Sheesh and double sheesh.

Way way way back, when you were all young and I had the will to live, there was a movie called The Descent. Some of you may recall I went on about it a bit, as is my way, because you, my fellow Uhmerkins, couldn't handle the proper ending where everybody dies, and so the US distributor ordered an edit where the heroine escapes and does not die, but everyone else dies. Very dies. You know, dies in a way that makes you think "shit, that's gotta sting...."

Course it screws the entire premise of the movie, but Lions Gate know you like your happy endings and chocolate salty ballz...

Unfortunately this is not good enough. We now have to deal with "The Descent 2" (I refuse to use the working title as it's silly), in which the heroine (who you may recall died) goes back into the cave to save her friends, who you may recall also died, as of course in ratings-driven Hollywood hindsight, nobody actually died. They may have lost entire combo-meals of internal organs, the occasional limb, and a head; but these were, in the words of the Black Knight and the new director, "merely a flesh wound".

It'll be out early summer, and straight to DVD 20 seconds later, shortly followed by The Descent 3 (yes, there will be one, and yes, people might not die). If they prove to be the syndicated money machines they're expected to be, we hope to start shooting Titanic 2 in the fall. You're all way too stupid to remember the damn thing sank.


If anyone wants me, I'll be in the yard burying some artistic integrity.

Wow, that's some corpse digging. When did necrophilia became part of popular culture?

Last week I saw a film. As I recall it was a horror film.

Porno or erotic horror with actual necrophilia?

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Originally Posted by Mindgames

Way way way back, when you were all young and I had the will to live, there was a movie called The Descent. Some of you may recall I went on about it a bit, as is my way, because you, my fellow Uhmerkins, couldn't handle the proper ending where everybody dies, and so the US distributor ordered an edit where the heroine escapes and does not die, but everyone else dies. Very dies. You know, dies in a way that makes you think "shit, that's gotta sting...."

Course it screws the entire premise of the movie, but Lions Gate know you like your happy endings and chocolate salty ballz...

Unfortunately this is not good enough. We now have to deal with "The Descent 2" (I refuse to use the working title as it's silly), in which the heroine (who you may recall died) goes back into the cave to save her friends, who you may recall also died, as of course in ratings-driven Hollywood hindsight, nobody actually died. They may have lost entire combo-meals of internal organs, the occasional limb, and a head; but these were, in the words of the Black Knight and the new director, "merely a flesh wound".

It'll be out early summer, and straight to DVD 20 seconds later, shortly followed by The Descent 3 (yes, there will be one, and yes, people might not die). If they prove to be the syndicated money machines they're expected to be, we hope to start shooting Titanic 2 in the fall. You're all way too stupid to remember the damn thing sank.


If anyone wants me, I'll be in the yard burying some artistic integrity.

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Gotta keep the masses happy. To me, that's the big difference between books and movies. In a book you can make the ending very "unhappy" and no one complains. In a movie, it's just the opposite.

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Originally Posted by OliX

Porno or erotic horror with actual necrophilia?

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I've seen porn with fake necrophilia. It's actually pretty funny.

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Originally Posted by Rockwulf

Last week I saw a film. As I recall it was a horror film.

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Walked outside into the rain and checked my phone and saw you rang...

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Originally Posted by Mindgames

Way way way back, when you were all young and I had the will to live, there was a movie called The Descent. Some of you may recall I went on about it a bit, as is my way, because you, my fellow Uhmerkins, couldn't handle the proper ending where everybody dies, and so the US distributor ordered an edit where the heroine escapes and does not die, but everyone else dies. Very dies. You know, dies in a way that makes you think "shit, that's gotta sting...."

Course it screws the entire premise of the movie, but Lions Gate know you like your happy endings and chocolate salty ballz...

Unfortunately this is not good enough. We now have to deal with "The Descent 2" (I refuse to use the working title as it's silly), in which the heroine (who you may recall died) goes back into the cave to save her friends, who you may recall also died, as of course in ratings-driven Hollywood hindsight, nobody actually died. They may have lost entire combo-meals of internal organs, the occasional limb, and a head; but these were, in the words of the Black Knight and the new director, "merely a flesh wound".

It'll be out early summer, and straight to DVD 20 seconds later, shortly followed by The Descent 3 (yes, there will be one, and yes, people might not die). If they prove to be the syndicated money machines they're expected to be, we hope to start shooting Titanic 2 in the fall. You're all way too stupid to remember the damn thing sank.


If anyone wants me, I'll be in the yard burying some artistic integrity.

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I like happy endings, but WTF?

I read the original script for Sliver, one of the most wretched movies ever made with a real budget and real stars, and the movie would have made some damn sense if they stuck with the scripts. Instead, the producers were like what if the handyman was the killer in Basic Instinct?

I actually had people pissed off at me when Titanic came out and I said I was not going to see it because I already knew the boat sinks and would not expect a happy ending. I like happy endings.

I tend not to like sequels very much.

That was the best part about 300. The happy ending was that they all died.

I blame the concept we call "WWAFGD?". We used to form focus groups and ask them for opinions, and of course the groups were carefully crafted to include every character on the plane in Airport 70. If one person in the room objects, the idea is slated - and when there's always a kid, a nun and a Hari Krishna in the room, you mostly get left with stuff like Titanic.

Now, we don't use focus groups. We use the idea of "what would a focus group do?", and just imagine the outraged nun, confused child and vaguely-happy monk. The WWAFGD system gives us a series of Universal Truths we can apply to anything, from a movie to a coffee flavor:-

1) Everything must be happy all the time. If it's not happy for a brief moment, it must double in happiness at the end to compensate.
2) Kittens always satisfy point 1.
3) The plot, original book, historical record, actors and audience are fools compared to WWAFGD. They shall be ignored unless they agree.
4) Point 4 shall apply, en masse, to the Irish.
5) Heroes can only die if they do so saving their child, or a kitten, or both. Saving the world is laudable but not happy enough to satisfy point 1.
6) Race, religion, politics, sexuality, veganism and the end of the world as we know it are Serious Subjects and not to be made fun of in any way except where sales figures are at stake.
7) Point 6 shall not apply to the Irish.

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Originally Posted by Rockwulf

Last week I saw a film. As I recall it was a horror film.

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and i jizzed in my pants....

it was really your fault... you touched my...

*This post contains spoilers. My apologies to any who haven't seen it.*

I recently picked up this movie, and from what I understand, she didn't make it out of the caves; the last scene is one of her hallucinating about her dead daughter while the ghoulies hone in on her.

There -was- a part where she dreamed that she made it out, but in the version I saw, it was just a dream...not reality.

I haven't seen any sequals to it available, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were.

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Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

*This post contains spoilers. My apologies to any who haven't seen it.*

I recently picked up this movie, and from what I understand, she didn't make it out of the caves; the last scene is one of her hallucinating about her dead daughter while the ghoulies hone in on her.

There -was- a part where she dreamed that she made it out, but in the version I saw, it was just a dream...not reality.

I haven't seen any sequals to it available, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were.

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Maybe the producers of the sequel did not grasp the subtle nuances of hallucination.

I looked it up on IMDB. There's a listing for the American version of "The Descent", and a listing for the British-made sequal to be released in May of 2009. I couldn't find a listing for a third "Descent", either in Britain or America. [I'm in the States, so that's probably why the sequal went under my radar. ;) ]

Tam - you saw the UK version (also shipped on the DVD). In the Lions Gate version shown in US theaters, the whole hallucination reveal was cut off. LG saw the rushes and wet themselves, so WWAFGD ruled it was happier to end with her driving off to safety.

For trivia fans, one candle was CGIed off the birthday cake in protest.


There isn't an IMDB for Descent 3 (or "The Desc3nt"... *spits*) as it's still in contract. IMDB doesn't list until pre-production.