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If you got a girl pregnant, would you offer to pay for her abortion? What would be the factors? Would you wait until she told you that was what she wanted to do or would you suggest it? Would you pay for it if it was her choice, even if you were opposed to abortion or wanted the baby? Do you think the girl should pay half?
I've never been in that situation. But if we both wanted the abortion, I'd at least help if not pay the whole thing.
if it's a mutual decision then yea of course,but only if it was a 50-50 decision......
i think id keep the baby even if she didint want it
Great question.Quote:
Originally Posted by incog
I would first try to convince her not to have an abortion. I would be willing to finance all her expenses even if she did not want the child herself. I would pay for any crisis pregnancy counseling or other services that might be of benefit.
If she still wanted an abortion, I would find ways to help her financially without *directly* financing the actual abortion. It would be my responsibility as one who impregnated another who did not believe we could properly raise a child. It would be a most unfortunate situation, but one I would ultimately have to live with.
OEC
Just my .02.
Id sit down and have a talk and see where she is as far as the baby. Id try to adoption route first if shes up for it. If its a mutual decision to abort, Id say you each pay half to get it done;]
it's her body her choice but if she cose that rout I would pat half. The same with adaption I would pay half for legal fees to amke sure all was doen properly and legally there have been a few adoptions gone wrong and the maternal mother ahs wanted the child back....it can be traumatizing f\going from one place to another at a young age....
I would be there for whatever desicious she makes, it's her body it isn't about what I want. I sort have been in the situation before, not completelty, but close enough that I can understand both standpoints.
I'd say half, however in Canada abortions are free.
If it was mine and she wanted it well no problem , of course in Canada they are free
probably of course i dont really believe abortion is good unless its medically nessecary but yeah id pay for half if i could afford it even if i didnt wholly agree it is after all her choice and parially my fault
hehehe i just got back from tearing down 'pro life' posters from my universities notice board.......some people just don't deserve freedom of speech.
If it had to be done I would think half the costs and a ride to and from the clinic wouldnt be too much to ask/expect..
ok ive been in this situation.....
she got preg. and her friend called me up and told me when i asked to speak to my darling i was told to fuck off... then i was told to get 360 when it could have been free at any clinic cause shes under 18 as was i at the time... so i pawned my possestions for her... and couldnt even talk to my darling... i then had to barrow 300 from my mother because everything i pawned (some of which didnt belong to me) only came up to $60 and threw it all I WOULD HAVE KEPT THE FUCKING KID i feel as if he/she was stolen from me and she didnt and doesnt care... and now 2 years after the relationship shes getting married this summer... i loved her and love who she was when i knew her but who she is now is just the same as anyone walking past me on the street... its sad that i love my unborn and dead child but cant do anything about it but move on so i am and have...
oh and i did it because i repect a womens wishes so much enough to do it even if i disagree with everything about it... fucking morals
Thanks for sharing that, man. That covers a lot of ground we all have to consider. Financially, I would give more than the cost of the abortion without literally covering the costs of the abortion itself . Obviously, that may not be feasible tho. Sorry you had such a rough go with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Smudge Doll
OEC
i have twice with 2 different girls and ide do it again in a heartbeat...
when i had mine, the guy REFUSED to pay for any of it because he wanted to keep it or give it away. i knew he was unfit to keep it being 18 with no job, no car and no ambition and i didnt want it. i didnt want to be stuck with that guy for the rest of my life (who was my X at the time i found out i was with child) and i didnt want to be a mother. i didnt want to give up my 20s, i always wanted to wait till way late to have kids. and on top of that,with my chronic drug use (which included everything under the sun) before i knew i was preggers, i was afraid the kid would be fucked up so i decided to do it on my own. luckily my mom paid for it and took me (i was only 16) but i know a lot of people's parents wouldnt have been quite so supportive of the situation. she wasnt quite so supportive of my keeping the "baby" in a jar. the people at the clinic thought i was insane but it came from my body so it was mine. unfortunately the jar was broken soon there after in a move.
Weve been through this pretty heated in the past. For those it applies to...
If you dont want to give up your life and take on the responsibility of a child, use protection or get on BC. Abortion should NOT be a means of BC, its just a quick way out. Why not prevent it all from the get go and take responsibility to try all means to protect against it? Abortions can ruin women from having children later in life with all the scar tissue or cause difficulties if you do get pregnant. Im by no means pro-life. Im pro-choice, but that includes being responsible.
And I'm sure you thought you were awesome for doing that, didn't you?Quote:
Originally Posted by 23*
why pay when a quick punch to the gut and a douche will take care of it
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Originally Posted by funkatron
nah, it was just an opportunity taken as i strolled by.....but i am awesome for a ton of other reasons... :pbbt:
What if you get pregnant while ON birth control? Which is what happened in my case. It actually is more common than people think.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jax
If people would take sex more seriously, this type of thing might occur less often. I am all into being carnal/primal but responsiblility is the first order of business. Responsibility for my own body and not assuming the person I am sleeping with is going to take care of the contraceptive aspect. Or that they are particularly going to give a fuck about me when the act is over, I never assume. If you have a good relationship and or rapport with the person you are fucking, when something like this happens, you can talk like two human beings. I am a bit off course with my answer but I think preventing this would be worth the effort. If you did get a girl pregnant and she does want a baby, you don't have much say of anything, so, be prepared. I never understood how guys can just get a girl pregnant and act like it's her problem and not their's. I think you should each go half, and at least be by the person's side if you are going to do something like that. I am anti-abortion for myself, I don't judge people for doing it, it's solely up to the individual. I just couldn't live with myself. Anyone that I ever knew who had an abortion , later went on to deeply regret their decisions. The one person who didn't regret it used abortions as a form of birth control.
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Originally Posted by Mirren
i agree but in my case she didnt go half way or talk to me about it even, i would have been by her side even with her not going half way had i could have, but she seemed to blame me, and still to this day i dont see her taking much responsibity for problems that revolve in her life involving her...
It's interesting being here in Canada and never having to think about the fact that you have to pay for these sorts of things in the States. I can see how the money involved would make the decision that much more difficult down there. It's not just about whether or not to keep the baby, it's about being able to come up with the money for an abortion. Of course, even if adoption is involved, you would still have to pay for maternity clothes, extra food and medical visits.
Even though I'm a woman, and should be all man-bashing or whatever, I think that the woman should pay half without question. She was an equal part in everything (unless it was ****, but that's another thread altogether)..she knew the consequences of sex....The woman is just as responsible, if not more so, than the man.
I've never had an abortion myself, but I've taken friends to get it done and that seems like a seriously unpleasant procedure. I find it very hard to believe that any woman would find regular abortions preferable to using a condom or going on the pill or even learning the rhythm method. I think the people who are either very young and precocious yet uninformed or in abusive relationships such that they end up using abortions as birth control are in the serious minority.
As I understand it, going the adoption route tends to be pretty heartbreaking. All of the power of the drive for human survival on earth is bound up with hormonally and otherwise bonding a mother to her baby. Taking an actual baby from someone after they have grown it in their own body for nine months is an extremely wrenching thing to do. To the best of my knowledge, I've never met someone who went the adoption route and was happy about it.
I haven't known very many people who got abortions and I don't think I've ever known someone who got more than one, but, as far as I know, 100% of them are right with the decision they made.
Oh yeah, to return to the actual thread topic . . . I think the woman and the man should generally go half and half on the cost if abortion is the way they decide to go and the guy should take her to get it done if she wants him to be there for her. I think the man and the woman should talk about it and I kind of think they should each volunteer their feelings on the subject. I sort of feel like the guy should pay half the cost even if he would prefer she not get the abortion, although I know that is kind of rough. Of course, I think they should share expenses and responsibilities if they decide to have a baby.
It gets kind of sticky though, if the woman wants a baby and the guy is totally willing to pay for half an abortion. I don't think a woman should ever be forced to get an abortion. I believe in her body, her choice. But I also don't think a guy should have to pay child support for the rest of his life to someone he doesn't love because a condom broke.
Agree. Back in the USSR, birth control was hard to come by. Millions of women every year had abortions as a form of birth control. Many were damaged to the point that they could never have children. It also dehumanizes women, men and a society as a whole when abortion is the only means of birth control.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jax
OEC
My girlfriend paid for her roomates abortion with money I gave her for child support. that pissed me off...
az
Not an answer to the question at all, but how freaking hard is it to NOT have a kid? I've listened to friends and even my g/f talk about how their kids were "accidental" and 90% of the time, I just don't buy it. A guy knows when he is going to come. If he doesn't stop himself, then he must have subconsciously wanted her to get pregnant. Most women (grown women, not talking about teenage girls) know their cycle. Unless chemicals (drugs, alcohol, general unhealthy living) interfere, a woman's body will tell her the exact time that she can become pregnant. Our instinct tells us to fulfill the evolutionary ambition to procreate; our reason and humanity may tell us we are not ready. To which do we cling more tightly?
Pulling out is often not effective in preventing pregnancy as there is sperm in pre-ejeculate secretions.
Condoms can break.
The pill can fail. (When the pill fails, the offspring will almost certainly have birth defects.)
Diaphragms can leak.
A lot of women do not have regular enough cycles to effectively use the rhythm method. They do not know exactly when they can get pregnant. If it were that precise, a lot of people would skip birth control through most of the month, which would be a bad idea and a good way to risk getting pregnant.
Most people, no matter how hyper-careful they are, may not be perfect 100% of the time. If someone took the pill at 3pm instead of 6pm on too many days during a cycle, I'm not sure that indicates a conflict between the desire to procreate and the inability to care for a child.
Abortions are horrible and should be avoided, but I really think most people try pretty hard to avoid them. Does anyone here know anyone who has had more than one abortion? I suppose, in tinstar's example, that if someone has more than one supposedly accidental child, then perhaps they just want kids, even if they lack the means to support them.
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Originally Posted by AmeliaG
I know of some girls that had more than one abortion. Naturally, I did not have sexual relations with these women, Monica Lewinskys all, and I never let them inhale.:1orglaugh :thumb:Honestly tho, I just don't think it is that difficult not to procreate if you take certain precautions. Thankfully, I've never been in that situation. I did, however, take his glass of champagne:eeek:Quote:
Originally Posted by AmeliaG
OEC
Quote:
Originally Posted by OneEyedCat
I agree. Most of the time taking precautions works. That is why it makes sense to take precautions. That is why most people do take precautions.
I've taken a friend to get an abortion and I've paid for a friend to get an abortion (actually kind of a funny story about one time I paid for someone's abortion. I should find where I wrote about it at the time.) I won't say 100% of the people I know who have gotten abortions were taking every precaution, but most were using birth control and it simply failed.
There is no such thing as 100% effective birth control. Working most of the time and working all of the time are not the same. And, as my dad is fond of saying, if you are in the 7% that the bad thing happens to, then for you it is 100% bad and not 93% good.
There will always be some instances where it doesn't work. I just start questioning people when I see them have 2-3+ abortions and end up with a myriad of physical/emotional problems.Quote:
Originally Posted by AmeliaG
OEC
One abortion could mess someone up both physically and emotionally. I've just never met anyone who used abortion as birth control instead of condoms or the pill or whatever.Quote:
Originally Posted by OneEyedCat
Then again, because of my life choices, I probably know a higher proportion than average of women who know and accept the idea that they will be sexually active. I realize there are women who like to think they have no intention of having sex, so they feel making preparations to do so safely would be wrong.
Although it is not my view, I honestly totally understand why someone could be totally opposed to abortion. I just think it is only reasonable to acknowledge that not all pregnancy results from planning or negligence.
Do you think, ultimately, that abortion is often a way for a guy to duck responsibility tho? I hear of way more instances of guys demanding an abortion then women actually wanting one. I've never been a prude until very recently:1orglaugh so I know plenty of sexually active women. I can impregnate 10 women and drop a few c-notes and forget about it. They have to live with it (not that I'd do that personally)Quote:
Originally Posted by AmeliaG
OEC
well, out of curiousity i went to a few pro life (I hate that term) meetings a few years back & was very surprised to see that between 50 - 70% of the speakers and listeners there were male. But since then I've heard that this is the norm. I dunno...it just didn't sit right with me.....i know we should have a say, but it seems that it really is the womens choice.
I would also agree with what Amelia says about women who have had the proceedure, i have never seen one who took it less than seriously and all have treated the whole situation respectfully.
Certainly, if we accept the notion that men should be providers while women are raising children, then a man encouraging a woman to have an abortion is evading responsibility. Then again, I'm kind of horrified by the notion that a guy could be held responsible for the welfare of a woman he didn't love and a child he didn't want forever or at least until the kid is eighteen. I've had the kind of sex that could involve pregnancy with fewer partners than pretty much any of my friends and I don't think I've been so selective that I wouldn't have strongly objected to a life bond with some of my partners. I assume this is at least as much the case for guys. Just because they want to have sex with someone does not mean they want to have that woman's phone number for the next 19 years.Quote:
Originally Posted by OneEyedCat
That's true. I don't think most guys should be parents until at least 40, anyways:1orglaugh I've just seen instances where they use it as a cop-out. I don't necessarily think men should be providers.Quote:
Originally Posted by AmeliaG
OEC