Public Life vs. Private Life Online

I think the internet makes the conflict between the public and the private really frustrating for a much larger segment of the population than ever had to be concerned about it before. I mean, there used to be personal things about me that someone I hung out with at a nightclub would know, but someone who read BLT or Blue Blood in print probably would not. I liked to keep a few things to tell people who "really" knew me. These days, there are people I know mostly online who I feel closer to than many people I interact with in person. But there are personal things I feel like I can't tell anyone in person or online because, with the speed and connectivity of the internet, telling one person something intimate is a lot like sending an email blast to the world.

Used to be you could tell a friend you are annoyed by a coworker without the whole planet knowing. Used to be you could tell a friend you were in love without total strangers coming up to you to explain your psyche to you. You get the idea.

Does the spectre of internet gossip make you more private than you would otherwise be? Does it make you nervous even if it doesn't change your behavior? Does it make you have to deal with some of the same problems that used to be reserved for people like Madonna or David Bowie?

I thin kthat makes alot of sense, but only to the extent that we let it. Its all about what we let others know, in a sense.

i finally learned that in order to be a part of any internet world, everyone will find out anything they want about you. Now Im just open, I dont care who knows what. I share my nude photos with my parents, and they think they are awesome. I dont even have a close friend that I can share anything with, so maybe Im in the minority in the fact that anything private stays with me. It sucks, and I feel lonely alot, but nowadays, who can you trust? Like I share alot with Mace, but I dont have any girlfriends or otherwise to make a day with me and just talk about things. Crap, I got off subject.

I forgot where I was going with this. Lol.

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Originally Posted by Jax

i finally learned that in order to be a part of any internet world, everyone will find out anything they want about you. Now Im just open, I dont care who knows what. I share my nude photos with my parents, and they think they are awesome. I dont even have a close friend that I can share anything with, so maybe Im in the minority in the fact that anything private stays with me. It sucks, and I feel lonely alot, but nowadays, who can you trust? Like I share alot with Mace, but I dont have any girlfriends or otherwise to make a day with me and just talk about things. Crap, I got off subject.

I forgot where I was going with this. Lol.

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You could share stuff with Me if you like and trust Me if you want. :) **

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Originally Posted by BrightStar

You could share stuff with Me if you like and trust Me if you want. :) **

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Oh trust me, people say that all the time. I just lost a best friend of 4 years over business, I posted about it in my LJ, and I thought I could tell her anything. COme to find out that sadly wasnt the case;[ Shes the only best friend I *thought* I ever had, and it just takes some time to come back outta my shell after hearing things.

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Originally Posted by Jax

Oh trust me, people say that all the time. I just lost a best friend of 4 years over business, I posted about it in my LJ, and I thought I could tell her anything. COme to find out that sadly wasnt the case;[ Shes the only best friend I *thought* I ever had, and it just takes some time to come back outta my shell after hearing things.

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Well, In My case it is so, and if you want to trust Me you can, and I hope you will, but I wouldn't force you to or push you. :) **

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Originally Posted by Jax

i finally learned that in order to be a part of any internet world, everyone will find out anything they want about you. Now Im just open, I dont care who knows what. I share my nude photos with my parents, and they think they are awesome. I dont even have a close friend that I can share anything with, so maybe Im in the minority in the fact that anything private stays with me. It sucks, and I feel lonely alot, but nowadays, who can you trust? Like I share alot with Mace, but I dont have any girlfriends or otherwise to make a day with me and just talk about things. Crap, I got off subject.

I forgot where I was going with this. Lol.

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You weren't rambling. That is exactly what I was talking about, completely on topic. I feel like there used to be a real spectrum from totally private to totally public, but now it is sort of binary. Either I have to be cool with just about everyone knowing or I have to bottle it up. So there with you on this.

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Originally Posted by AmeliaG

You weren't rambling. That is exactly what I was talking about, completely on topic. I feel like there used to be a real spectrum from totally private to totally public, but now it is sort of binary. Either I have to be cool with just about everyone knowing or I have to bottle it up. So there with you on this.

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Exactly. Im actually more open online with silly stuff, and youve met me in person. Im usually very shy and reserved, so Im not sure why Im ok with being more open on the net than in person. I hate bottling stuff up, its not good for anyone.

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Originally Posted by Jax

Exactly. Im actually more open online with silly stuff, and youve met me in person. Im usually very shy and reserved, so Im not sure why Im ok with being more open on the net than in person. I hate bottling stuff up, its not good for anyone.

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I think a lot of us here are pretty shy and reserved in person. I know I am.

I just am honest and a lot of people hate me for it, but I think it makes you much more of an asshole to not like somone and talk shit behind there back and act like you're thier freind to thier face, then it is to tell someone why you dislike them and it's just your cowardice because you value social comformity over personal intrest in that you allow someone that does something that you dislike to keep doing it to you. I am comfortable enough with msyelf that I am not ashamed of anything that I've done, and I know that any things i've done in the past out of ignorance or stupidity don't rfelct on who I am right now, so No, I don't have any secrets from anyone.

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Originally Posted by AmeliaG

I think the internet makes the conflict between the public and the private really frustrating for a much larger segment of the population than ever had to be concerned about it before. I mean, there used to be personal things about me that someone I hung out with at a nightclub would know, but someone who read BLT or Blue Blood in print probably would not. I liked to keep a few things to tell people who "really" knew me. These days, there are people I know mostly online who I feel closer to than many people I interact with in person. But there are personal things I feel like I can't tell anyone in person or online because, with the speed and connectivity of the internet, telling one person something intimate is a lot like sending an email blast to the world.

Used to be you could tell a friend you are annoyed by a coworker without the whole planet knowing. Used to be you could tell a friend you were in love without total strangers coming up to you to explain your psyche to you. You get the idea.

Does the spectre of internet gossip make you more private than you would otherwise be? Does it make you nervous even if it doesn't change your behavior? Does it make you have to deal with some of the same problems that used to be reserved for people like Madonna or David Bowie?

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It's amusing in many ways. I've seen so much utter bullshit said about me that it forced me to develop a thicker skin. This will only help me in some of my other pursuits. The most amusing are when people try to analyze your psyche. To begin with, this violates the "fundamental attribution error" of social psychology. People act a given way in a semi-anonymous social setting, it is arguably the worst way to know who someone is (I'm making an exception for BB but still ...)

People online will skew the meaning of anything you say if not outright lie. It does make me nervous, but it is almost always things I could categorically disprove when they speculate about my real life. Still, I prefer to share true thoughts and feelings with people.It is unfortunate how hard it is to get into honest discussions in other places. I'm finally learning to set more boundaries. Ultimately tho, none of it can really hurt you. I did just erase most of quasi personal posts on LJ tho, fuck those tards :) (except the BB and Halcyon)

OEC

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Originally Posted by Jax

Oh trust me, people say that all the time. I just lost a best friend of 4 years over business, I posted about it in my LJ, and I thought I could tell her anything. COme to find out that sadly wasnt the case;[ Shes the only best friend I *thought* I ever had, and it just takes some time to come back outta my shell after hearing things.

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You reminded me to delete a good portion of my LJ:1orglaugh I think it's cool that you post there tho. I just had started using for purposes unconducive to the quasi personal stuff. Thanks by default:thumb:

OEC

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Originally Posted by OneEyedCat

You reminded me to delete a good portion of my LJ:1orglaugh I think it's cool that you post there tho. I just had started using for purposes unconducive to the quasi personal stuff. Thanks by default:thumb:

OEC

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Lol, anything there I post anymore is usually lies or bragging. I dont post anything meaningful by any means. Heck, I post more here on BB, and most people here know me more than anyone reading my journal for the past two years. I have an LJ stalker that does nothing but talk crap about me, funny thing is I used to support his ass. I find it amusing, so now its just a way to piss him off more than anything;p

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Originally Posted by Jax

Lol, anything there I post anymore is usually lies or bragging. I dont post anything meaningful by any means. Heck, I post more here on BB, and most people here know me more than anyone reading my journal for the past two years. I have an LJ stalker that does nothing but talk crap about me, funny thing is I used to support his ass. I find it amusing, so now its just a way to piss him off more than anything;p

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Even better:1orglaugh :thumb:

OEC

I am the same on here as I am in the real world. I keep to myself. I am friendly and I like to get along. On here I try to be very weary of people at the same time. I just trust my gut....which works well in most cases. I am not a gossip though and if somone tells me in confidence I don't go running around telling people on here. It's wierd but this place is more realistic then most chat rooms cause I think most people try to be as much the real selves here as they would in the "real" world. so it's easier to judge and gauge....I dunno I guess I made sense

but I know if any of the blue blood models ever talked ot me in person they would probaly get the top of my head and a mumble and a "yes or no or shrug of the shoulders....I wouln't know what to do....that' goes for just about any attractive female....I cna be friendly and talkative and an atractive intelligent female talks to me and I become red faced blushing shy and akward...

Well I dunno if I would equate it to the annoyance celebrities have with not having a private life since they have publicists and managers who pretty much get paid to make SURE their dirty secrets and names are kept on the minds and tounges of the public.

However I do agree it's all a bit more blurred now but it's partly due to a persons choice to see the online people they talk to as personal and deep relationships. It's very easy too and very tempting. What makes them so great is that you usually meet people you would genuinely want to know (like this place for instance) but can leave yourself WIDE open to strangers and unknown enemies leveling critique and judgement on you (like good ole LJ).

I don't think our behaviour has changed much given that gossip has always floated around...these days we can simply CHOOSE what gossip we want to know about and dive into. A strangers drama unfolding in front of you on a livejournal (or any blog) is practicly entertainment. It's like a reality TV show that you can interact with. That's gonna breed problems for anyone who wants to keep things somewhat sane.

That said though it does show one how utterly stupid someones personal drama can be...and really that puts ones own drama in check. I think the net is far more beneficial to human behaviour and how we see privacy than it is damaging. You can delete yourself without many caring in all truth...(unless your a hot girl who likes to show her boobs...then you'll get emails and IM's with lil sad smileys asking where you are and how they can be your shoulder to cry on.) or you can stay plugged in an learn to filter what you say and who you say it to like you would anywhere...cause lets face it...now is not all that diffrent than when phones hit the scene. Anyone can tell anyone, anything, anywhere.

Will they buy into it? Who knows...if they truly feel they KNOW you then they won't...if they do and in turn harm you as a result...well then you know you have a pretty questionable person in your life that needs some cutting off.

It's the new human communication reality...and either you exploit it to your benefit or drown in it with the millions of souls who take what they read and see online way too seriously.

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Originally Posted by BrightStar

Well, In My case it is so, and if you want to trust Me you can, and I hope you will, but I wouldn't force you to or push you. :) **

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I hear this a lot from people...it seems everyone online is an honest saint who sees truth as the ultimate god.

How many of you buy into this from a stranger? even if you know em from say a few IM conversations or a message board like this?

I'm not the kind of person who readily sees the difference between life online and life outside the net. On the net, I expect people to be somehow in alter-ego state, or to not always be what they seem. In real life, those alter-ego's and double faces seem to be harder to discover hidden under sosial 'order'. The truth seems to be, that you never really know anyone, not even the people you see on a daily basis.

Although, I must say, I've never experienced being really well known on the internet, say being an internet celebrity of sorts. Is it strange to be well known on the net, yet be able to walk down the street as a 'normal' person?

Although most people would like to think they know their "internet" friends. I personally feel they are just fooling themselves. We all want to feel a part of something, so we tent to overlook the simple fact. "you can never be sure just what the truth really is, online or off." people lie to you every day. its just the nature of the beast.

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Originally Posted by AmeliaG

I think the internet makes the conflict between the public and the private really frustrating for a much larger segment of the population than ever had to be concerned about it before. I mean, there used to be personal things about me that someone I hung out with at a nightclub would know, but someone who read BLT or Blue Blood in print probably would not. I liked to keep a few things to tell people who "really" knew me. These days, there are people I know mostly online who I feel closer to than many people I interact with in person. But there are personal things I feel like I can't tell anyone in person or online because, with the speed and connectivity of the internet, telling one person something intimate is a lot like sending an email blast to the world.

Used to be you could tell a friend you are annoyed by a coworker without the whole planet knowing. Used to be you could tell a friend you were in love without total strangers coming up to you to explain your psyche to you. You get the idea.

Does the spectre of internet gossip make you more private than you would otherwise be? Does it make you nervous even if it doesn't change your behavior? Does it make you have to deal with some of the same problems that used to be reserved for people like Madonna or David Bowie?

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Well I agree with you that you should not tell EVERYTHING, and just talk about things that you don't mind discussing in public. I think you said it once really well, this is kind of like a cocktail party, so whatever banter you would have at a party would be appropriate.

But I tend to use message boards as therapy. I mean, it really is better, because instead of just the point of view of the shrink, you get a lot of different opinions from a lot of different people.

And just knowing that you are not the only one with problems, is a bit comforting. Even if they can't make your problems go away.

So I think it is up to the individual, what we say or don't say.

we all have multiple personalities.

Whether we realise it or not, most of us, to varying degrees behave differently with different people.

The internet is a place to entertain yet another personality....how truthful is this character? Well that depends, but more than likely it is no less true than any one of your other personalities.

I never really had a connection with enough people in my town to actually let them know anything about me...until around highschool.

Then again, highschool was when they started "allowing" people to dye their hair colors that weren't "natural".

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Originally Posted by 23*

Whether we realise it or not, most of us, to varying degrees behave differently with different people.

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Very true! I don't know that you would call it multiple personalities, as I'm the same person whoever I react with...some people bring out things that other people don't. I think my fiance is the only one that's able to bring out EVERYTHING in me, good or bad. For better or for worse. ;)

I prefer to be honest about things, both IRL, and online.
It's easier that way.

I hate having to restrict the things I want to say.

But I have found that people do take things the wrong way
sometimes, especially online...

So I have found I am less straightforward, and less honest.
I tend to edit my online thoughts and comments more than I used to.

But I still wish people could just be open and honest about all aspects of life.
It just makes things easier.
If someone at work does not like me, I would prefer they tell me.
If someone likes me, then tell me, and we will deal with the situation.
I just prefer that kind of open and honest communication.

But it often seems to backfire...

:(

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Originally Posted by 23*

we all have multiple personalities.

Whether we realise it or not, most of us, to varying degrees behave differently with different people.

The internet is a place to entertain yet another personality....how truthful is this character? Well that depends, but more than likely it is no less true than any one of your other personalities.

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I totally disagree with you on that statement of everyone has multiple personalities. Maybe you have multiple persaonalities and catch yourself talking in the third person....but most people have one personality...they may reshape it a bit or rebuild it to suit thier needs but most people have one personality. I do find form what I am reading though that there are alot of people who have been lied to and decieved and that's unfortunate. But I am nto going to change how I deal with thing on here or in my REAL life. One thing I have leanred about the internet and in real life people have an right to an opinion it's your choice if you want to listen or not and it's your choice how you want to react. Whne it comes to things that i disagree with I ether walk a way or state my belief depending upon how I feel. In the case of 23 I am not insulted by the satement but I do find that such a broad statement to cover it all with one stroke. if Anything I often reply to a comment because I demand better from my fellow human beings as many of us do but often we are disapointed...hence todays soceity probably feeling so weary of one another...

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Originally Posted by TheDeathKnight

I prefer to be honest about things, both IRL, and online.
It's easier that way.

I hate having to restrict the things I want to say.

But I have found that people do take things the wrong way
sometimes, especially online...

So I have found I am less straightforward, and less honest.
I tend to edit my online thoughts and comments more than I used to.

But I still wish people could just be open and honest about all aspects of life.
It just makes things easier.
If someone at work does not like me, I would prefer they tell me.
If someone likes me, then tell me, and we will deal with the situation.
I just prefer that kind of open and honest communication.

But it often seems to backfire...

:(

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I feel the same way, Unfortuenatly it takes alot of gut checking and intestinal fortitude and the ability to look at yourself in the mirror, some of us are willing to do that and be better individuals. Unfortunatly some of us look in the mirror and see a very ugly creature full of wrongs and inpracticalites so they cover it up instead of saying lets make lemmonade outta lemons or at least make the effort to try. We can become better but it takes courage and the abilty to want better which we all as individuals owe ourselves. You're doing nothing wrong keep doing what yer doing...I just wish more poeople could be real and accept who they are. What they might not know is they were beautiful peopl alredy..they just needed a bit of work.

It's amazing how people seem to think that because they are talking to someone over a phone line (whoa, that's a crazy new invention) that it's no longer "real life" and that not being able to have physical contact with someone makes a different relationship with them, one that is also not real.
It's alarming how many people are under this impression, what school of thought are we learning today that so many people have such an abstract concept of reality? that sounds more like a sympton of insanity to me.

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

It's amazing how people seem to think that because they are talking to someone over a phone line (whoa, that's a crazy new invention) that it's no longer "real life" and that not being able to have physical contact with someone makes a different relationship with them, one that is also not real.
It's alarming how many people are under this impression, what school of thought are we learning today that so many people have such an abstract concept of reality? that sounds more like a sympton of insanity to me.

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How is it insane? Without physical contact with a person or even knowing what they look like it denies many human senses of how we guage and understand a person. Online only relationships tend to suffer from being less real simply because they can be pretty abstract and in some cases almost fragile to the point that they almost have nothing more than words to hold them up. You can't dismiss the absolute NEED to make some sort of physical connection with a person...even if it's just sharing a drink at a local bar.

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Originally Posted by CPRB

I totally disagree with you on that statement of everyone has multiple personalities. Maybe you have multiple persaonalities and catch yourself talking in the third person....but most people have one personality...they may reshape it a bit or rebuild it to suit thier needs but most people have one personality. I do find form what I am reading though that there are alot of people who have been lied to and decieved and that's unfortunate. But I am nto going to change how I deal with thing on here or in my REAL life. One thing I have leanred about the internet and in real life people have an right to an opinion it's your choice if you want to listen or not and it's your choice how you want to react. Whne it comes to things that i disagree with I ether walk a way or state my belief depending upon how I feel. In the case of 23 I am not insulted by the satement but I do find that such a broad statement to cover it all with one stroke. if Anything I often reply to a comment because I demand better from my fellow human beings as many of us do but often we are disapointed...hence todays soceity probably feeling so weary of one another...

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I don't see why you would be insulted by the statement. I stand by it. Its all very subtle. I'm not saying that we all talk to ourselves in the third person only that we have various aspects of our personality which become more distinct when we are around certain people. For all intensive purposes these are minature personalities.

You are of course the same person in all cases because you are more than your personality. If mental illness exists then we are all to some extent mentally ill.

I have to admit, I find that some people are a bit annoying with their Live Journals. I mean, they won't TALK to you, they just say, "read my live journal", as if they just couldn't be bothered talking to you.

I was talking to this girl and I said, "well, just TELL me what happened", but she kept insisting that I read her live journal, and she even cut and pasted it to me!! I mean, it's kind of annoying that it is just too much trouble to actually INTERACT and speak with a real live human...

Oh, and the mass mailing PERSONAL e-mails are a bit off putting. I swear, my boy toy sends these mass e-mails and it is kind of embarressing in a way, telling everyone every little detail about his life, and it is a mass mailing e-mail. Then he sends a mass e-mail thanking everyone for listening to his problems...

I mean, I think it's fine to send the mass e-mail when you are performing or doing some kind of show or event, but sending a mass PERSONAL e-mail is a bit strange... I kind of miss the personal touch. Guess I am just old fashioned.

As far as I am concerned it has not affected me in to many ways. I am a very open person both offline and online. I only post what I know to be true online, as to avoid he said she said, and be wrong later. As far as personal personal stuff....Hell I have an online journal or two that I post everything to....I find it very opening to me, and refreshing to be brutally honest and open to all. I never hide my true identity. Yes Im sure hacking wise, its not smart....but As long as Im careful with credit card, and social security type stuff, I should be relatively safe. I tae part in millions of things online, as in the reall unconnected world Im home bound most of the time. I connect on deeper levels with online friends usually faster and better on online. Excluding my real life best friend since elementary school. I find that my main outside world conections usually happen online first anyhow, these days at least. Then again I do have a social anxiety disorder. Just my thoughts!

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Originally Posted by Tequila Zaire

How is it insane? Without physical contact with a person or even knowing what they look like it denies many human senses of how we guage and understand a person. Online only relationships tend to suffer from being less real simply because they can be pretty abstract and in some cases almost fragile to the point that they almost have nothing more than words to hold them up. You can't dismiss the absolute NEED to make some sort of physical connection with a person...even if it's just sharing a drink at a local bar.

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while it is true that must of our concepts are based on visual stimulis, and that seems to be the easiest way to human understanding... i'd say that In truth, it is probbily the least important judge being that most traights of personality that we'd associate with a person are not judged soley on visual appearance (at least in the long term) and the things that are most valued to humanity and human relationships, things like love and freindship and community can't be structured by nearly any levels of our physical senses and are purely in the element of the conscious. I think that concious ( read: mental) constructs are abstract if you difine them by physical interactions, but I think that is the core of our true human relationships because all concepts of other people are really just interpretations and our reflections of that person. you can never really know a person unless you can read minds because everything that we do is limited to our own personal mental processes.

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

while it is true that must of our concepts are based on visual stimulis, and that seems to be the easiest way to human understanding... i'd say that In truth, it is probbily the least important judge being that most traights of personality that we'd associate with a person are not judged soley on visual appearance (at least in the long term) and the things that are most valued to humanity and human relationships, things like love and freindship and community can't be structured by nearly any levels of our physical senses and are purely in the element of the conscious. I think that concious ( read: mental) constructs are abstract if you difine them by physical interactions, but I think that is the core of our true human relationships because all concepts of other people are really just interpretations and our reflections of that person. you can never really know a person unless you can read minds because everything that we do is limited to our own personal mental processes.

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I was more alluding to the fact that when you spend time with a person physically...you get to know them in ways you can't simply through words. A lot of the time some people express themselves better on a one to one basis or "in the flesh" so to speak. As a result some relationships can only deepen in the "offline" world so to speak. You can try to make things as mental as you;d like but when you know a person and spend time with them...you pick up on so many more of their traits, mannerisms, and personality...body language is very important. None of this is the ONLY thing that matters but as much as we try to say and prove online only relationships are just like offline ones...they aren't. They have diffrent sets rules almost and though highly personal also feel highly solitary. There is a strange conflict in it that one has to struggle with...it's very unique to be close to someone and never so much as meet or know how they look. I don't see them as less real or important...just something much newer than pen pals and phone conversations of old...it's a new beast brought on by technology and really it's too soon to guage how big an impact they have...IM programs alone have changed how we communicate and deal with people...same with message boards like this. I don't think a person can really connect with another fully without engaging them physically in some form...may be personal opinion at this point but I've yet to meet anyone who is happy with only having "online" friends.