Pyromaniacs Take Notice!
By Amelia G
May 20, 2004
Pyromaniacs should be on the lookout for what will soon be a collectors item. This week Kmart recalled their Martha Stewart branded . . . uhm . . . "safety" matches. Yes, Kmart recalled safety matches for being unsafe. Apparently these particular matches ignite a little more enthusiastically and unpredictably than is strictly speaking desireable. It has also come to my attention that Martha Stewart has a deal for an exclusive line of products distributed only through Kmart. The line is called Martha Stewart Everyday. I thought Martha Stewart was supposed to be sort of a high end brand unto herself. I mean she didn't get convicted of shoplifting; it was insider trading. I can not shop in Kmart because, no matter what city I have entered a Kmart in, there are always a slew of people abusing their children in the aisles. With apparently no shame whatsoever about their despicable behavior. If Kmart had a no-beating-your-kids section or maybe special no-beating-your-kids shopping hours, I would perhaps attempt shopping there. I mean it would be cool to get matches that burst into flame for very little reason. Unfortunately, if you didn't get in on the Martha Stewart Everyday Accidental Arson Sticks between March 2004 and now, you may be out of luck. Kmart recommends calling (866) 562-7848 to whine if you happened to spend two dollars on some overkill matches, but you might be able to use that number to request them too. Let me know how that works out.
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