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Is it possible for a person to really change? I have toyed with the idea of letting a past acquaintance into my life and have definite reservations about it. We came back together in an odd way, it is just a friendship, not anything deeper. I am not too trusting by nature but what is your opinion about an individuals ability to truly change?
Possible, but unlikely.
As for the animal iteslf, which is off topic, it would need to be shaved, skinned, or grafted to change. :P **
From my own personal experience, you have to let them go before they can really "change." (I've been both sides.) This is unfortunate because you don't get to reap the benefits of the learning and growth that occurs in your absence. Some people, on the other hand, really won't ever change. They are a static persona with no ability to grow or learn from mistakes. The "change" can be a perception thing, as well. A different situation and a different state of mind may produce behaviors that are more pleasing to you, but once you are in that equation again, it becomes easy to repeat patterns. Those with static persona are likely happy with who they are and it is up to other people to accept/acquiesce, or get outta the way.
It depends on the intelect of that person... Hardest part is to accept your own misstakes. People that know those misstakes but lie to them self, or just are to proud to change will never find peace with them self. I guess it's so... I think that somebody needs to learn respecting him self in order to respect others. Same with lying to himself.
If you meet someone who is so proud (or stupid if you want:)) you should have a dose of ignorance in your relationtip with that person if you wan't to keep good vibes between each other. In any case... friend... lover.......
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Originally Posted by tinstar
I couldn't agree more :thumb:
People don't change in my opinion and never will. But their/your perception can. Don't be fooled into someone elses beliefs they have changed. See it for yourself.
they certainly can change....
i've been on both sides, i've been through alot of different perspectives in my life...and i have had many "friends" at one time,WHICH is compleatly not me ,i've hung out with the same 3 people for like the last 4 years now....
but as some people from my past see me now they see a compleatly different person,mentally and physically....
and i've also seen a few people i really cared about(a rare thing) change too,
just one instice was a girl i really loved(not IN-love though) and i didn't se each other for a few years and the last i heard,she had 4 miscarrages thet wern't planned and was doing alot of stuipid shit,and hanging out with people that were force feeeding some other "grenre"(not music) down her throat...
ya know i don't know if i really explained anything here sorry....i'm really fucked up ,but itried to get ny point....
Sometimes people can change their behaviors and actions, but they can rarely change who they are. Example: If someone has an annoying personality, they probably always will. If they have a "princess" attitude, they probably always will. BUT... If someone used to lie a lot, but then got lied to, and realized it is lame and fucked up, they may make a mental decision to try to tell the truth from now on. So people can sometimes change their behavior, but rarely change their personality. So if someone was abusive, etc, they probably will remain abusive. But if they used to always make you pay for dinner, but then they learned that it sucks to be with someone who expects you to pay for everything, they might have learned to offer to pay some of the time now...
I think they can, but I guess you'll never really know. I guess it really depends on you, ultimately. would having a past aquentance in your life be worth the risk of losing them again and/or repeating the same behavior,etc? that's really the question you have to ask yourself. perhaps depending on that answer will tell you what choice to make.
Also I guess if you really care about someone you should accept them for who they are and not expect them to change, but of course we all know that's much easier said than done.
I subscibe to Stone Cold's philosophy - DTA: don't trust anybody...
I've been burned by a few people I gave the benefit of the doubt to, and I won't do it again. I have enough good friends that I don't need to take a chnace on any flakes.
People can change, I am living proof of that.
I was with someone who had anger problems when I was with them. It took me leaving, to learn how to control it. I guess he really loved me and after he lost me, he finally got a wake up call. I got a call from him about a month ago. He is still single and still hurt because I left him, but he seems to really have changed. He's matured a lot more.
People change they can and they always will it may not be in a way that you like or thats even noticeable but it happens
Yes, yes, yes. People can and do change all the time. I think the key, the only thing you can count on changing is yourself. It's amazing to me how often people around me have changed not because I begged them to, but simply because I changed. Here's a for instance:
My husband used to have really severe anger problems and also some sneaky/lying problems.
Way back when, it's been 7 years now, he used to get ticked off and I would try to avoid it, anything because I didn't like to argue. He would insist the most lame bullshit stuff meant I didn't love him--he said if I wore make-up I didn't love him... For a while, I tried to comply with all of his crazy demands. But then I figured out that it didn't matter. The problem was him. It wasn't anything I was doing, he was just fucked up. So I told him so and when he would go off, I stood my ground and really told him all the things that he did that pissed me off. And guess what. He found out that me pissed off at him is not that good a thing.
I think the key in any relationship is not to give up your power to another person. Don't let another person think that you can't make it without them. Because the fact is, you can make it without anyone else. You really don't NEED any particular person. And if you do, you're just asking to get shit on.
As far as the lying and sneaking, I used to get really mad and cry etc. He snuck around and posted some x-rated pictures of my on the internet!!! With my face and everything... We live in a VERY small town and I did not need that SHIT. As it turned out, the CARPET CLEANER saw the pictures... So, I went through and deleted them all. Then I told him that he should not have done that and I let it go. I think he learned a lesson. It's been over a year and no recurrences.
Anyway, the bottom line is that people can change, but the most important person that needs to change in any given situation is you. Keep your power. It's all you have. And what's the worst that could happen? You get your heart broken? You lose some money? You look like a fool? Some times all these things can be good in the long run. Try it.