600 starFUCKS To Close!

The article is a bit silly. I just dream of a world without starFUCKS.



http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/c...3274600.column
chicagotribune.com

History could have helped Starbucks foresee revolt

John Kass
July 17, 2008
http://altfarm.mediaplex.com/ad/bn/9...-0?mpt=1607602 http://ad.doubleclick.net/ad/trb.chi...1;ord=5602838?

Starbucks has spent millions marketing its outrageously expensive and elitist coffee beverages—even pushing those foolish lemon bars on innocent people—and now the company is closing 600 stores.

But all the high priests of the Church of Coffee had to do to prevent the catastrophe was to spend about $3.50 for a used American history book.

There, among the stirring tales of the Alien and Sedition Acts and the Intolerable Acts and the murder of the heroic and much under-appreciated Alexander Hamilton, they would have found the answer to their woes.

Americans started drinking coffee in the first place because tea was so dang expensive, with the English controlling the market and slapping taxes on it, so that a bunch of crazy hooligans from Boston dressed up in war paint and dumped a whole boatload in anger.

Coffee at the time was boiled, then percolated, finally dripped. Cowboys drank it. Rugged explorers pursuing our manifest destiny drank it.

President Theodore Roosevelt drank a gallon of coffee every day before he'd go out to shoot a bunch of creatures and put their heads on his wall. And when he'd sit down with his gallon of coffee, no one would dare tell Roosevelt that he'd just ordered a "venti." He might just put their heads on his wall.

I have a recurring nightmare in which Roosevelt confronts me on Michigan Avenue while I'm holding my favorite, a large mocha Frappuccino. He stares at it, then begins to mock me, louder and louder. My face turns beet red from the shame, and I begin to run on my stumpy bowlegs, with Roosevelt yelling, "Bully! Bully!"

A few years ago, Americans were tricked by marketers into becoming zealots of the Church of Coffee and spending $5 and up for coffee products. But now gas is almost $5. So take your choice: Drive to work or sip your venti.

Americans are in revolt, not by dumping Starbucks baristas into the harbors, but by doing something much more subversive:

Going to Dunkin' Donuts, where they can get a cup of coffee and two doughnuts (make mine jelly) for around $3 and change.

We called Dunkin' Donuts to find out why the company is booming, but executives there didn't have the decency to discuss this phenomenon on the phone. Instead, they sent out a bland corporate statement, which tells me they've got some former Starbucks suits there.

"Our customers . . . are passionate about our coffee and baked goods, because they can get a consistently superior product, served fast, at an affordable price," said the statement from the public relations guy, who said Dunkin' is adding 500 stores.

Later, I walked around Michigan Avenue, confronting people, asking them: If I gave them $5 for breakfast and they had a choice between Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks, which would they choose?

"Dunkin', " said a woman.

Why?

"Because I get my fix, and I'm full," she said.

That's a lot snappier than the corporate bland-speak from the PR guy. Get your fix, get your fill. All I ask in return is a lifetime supply of Munchkins.

"Pardon me?" asked Mr. Patel, the manager of the Dunkin' Donuts in Countryside.

I explained, like a pilgrim seeking wisdom, that I had journeyed to his store to ask the eternal question. Why is Dunkin' Donuts kicking Starbucks' behind?

"Good coffee, and our doughnuts are nice," said a woman behind the counter. Mr. Patel didn't like that she spoke up.

"I cannot say," Mr. Patel said. "We're not allowed to discuss it. I know the reason. So do you. But it would be better that you speak to the owner. I'm not the owner."

One customer, an overly caffeinated guy who called himself Ziggy—a house painter who claimed he'd been a professor in Europe who'd been blackballed for his Maoist views—insisted that expensive coffee wasn't the problem.

"America is spending too much on bottled water! How many bottles of $1.50 water to the gallon? Do the math! Do the math!" Ziggy insisted, and I pretended to figure it, without knowing the ounces of the hypothetical bottles, nodding and smiling, as would anyone confronted by a madman.

I was saved by a gracious lady, Rosemary O'Brien of La Grange. She's no Starbucksista.

"That other stuff is expensive," she said. "Here, you can have a doughnut. Or two and the paper and coffee—and it won't cost you $5. And that's important, especially today, with things being so expensive."

What about being associated with Starbucks? Isn't there value in having the Starbucks cup in your hand as you proclaim your sensitivity to the environment while driving one of those new green mini-Hummers?

"Oh, so you can walk around with a Starbucks cup? You'll pay extra money for that? How nice. No thanks," Mrs. O'Brien said.

If Barack Obama had any sense, he'd hire Mrs. O'Brien to be the next secretary of the Treasury. It's about time someone in Washington knows the value of a dollar.

Or, of a cup of coffee.

I'm glad to see them go, but I feel sorry for their employees. both before and after.

i think the first sign that things would go south for starfucks, was when it got parodied in the austin powers movies. they were portrayed as being this big, evil, corporation that was behind verything that dr evil's henchmen were up to. the true evil, was not what dr evil was trying to do to austin powers, it was all that starbucks was up to! they just about ruined coffee in this country.

I am happy to say I have NEVER had anything from Starbucks. Greedy fucks. Who the fuck has $4 to spend on ONE coffee?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

I'm glad to see them go, but I feel sorry for their employees. both before and after.

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They can work at the donut place (or actually think about why being a corporate peon was a bad idea in the first place).

OEC

Quote:

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Originally Posted by aXa

i think the first sign that things would go south for starfucks, was when it got parodied in the austin powers movies. they were portrayed as being this big, evil, corporation that was behind verything that dr evil's henchmen were up to. the true evil, was not what dr evil was trying to do to austin powers, it was all that starbucks was up to! they just about ruined coffee in this country.

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Every little bit helps. :thumb:

yeah, that's like the sign of defeat for people that used to have integrity but failed at thier lifes dream: I'm going to go apply at starbucks now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

yeah, that's like the sign of defeat for people that used to have integrity but failed at thier lifes dream: I'm going to go apply at starbucks now.

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:1orglaugh:thumb:

but, but, where am I going to get my frapachino?







NOT

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr Karl

but, but, where am I going to get my frapachino?







NOT

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Check these assclowns out: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1216...od=fpa_mostpop

She can't walk 2 blocks to another starFUCKS?? I am quite happy with 32% closing here in MN. I hope that includes the one which is the closest cafe to my house.

Foamy would agree with you on this OEC

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/189419
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/145365

Quote:

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Originally Posted by One Eyed Cat

Check these assclowns out: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1216...od=fpa_mostpop

She can't walk 2 blocks to another starFUCKS?? I am quite happy with 32% closing here in MN. I hope that includes the one which is the closest cafe to my house.

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I know Starbucks used to be touted, by people I knew who worked for them, as having benefits that most McJobs don't in terms of health insurance and surprisingly high wages. Over the last 4 years, I have noticed that their stores near me seem to have much faster turnover and I am much less likely to see the same happy face in the morning if I patronize one. Not sure if they are suckier employers now or that is coincidence, but I wouldn't expect people to be quitting good jobs in higher numbers in an awful economy.

I honestly think though that a lot of the Starbucks problem stems from them getting crappier beans the last year or two. I have a Starbucks approximately 5 blocks from me and, when I feel like spending too much for an iced latte, I get in my car, even with gas prices sucking, and I drive 3 miles to an independent artisan roaster in my area which also has a retail side.

However, when I had people working on site, I couldn't do that because I would be gone too long, so I either figured something out here or went without. When I worked in other people's offices, I would definitely have been more excited about about an office where I could go grab a coffee without having to be on a lunch break and it wouldn't take any longer than going to the bathroom. For any office job I have ever done for a corporation, two blocks would have generally meant it was too far to get the thing. Apart from anything else, if the coffee is in the building, you can grab it and drink it at your desk. If the coffee is off-site, then you have to hide having gone to get it, so it takes both extra walking time and the extra time to drink it.

I won't cry for Starbucks as a company because I don't think they cried for any of the small independent coffeehouses they put under which were important to their communities. I don't know if they are closing the one near me, but I will most likely continue to drive past it for an overpriced luxury coffee fix.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Amelia G

I know Starbucks used to be touted, by people I knew who worked for them, as having benefits that most McJobs don't in terms of health insurance and surprisingly high wages. Over the last 4 years, I have noticed that their stores near me seem to have much faster turnover and I am much less likely to see the same happy face in the morning if I patronize one. Not sure if they are suckier employers now or that is coincidence, but I wouldn't expect people to be quitting good jobs in higher numbers in an awful economy.

I honestly think though that a lot of the Starbucks problem stems from them getting crappier beans the last year or two. I have a Starbucks approximately 5 blocks from me and, when I feel like spending too much for an iced latte, I get in my car, even with gas prices sucking, and I drive 3 miles to an independent artisan roaster in my area which also has a retail side.

However, when I had people working on site, I couldn't do that because I would be gone too long, so I either figured something out here or went without. When I worked in other people's offices, I would definitely have been more excited about about an office where I could go grab a coffee without having to be on a lunch break and it wouldn't take any longer than going to the bathroom. For any office job I have ever done for a corporation, two blocks would have generally meant it was too far to get the thing. Apart from anything else, if the coffee is in the building, you can grab it and drink it at your desk. If the coffee is off-site, then you have to hide having gone to get it, so it takes both extra walking time and the extra time to drink it.

I won't cry for Starbucks as a company because I don't think they cried for any of the small independent coffeehouses they put under which were important to their communities. I don't know if they are closing the one near me, but I will most likely continue to drive past it for an overpriced luxury coffee fix.

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There is actually a map of the Starbucks closing off that link. I only checked the Minnesota stores (the closest one to my house stays for now) and was disappointed only 2 in SF were put on ice. Understand what you mean by time restraints, I am just happy the independent stores are winning out and really thriving here (less so in CA but still some great cafes)

OEC

Quote:

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Originally Posted by One Eyed Cat

There is actually a map of the Starbucks closing off that link. I only checked the Minnesota stores (the closest one to my house stays for now) and was disappointed only 2 in SF were put on ice. Understand what you mean by time restraints, I am just happy the independent stores are winning out and really thriving here (less so in CA but still some great cafes)

OEC

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I'm definitely a fan of patronizing the independent stores where they actually care about what they are making for people :thumb:

Sometimes I wonder about the path not taken, but making that post earlier today -- before heading over to the indie foodie coffeehouse -- really reminded me how thankful I am not to have to do some of the jobs I used to.

last time I had starbucks was at the San Deigo Convention Center. Great location for them, because it's not like people who are there at 6 in the morning aren't going to be getting their coffee.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Amelia G

I'm definitely a fan of patronizing the independent stores where they actually care about what they are making for people :thumb:

Sometimes I wonder about the path not taken, but making that post earlier today -- before heading over to the indie foodie coffeehouse -- really reminded me how thankful I am not to have to do some of the jobs I used to.

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Yah, no doubt. The places that really depress me are some of the new suburbs in Northern Cali. You basically just have all the chains along a main drag in strip malls. The people who live there aren't wrong or immoral, they just don't have many choices.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

last time I had starbucks was at the San Deigo Convention Center. Great location for them, because it's not like people who are there at 6 in the morning aren't going to be getting their coffee.

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haha found this on a conservative blog. It seems pretty unfair to people who voted for any of the candidates.

http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblog..._democrats.asp

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

last time I had starbucks was at the San Deigo Convention Center. Great location for them, because it's not like people who are there at 6 in the morning aren't going to be getting their coffee.

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You were perky :thumb:

http://www.blueblood.net/gallery/com...miccon9515.jpg
(Image Courtesy of Blue Blood)

Man, I don't know how much the San Diego Convention Center charges for their concessions, but I remember the coffee expenses that weekend being grisly, despite going to the 24 hour indie place near Scar's house pretty often. Even for Starbucks, that place was pricey.

Well I dont drink coffee, the smell give me a headache.
But yester day I was on a job trial thing as a door-to-door sales person, collecting doners for save the children.
I found out theat for $4.60 AUSTRALIAN you can send a kid in veitnam to primary school for a YEAR.
Thats about the same price as a coffee at starfuks over here.

The only time I ever had starfucks was when a good friend of mine worked for them and i got free hot chocolate lol

I used to work there, and had some issues with "elitist" customers, thinking they are high and mighty cause they knew they were buying pricey drinks, granted I didn't work there for more than a year.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by athenahollow

The only time I ever had starfucks was when a good friend of mine worked for them and i got free hot chocolate lol

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You're a Half-Robin Hood. Take from the corps and give ..... to yourself! :1orglaugh:thumb:

OEC (Paraphrasing that Jimmy Spader as Attorney Character on Boston Legal)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SyntheticShock

I used to work there, and had some issues with "elitist" customers, thinking they are high and mighty cause they knew they were buying pricey drinks, granted I didn't work there for more than a year.

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Elitist starFUCKS customers? lol. Just jag-offs really. I'll even give The Bohemian Society more credit than that.