I'm going to kill a man.

And I really just might do it.

Okay. So. I've been friends with this guy named James for about 6 years now. I know him almost like I know myself. A year ago, he asked me out. I said no. His friend Wesley (who I had never met, but heard about the whole time I knew James,) came into town for Christmas. He and I hit it off so well, that I flew out to Hawaii to be with him Febuary 2nd. He is now my fiance.

Well, James called me all kinds of names for leaving here and going there to be with him. Called me up and told me that I had always been a "thorn in his side", etc. His mom blamed me for him dropping out of school. He called up Wesley and said I was whore, that I had played him and another friend of mine (which made no sense.)

When we came back from Hawaii (because of Wesley's orders to move,) he acted like nothing happened. Everything was fine. Ironically, he's the best man at our wedding.

And now he's telling Wesley, through emails, that I'm a liar, and that I'm the sole cause of his frustration, the reason he is depressed. What is Wesley to do? James has been his friend since they were five, and I'm Wesley's fiance. So...I mean, what the fuck. If you have a problem with something, then you don't go to that person's soon-to-be SPOUSE. YES. CAUSE MARRAIGE PROBLEMS, THIS WILL HELP TREMENDOUSLY.

I have decided that if James pushes his luck too much more, that I will use my grandparents butcher knife to make my point. Hell, I'll go to Wal-Mart for the occasion. I'm just really, really sick of him meddling.

I am so scared of losing Wes. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, besides being born, of course.

yea, tell ,me about it, i lost a feincee to a mom that knew nothing abot me ,but insisted that i was the fucking devil or something.......

i about killed her, her family ,and myself all at once......


you just gotta let your guy know it's abunch of shit,no matter how innoying you are with it,just gotta go nuts about making SURE he knows the dude is fuckin' him...

i've delt with similar situations with all three of my 3 long ass relationships,one being the feincee..........

i could tell ya more as a "reference"..but i'd rather it "private".....

and i know about being SOOO scared to loose that persone your whole life revolves around........i lost that person...........

I'm basically in tears here. I mean, this guy who I thought was my friend, had acted like my friend, is doing this to me. It makes me sick, and my stomach ties up in knots.

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Originally Posted by cheinara wraithwalker

I'm basically in tears here. I mean, this guy who I thought was my friend, had acted like my friend, is doing this to me. It makes me sick, and my stomach ties up in knots.

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sorry to sound bad,but this is where you gotta bee tuff....

and remember the times your with your guy how happy you are,that feeling that no matter what happens ,it doesn't really matter anyways,'cuz your with the most important porson/thing in your life....

say ,fuck him for trying to mess with that feeling,don't get angry ,but PLease don't just be sad and stuff about it, hell ,that even makes me feel ,bad, i know EXACTALLY what your going through........

i'm quessing you live with your fiencee,go give 'em a hug, bug the shit out of him about it,how much you love the guy,ect,ect......

i saw my feincee maybe twice a week when shit happened to us ,i couldn't just sit there and bug here about how much i absolutly adore her and everything we'll to together when we move to africa....

and look where that one got me,haha, fuck.....

trust me you just gotta keep remeberr ing how much you care about that person,and NO one not even their mother(in my case) is going to make you OR HIM think otherwise....



remember this guy isn't your friend anymore,so focos on your feincee and not letting him get brainwashed.......i know it sounds bad .but that's how it is.....sorry......

My baby's on a boat. :( He'll be back in a couple weeks, but I hate the fact that I can't be around him while all this is going down. >_<

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Originally Posted by cheinara wraithwalker

My baby's on a boat. :( He'll be back in a couple weeks, but I hate the fact that I can't be around him while all this is going down. >_<

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i wish ya the best,as all me pirate crew.....and i'f your in need of assistince just give my a 'Interwave"ring" ' if ya get me....

i'f ya like we could Keelhaul 'em , PIrates are gentleman too, and we don't take kindly to poeple messing with peoples love-relationships........YAR!!!!!!!! i've spoken.......

im sorry you have to deal with it. some people, although i wouldnt KILL them per say, i just wish they weren't in my life. people make things just way to complicated. i dont know about killing him after posting this :-p but seriously i would want to kill him too... im pretty sure you've already talked to him... seriously he needs to know hes an immature fucking idiot, you are both in love and happy, sorry it couldnt be him, tell him to move on, get over it, and find someone else's life to fuck up.

I dunno, kinda seems to me that if you were his freind and you knew he liked you that you wouldn't have hooked up with his best freind, especially being that you've known him for years and that you've known his freind for none. you had to kind of expect that that would fuck things up for all three of you, and the same goes for his freind too. I'm not condoning his actions at all, but I totally understand why he would be pissed. I mean you did walk out on him and then you expect him to just be cool with the fact all his freinds dissed him?

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

I dunno, kinda seems to me that if you were his freind and you knew he liked you that you wouldn't have hooked up with his best freind, especially being that you've known him for years and that you've known his freind for none. you had to kind of expect that that would fuck things up for all three of you, and the same goes for his freind too. I'm not condoning his actions at all, but I totally understand why he would be pissed. I mean you did walk out on him and then you expect him to just be cool with the fact all his freinds dissed him?

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sorry ,man, but i don't think you relize love is some crazy shit.......it doesn't see relationships very well,haha....

if he was HER friend he wouldn't of flipped......

i get you, but i just thought i should point out that love is a crazy bitch,there's no need to stop it......

hey friend,
I am sorry about you crazy situation. It's to bad it has to be this way but it happens.. I will share my story. maybe it will help.
I met two girls on the same day at the same time. Two best friends for years. One showed interest in me and one was distant. I had eyes and love at first sight for the distant one. As I find out the first one for storys sake we'll call here M, called "dibs" on me and her friend (we will call A,) I had no interest in M but did manage to get the number to contact A. Once getting to know and find love with A, her old best friend M was furious.
I didn't mean any harm between friends but loved the girl I now knew. Not her friend. Time passed and M would spy on me, talk to friends of mine etc. to try to get dirt on me to share with my current girlfriend A. It all seemed to pass after a while. We all went to a mutual friends wedding and drank, got along fine. Everyone pretended to be friends. I honestly thought we were all grown and over the past. It was a good 6 years later since the first meeting. Feeling good about everything I found a letter when I was cleaning. My girlfriend did not hide it well from me. I was not looking for it but happened upon it.

It was the most horible thing ever writen about me. Sick, rude, mean, and not called for esp. since her childhood buddy did not know me at all. Or anything about me. Except that she called "dibs" years back... We grew up very far away from each other. It was the first time my girlfriend ever kept anything from me. I was crushed by her hiding the letter, or maybe I was crushed by her not hiding it well enough. I did not want to find that. In a pile of bills and other mail. Some of the worst things I've ever read were in that letter, 4+ pages about me. From a person that never knew me. Terrible things were said. My girlfriend forgot to mention the letter for weeks ( It sometimes takes me weeks to go through the papers kicking around here).

I composed many letters or essays in my head to the girl but.. never sent any. She called and I gave the phone to my girlfriend. I heard my girlfriend tell her "he found the letter", "no he wasn't looking for it" "I left it out he was cleaning" etc.

The friend had never called us back. I never said anything mean to her but it was hard on my girlfriend. We invited the friend to the wedding in 2001. She sent a reply saying she would come but never showed. All this time we have not heard from her old buddy. Sometimes im glad not to hear from her because of the drama she enjoys. Then again I feel she waiting for my wife and I to get in a fight so she can tell her "I told you so".

I guess my point being, friend of lovers can be out worst enemys sometimes. If you know your lover well, and trust that he knows you well then thats all that matters. The friends will learn and understand. Then again sometimes they wont. What matters is you and your family. As you know I have a child on the way. Her buddy that tried to stop everything has not been in contact for several years. If she does.,, well we will take it as it comes otherwise, we love each other and the people that DO love us.

Don't stab him to death, no matter how richly he deserves it. People who commit crimes in a rage generally get caught and then you would still be without your man.

You have all of my sympathy though. There are few things more painful than having someone who you believe is your real and true friend and finding out that your friendship meant nothing to them unless you were willing to bone them.

If this guy was your friend for FIVE freaking years before he asked you out once and you turned him down a year ago and he still seemed to be your friend, it seems to me like the human relationship with you should have been more important than the lack of a sexual one. Did he think you were never going to fall in love? Was he just biding his time? If you and he were such good friends, it makes sense that you would really like the same person. If you were his girlfriend and left him for his best friend, that would be different, but it seems like he should be able to be happy for his two closest friends. I'm assuming you did not reject his friendship, just the notion of having a sexual/romantic relationship with him.

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

I dunno, kinda seems to me that if you were his freind and you knew he liked you that you wouldn't have hooked up with his best freind, especially being that you've known him for years and that you've known his freind for none. you had to kind of expect that that would fuck things up for all three of you, and the same goes for his freind too. I'm not condoning his actions at all, but I totally understand why he would be pissed. I mean you did walk out on him and then you expect him to just be cool with the fact all his freinds dissed him?

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I didn't walk out on him. Why should I limit myself to something just because I'm worried of hurting his feelings? He said he was okay with not dating (and he damned well SHOULD be okay with not dating, seeing as how it's not that big of a deal.) He flipped out.

This guy has never grown up. He's never had a job, he's 25, and he lives with his parents. He's never moved out. He had one girlfriend, and that was way back in junior high.

If you completely fall for a person, are you going to let yourself be held back because someone used to have a crush on you?

I'll give you a little bit more backstory. Last year, he had told his parents and most of our friends that I was his girlfriend before he even asked me. I got drunk one night (we had a party over at our friend's Steve's house,) and he tried to kiss me. Tried to feel me up.

That's not a friend. He wasn't drunk. I was. I was lucky I wasn't so schnockered that I didn't know what was happening.

All his friends didn't diss him. We have been nothing but suportive.

Let me give you a bit MORE backstory.

He "fell in love" with my 14-year-old sister after I had told him no.

He. Has. Problems.

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Originally Posted by cheinara wraithwalker

He "fell in love" with my 14-year-old sister after I had told him no.

He. Has. Problems.

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Dude has some serious issues then...plus he sounds like your typical revenge fueled prick...he can't have you so no one else can. Once you commit to marry a person it overrides any friendship in terms of importance. A Girlfriend is one thing...a future wife is another. If your fella has any sense he'll talk to his best man to be and put him in his place.

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Originally Posted by AmeliaG

People who commit crimes in a rage generally get caught and then you would still be without your man.

There are few things more painful than having someone who you believe is your real and true friend and finding out that your friendship meant nothing to them unless you were willing to bone them.

If this guy was your friend for FIVE freaking years before he asked you out once and you turned him down a year ago and he still seemed to be your friend, it seems to me like the human relationship with you should have been more important than the lack of a sexual one. Did he think you were never going to fall in love? Was he just biding his time? If you and he were such good friends, it makes sense that you would really like the same person. If you were his girlfriend and left him for his best friend, that would be different, but it seems like he should be able to be happy for his two closest friends. I'm assuming you did not reject his friendship, just the notion of having a sexual/romantic relationship with him.

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Yes, you are correct. I never told him that I'd stop being his friend. I've always been there for him, I've bent over backwards for him. The one time that I did something for me...

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Originally Posted by pagan

hey friend,
I am sorry about you crazy situation. It's to bad it has to be this way but it happens..

I guess my point being, friend of lovers can be out worst enemys sometimes. If you know your lover well, and trust that he knows you well then thats all that matters. The friends will learn and understand. Then again sometimes they wont. What matters is you and your family.

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I don't understand why he just thought everything would go his way. I made everything very clear. And now that I'm going to be happy, living with a man I really care for, he seems to be so jealous and angry.

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Originally Posted by Tequila Zaire

Dude has some serious issues then...plus he sounds like your typical revenge fueled prick...he can't have you so no one else can.

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That's a good way of putting it.

Thanks, guys, for letting me rant. Planning a wedding and having to deal with drama in the family and friends is a bit tough right now. >_o

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Originally Posted by cheinara wraithwalker

Thanks, guys, for letting me rant. Planning a wedding and having to deal with drama in the family and friends is a bit tough right now. >_o

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Thats what we are here for, that and to tease you till you pee.

Just know in yourself that it will work out. Because this type of thing always does. Have a drink, take a deep breath, and NO killing.

Wes has obviously made his choice. He is marrying you and you getting worked up and pissed is only adding stress to him. James used to be his friend,and apparently that's over. The best thing you can do to someone like this is to ignore them and act as if they don't even exist. I know it's seems easy to say it but I have said it and done it. James is probably feeling a lot of bizarre emotions too and he is acting very poorly. I know you can't stand him but that's the reality and he was your good friend once too. That person is in there somewhere under all of those negative feelings. Hurting him physically will only get you into trouble, and then he wins. I know you don't want that. You know you aren't a liar, you know you aren't a whore. Have faith in your love, and you and Wesley will get past this. This is just the beginning, you are getting married , lol. Let his words fall on deaf ears. Good luck with everything.

damn girl... I wish I could help.... but I believe any advice from me would be worthless because you'll not like it and you'll go your own way...
just try to look on it from objective way... find a buddy to talk about it so you could realise some more stuff, or accept some things that you denie... it will help

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Originally Posted by cheinara wraithwalker

Why should I limit myself to something just because I'm worried of hurting his feelings?

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well for starters that's what being freinds is for, if you don't have any regard for hurting other people's feelings to get what you want then you're not a very good freind. I'm not saying that this applies to you and your situation, I'm just throwing that out there. I see a lot of times where people will be in a good position and be really happy and when they see other people that are unhappy, they'll just be like well tuff shit that you're not happy, I don't care, you should be happy that i'm happy, even though i'm not going to show any sympathy towards you being unhappy. it's kind of a fucked up double standard that I see people doing all the time, probibly without even realising it. if you're someone that doesn't have things going wonderful and perfect for you and you see other people that take it for granted and don't seem to give a shit that it could easily have been them switched places with you, then it can make you pretty resentful of sucessful people. there's been more than one occasion where I've asked a girl out and she's told me that it wasn't me, but she just didn't want to date anyone... only to hook up with someone else a week later. and freind's that i've been interested in becoming more and they said they couldn't, cuz it would ruin our freindship... and then have no reservations about hooking up with another freind of thiers. that's fucked up. just because you don't have a romantic intrest in someone doesn't mean that they don't have any fucking feelings. I just wanted to address that point.

Now as far as your situation goes...

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...He. Has. Problems

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That makes a big difference. I was under the impression that you guys were freinds for years and until this thing came about, that there was nothing else to it. Yeah obviously this guy has major issues and it doesn't seem to be about you at all, that's just a convienient fixation. you should definatly tell your fiance all the stuff that you've told us and maybe he can do something to get him help. oh yeah, and it probibly wouldn't be a good idea to have him be the best man at your wedding.

find someone on here who lives locally. someone you won't have visible relationship with. preferrably someone with a gun. wire them a hundred bucks and an address.

having been through two decades of that sort of silly shit... well, i hate to advocate violence...

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Originally Posted by cheinara wraithwalker

And I really just might do it.

Okay. So. I've been friends with this guy named James for about 6 years now. I know him almost like I know myself. A year ago, he asked me out. I said no. His friend Wesley (who I had never met, but heard about the whole time I knew James,) came into town for Christmas. He and I hit it off so well, that I flew out to Hawaii to be with him Febuary 2nd. He is now my fiance.

Well, James called me all kinds of names for leaving here and going there to be with him. Called me up and told me that I had always been a "thorn in his side", etc. His mom blamed me for him dropping out of school. He called up Wesley and said I was whore, that I had played him and another friend of mine (which made no sense.)

When we came back from Hawaii (because of Wesley's orders to move,) he acted like nothing happened. Everything was fine. Ironically, he's the best man at our wedding.

And now he's telling Wesley, through emails, that I'm a liar, and that I'm the sole cause of his frustration, the reason he is depressed. What is Wesley to do? James has been his friend since they were five, and I'm Wesley's fiance. So...I mean, what the fuck. If you have a problem with something, then you don't go to that person's soon-to-be SPOUSE. YES. CAUSE MARRAIGE PROBLEMS, THIS WILL HELP TREMENDOUSLY.

I have decided that if James pushes his luck too much more, that I will use my grandparents butcher knife to make my point. Hell, I'll go to Wal-Mart for the occasion. I'm just really, really sick of him meddling.

I am so scared of losing Wes. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, besides being born, of course.

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Definitely kill him at the wedding, and yes, use that butcher knife!!! Go for it!! No one will blame you! Death is your only option....

don't listen to Jennifer... she's just jelaous on your ninja eyes :)

cheinara... be a bitch at least once in your lifetime.... NOW... you should make some moves that will make him fear you... go out with some fact in his face in front of other people so that he will be ashamed to apporach you ever more... if you cross over something serious like this and let him destroy your relationtip then you're fool...
sorry about being so direct, but I had to do this because I was in similar situation and if I didn't do what I did (bitching in her face in front of her friends) then I would be a bad guy... and she would be sacrifice, instead of true situation.... I don't like to bitch around and I prefer to leave nice impresion on whoever I meet but some thing you need to learn if you don't want to be "boiled" out there

not to be a spoilsport, but you should be careful about writing "death threats" on the internet. even if you're not really serious, it could cause trouble!

I know this is hard, but try not to let it get you down. People do all kinds of crazy stuff when people are about to get hitched. I have so totally been there. I'd like to make a few points though which might help you cruise through this a little bit smoother.

First, You and Wes, that's real. That's what matters. You two love each other and have made a commitment to spend your lives together. Don't let Wes see you getting upset over anything that James does. Maybe you and Wes need to have a heart to heart where you explain to him that it is all about him and you. You don't know why James would say those things, but they absolutely, positively are 100% false. Consider this too, if you and Wes are all that, he needs to be believing you and standing behind you right about now. Is he? See this is as much about Wes's maturity as it is about anything else. If he can't stand behind you and believe in you here, can he be everything that you need?

The next point I wanted to make is that James is really troubled. Perhaps you could see it from a more compassionate perspective though. He is doing all this crap because he wants you for himself. Because in his childish fucked up way, He's saying, "I love you." Maybe you could feel a little sorry for him because it is kind of pitiful to be where he is with nothing going on except the possibility of depriving someone else of something good. pretty sad if you ask me.

I guess it's kinda shity seeing this thread again and again and keep reminding you on bad things

Heh, I'm okay. Don't worry about me. :)

I am defenatley the wrong person to be giving help and advice. Because if it were me I would rip the bastards throat out.