a moral issue!

right now im pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place. im sure ill apeear to be an asshole from thiis but no matter....

im currently going out with a girl that i have lost any long term feeling for, the only reason i havnt told her is because i want to avoid breaking her heart. But i have fell in love with a girl who i had a thing for quite some time a go, and she is now going out with a mate of mine, that mate of mine is currently sleeping in the room next to me, and i respect him a great deal. basically im trying to find some one to make the decision between breaking up with my gf and telling this other girl how i feel or telling me to stayh with my gf and forget about anything else.

this girl that i fancy either likes me back or sees me as a very good friend. i feel like a comlete ass, and the only reason i share this thing is because im pissed...


please someone help me, preferably jax saying she will come to england and sex me rotten :P but seriously, i cannot do this on my own, ive tried.... please help

If this guy is a friend of yours then you should avoid betraying him. If she feels the same way then go for it. As for your current girlfriend. If you don't want to be with her tell her before you make yourself so miserable that you start treating her in a manner that she doesn't deserve. Broken hearts mend, but if you turn into a dick she'll hate you forever and you might end up hating yourself.

right now im more worried about my current gf, how do you tell someone you love that you dont think it will work out?


i would never betray a friend, that much im certain, my friends are the sole thing i care about, they have helped me and been with me through thick and thin, but i cant ignore this feeling, i just wish i told her back when i had the chance, thats something ill live with, i just, i guess.. despise myself for hat im doing to my current gf

(im really sorry if i aint making to much sense)

If you no longer have feelings for the person you're with, you owe it to her to not pretend. You should break things off if you are sure that it isn't going to work. Regardless, a talk is in order.

Life's too short (and too long) to be in a relationship for someone else's sake.

Now, as to your mate, he's dating this girl now, and you shouldn't make a move. If you want to not betray a friend, you'll just have to keep the feeling to yourself. You could tell him how you feel about her, but that is highly unlikely to end well.

very true, to lead her on would be wrong, i guess i need an easy way of telling her its over etc. relationships should come with a warning label.

thanks to both of you for some sound advice. hopefully ill get this sorted sooner rather than later

I'd say you should just be honest with everyone. they might not like it, but what's better? lie and hide your feelings and not do what you want to? if any of these people cares for you then they'll understand, and if they don't respect honesty then your relationship won't go very far anyway.

I agree with Morning Glory

there's no 'easy way' to breakup...

...well, that I know of... and I don't know much...

has anyone here been broken up with in a 'good way'?

how would we prefer to be broken up with?

huh...

i dunno...

...anyway, I agree break it off with your current gf. if you're not into her anymore, why waste either of your times?

you blew it with this other girl.

move on.

maybe she'll come back around into rotation and be available later on, but she's with someone else right now, and that person is a friend of yours.

if he's really such a good mate of yours you'll do your best to get over her.

(I've been down this dark alley a few times, and 'win, lose, or draw' it's always sucked in the end.)

seriously, go out and find somebody who's more like what you want... and who isn't dating a good friend.

if you're focused enough on that, and the other things you've got going on in your life getting over 'what'serface' will be alot easier...

...or you can always lock yourself in your room, refuse to bathe, watch alot of daytime tv, and infomercials, reorganize your comicbook collection, and make this girl mixed tapes, and when she sees you mooning over you, she'll realize what a lovesick dolt you are, fall madly in love with you, ditch your mate, and have several of your babies... until some other guy gets all mental over her...(which is what I usually do)

would you really want a girl that fickle?(I have.)

not trying to belittle the love of your life or anything dude...

...but whenever I meet 'The One' these days, I immeadiately check to see if I'm not in some manic depressive funk, and just looking for external outlets to focus my selfdestructive impulses...

well, good luck. I hope you get the girl, and your buddy isn't crushed, and your current-soon-to-be-next-ex is all very understanding...

ps.if you can sleep with her first, before you make an ass of yourself it might help your case with her... desperate+already had sex, trumps desperate... ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Buster Friendly

you can always lock yourself in your room, refuse to bathe, watch alot of daytime tv, and infomercials, reorganize your comicbook collection, and make this girl mixed tapes...

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it's like you're my biographer, dude! haha :p:

yeah it's like the song says, "breakin up is hard to do." I've only had one relationship that ended on good terms. that was just after I ended the most serious one I've had, and tried to jump into one with a freind of mine. it didn't work out, and I was pretty cheesed at first. but it was for the best since I just wanted someone to substitute for my other fucked up person and it probably could have been anyone. so anyway, we are still good freinds now, and everythings gravy. all the rest think im an asshole. to be fair, I was, but so were they, and now I'm not and they still are, so life goes on. :thumb:

thanks again guys, id never trample on a friend, i just cant do it, i dont think theres anything more imporotant to me then good friends.

i mean this isnt the perfect time to leave someone you know "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! oh yeah, erm.... your finished!". i suppose i just gotta pick my moment

its better to tell your GF right now to avoid hurting her worse soemtime down the road. to keep telling her everything is all right is only going to make her hate you more when she finds out it isnt. *trust me this comes from experience* and as for the other girl, its better to come out and ask her then to just "guess" that she likes you. b/c if she doesnt youll ruin your friendship with her and your best mate.

But dont put it off anymore. it only hurts people worse.

yep, don't put the break up off, do it ASAP...

guys have a tendency to 'just let' relationships fall apart... as in, acting like a jerk to drive a girl away, rather than just coming right out, and saying they'd rather break up.

...but don't even bother with that other girl... find something else to occupy your time.

face it, if she was really THAT COOL she would have picked you to begin with, and been pining after you, and hoping you'd break up with the current-next-ex...

move on, best for everyone concerned. (espcially YOU!!)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Buster Friendly

yep, don't put the break up off, do it ASAP...

guys have a tendency to 'just let' relationships fall apart... as in, acting like a jerk to drive a girl away, rather than just coming right out, and saying they'd rather break up.

...but don't even bother with that other girl... find something else to occupy your time.

face it, if she was really THAT COOL she would have picked you to begin with, and been pining after you, and hoping you'd break up with the current-next-ex...

move on, best for everyone concerned. (espcially YOU!!)

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damn straight! :thumb:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Buster Friendly

yep, don't put the break up off, do it ASAP...

guys have a tendency to 'just let' relationships fall apart... as in, acting like a jerk to drive a girl away, rather than just coming right out, and saying they'd rather break up.

...but don't even bother with that other girl... find something else to occupy your time.

face it, if she was really THAT COOL she would have picked you to begin with, and been pining after you, and hoping you'd break up with the current-next-ex...

move on, best for everyone concerned. (espcially YOU!!)

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gad'dam, you read my mind, thats what i was considering doing/doing before i posted, it bothered me a great deal though, i care for her still, i just dont love her. im gonna have to try my goddamn hardest to get the guts to tell her, ive seen her wounded puppy look before and its heart wrenching.

as far as the other girl goes, im definately not going there, like i said, i would never betray a friend.

i gotta thank you all, you have been very helpful/supportive. thanks alot

Break it off civily with your girl but don't do anything with your friend's girl. If she likes you back enough for it to be worth anything to you, she'll come to you.

Personally I'd avoid the whole other guys girlfriend. Whether he's your friend or not. From personal experience, I fell in love with someone who was already in a relationship (he's a jackass and not my firend). But the fact that she said she felt the same way about me didn't matter, cause she didn't leave him. She strung me along until I got sick of it and now wont talk to me. It sucks cause she was a very good friend before and it was the best sex of my life. The point is no one needs the pain this kind of situation brings.