porn classics by directors like Jean Rollin. Their obsessions come to fruition in Bam’s video, an undead spin on the concept of ZZ Top’s “Sharp Dressed Man.”” I’m absolutely with them on the Sharp Dressed Man comparison, but, uhm, Hanoi Rock anyone? Hanoi Rocks was incredibly influential on the Hollywood hair metal or sleaze rock or whatever people want to call it this week’s scene. And, yes, Hanoi Rocks originally hailed from Helsinki, although it was the drunk driving death of their drummer Razzle in a car crash with Motley Crue’s Vince Neil at the wheel which most pundits agree kept the band from superstardom. Hanoi Rocks’s lead singer Michael Monroe was so ridiculously hot that I once had a girl at a solo performance rock show he performed try to fist fight me for being closer to the stage than she was. In point of fact, at a time when America is primarily marketing ironically uncool altrock and faux wholesome pop, Scandinavia is keeping the homefires of rock and roll and rockstar incandescence burning properly.

Anyway, 69 Eyes. Dead Girls Are Easy. Vampire gangbang sex.

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: Well, what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well, yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.

I was going to edit one of the awesomest exchanges in the very awesome Mike Judge movie Office Space to reflect the fantasy of four vampire chicks at the same time, but I figure you all get the concept.

I know that, with Twilight and True Blood and Being Human and the onward march of more and more sexy vampires, nonconformists are hoping for a different monster to idealize. It is always vaguely uncomfortable when the supposedly appalling, unique, and individualistic thing you are into becomes commonplace. For a while, those who loved monsters but did not want to jump on the vampire bandwagon made do with werewolves. The thing is that werewolves represent rage, not sexual rage, just mad-as-hell out-of-control blind rage. And that is ultimately not that hot for most people. Although I confess to having had one or two stories published where I did write some werewolf sex or romance in there, in my defense, one was written on assignment and one was written partly to match accompanying illustrations already selected. At any rate, werewolves just plain don’t have the sexual magnetism of vampires and werewolf costumes are really difficult as heck to put together.

Zombie costumes, on the other hand, are pretty easy to put together. You just need to look decaying and injured and you can even make a sexy zombie costume by distressing your zombie wardrobe. A costume which is easy to do is good for group activities. Getting a bunch of people to dress up as monsters and go out on the town together is fun. Fewer people have sort of cannon ideas of what a zombie must be, as opposed to what a vampire or werewolf must be, so there is more freedom in costuming for zombie parties. But zombies are still ultimately kind of leprosy monsters. You and fifty comrades chanting “brains, brains, brains” in your torn underwear in a public place is awesome. But the actual zombie concept of a shambling stupid corpse with parts falling off is not so hot, Julie notwithstanding. And, although I forget which company it was, one of the big media corporate giants ran a zombie walk at Comic Con last weekend. So, after co-option, nobody really tends to get individuality points for being into zombies over vamps any more.

So I was looking at this half naked photo series by Ivan Hidalgo which featured sexy zombies and it brought the vital question to mind: Are zombies sexy or do they just make for good costumes?

As you all probably know, the HBO series True Blood, based on the Charlaine Harris novels, was one of my favorite new shows this past year, maybe my very favorite. The new season is kicking off with fun altmodel cam boy and local vampire blood dealer Lafayette Reynolds possibly in trouble and more murderous whodunit and more surprisingly well done and extended sex scenes. I’m not sure the first True Blood Season 2 teaser pics and True Blood Season 2 promo photos really do the show justice.

I am sure that a bunch of the product placement tie-in billboards and suchlike around Los Angeles are a bit cringe-inducing. There are billboards for motorcycles, cars, automotive insurance, and and Gillette razorblades and other not terribly vampy products. (I don’t necessarily want to give tons of bonus exposure to silly things advertised this way, but I have to give Gillette a shout-out because years ago I worked the product launch for the Gillette Sensor and it was the most awesome and creative technical theatre gig I ever saw.) Pale-skinned dark-haired vampy femme fatale Dita Von Teese says, “I don’t understand this vampire bandwagon. Just saw a billboard advertising razors that “vampires prefer”. Vampires don’t have to shave!” I could get into a dissertation about the necessary equilibrium between enjoying the success of what you love verus avoiding having what you love co-opted. But really this brings me to another much more pressing and vital concern about the new season of True Blood.

What is up with vampire hair on Alexander Skarsgaard? In the season opener, big wig vampire sheriff and nightclub impressario Eric Northman, played by the always charismatic yet unsettling Alexander Skarsgård had foils in his hair. Like he was bleaching highlights in. It appears that he will be wearing shorter hair for Season 2. It is too early in this portion of the series to get into much philosophy of prejudice, or presentation of sexuality and sensuality in media, or the nature of the erotic, so I can’t help turning over and over in my head whether I feel like vampires should have to deal with hair growth. It would suck to have hair chopped off in a battle with another vampire if it could not grow back. If no regrowth were the case, then all vampire altercations would look like hair pulling catfights. It would suck to be turned on a day your hair dye was not fresh or you hadn’t shaved your shavable parts. Hair and nails do grow a bit after death, but not much. Would vampire hair just regrow to the length and/or shade it was at time of death?

Should the fictional undead require hair dye and razors? How do you want your media to handle vampire hair growth?

The most anticipated moment of the MTV Movie Awards was when they premiered the Twilight New Moon trailer for the movie which comes out in November. Taylor Lautner, whose martial arts moves in a My Own Worst Enemy scene Nixon Sixx appeared in looked aesthetically pleasing, has his shirtless appearance on camera showcased in the trailer. Twilight fan sites have been showing pictures of Robert Pattinson shirtless as well and looking quite a bit more buff and defined than I would have expected.

It kind of looks like the werewolf and the vampire have been passing around steroid precursors instead of blood, but I’m not complaining.

So Linda Holmes of MSNBC just posted an article where she called FOX’s American Idol front-runner Adam Lambert “self-indulgent and not particularly creative”. I know FOX and MSNBC are competitive with one another, but I just think Linda Holmes is way off-base. She goes on to say:

“But what, exactly, is the Adam Lambert constituency of the future? He would be popular with fans of … what? The judges seem to think that the answer is “Twilight,” but what kind of sense does that really make? . . . But before anyone goes anointing him some kind of highly marketable future star, take another look at that performance of “Ring Of Fire,” and ask yourself whether you’d hear that on the radio.”

First off, I feel like Twilight and Adam Lambert are two of the only major mainstream pop culture phenomenons of the new millennium which actually are made for an incredibly underserved demographic. When I look for Blue Blood appropriate subject matter which is new, Twilight and Adam Lambert are two of the only things on the radar there. The Twilight soundtrack has been in the Billboard top 10 for twenty-two weeks now. Carter Burwell’s freaking score for Twilight entered the Billboard charts five weeks ago and is still hanging in there. So, if MSNBC doesn’t see the relation between Adam Lambert and Twilight and what a lot of people would like to be entertained by, they need new pop culture analysts. (I’m expensive, but I invite them to get in touch.) American Idol winners also hold multiple spots in the current Billboard top 100 with Kelly Clarkson, David Cook, and Carrie Underwood all charting. So American Idol fans do buy music.

Secondly, turn on the radio or MTV and listen to the most recent Trent Reznor Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson David Bowie or Ministry or Combichrist or VNV Nation or Depeche Mode or Godhead or KMFDM or Marc Almond or Sisters or Mercy. Oh wait. You can’t. If you like either a goth-industrial and/or glam sound or a goth-industrial and/or glam look, you probably still don’t know which of those acts have new albums out. Because radio is not playing them. Yet many of those artists still movie significant units without radio airplay or MTV support.

Yet the MSNBC writer goes on to say:

“For all the discussion of Adam’s originality and freshness and relevance, his aesthetic is an inky-haired, nail-polished cliché — perhaps appealing and perhaps not, but certainly nothing you couldn’t see in New York, Seattle, or, for that matter, Akron. The sulky glower, the whimper-face, the moaning, the Sad Elvis sneer … there’s nothing wrong with it, per se, but to praise it as particularly creative screams, “I do not watch MTV.””

Does Linda Holmes watch MTV? I love music videos and I get multiple MTV channels, Music Choice downloads, and FUSE. And I’ve been publishing work with a dark glam gothic vampiric aesthetic for more than sixteen years and doing rock journalism, including covering the 80’s glam scene for a bunch of years on top of that. So I feel pretty qualified to say that MTV has very little to offer those who like inky-haired and nail-polished men. In point of fact, I must sorrowfully admit that the only options for that general taste are Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and Rev Theory. Maybe Good Charlotte and Avenged Sevenfold if any of the video channels were currently playing them, which they are not. I would also include Queens of the Stone Age based on musical talent and approach. And that is about it. Not that the music and merch sales there are poor.

I don’t have an iTunes account at the moment, so I can’t confirm this, but I hear that Adam Lambert’s performance of the Tears for Fears song “Mad World” was a top download. The voting on American Idol this year breaks a new record every episode. And both Vegas bet-makers and internet data analysts are pretty sure Adam Lambert is going to win American Idol this year. So somebody is interested in Adam Lambert, beyond the average American Idol audience.

I didn’t really have a lot to say about Adam Lambert’s performance of “Mad World” last week on American Idol, but, in light of today’s MSNBC article, I’m going to comment on it now. The show ran a bit overtime, but I always set my TiVo to record a few minutes extra at the end of live shows like sporting events and at the end of shows on networks like Comedy Central, Showtime, HBO, and NBC who have trouble telling time. So, unlike a few million Americans whose TiVos were not set for extra time, I saw Adam Lambert’s stripped down “Mad World”. He did the song bathed in blue light, without costuming, and with very little motion, and it came off powerful. Personally, I like guyliner and swivel hips, but I understand entirely why sometimes it is necessary to demonstrate that the eyeliner and pelvic moves are sizzle on an excellent steak. Otherwise, a genuinely talented performer who employs costume and drama can be dismissed as all sizzle.

The “Mad World” ode to teenage depression and alienation was originally written and recorded by Tears for Fears in 1982. That’s a bit before my time, but I was still a bit surprised that I had not recognized it when Adam Lambert performed it. Apparently, the version he sang was one redone for the Donnie Darko movie. I’ve never seen Donnie Darko, but I understand it is an aesthetically pleasing and depressing update of the James Stewart vehicle Harvey. (Not really, but they both have big rabbit phookas advising the main character.) I’m entertained that Richard Kelly, the writer/director of Donnie Darko, is one of the producers for the upcoming Tucker Max movie, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. (If only Tucker Max wore eyeliner.) At any rate, Richard Kelly had wanted to use a U2 song for the closing credits, but U2 were too pricey to license, so he had a gent named Gary Jules cover the Tears for Fears song instead, in order to stay within budget. The spare and emotional Gary Jules version turned out to be very popular and successful and has been used in a number of sountracks since.

So technically, Adam Lambert was supposed to perform a song on American Idol from the year he was born, 1982, but he kinda sang a song from 2001ish when Donnie Darko was released. But it did sound and look nice. Tears for Fears bassist Curt Smith who sang the original synthpop version of “Mad World” tweeted on his Twitter:

“Morning tweeps, still spring break in the Smith household. Ton of twits and e’s about Adam Lambert’s Mad World, for the record I thought his vocal performance was pretty great bar a wobbly last note. Sobering that the original was released year he was born. I must officially be an old man ;)”

I guess Curt Smith did tweet from TweetDeck, instead of Spaz, which is what all the cool kids are using, but still:

From MTV, Tears for Fears “Mad World” lyrics by Roland Orzabal and originally sung by Curt Smith:

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow

No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It is a very, very

Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what is my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

Twilight is out on DVD this week and, if you enjoy the tropes of cool sexy vampires, then Twilight is a fun watch. If you were just wondering whether or not to catch it on DVD or On Demand, then all you really need to know is that the movie has a pleasing cold color palette, nice-looking cast, interesting styling, creative quality directing, and a solid storyline with no plot holes and a satisfying ending. If vampires or lack of promiscuity or overwrought sexuality fill you with rage, then pass on Twilight, but otherwise it is enjoyable and hotter than I would have expected.

I admit that I would have enjoyed Twilight most between the ages of fourteen and fourteen. Yes, I know I said fourteen twice, but the target demographic for the movie is pretty specific. Realistically, the Twilight movie is probably aimed at girls aged twelve to nineteen, but it is just well enough done that it reaches beyond its core target demo. Not to put too fine a point on it, I think one of the reasons that vampires are so alluring to teen girls is that they are dangerously seductive, but they don’t put out particularly often. There is the aura of sexual excitement without the necessity to know precisely what to do with someone else’s private parts.

I wrote my thesis on Cross-cultural and Historical Vampire Legends as a Paradigm for Aggressive Human Sexuality. Keep in mind that I left home to go to school as a young jailbait teen. I found it startling that, all of a sudden, there were people around me who had this attitude that it was normal to have actual sex sex sexual intercourse with anyone they hooked up with. I was more of a go-getter than my peers in terms of acquiring the partners I wanted, but, even once I was entirely ready to have sex, I never got to the point where I wanted to have it immediately with someone I dated and I never got to the point where I wanted to have it with everyone I remotely liked. (This is inconvenient today, given that the circles I travel in include many people who treat fucking like a handshake i.e. a casual social interaction it is extremely rude and maybe even hostile to reject.) Heading off to university at sweet sixteen and being all hormonally hopped up, I was probably considered a bit of a menace to the people around me.

One of the aspects of Twilight which I think makes many adults respond in a viscerally negative way is its accurate portrayal of teenage female sexuality. I was more sure of what I did and did not want than the average teen, but sometimes the responsibility falls on the shoulders of the 100 plus year old vampire to say it is better to wait. One of the nicest scenes in the movie features Kristen Stewart’s Bella Swan and Robert Pattinson’s Edward Cullen making out in her bedroom. He pulls back saying he mustn’t lose control with her. She convinces him not to leave and they sit and talk and have an actual (if you will forgive the word choice) human interaction instead of just progressing to more physical intimacy.

Nonetheless, it is uncomfortable to realize that there are giant media corporations marketing sex to teenage girls. In the kickass opening episode for season 13 of South Park, episode 1311 “The Ring” brings up this issue to very comic effect. In particular, the Trey Parker-voiced Mr. Mouse who heads up Disney had me laughing out loud when he had to fly into Colorado to do damage control when the Jonas Brothers want to take off their purity rings. For those of you who, like me, had been blissfully unaware of the purity ring fad, the idea is to sell sexually stimulating media to young teens and then also sell them purity rings which are jewelry they can wear to remind themselves to be pure of heart and abstain from sex until marriage. In “The Ring”, when the Jonas Brothers want to take off their purity rings and make what they do just about their *cough* music, Mr. Mouse breaks it down for them, “You have to wear the purity rings because that’s how we can sell sex to little girls, ha, ha. See, if we make the posters with little girls reaching for your junk, then you have to wear purity rings or else Disney company looks baaaaaaaaad, ha, ha.” One of the many reasons the original Blue Blood magazine in print featured only real life couples doing what they would actually do on purpose in real life is that I think relationships are a good and desirable part of human sexual interaction. I hope there is some middle ground between romance-loathing, anti-relationship, indiscriminate swinging and the side-splittingly ridiculous drivel spewed on sites trying to sell teens cheap jewelry to be pure. So far my favorite comedy routine on a purity ring site is entitled, “The unimaginable consequences of Sexting”. Did I mention I’d love to see some common sense become more common?

Returning to the vampire motif in Twilight, why is this movie loathed by so many people who love them some True Blood, Interview with the Vampire, The Hunger, Near Dark, Lost Boys, and just about every other cinematic vampire ever created? South Park knows what is up once again. The brilliant season 12 finale of South Park, episode 1214 “The Ungroundable“, spoofed the pain of outsiders not being able to tell the difference between “goths” and “vampires”. I admit to knowing pretty much nobody, regardless of their actual subculture allegiance or tastes, who would claim self-described to be a goth or vampire, but South Park really did illustrate the issue there.

How does one react when something which felt like it was for you and your community suddenly become for other people? If a band you love becomes popular, do you stop listening to it when too many of its fans are people you feel could not understand the band’s message? Or say, if, for example, you and your friends have been having fabulous parties, reading obscure books, listening to obscure music, having creative sex, dressing flamboyantly, and producing media of your exploits, what do you do when a bunch of people with very different values start aping everything you do? Do you change and develop new interests or reject your own past? Do you reject the trendier portions of what is new? Do you examine which new media appears intended to destroy your culture and which new media is essentially a neighboring and perhaps friendly country?

The South Park answer is to burn Hot Topic down. Without inciting to riot, I’m comfortable with a rejection of Hot Topic because it seeks to destroy the very culture it serves; Hot Topic seeks to make the whole notion of enjoying gothic anything into some sort of teen fad that everyone is supposed to grow out of. Twilight just happens to be a teen fad and not one which its fans will necessarily all grow out of. Perhaps Twilight encourages abstinence, selectivity, or merely taking it slow, but I have trouble finding fault there, especially given the target demographic of teenage girls. I have not yet read the books by Stephenie Moyer which the Twilight movie is based on, but I do not believe that she or screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg from Dexter and The O.C. were trying to come up with a storyline which attacked gothic culture in general. (I reserve judgment until I’ve read the books and learned more about them.) I do not think director Catherine Hardwicke, whose previous directing credits include the controversial Thirteen, is hoping that having more people get into the whole vampire thing is going to be awesome for getting rid of gothic subculture. Prior to directing the edgy Thirteen, Catherine Hardwicke was primarily a production designer who worked on films from Tapeheads to Tank Girl. No surprise then that Twilight has such lovely aesthetics.

To recap:

– Twilight is entertaining if you like vampires.
– Teen girls do have discomfitting sexuality.
– Vampires are sexy, doubly so to teen girls.
– Purity rings are laughable, but abstinence and selectivity are not bad.
– South Park is sometimes very funny.
– Hot Topic sucks, seeking to make gothic culture juvenile and disempowered.
– Twilight invites everyone to enjoy a darker aesthetic.
– Twilight is out on DVD and On Demand now.

I’ll get back to y’all at such time as I develop a more complex opinion of Twilight.

Alan Ball’s True Blood on HBO is moving along at a brisk clip. (If you haven’t viewed through episode 109, you may want to stop reading here.) Episodes 108 and 109 really highlighted the theme of who is really the hunted in Charlaine Harris’ world of vampires who have come out of the coffin.

We’ve learned that human beings can get high on vampire blood or V. We also learn that, while vampires can drink the synthetic blood substitute Tru Blood, nothing is enjoyable quite like the real thing. So there are plenty of small-minded folks in the True Blood world who fear vampires because they could hunt them and feed off of them, even if they are not doing so. Yet there are also reasons for humans to hunt vampires, although again most do not do so. Time to look in a mirror to figure out who is the hunted and who is the hunter.

Some vampires, such as the jaded 1,000-year-old nightclub impresario Eric, played by Alexander Skarsgard, are annoyed by the whole vampire pride and vampire rights amendment thing. They are satisfied with their position in society and are perfectly happy to exercise their power from the shadows. There is a scene where the human leading lady Sookie Stackhouse, played by Anna Paquin, is kissing vampire leading man Bill Compton, played by Stephen Moyer, and their chemistry is notable. Eric’s most trusted retainer turns to him and says that if she still had feelings, she would be moved by this public display of affection. Eric replies, in the most bored voice imaginable, that he wouldn’t.

The best culture clash in the most recent two episodes is where Sookie’s best friend Tara Thornton, played by Rutina Wesley, turns to her alcoholic and possibly formerly possessed mother and her friend, who are all decked out for church, and points out that putting on a ridiculous hat and going to church isn’t going to make them better or happier than Tara. I personally kinda like the jelly bean colored Southern church-going style of hats, but I don’t really have a hat-shaped kind of head. My skull and hair are generally wrong for most hats I’ve tried on, although I always welcome hat source suggestions.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s episode of True Blood. There is going to be a vampire tribunal, presided over by a vampire elder played by Zeljko Ivanek. Zeljko Ivanek is perhaps best known for his portrayals of Governor James Devlin on Oz and of the driven prosecuting attorney Ed Danvers in Homicide: Life on the Street. The Ed Danvers character was so popular that he was brought in as a crossover character in a number of episodes of Law & Order, even after Homicide was canceled. Zeljko Ivanek has actually done a lot of political and legal acting roles over his long career, so I think he will be very entertaining as a vampiric judge who gets to decide when it is or is not all right to kill.