Posts tagged: xmas

Three very deviant ladies whose work I know well just perked up my holiday season like a handful of little blue pills and a mason jar of Alabama moonshine.

This may come as a shock to those who don’t know me, but the holiday season and I are not exactly sympatico. (Those who know me, however, are rolling their eyes: “We know, we know!”) I’m not sure at what point during my misspent childhood I turned into a Grinch, but knowing me it probably involved finding out that the Thompson submachinegun I’d just received under the tree wouldn’t, you know, kill anyone or anything. In fact, the damn thing was made of plastic.

Since then, I’ve developed less and less of a taste for the holidays every year, especially after working in the sex toy business where budgets lived and died based on the number of Class V Mister Fuck Double Dongs you move before December 24. I understand it’s the same with plasma televisions. The advertising blitz designed to make you cough up your hard-earned for that new sweater, or in recent years The Next New Shiny Thing, used to begin the day after Thanksgiving; then it was some nebulous date in early November; nowadays, the pumpkins are shredded in storefronts across the nation in the desperate race to get the damned Christmas trees up. “Bankrupt yourself,” the ads seem to say, “Or your Wife/ Husband/ Girlfriend/ Boyfriend/ Kids/ Dog/ Gynecologist won’t like you any more.” It’s Guilt Trips for Jesus, and I’m havin’ none of it.

The only thing that gets me through the holidays is all the Christmas themed smut that’s out there. I will admit, I am a sucker for the irreverent trope-orgy satisfaction of a themed photo shoot or …

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I first wrote and published this article October 29 of 2005, but it is that time of year again and I’m simultaneously having a lot of fun and really stressed out from being stretched so thin. We’re crazy busy, so I’ll make this brief. The “Blue Halloween” article has not been available through the Blue Blood site navigation since the redesign, and I was thinking that this is the time of year when some of you might need to hear this.

Around Xmas-time, a lot of apparently normal people get completely freaked out. They just want everything to be so so so very perfect. They tear up at the very thought of how perfect they want everything to be. They spend more money than they can really afford on things that neither they nor their friends and family really need. But- but- but it is Xmas and everything has to be so so so very perfect. If there is the slightest flaw in the ornaments or the gifts or the comfy sweater, then it is like there is no good fellowship among mankind, no peace on earth, no family love, blah blah blah.

Just try wandering through the mall around Yuletide and you will see the stress level I am talking about. I can look at that objectively and just sigh and think they need to relax and maybe get more mistletoe.

But Halloween rolls around and, ooh boy, I am singing a different carol. I just want everything to be so so so perfect. I mean, if every day is Halloween, then Halloween has to be super duper Halloween, right? Almost everyone I know is totally off the rails right now. Everyone I come across is so edgy that the slightest thing blows up into World War III.

A lot …

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