Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

I wasn't going to start a thread about this, but a friend emailed me his review of the movie, and it was too damn funny not to share. :1orglaugh

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Just got back from star wars ep 3

And here is my review

It starts with a big bang
And then another bang
Followed by a ka-pow
And then he’s all like “use the force”
And the other ones like “I did”
And then there is another ka-pow
Followed by a zoom zoom kssssssssss
And then he’s like “look out, that guy's in black”
And the guy in black goes “ha ha I’m the guy in black”
And Anakin goes “Dude! I’m in black too”
And then he goes “and now I’m Darth Vader”
And then Yoda gets his winky cut off
And he runs away
And then there is another ka-pow
And 2 babies are born
And Darth Vader says “who’s your daddy”
The end!

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And on a related note:

http://tinypic.com/55p6op

Spooky.

*cue Imperial March*

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Originally Posted by Thurbane316

And on a related note:

http://tinypic.com/55p6op

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Run for your lives...We are all doomed!!

At the screening I went to (first Aussie showing, 12.01AM May 19), we had 2.5 Darth Vaders (two men and a small child) and a (female) Obiwan...

Benidict!.....i.......am....your.......father!...* cough* ..well SOMEBODY had to do it!!

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Originally Posted by VoldtaEngler

Benidict!.....i.......am....your.......father!...* cough* ..well SOMEBODY had to do it!!

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Ben: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!!!

This was on the cutting room floor...i just found it...honest...

Evil Ben (the star wars one): together we can rule the galaxy father and son!

Evil Ben (pope version): NOOOoOoOoOoo!! wait...together?...well....maybe...alright how about this..i'll only do this if you free hitler fromthe resin cast! and um..lets see..*scrolls through checklist*..all wookies will now be known as jews...ewoks are what will now be known as the Christian Republic...um..lets see..all stormtroopers must have a swastika on their arm and no christmas this year...sound good?

Evil Ben (star wars one): No christmas ever and we have a deal..

Omg That Is Great!!!!!!!!!!

Just came back from the theater. I guess I can say Lucas isn't a total hack.

Gonna check it out tomorrow...I actually enjoyed the last 2 films...mainly due to the fact I never too SW all that seriously. The 1st one is indeed pretty bad in terms of characterization, kid friendly appeal, and forced political talk...but it has that cool duel at the end that sounds great on my Home Theater so that's worth it right there...haha. I really liked the second prequal and the amazingly well executed and detailed Clone Wars series on the Cartoon Network that REALLY should have been the focus of the first two films...the wealth if originality, character, tone, and sheer beauty was meant for the big screen...

Hopefully it will get a full on CG treatment in a few years.

I enjoyed this one quite a bit. I thought Episode I was a disappointment, and that Episode II was only slightly better; this one redeems the venture.

Ok. My opinion of the movie: **spoilers**

Complaints:

The acting was flat and stale. Normally efficient actors Ewan, Natalie, and Samuel seem pulled up and had what felt like forced lines.
Now, I'm not sure if this is simply a matter of working in an entirely digital studio and not being able to convey the warmth of a situation correctly (Sin City had similar moments, especially in the early Hartigan scenes) but the lines felt wooden and incomplete.

"Luke, do you remember your real mother? I do. Let me tell you about her" - umm...Leia Organa knew she was adopted. She grieved for her adoptive parents loss when Alderaan was destroyed in Episode IV. But she also apparently spent time with her real mother. Who died in childbirth in this film. Hmm. Hmmmmm.

Yoda spouting off those seriously craptastic lines at the end of his fight scenes, and mixing them up into Yoda-speak. No. Really. Could have done without it, and without its campiness.

"I've got a bad feeling about this" + every other line lifted directly from the original trilogy and just repeated back to other people. While I like the sense of nostalgia and completeness, it felt heavy-handed...like someone drowned the damn thing in gravy instead of just enough.

More fucking nonsense about Midichlorians.

That bit when we first see Padme, and she's disgustingly hideous (before someone claims "she was pregnant" she wasn't even showing at the time) and Anakin's all "Baby, you pretty"...no seriously...Natalie Portman looked worse than Carrie Fisher on a 6 year coke binge.

Natalie Portman - if you're going to play a corpse of yourself, please stop your eyelids from trembling. Thank you.

While I appreciate the character development involved in Darth Vader's tantrum, I would have appreciated it had it felt less childish, and more cruel. I dunno, seeing Vader do the hokey-pokey in response to discovering he was his wife's killer? Laaaaame.
By all means, keep the Noooooooo, give me something better visually to look at - because that wasn't it.


Compliments:

For the first time in the prequel series, Lucas has actually injected some references to the future other than character relationships. The ships that the Seperatist faction tend to pilot, you can see them becoming the Rebel alliance's stock fleet ships in 20 years. Enough of the early design work is in them to where you can see them upcoming.
Similarly - Palpatine's guards after he assumed the title of Emperor - red flowing robes. Palpatine's ship had the curious folding wing design that the Empire use as command short-range ships.
Anakin's ship has Vader's future tie-fighter design. Yum.
Captain Antilles ship has the same blinding all-white design as his ship at the very start of Episode IV.

Loose ends were tied up.

Jar-Jar spoke 2 words.

When Padme was given a funeral procession, some smart person decided to make her retain her pregnant look.

Gigantic space battle at the start...utterly amazing.

Yoda's animation and graphical quality was stunning.

now thats a movie review thank you

I liked it it tottaly blew the other two prequels away and had lots of kick ass action scenes and yoda looked a lot better in this one than he did in the second movie.

Loved every second...more so when Anakin slaughtered just about everything in his path. It had the typical pitfalls like the review said above...but nearly all of it was hardly enough to keep me from enjoying the dark fall that many of us have waited for.

I do feel one is at a HUGE loss if they did not see the Clone Wars series the on Cartoon Network though. So many little scenes and lines have more of an impact...plus a few characters make morse sense and their deaths simply mean more.

The Prequals really should have started with Episode 2....the Clone Wars series being the "middle" film...I mean hell it comes in at the same running time as the movies...and the finale being what it is really. Episode 1 really comes off as being a total and absoulte waste that should ahve been a flashback at MOST.

Episode 3 does rank as the best of the prequals but more importantly it did what was needed...mixed the old and the new all the way down to the special effects that in some scenes mimiced the old skool look of the series. The opening battle scene is nothing short of a masterwork that will be studied heavily as it's the FIRST space battle to actually remember the multi layered nature space combat would be.

The acting was stiff...but Ewen McGregor was dead on perfect for most of the film and his lines had emotion to them and a feeling of genuine life. He was the anchor that held the entire finale from being a dispassionate disaster. As far as Hayden Christensen goes...he did a few things very right when they were most needed. I can forgive his less than emotional scenes with his wife and friends...I can even forgive his less than amazing episode 2 performance. Where he gets things SO PERFECT...is his scenes of anger and inner rage. He nailed the look, frame of mind, body language, frustration, and stance someone in that position gets. Too many think that when you are at that breaking point (and over it) you are MORE emotional than ever...in reality it's much more inward...it's like your first victim is yourself...and he pulled it off. My hats off to those scenes...his most cruel being the scene with the younglings and his best being his post "massacre at the volcano facility" where he stands simply looking at the lava...it's perfect.

I know many will say otherwise and wish he was MORE over the top or less understated or said lines in a more "dramatic" manner (I.E. more yelling) but having seen men in that state...it's simple dead on. I was really impressed with how he got the tetth grinding tone one gets in that state...that deceptively beautiful way a person loses everything while mentaly being in the most clear of mind ever. My only dissapointment is that these moments really only happen maybe 3 times in the film and only once in the last film.

Natalie Portman was utterly wasted in the film in every way possible and their is nothing that can change that sadly enough....it really highlights the fact this film was MUCH bigger than what was finally shown and that the prequals should not have started with Anakin as a child...at all...

Can't wait for the DVD.

went and saw it last night and all I can say is I hope the DVD has extended scenes. I really felt as though the story was a but rushed into but they did a great job of tieing III to IV. like above, I feel like they should have shown more of the clone wars but I also thought that they should have shown more of the wookie battle and longer jedi battles than they did. all in all though it was worth going to see. :thumb:

i havent seen it yet and i dont plan on seeing it but i will say the star wars slurpee at 7-11 kicks ass evryone needs to get one ASAP

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Originally Posted by devil13

went and saw it last night and all I can say is I hope the DVD has extended scenes. I really felt as though the story was a but rushed into but they did a great job of tieing III to IV. like above, I feel like they should have shown more of the clone wars but I also thought that they should have shown more of the wookie battle and longer jedi battles than they did. all in all though it was worth going to see. :thumb:

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Couldn't agree more...it's clear that their HAS to be more to many of the scenes than what was shown.

Anyone else get cold chills when Darth Vader Took his first breathe in his black helmet???I did...V.Cool Pause scene

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Originally Posted by -=Asmodeus=-

Anyone else get cold chills when Darth Vader Took his first breathe in his black helmet???I did...V.Cool Pause scene

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Indeed...beautifully done.

=spoiler=

General Grievous is horribly underused, and instead of being portrayed as a kickass Jedi killing machine, he comes across as lame-ass wheezing zero. Lucas has a bad habit of underusing/abusing potentially legendary bad guys (Darth Maul and Bobba Fett spring to mind)...

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Originally Posted by Thurbane316

=spoiler=

General Grievous is horribly underused, and instead of being portrayed as a kickass Jedi killing machine, he comes across as lame-ass wheezing zero. Lucas has a bad habit of underusing/abusing potentially legendary bad guys (Darth Maul and Bobba Fett spring to mind)...

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Grievous is used a lot in the animated series Clone Wars....Get those...They are the story between part II & III....It explains a lot...

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Originally Posted by KilLAtomiK

i havent seen it yet and i dont plan on seeing it but i will say the star wars slurpee at 7-11 kicks ass evryone needs to get one ASAP

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Hell Yeah..thats one for me for sure. Nothing better than a good brain freeze with a free Vader head to boot.

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Originally Posted by Thurbane316

=spoiler=

General Grievous is horribly underused, and instead of being portrayed as a kickass Jedi killing machine, he comes across as lame-ass wheezing zero. Lucas has a bad habit of underusing/abusing potentially legendary bad guys (Darth Maul and Bobba Fett spring to mind)...

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speaking of which, considering that they do a pretty good (and by good I mean bad) job of building up the character of boba fett in episode II (only to become little more than an extra in episodes V and VI who didn't attain popularity until after the films were made mostly due to the published stories of him that are now made completely contradictory to the story of the prequels)... did they show him in this movie and why the fuck he becomes a bounty hunter to avenge his father's death at the hands of the jedi?

I don't plan on seeing this movie for awhile because I don't want to spend any more money on this hack story that has been written better and still could be by pretty much anyone other than george lucas, obviously. but if you want to reveal this possible spoiler, that would be cool.

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Originally Posted by -=Asmodeus=-

Grievous is used a lot in the animated series Clone Wars....Get those...They are the story between part II & III....It explains a lot...

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Yup...he is in one amazing episode where he wipes out about 6 Jedi's. I was dissapointed that he was not as much of a bad ass as that episode but he couldn't be...since if you see the LAST episode in the Clone Wars animated series....you see why. Great scene too..

Like I said before...the prequals should have included the material in the clone wars with Episode 1 only being flashback sequences.

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

did they show him in this movie and why the fuck he becomes a bounty hunter to avenge his father's death at the hands of the jedi?

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Nope...rumor has it this element will be part of the sequal to the clone wars animated series already in production.

that's cool. those were way better anyway. I guess that just proves that samurai jack was the coolest show and that cartoon network are fools for canceling it, and that george lucas is an asshole.

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Originally Posted by Morning Glory

that's cool. those were way better anyway. I guess that just proves that samurai jack was the coolest show and that cartoon network are fools for canceling it, and that george lucas is an asshole.

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Haha..indeed it was. We may see more of Samurai Jack in the future though. The 2nd season hit DVD this week actually.

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Originally Posted by -=Asmodeus=-

Grievous is used a lot in the animated series Clone Wars....Get those...They are the story between part II & III....It explains a lot...

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Yep, seen 'em - loved Grievous in the toons, but he is basically a whipping boy in Ep III...