If it weren't true, it would have been funny: "Darwin's Awards"

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If it weren't true, it would have been funny: "Darwin's Awards". I'm not sure that this is the name of the book, but it's my direct translation of the serbian translation. Knowing the nature of the interpreters around here, it's original name could range drastically and invade new dimensions :-)

To get to the point, it's a collection of the dumbest, true story suicides (INTENTIONAL OR ACCIDENTAL), and it has inspired me to start this thread. I haven't read it (and have no intentions to), but I've heard a couple of extracts from it. Here are a few samples:

A cop sleeping on duty. His gun is on the desk next to the phone. The phone rings. He pickes up his gun (needless to say, points it to his ear, as if it were a handset), says "Hello?", pulls the trigger, and re-paints the wall behind his desk to red.

Another one would be, the guy who was 'making sweet love' to his vacuum cleaner, which was sucking too hard. His sack skin got ripped and the balls nearly fell out of place. But then he came up with a "brilliant idea". He took a stapler and stapled the skin where it was torn. Of course, he thought that he didn't need to see a doctor about it, and died of infections.

This is the most elaborate one i've heard. A couple is making out in the woods. Out of the bright sky, a storm started raging, and a thunder bolt struck the genitally connected couple. The guy's cock got melted inside her vagina and the two, now creamy entities have merged. Naturally, both of them passed out. When the guy woke up, he saw the armless and headless torso of his half-eaten girlfriend still lying on him, and impossible to detatch (remember the genetals?). He looked away to throw up, but then saw a grisley bear and got the idea of where the rest of her is (no, i am not making this up). Then he passed out again. The next time he woke up, he managed to stay calm enough not to faint again, and immediately ran off (carrying her left overs the whole time) to the road to wait for help. Blah, blah, blah... it gets even more elaborate from here and I have to say that I'm glad I can't remember the rest.

Oh yeah, there was this other guy, who thought that if he swallowed a whole box of nitro-glycerine and ran into a wall (head first) could explode, and make a spectacular suicide. He prooved himself wrong and died of severe cranial fractures.

Terrible. Too Tom&Jerry-with-a-morbid-overtone-like to be true. The scary thing is: it is.

Not a book you want to read for a good-night's sleep.


CAN YOU THINK OF DUMBER WAYS/REASONS THAT PEOPLE HAVE DIED (FOR)?


*btw, sorry for the long intro...

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Originally Posted by Goat on Fire

This is the most elaborate one i've heard. A couple is making out in the woods. Out of the bright sky, a storm started raging, and a thunder bolt struck the genitally connected couple. The guy's cock got melted inside her vagina and the two, now creamy entities have merged. Naturally, both of them passed out. When the guy woke up, he saw the armless and headless torso of his half-eaten girlfriend still lying on him, and impossible to detatch (remember the genetals?). He looked away to throw up, but then saw a grisley bear and got the idea of where the rest of her is (no, i am not making this up). Then he passed out again. The next time he woke up, he managed to stay calm enough not to faint again, and immediately ran off (carrying her left overs the whole time) to the road to wait for help. Blah, blah, blah... it gets even more elaborate from here and I have to say that I'm glad I can't remember the rest.

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Heh, that one's great, sounds really Clive Barker :D

Would be great if you could tell me the actual name of the book, as a faithful reader of the Psychopathia Sexualis, I'd like to get a copy of that one ,)

no you got it right, it's been out for a while they aslo have a webpage. The books come out yearly I believe. My favourite was the guy who broke into an fast food joint in the US and got cuaght over the grill and basiclay roasted alive they also have sextion called Wivestales...and suburban rumors these are stories that aren't true but if yer gullibel enough you might believe them.

Never seen the book. Just listened to stories of it, from random people, and was too entertained to even consider thinking if it's true. If I've read it, I would'ave gotten the ''mockamentary'' idea.

Naturally, I presumed that some of the cases in the book were of people that had, like IQ sub 80.

no it's true there are stupid people out there even smart people do stupid things.

the darwin awards books are available in the comedy section of almost all major bookstores i have three of them and some of them are funny as hell

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Originally Posted by postcoital

Would be great if you could tell me the actual name of the book, as a faithful reader of the Psychopathia Sexualis, I'd like to get a copy of that one ,)

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Do a web search under Darwin Awards and you'll find plenty of references and links.