Would you give someone $ if they demanded it to stay your friend?

There are situations which come up with friends where money can be involved. There is the obvious where doing business with friends brings money into the relationship equation. On a less obvious note, sometimes a friend will need a loan. Sometimes it is just nice to buy a friend a gift to cheer them up.

But what do you do if someone demands that you buy them gifts or give them a loan or give them an unearned business benefit . . . or they won't like you any more and will stop being your friend?

I have given friends gifts, loans, and business advantages when they could not or at least did not reciprocate in kind and was fine with it. I've also had friends give me gifts, loans, and business advantages when I was not in a position to reciprocate in kind. I think it is appropriate to appreciate kindnesses of all sorts, but I am kinda not down with people requiring $$$ for friendship.

Would you require or have you ever required $$$ to stay someone's friend?

Would you ever give or have you ever given someone $$$ to stay your friend?

That would be a very definite no.
I don't need or want friends I would have to pay for. Generosity should be spontaneous not solicited.

they get the finger.

i have bailed out friends. but their friends and not leeches

No. I don't expect that anyone would answer 'yes' here though; the temptation of such things, for those in whom it exists, survives through subtlety, obscurity and privacy that this thread and question do not offer.

But no, the idea is quite absurd to me. I view friendships and romances not as something that 'exists' and that you 'have', but rather as the description of a series of spontaneous events that summarise my relationship with someone so far. It is not something that should require effort or compromise merely to be sustained; thus would be beating its purpose. It is desirable only because - and when - it is desired.

This ideal applies not only to material demands, but to those of any kind; to 'It's them or me!' choices beteen dramatic associates, or to the fetters of monogamy when it comes to lovers. I will live my life as I will; if that interests you, associate with me; if it doesn't, don't - but the threat of stopping is meaningless to me, because the conditions for it preclude anything existing that would be a loss. You may influence my behaviour through stimulation, but never through regulation.

No true friend of mine would ever demand money, much less anything else. If my friendship isn't enough payment for theirs, then we need to part ways.

no and fuck no. I'd drop that person real fast if they pulled that shit on me. I will help out certain friends, but never because its required for friendship. that's not a friend. that's bullshit.

What if friend is in need and he knows you can help him.
But you still know that your help will not solve anything. Only give a temporally relief.

Then he's mad/disappointed in you because you didn't help when you could. Main reason he's mad is because you've helped him before but not anymore, because you realized that it doesn't help him in long term.

Basically you're called an ass because you helped him before but not anymore, if you didn't helped him the first time he would definitely have more respect for you than he has now.


Even if you respect that friend and do want to hang out with him, is it ok to be mad at him for calling you an ass, or should you be mad at yourself for helping him out the first time?

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Originally Posted by OliX

What if friend is in need and he knows you can help him.
But you still know that your help will not solve anything. Only give a temporally relief.

Then he's mad/disappointed in you because you didn't help when you could. Main reason he's mad is because you've helped him before but not anymore, because you realized that it doesn't help him in long term.

Basically you're called an ass because you helped him before but not anymore, if you didn't helped him the first time he would definitely have more respect for you than he has now.


Even if you respect that friend and do want to hang out with him, is it ok to be mad at him for calling you an ass, or should you be mad at yourself for helping him out the first time?

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I think it is not always obvious when someone is going to be a black hole for such things. Some people seem to think that if you give them something freely once of your own volition, then somehow you owe them freebies for the rest of your relationship. Based on their behavior (e.g. your example of the person who doesn't really make use of your help for the long-term, only a bandaid), you might not feel like giving whatever you gave once again. It is like the kind of people where, if you buy them dinner once, they think you owe them free food whenever they would like it. Some people just appreciate the times you could help or did treat them and don't develop expectations based on that.

they say if you loan someone $20 and never see them again that was money well spent

Anyone who would even consider demanding money in return for their friendship isn't a friend in the first place. I had a "friend" try to pull stuff like that, that was when I was in elemtry school, and not about money, but the childish, "If you're my friend you'll give me your (insert whatever it is they want from you)."

I learned my lesson unfortunately. It hurts when you are able and willing to help a friend in need, but still know that in a long run it will end up as explained above.

Is there a way to do both? Help them and not develop an addiction of some sort.

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Originally Posted by OliX

I learned my lesson unfortunately. It hurts when you are able and willing to help a friend in need, but still know that in a long run it will end up as explained above.

Is there a way to do both? Help them and not develop an addiction of some sort.

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If there is something you can do when you are the one helping, I don't know what it is. Some people are going to be cool and some people are going to get all entitled. No idea how one can always accurately predict which way it will go.

Hahahahaha! Two words..."Fuck them!"

I'd take them to the bar, buy them a beer, then break the bottle over his head. Wait, I already did that one.

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Originally Posted by nathanmbailey

I'd take them to the bar, buy them a beer, then break the bottle over his head. Wait, I already did that one.

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:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

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Originally Posted by Amelia G

If there is something you can do when you are the one helping, I don't know what it is. Some people are going to be cool and some people are going to get all entitled. No idea how one can always accurately predict which way it will go.

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It might be a good way to "test" the friendship and see if the person in question is a real friend or just somebody exploiting your goodness.

This sounds wrong but it might help certain people who can't easily distinguish friends from foes.

Nope, but I'd make sure that they'll be shredded to pieces, burned then buried so they'll never be found again.

If they demand money that much then that must mean they're up to no good and who know what they may do to you to get money in end. I've had a roommate who did something fucked up and one night bunches of guy break into our place to jump him. It wasnt pretty, but at least I slept through it.

hmmmmmmm if someone claime dto by my friend and demanded me to give them money.........aha! i know what i would do! tell em to get naked and earn it or fuck off cus frankly i love giving people gifts and buying people things butt he minute that it's demanded is the minute they no longer respect you for nothing mroe than your purse/wallet whatever and frankly, if i aint gonna get some puss or dic out of the deal then what's the point?

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Originally Posted by bohoki

they say if you loan someone $20 and never see them again that was money well spent

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If you could tell me where 'they' live, I've got some loan requests to write...

Are you kidding? Hell no.
I'm very generous with my friends, as they are with me. If someone need cash and I had enough to spare I would in a heartbeat but demanding? FUCK THAT.

I'm very generous with money. I'll always pick up a tab etc based on personal friendship or courtesy for gigs etc. Same with guest lists etc.

If someone said that, I'd feel used frankly. Fuck that.

OEC

No. That's not a friend, that's an Agent.

If a friend of mine needed to be bailed out, hell I've offered friends bailouts that weren't loans. It's a "hey look, you need $100, I have $100, here." kinda thing. It's often turned down by my very good friends, but the offer is made and they know that if it gets desperate, the offer still stands, unconditional.

Friends have bought me meals, spotted me cash till my checks were cleared, etc. But I'm the kind of person that always feels the need to pay it back, or forward. Which is all I expect from the people I give a hand to.

An agent is the only person ever who will demand payment in order to continue "being on your side". Which is why I'm self managed.

~K

Absolutely not. I have been helped by and have helped my friends financially when one or the other of us was broke and needed a hand, but it's never been an expectation on either part, and I don't think it should be.

No to both questions. Thats absurd and I would just walk away from the friendship.