The five stages of sobering up

from bbc

Now, you've been out for a hard night of drinking. You've discovered the five stages of drunkenness - you've been clever, attractive, rich, invincible and even invisible but now it's time to sober up. Here's what you might experience...
Waking up the morning after

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Stage 1 - STUPID
As you regain consciousness and begin to enjoy the headache, the churning stomach and the cold sweats, you realise that you have lost not only several hours of your life but also the ability to concentrate on anything whatsoever. You are now STUPID and will remain so for a minimum of 12 hours.

Stage 2 - UGLY
Never entirely happy with the effects of the bathroom mirror first thing you are horrified to discover that you have now become even UGLIER than you previously thought possible. Not only have you bloodshot eyes and a glorious collection of spots but you are shaking so much that your grandfather probably looks healthier. Unfortunately you are still too STUPID to know better than to try and shave whilst shaking.

Stage 3- POOR
Having crawled out of bed and got dressed you are about to shamble out the door when you discover that the money that was to last you the week is now missing from your wallet. Being STUPID, you have no idea what happened to
it but the traces of curry on your clothes allow the possibility that you might have treated everyone to a takeaway at some point. Alternatively your pocket could have been picked or you might have given the taxi driver a fifty pound note by mistake. Rationalising that you couldn't possibly have been that STUPID and that you would remember being robbed, you come to believe that you were the only one who bought any food or drinks all night and
start to loathe all your friends.

Stage 4 - FRAGILE
As you are now STUPID, UGLY and POOR, your consequently FRAGILE self-esteem
plummets. Your already FRAGILE physical condition ensures that you feel liable to shatter if anyone even speaks to you.

Stage 5 - CONSPICUOUS
This is the final stage of sobering up. Unfortunately, everyone can spot
this CONSPICUOUS condition and its cause from a great distance. Even worse, they know that they can complete your misery by making fun of you, and that you are too STUPID to retaliate, too FRAGILE to hit them, too POOR to bribe them and too UGLY to hide.

ah youth

I've never had a hangover to date.