Do you stay friends with your exes?

If I had a serious relationship with someone, I don't stay friends or even in touch, not always by choice, but it works out that way. I could be in the same room with any and be pleasant at like a wedding or funeral for mutual pals, but that's not staying friends.

If I was totally casual and went on two dates with someone, I may or may not even recall their first or last name, although I probably recall random factoids from conversation. Definitely not what I'd count as staying friends.

The only exceptions are people I dated for a while because I enjoyed them but never took seriously for whatever reason. I generally stay friends in those instances.

How about you all? Do you stay friends with your exes?

This is a complicated matter. With some yes and with some no. Depends of the level of involvement and mental state of that person. I'm usually for it, to stay friends, hang out occasionally but not all can do it so there's not many ex's I'm friend with.

Im only friends with one ex. It took us about 8 years to actually hold a conversation and become friends. I was friends with another ex, but he screwed that up by being disrespectful to the fact I have a fiance. Its a shame, he is a pretty cool guy too.

Depends on conditions of breakup. I nomally hate the person by that point so normally no.

I'm friends or rather friendly with most of my exes.
My ex husband on the other hand, I would have liked to stay friends with him (we've been together since fucking high school!) but,when he left he took all my records and won't let me see the dog anymore. I fucking hate him and next time I see him I'm going to throw him under a bus!

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Originally Posted by mystoo

I'm friends or rather friendly with most of my exes.

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same here.

Generally no. My last ex wants to stay friends so she keeps IM'ing me occasionally but I'm just sorta "meh" on the whole thing.

Nah, people tend to hate me after they leave me. *shrugs*

And why is that?

Got enough friends...Don't need ex's as friends. I have one who I kind of consider a friend, but at the same time, I see our relationship (when it was happening) more as a matter of convienence. All my other ex's can take the gas pipe.

I tend to stay friends with my exes but I never get..uh...physically involved with them, so it might be different in that situation...but the way I see it, there was something about them that made me not hate them, and that's pretty rare for me, so I tend to keep them close. =D

No. I find:

a) They still irritate me for all the same reasons. Without the sex/foolish ideas of love, its just not worth tolerating.

b) They've become strange and unusual people I don't recognize.

yeah, usually there was a reason we clicked in the first place, it seems that most boyfriends make better regular friends. In fact my ex (we were together for 2 years) is hanging out with my current in our living room right now, he actually used to live with us too. I think it's kinda weird, but Bryan is really good friends with 2 of my exes

we have no reason to hate each other, but there's really no reason to keep in touch either.................

i'd be alot more friendly towards my ex if he'd stop calling at arbitrary hours to brag about his materialistic ways. 3 am drunk dials followed a few weeks later by 9 fucking thirty in the morning on a SATURDAY. he's either name dropping or bragging about his new gadget. is it wrong to want to scream at the top of my lungs "When you have all the things that you can buy you won't be happy, and i'll still be having awesome mind blowing sex every night!!!"?

~K

nope. I don't even stay friends with my friends.

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

nope. I don't even stay friends with my friends.

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Here here!

I have to agree with Amelia. The three truly serious relationships I had in the past, I can't talk to a single one of them, because even the mere thought of each other makes us want to punch things lol.
As far as the casual and "friends w/ benefits" relationships I've had over the years, I'm still good friends with a lot of them, those I can manage to come across at least.

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Originally Posted by athenahollow

I have to agree with Amelia. The three truly serious relationships I had in the past, I can't talk to a single one of them, because even the mere thought of each other makes us want to punch things lol.
As far as the casual and "friends w/ benefits" relationships I've had over the years, I'm still good friends with a lot of them, those I can manage to come across at least.

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OH COME ON! You can't set me up like that!

LMAO. .... I retract nothing!

It depends on how things broke down. Typically, when a serious long-term relationship breaks down, it's because of something major and it causes a lot of emotional upset. It's hard to stay friends in the wake of that, but I've tried.

My most recent ex and I broke up in April. There was no big major upset, but the same behaviors that led me to break up with him also made me not want to be close friends with him anymore. I was perfectly willing to be friendly, but we were never going to be as close as we had been before dating. I've been perfectly polite, but he's all butthurt because things are different. He keeps pushing it and that, frankly, makes me want to be friends even LESS.

But anyway, I am friends with several exes. I just hung out with one tonight, in fact. I think part of this might be cultural- I am queer and it's common in the queer community to meet people and become lovers *before* transitioning into friendship.

generally yes. I have some wonderful and forgiving exes. my name is earl. even the most recent ex with whom I went through some of the most damaging and hurtful stuff ever is cool now. the one exception is a girl in 1992 who split the scene altogether while I was at work one day and I've never seen or spoken to since although I'm sure we would be fine by now. resistance to my platonic charms is eventually futile.

I have some really great friends that are exes from the 90s.

This decade, not so much.

I've only been in three relationships in my life; the first ended by us gradually spending less time together, so while we're on talking terms, there's no active friendship either. The second never formally ended at all; distance became a factor and again, we just gradually interacted less. At this point we rarely speak, but we're still on pretty intimate terms when we do. The third is ongoing.

I think the underlying pattern is that I don't tend to break up dramatically and there's generally no hard feelings, merely a loss of contact. It would be rather odd for me to 'break up' with someone only to stay close friends; the type of relationship I engage in places no demands or restrictions on anyone, so there would be no reason to break up at all.

I don't think I've really had any ex's that were that serious...but I guess I have two. one I can't seem to find anything about him online (and he was a pro-skater) and the other, I couldn't stand him for a few years, but finally he added me on ******* and yes, we are friends online, though I wouldn't want to hang out with him..it'd be sooo weird.. I was with him 10 years ago..yuk!

Yes. But sometimes it's alot of work.

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Originally Posted by Thistle Harlequin

I don't think I've really had any ex's that were that serious...but I guess I have two. one I can't seem to find anything about him online (and he was a pro-skater) and the other, I couldn't stand him for a few years, but finally he added me on ******* and yes, we are friends online, though I wouldn't want to hang out with him..it'd be sooo weird.. I was with him 10 years ago..yuk!

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Suspicions about Tony Hawk..... CONFIRMED.

No, because I don't see the point. I'll deal with them if I have to (work etc.) but we've proved "us" doesn't work, so why labor the point. I'm cynical enough to believe people who stay friends do so because a part of them still wants to get back together, even if they don't admit it to themselves. Harry was right.

I start out as friends with guys, which I think is why I remain friends with them. the friendship aspect of the relationship when I'm in it is also very important to me. that also may factor in. I guess in the end I'm like helcyon; no one can resist my platonic charms...... I'm not friends with only one of my exes. the break up was bad, and I attribute staying in the relationship so long to being very young, and inexperienced. it was my first real LTR. I learned a lot about what I WAS'NT looking for from that relationship.

some of my exes i stayed friends with for a while until they no longer found use for me.
actually, funny thing. my very first love.... i'm not in touch with him much, but we stay in e-contact once in a while. he's getting married D: oh well.
the greatest friend i have is my ex in virginia. he's my soulmate. i miss him.... he still pays for some of my stuff. we were "together" for five years until i took off to follow a girl in AZ. ideally, he'd move back to ca and we'd have a very odd family together, open relationship, of course. :3 because i'm a whore like that.
i'm also still friends with my ex from way way back. we were engaged. i saved him from cancer. he's married and hates it. but we shoot the shit every now and then and talk about girls.
usually my "exes" don't stay friends per se, just casual acquaintances. a "hihow'sitgoing" every now and then. some people, i don't even remember their names, which makes me feel awful.
i guess the determining factor is whether we were friends or not during the relationship. friends stay friends.

When I was younger and cared what people thought of me, yes, keeping a friendship( after the relationship went south) was important. Or so I thought. Now, however. After many more unsuccessful hook-ups and realizing that nobody cares. I stopped caring whether they remained friends or not.
Fuck'em. They left. Why should I allow them to interject in my life anymore ? I have an unusual attraction to Aquarians. They rock as friends but suck-ass as partners. I'm a Cancer thru and thru. So having to deal with a calloused egotistical partner who can dish it out but can't take it kind of attitude really plays havoc on my self esteem. Considering that I bent over backwards for them and it still wasn't enough to show that they were a priority in my life.
Wow ! That felt good.
Been holding this shit in for awhile now. thanks for giving me an outlet for this agro tension.
Pheww

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Originally Posted by soma_stardust

ideally, he'd move back to ca and we'd have a very odd family together, open relationship, of course. :3 because i'm a whore like that.
.

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I have one of those.

They're fun...

Hard to find, though.

Also, whores are extremely good people. >_> <_<

I am friends with everyone of my ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. If I found a good reason to date them, there must have been something I liked about them, just because we didn't click in a relationship usually doesn't mean the thing I liked about them changed after we broke up at least it never did in my situations.

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Originally Posted by Amelia G

How about you all? Do you stay friends with your exes?

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Depends on the ex.

My current room-mate and I were together for three years, then broke up, lived apart for nearly two years, and are living together again -- albeit in separate bedrooms.

This is something I dealing with right now the fact is my ex is still great person we split because we found that we just became two different people after two years togther. The nail in the coffin was that she started to see someone two months before we broke up so for me there is a sense of resenment.

The sad thing is she designed me a fanstastic website for me to launch my horror writing from and she was THE best proof reader for my work to as she also intermetly understood my style. Another sad fact is she lives in an area of the U.K I really want to move to (Brighton) and although it's quite rare that we would bump into each other when I move down there I still don't want to be her enemy.

I don't know if we will end up as mates the last two e-mails I sent were basicly ignored and I am pretty much fed up of that now but it's still ashame for things to end in such a crappy way.

....and after a post that long I don't think I have added anything apart from the fact that you the reader probably has more of a clue about ex freindships than I. :p

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Originally Posted by FireBrand

intermetly

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It's the best writers who make up their own words.

Ha...I ment intimately.

Now you see why I need a proof reader.