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Would you immediately leave someone who hit you or kicked you or otherwise struck you once? Would there need to be a pattern of that sort of thing for you to leave? Or do you feel like a bit of fighting, either physical or verbal, can be an acceptable part of a relationship?
Verbal...Please...Who doesn't every now and then? Physical? Doesn't matter if it's her doing the hitting or me...Time to call it and move on. It's never gonna be a "just a one time" thing. Either someone's pressing someone's buttons or someone just has a physical mean streak...Doesn't matter...End it and move on.
I don't think that it's acceptable to hit people... but then that doesn't mean that people don't sometimes deserve to get hit and that I'd feel bad for them if they did. It depends on the circumstances.
As far as abusers go it's obvious that men take the cake, no contest, but for "casual" physical assault it's kind of a double standard. By that I mean I think it's generally accepted for a woman to slap a man because he's being an asshole, but if a guy shoves a woman most people are going to want to see him castrated. That's not fair.
So I guess what I'm saying is it's not so much that you got pissed off at each other and reacted that is an unforgivable sin, because that happens... but the fact that that happened between two people that are supposed to be in a relationship means that you probably should call it quits because that shouldn't happen to people that really care about each other, or can be expected to live together or have an intimate relationship.
As Ajax said, you shouldn't be in a situation where you are "pushing each others buttons" if you expect to have a lasting relationship.
Is it hitting like "Hey leave me alone *push*" or hitting like "GOODMORNING *SMASHES A CHAIR INTO YOUR FACE*".
If they hit me once or so I guess it'd give them a chance still.
I don't think physical violence is acceptable in a relationship (unless it's some kind of consensual sex thing). You should leave someone right away once they hit you, regardless of what gender we are talking about, but in reality it's not always that easy.
I would also be worried if I was with someone who felt the need to be mean while arguing. Verbal arguments happen but if one person feels the need to say mean, spiteful things then there is also something wrong.
My last boyfriend shoved me pretty hard once. I chucked a bong at his head. One chance is all you get. I watched my father beat up my mother when I was young. NOT COOL! I won't tolerate that kinda shit.
I kind of have an "everybody gets one" policy because I'm generally pretty forgiving but I'd have to leave her after the first one because I know if she did it again I'd punch her through a wall.
I'd understand the yelling. Yelling, arguments, etc are apart of every relationship. But when physical harm starts, or happens, then the relationship must end.
Me and my bf have been together for 3 1/2 years.
And we both have gotten physical with one another.
We never went as far as to hurt each other(draw blood-broken bones), it was just acting out how we felt.
He has never decked me in the face.
But we have both held each other till submission and boy was it fun getting to that point.
I love him and i know he loves me.
We get over these things.
I guess if i was with some other guy and he just up and punched me it would be over quick.
But with him, we both constantly walk over that line with each other.
I've only had one guy who ever hit me (I then proceeded to smash his head through a wall lol). Needless to say, I left that night and haven't talked to him since.
I don't tolerate unwanted physical violence. I walk away when I start to get to that point for a reason, so it should never get to that point.
i think it would just depend on the situation and who started it and why...
Quote:
Originally Posted by ROGIZOID
I have a similar story..the neighbors called the cops on our fight, and after the cops left giving us a warning....we had amazing make-up sex... this was years ago!!!
[QUOTE=it's generally accepted for a woman to slap a man because he's being an asshole, but if a guy shoves a woman most people are going to want to see him castrated. That's not fair.
.[/QUOTE]
i agree, it's not fair women do often get the upperhand here...
If it was done out of anger or some similar angsty, negative motivation then for the moment, maybe. I'm not opposed to taking lovers that don't conform to the 'single perfect be-with-you-at-all-times' relationship model and I don't think it'd have to rule out all future intimacy, though.
Depends whether it suited their image, too. I'll take a drunk punch from a hot tough punk chick, but the same thing from a gothy prettyboy might immediately spoil his flavour with the macho-ness of it.
I would leave. I might resume relations if a)it happened only once in a fit of rage or substance abuse, and b)the partner in question went to counseling and sincerely changed their ways, but I wouldn't stick around while that was happening- and I think it is unlikely for option b to happen. Statistically, most abusers do not ever stop abusing. And most women who are killed are killed by a romantic partner. So yes, I would leave. All it would take was one hit.
I am actually struggling with watching my sister stay with an abusive BF. In early July he attacked her and choked her viciously, he left bruises that were visible days later. He was already behaving in a controlling manner- he has abuse warning signs all over him- but I was letting her handle it because I figured she would leave eventually. The choking, though, is scary and dangerous and a few days later she left... and went back to him a week later. The worst thing is that she has a baby with this dude. So now my niece will probably grow up thinking that an abusive relationship is how things should be... unless her mother is killed by this guy, in which case I will do all I can to keep him away from my niece.
I have a unique perspective on this, in that my father was a violent abuser, and police believe that he killed his 4th wife. They had a violent relationship and she kept going back to him. She disappeared almost 20 years ago now.
(Of course, to me this doesn't apply in the case of consensual BDSM play. I've been consensually and pleasurably struck many times, it's entirely different from physical abuse.)
Also, I think it used to be acceptable for a woman to hit a man, but it's really not anymore.
Shouting and getting angry with eachother is just normal emotions that sometimes need to get off your chest. But if it was verbal abuse, negative words toward me constantly, then I would leave. Psychical abuse is not something I would tolerate either. It one thing to play fight hit eachother and another to take out your rage on another person, just not acceptable.
I tend to agree with everyone who's said that the minute the (non-sexual) abuse begins, the relationship needs to end.
I don't get angry during arguments. I don't hit, I don't resort to name-calling; I'll rarely even raise my voice, because I'm never out-of-control during any confrontation. Unfortunately, I often forget how much my calm-and-collected attitude pisses off people who aren't themselves capable of such meditative passification. When the other person starts getting belligerent, that tells me just what I already know: that I'm in control of the discussion! When the other person goes the extra step of calling me names or insulting me, I begin to get the idea that I'm dealing with someone beneath my communication level, whereupon I'll start prepping myself for the inevitable violent response. (It's only natural; if they can't beat me mentally, they must be able to beat me physically, right? Heh...)
I've only once before ever been struck in anger by a significant other though, mostly because I pride myself on being able to temper-gauge people before I start dating them. It didn't terminate the relationship at the time because, like Rockwulf, I had a stubborn "Everybody Gets One" policy, but it's a policy with which I've since done away.
Friends (girl or other), you are my friends because you've so far fooled me into thinking you might just be my peers, but if you can't communicate on or above my maturity level (if there is such a thing as the latter), then you might as well just lash out at me, because it's the most effective way to make absolutely certain you'll never see me again.
i've had a very long very abusive relationship in the past, if Bryan hit me, he would be gone, instantly