This is debatable territory.

Ok, I had this debate a few weeks ago. I just need to hear what you guys think. This person made the statement that if someone says something you find highly offensive to you, and you become angry, it is your fault. In other words, if I let those words or comments bother me, it's how I see myself, how I let their view effect me. I said: You are full of shit. There is a thing called common courtesy. I don't tolerate rudeness. I am not trying to win popularity contests but don't be an asshole. That's my take. I can see where the guy was coming from definitely but I can't swallow it. In the end, we agreed to disagree.

The problem is people never seem to quite agree on common courtesy. Often times the person who takes offense has a very different sense of what common courtesy is compared to the person who said what they found offensive.

When someone deliberately attacks you or yours verbally it is a different matter, but if you are being offended because of stuff people say without the intent to attack you then I would say your friend is usually, but not always right. There are however always exceptions.

based on what i usually see, not too many people these days have any conception of what common courtesy is anymore. no matter what someone else may think, i believe that there is a basic level of conduct everyone should adhere to (ie, "common courtesy").

common courtesy is variable. around me, it means thank you for not trying to kill me with edged weapons. around some people, it means HOW DARE YOU INSULT $MY_RELIGION? JIHAD!

really. some folks do get offended awfully easy. mostly very religious folks. makes me damn proud to be a Rewardian Subgenius - there is literally NOTHING that ANYONE can say about my faith that i would find insulting, and i personally consider that to be a much more tangible benefit than howevermany virgins promised in the afterlife.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sheramil

common courtesy is variable. around me, it means thank you for not trying to kill me with edged weapons. around .

---

yeah, people should feel lucky i don't kill them with my barehands, or at the very least maim, and torture them... (kinda like picking the legs off of ants... only with shriners...)

seriously, if people would just stop and ask themselves 'when was the last time someone hack off one of my limbs with a machet?' or 'hey, this guy could be giving me unnecessary surgery with a rusty camp spork' i think they'd feel less inclined to get all uppity.

i generally feel that i show most people too much respect by not force feeding them sand, or their own intestines. they never seem to appreciate it... on the rare occasions when they do comprehend that i'm displaying remarkable, and uncharacteristic restraint do i get a thank you?

no.

i do not.

instead they get all fearful, and backstabby, and try to backbite, and ruin my life...

i mean the last thing i'd do to a guy who could pull out one of my eyes, and lead me around like a gecko on a leash is try to get him fired, and thrown out of his apartment... i might try to kill him, but fuck that gossipy office politics shit.

but i digress...

...i feel like people have an absolute right to be about as offended as they want to be...but letting that affect your emotional equilibrium is another thing altogether... people generally want to go around acting like morning radio show ignoramous', and then want to tell you it's your fault for taking offense at some stupid shit they said...

i say fine. they have a perfect right to act like mongoloids, and dry hump each other in placticized adult diapers, while blowing spit bubbles...

just don't get all offended, and PC with me when i shove slivered bamboo skewers up their asses like some ho *** mihn/vlad the impaler love child...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mirren

Ok, I had this debate a few weeks ago. I just need to hear what you guys think. This person made the statement that if someone says something you find highly offensive to you, and you become angry, it is your fault.

---

I'd say it depends on if it's true or not.

It all comes down to the original rules of life...

You should do what you want, as long as it does not directly
hurt someone else...

What someone says, is freedom of speech.
They can insult your religion, your race, your mother, etc...
We are all free to say whatever we want to.

If you don't like the things someone is saying,
go elsewhere...

If you feel like you have the right to be offended by what
someone else is doing or saying, then anyone can say the
same thing. That they are offended that you are showing
skin, or that they are offended that you are not praying,
or that they are offended that you have tattoos. It may
offend their sense of decency, etc... But if you expect
them to respect your right to wear what you want,
and say what you want, then you have to respect
what they want to wear, say, etc...

That doesn't mean you need to stick around and
listen to it, or be subjected to it. The same way
we do not force religious people to look at
porn. They can go home and look at the bible
if that is what they want. But don't try to tell
us what to look at, talk about, etc... And we
won't tell them not to go to church, etc...

It's all about doing things on your own time,
in your own private space. In public, you have
to tolerate differences in appearance and
behavior. That's just life...

I was talking about anger and the likes recently with some friends of mine, and one of them made the point that the only person that makes you mad, is yourself. You choose to be angry. I agree with that. So I guess I'm agreeing with the person who said that to you. Heh.

I whole heartedly agree with common courtesy, but I never really see any of it anymore. Me personally I'm a very courtious (sp?) and easy going person. So I don't really get pissed to often. I take a step back, take a few moments to do some deep breathing and if I have to walk away.

thinking back to my most recent experiences with incredibly rude and/or self-centred people... it may be a statistical anomaly, but at the time all of them were drunk. some of them drunk in public, around midday, and seemingly unaware that they were drunk.

it's weird. they seem to have a kind of shield around them, very much like the Holtzmann shields in "Dune" - they deflect most criticism away harmlessly, but a slow, mild comment will go right through and they will be devastated. and very angry. it's as if being drunk gives them the right to act like utter assholes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mirren

Ok, I had this debate a few weeks ago. I just need to hear what you guys think. This person made the statement that if someone says something you find highly offensive to you, and you become angry, it is your fault. In other words, if I let those words or comments bother me, it's how I see myself, how I let their view effect me. I said: You are full of shit. There is a thing called common courtesy. I don't tolerate rudeness. I am not trying to win popularity contests but don't be an asshole. That's my take. I can see where the guy was coming from definitely but I can't swallow it. In the end, we agreed to disagree.

---

It all depends. If someone says something in a way thats personally attacking you,then of course you have every right to get offenended and be mad. Its all about how someone says it. Believe me, i say some fucked up racist, sexist shit, not cuz i am those things, but just cuz i like making jokes, cuz its funny. The way i see it, if i say something in the context of a joke and someone gets offended, yes it is their fault. Sometimes people have to learn to not take things so seriously.

toughy for me cus I get pissed at people when they get all health guru on me for lighting up a cigarette but at the same time I cuss like a-oh wait......I was in the navy so i guess I CAN cuss like a sailor.

i agree with most people, that if the person was saying whatever maliciously then you have every right to be offended, but if they didnt well actually i guess you still have the right to be offended but it would be in horribly bad taste to be a dick about it.

humm some one tryin to see how thick skined ya are? or just really tryin to piss you off ?

but i agree with most all that said you have the right to get pissed ,but it's up to you if your going to bring your self down to their level ..

ok, I have a question, if we dumped raw sewege on lars fredericksen, would that makes us bad people?

also does that make him a bad person for claiming to be working for social change while being perfectly ok with capitalizing on it and not feeling bad about his involvement in social exploitation economics and doing nothing in actuality to better himself or society?

and moreso, even though we do feel bad about our own involvement and try to better ourselves; by critisizing him for it, does that make us just as self-righteous?

i am a firm believer in tact and courteousy. in general i think cafe_post_mortem's post summs up my stance.

but i have also been expanding into the powers of being blunt!
i have learned especially in NYC as well as certain types of people that you can get more respect, make new friends, get phone numbers from girls(just generally be more socialably successul) BY being straight foward un-abashed unforgiving say whatever the fuck you want when you want to (then apologize or explain if it doesn't go over welll;)

i think it goes into the whole nice guys finish last mentality.
but that is a whole different conversation that i don't want to hijack the post.