advice from the peanut gallery...that would be you guys

ok as most of you know, im having problems with my significant other. he lives in florida, i live in new york. we have a daughter who is a year old, yada yada yada. my question is do you think its wrong for someone to leave just to do what they want? like i want to be a nurse and he wants me to sit on my ass raising our daughter and eating bon bons all day. plus we are completely different, I.E, i love rock, hes into that Rap Crap. i mean he throws a temper tantrum if i paint my nails black! i've told him many times i'm going to leave but something keeps holding me back, maybe its the fact that im scared to get myself hurt? or maybe its the fact that he's the only man ive ever been with? i really dont know? your thoughts? comments? and please be kind, my mind cannot take too much of anyone shit anymore.

What the hell? He yells at you for painting your nails black? Sweetheart, it's your body. If he's supposedly dedicated to you, then he should accept you no matter what, right? If you want to work, then work, but remember the child is important, too. I'm not lecturing, it's just that my dad was a workaholic, and my mom ran away to the army, so I got stuck with my grandparents. Tell him you want to be a nurse, if he doesn't accept it, leave him. You'll not be growing as a person with him.

BTW, Rap Crap is right. There's very little of it that I can listen to and not scream.

I am all for the idea of sticking to relationships. But the worst thing is to be with someone, who does not allow you to be happy. Yes, you should stick to raising your kid. That's important. But you should not stop yourself from painting your nails black, or going to school, or doing what makes you happy. Because what's really going to suck, is that in 10 years, he'll leave you for some bimbo, and you will have lost 10 years of your life, doing nothing with it. You really have to live your life. You can't sacrifice it for someone else. If you had a kid, then yes, you have to deal with that choice. But you are still a person. You, as a mother, and a woman, still have the ability to go live your life the way you want to live it. With or without him...

Not to be harsh, but he isnt important..your baby, that is important. And you owe it to your baby to be the best person you can be, and you going to nursing school would be such a good investment in your son/daughters future! and I dont know who made the decision to be in a different state but by the sounds of it hes living his life how he wants to, you are more than entitled to do the same thing!

you gotta be you......

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Originally Posted by killerkat

you gotta be you......

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that was so philosophical :crazy3:

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Originally Posted by Pull~My~Hair

that was so philosophical :crazy3:

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:1orglaugh.... ,hehe,you know it.......


i even said to my self after words,"damn ,that's kinda short or something,haha"....

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Originally Posted by killerkat

you gotta be you......

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And musical...

buuutttt offf courrrrseee!!......lalalalaaaaa.....

He sounds like a fucking controling dousche-bag. I can't believe he's bitching about your nails and the fact you wanna be a nurse when he's in florida. What a twat.
Does he help support your child? When was the last time he had a visit with her?

I'd leave.

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Originally Posted by Pull~My~Hair

Not to be harsh, but he isnt important..your baby, that is important. And you owe it to your baby to be the best person you can be, and you going to nursing school would be such a good investment in your son/daughters future! and I dont know who made the decision to be in a different state but by the sounds of it hes living his life how he wants to, you are more than entitled to do the same thing!

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Damn well put..KUDOS !!

Father of two myself and I couldn't agree more. :thumb:

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Originally Posted by Toe Cutter

He sounds like a fucking controling dousche-bag. I can't believe he's bitching about your nails and the fact you wanna be a nurse when he's in florida. What a twat.
Does he help support your child? When was the last time he had a visit with her?

I'd leave.

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it was all his idea to move there, so he can get this "set up for our future" but everytime i talk to him hes still doing the same thing.... sitting on his ass! he pays *his mom pays is more like it* 100.00 a month. thats not even enough plus i havent gotten it in 2 months. he never really cared for seeing her, everytime she was over at his house, his mom had her and he sat on his ass in the other room playing video games.

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Originally Posted by suicidal_tendencies

it was all his idea to move there, so he can get this "set up for our future" but everytime i talk to him hes still doing the same thing.... sitting on his ass! he pays *his mom pays is more like it* 100.00 a month. thats not even enough plus i havent gotten it in 2 months. he never really cared for seeing her, everytime she was over at his house, his mom had her and he sat on his ass in the other room playing video games.

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That's why I asked, I figured as much. A 100 dollars ain't shit either when it comes to raising a baby. Fuck that shit, you gotta tell him to kiss you ass!

I guess you need to ask yourself if wasting the best years of your life for a dead-beat dad is worth the hurt of dumping a guy who will probably dump you sooner or later anyway. He's most likely cheating on you anyhow. Fuck 'em!

Totally... You could go get an nursing credential, make more money, and go find a better guy... You daughter will be better off having a happy mom, with a happy life, than to be with an unhappy mom, and a loser dad...

actually i have my sights set on one of our very own ...... *not naming any names*

im actually taking the nursing test on the 29th, so im doing it whether he likes it or not. he just doesnt know it yet cause im scared to tell him.

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Originally Posted by suicidal_tendencies

actually i have my sights set on one of our very own ...... *not naming any names*

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It looks like you have your mind made up all ready. So what's stopping you from kicking you gangsta-rapper baby-daddy to the curb?

the fact that hes told me multiple times thatd hed kill me if i ever did anything like that to him?

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Originally Posted by suicidal_tendencies

the fact that hes told me multiple times thatd hed kill me if i ever did anything like that to him?

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Are you serious!! Even more reason to get away from him. Get a restraining order and a sexy little 'Lady Deringer', you'll be cool.

100%. but its like ill get shit from EVERYONE if i leave for good. my parents, his parents, ect. mike already told me he wants to be with me *mike is the guy i want to be with* and i want to be with him but i need to find away to get jeff out of the equation 100% before i do anything. im gonna feel like a bitch for keeping jordan from her daddy but its for the best right?

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Originally Posted by suicidal_tendencies

im gonna feel like a bitch for keeping jordan from her daddy but its for the best right?

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You can't keep jordan away from him, even if he is a cunt he has rights as a father. Although, I doubt he'll exercise his rights.

Who cares if you get shit, is that better than being unhappy?. Fuck his family, it's none of their god-damn business. I'd hope your parents would understand. If they didn't, fuck them too! Your old man lives in florida, if he can't pay for his baby how the fuck is he going to make your life harder from the other side of the country?

i never said he couldnt pay...he just doesnt. i mean he can buy a pair of $70.00 JNCO jeans everyother day.

im scared like if i let jordan go see him, i wont get her back. its not him im worried about. its his mom. she can be a cunt, plus they have friends in the FBI and the cops down there, so if they want to take her, they can. thats just too much for me to even imagine.

Oh... Well, regardless. I can imagine that you'll get lonely or dunk, fuck that mike guy and that will set the ball in motion. :)

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Originally Posted by suicidal_tendencies

im scared like if i let jordan go see him, i wont get her back. its not him im worried about. its his mom. she can be a cunt, plus they have friends in the FBI and the cops down there, so if they want to take her, they can. thats just too much for me to even imagine.

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He can't just take her. Even if he has friends in the FBI he can't kidnap your baby. That is exactly what he would be doing. If you get full custody of her he or his mom can't do shit!

i know but that thought is still there plus she has to go all the way to florida to see him. i dont want her to hate me when she gets older because i left her dad. and i can see that happening. i mean shes only a year old but shell still know.

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Originally Posted by suicidal_tendencies

i dont want her to hate me when she gets older because i left her dad. and i can see that happening. i mean shes only a year old but shell still know.

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I doubt it.

If your unhappy her whole childhood could be fucked-up. Maybe you'll meet a wicked-cool guy who'll be the father that shit-head could never be?

I gotta go, see ya'

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Originally Posted by suicidal_tendencies

i dont want her to hate me when she gets older because i left her dad. and i can see that happening. i mean shes only a year old but shell still know.

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It won't be this way. She'll love you because you took care of her. He didn't do shit.

I agree. She will know that you, unlike her dad, had her best interests in mind, and it sounds like it will be much better for you both (you and her) in the long run. You don't want to be one of those families where the parents only stay together "for the kids", because that can be just as nasty as if she does grow up to resent you leaving her dad (which i doubt), and you'd still be unhappy. I dunno, just my 2 cents. Good luck with it all though, it's a tough situation.

i think i have an idea of what to do. thanx guys

you definitely need some legal advice. you can get full custody plus child support and alimony. you can also get a restraining order for the death threats.

move, be a nurse and if you'd like I'll do you a leg break job on vanilla ice gratis. it woul be my pleasure to snap the legs of a person who threats a lady like that.....wont even use my bat.

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Originally Posted by malcolm

move, be a nurse and if you'd like I'll do you a leg break job on vanilla ice gratis. it woul be my pleasure to snap the legs of a person who threats a lady like that.....wont even use my bat.

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sounds good to me

See, just the fact that he threatens you, and is a loser, and is not even with you and the kid, and does not seem to care to spend time with her, all tells me this guy is an abusive loser. So the sooner you get you and your daughter away from that, the better off you will both be. And don't let yourself be afraid. That is how they keep control over you. He just wants everything from you, and he gives nothing in return. Fuck that. It's not like he went off to make a new start, and is still being very romantic, and misses you, and you can't wait to see him. It sounds like you want to be with someone else. Well of course you do! You got with a loser. So move on, and cut the asshole lose. Sure, he will have the right to come visit his kid sometimes. But other than that, you can have a happy new life, and you won't be making your kid live in a home where you are unhappy, and her father doesn't even want to spend time with her. At least if you move on, you will have the chance to start over and try again. But in the future, don't let yourself get in a situation like this. If things are not happy in your life, then move on before it gets really bad. Cut your losses, before the guy gets posessive and psycho. Get out before you have a kid. Make sure your life is happy. Don't take bullshit from people.

its not like i dont know that, but its like i KNOW i deserve better but i cant bring my self to do it. i just want to take my daughter and move far away from here. any ideas where i should go? id love to go to cali but im too chicken shit to pick up and move across the country. what am i to do. uggg.

well it may be easier to pass the nursing test before you move but Cali may have different requirements for nursing. it would be something to check into.

when my mom left my dad in 89, she was afraid too. But she did it because she knew something bad was gonna happen if she didnt. so my advice is just do it and ditch his ass. you come to az, I can guarantee protection under my watch.

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Originally Posted by malcolm

when my mom left my dad in 89, she was afraid too. But she did it because she knew something bad was gonna happen if she didnt. so my advice is just do it and ditch his ass. you come to az, I can guarantee protection under my watch.

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sounds like a good idea. but hes fucking psycho and hed probably kill you and himkilling people is the last thing i need on my mind right now. thanks for the offer though

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Originally Posted by suicidal_tendencies

i know but that thought is still there plus she has to go all the way to florida to see him. i dont want her to hate me when she gets older because i left her dad. and i can see that happening. i mean shes only a year old but shell still know.

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A couple of things to consider:

• You need to give her a warm, loving environment in which to grow and thrive. Living under the spectre of his threats and his overly controlling nature isn't good for either of you.
• Don't *not* leave 'cause she might not be happy with it later. If you've done your job right, she'll have the emotional tools to eventually deal with it.
• Be aware that if you stay for her, you run the risk of resenting *her* years down the road.
• It's your life. Not his. Not your parents. Not anyone saying, 'oh, you two are such a perfect couple!' If you're asking us for advice, chances are that you already know what the right and True answer is. Listen to that quiet voice in your heart.

i started counseling again i gotta go the 22nd, so maybe i just might be able to figure my life out after all.