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Im turning 18 in just over a month and I don't know if I should meet my real father or not.
When I was born it was really early and as a result I have Aspurgers Syndrome, a type of autism, and my father didnt want me because of that, and a couple of months ago my older brother met him and told me he wanted to see me, but I have the fealing that he only said that so he wouldnt hurt my feelings.
so I want you guys to help me decide
I think the important considerations are what you would like to get from meeting him. If you think those things are likely to happen, then go for it. If you think it is going to be torturing yourself and your brother etc. is your real family, then skip the pain. My two cents anyway.
He did feel ONE way 18 yrs ago.... that CAN be plenty of time to change one's mind.... and actually CHANGE....
18 yrs are plenty of time for a person to grow up.... and I do mean your father.
No matter what you choose... I wish you the best of luck.
I talked to my brothers girlfriend and she told me he still does nothing but go to the pub and get hammered.
That COULD be a warning flag...
OR it could be an indicator that he's riddled with guilt and hammers himself to death to numb the pain without his kids....
I would rather thinks its the second one...but he used to do the same thing before mum left him
Sounds like a heavy situation.
I'd treat it like cold water... if you go into it at all...
very slowly, one toe at a time. NO rushing anything.
No sharing personal info... incl where you live, and meet in a public place.
Thats what I was thinking but I wanted a second opinion.
I mean, if he didnt want me cos I was a "retard" and I had to go throughh speech therepy (now I have a posh accent) and physiothrepy and from what I can tell he hasent changed, how do I know he even wants to know me?
Maybe a counseling environment would be an ideal place of meeting... so that you all would have a mediator....
BUT I would suggest the two of you going to the same person, before going together, so the therapist could get to know each of you separately first .... that may be more effective...
what do you think about that?
I know this is all theory, and speculation.
He didnt like talking about his problems cos as far as he was concerned he didnt have any...so I dont thik I could get him see a counseller.
Well it sounds like you've made up your mind, and have a hard time facing the result.
But I havent.
I want to meet him, but I dont want to get hurt.
Whatever you choose I wish you the best.
Thanks this has really helped.
I hope so. I really do.
well, I suppose it depends on wether your curious about your biological connections, as long as you don't have any expectations it could be interesting if nothing else
I think you should go for it if that's what you really want. It could be great, and if not then at least you KNOW, and you can move on with your life.
Maybe get your brother to go with you.
If you don't mind me asking, how old was your father when you were born?
I dont know, i never asked my mum