Let down...

Ok,recently,I went down to West Palm to visit my best friend in the world..let's call him Rick. So Rick an I go back a pretty long way..I've always kind of idolized him as the perfect man. He's like the male version of me,we both have a very clear sense of right and wrong,very passive and easy going,would give the shirt off his back kinda guy,gets along w/ everyone,loyal til the bitter end.

We've always had a strictly platonic relationship,but we tell eachother everything,no matter how bad or weird,and his ex-wife was my best friend for a long time..(don't speak to her anymore,thank the stars,but we were close once),so I always heard the other side of the story too. She..let's call her Tonya,was the worst kind of spouse,lieing,manipulative,cheating,selfish,abusiv e,drug addict...you name it,she put this guy through it. But he loved her..so he stayed loyal,and took it,even to the point of being her doormat.

Well they had a baby,then a divorce..she went to rehab and the rest is history. He dated a few girls,but nothing serious..then I introduced him to Lily,who I worked w/,she had 2 children of her own and is honestly one of the best moms I've ever had the pleasure of knowing..she's beautiful,generous,and has awesome taste on top of everything. They hit it off right away..were together for about a year,then just recently got married.

Now there's a little girl on the way (they already have 3 boys combined),and she's in her last trimester...it's been really hard on both of them,really stressful,Lily is prone to insomnia and migraines,and on top of that she's big as a house,carrying really low (she's had 2 c-sections prior and there's alot of pressure on her scars right now),she's just been put on strict bedrest,and frankly,I can't blame her for being a super,mega,bitch right now.

Now,here's the problem,on top of her being bitchy,she's also taken to sleeping in the new baby's room,so there's no lovin' going on..at all..hasn't been for most of the pregnancy,she says it is painful for her because of the pressure on her scars. Rick has been very understanding..although he does bitch about not getting any quite a bit. But recently,when I went to see him last weekend,he got a little drunk and confessed that he had been seriously considering having an affair.

I was blown away...it's was like finding out your hero is actually a villian. I just felt like if those words could come out of his mouth than how can I trust anybody? I almost felt like all my faith in the male species was shot to bits.
I know that sounds extreme,I mean,my own husband has been loyal to be,as far as I know. But now I keep having these doubts..when he looks at porn,I wonder..

Am I the only person that honestly doesn't find the idea of cheating appealing or even acceptable?
I mean sure,I find other men and women attractive..I fantacize like anybody else..but I would never in a million years dream of sacrificing what I have w/ my husband,my friend,my lover....for one night of mindless,meaningless sex w/ a stranger.

I'm not gonna say this is just a guy thing..I've known women 10 times worse than any fool running off at the mouth about what a player he is. Male or female,I really just feel like cheating is unforgivable.

Sorry for such a long post,but I really don't have anyone else to rant to..and I respect you guys' opinion...what do you think? Is fidelity a vanishing trait?

i would definitely agree with you that cheating is unacceptable behaviour. I would never in a million years consider cheating, the thought of being cheated on makes me feel sick to my stomach.

i am young and have only had 3 relationships (i'm currently in my 3rd and i would describe it as my most serious) but in 2 of those relationships i have been cheated on and then forgotten about in favour of the other female. With my own experience i know it isn't nice to be cheated on for whatever reason, now i am constantly reminded of my anxiety and paranoia by friends and had to rebuild my self esteem for a long time.

I would also agree that fidelity is a vanishing trait for many. I live with two other couples, one couple is the epitome of true love and would do anything for one another whilst the other couple is laughable. The female of the second couple had a pregnancy scare at the beginning of their relationship, the baby would not have been her partner's child. Luckily she wasn't pregnant but it didn't stop her cheating again and again whilst she was home in Ireland for holidays, and it didn't stop her from bringing men home from nightclubs..with complete disregard for her partner (and the knowledge that we would all be awake). The couple have since become much stronger but he still is completely unaware of her cheating past, we know her but are not friends with him and so respected her wishes regarding the knowledge at first but everyday it becomes harder to ignore as she constantly lies to him. (a week ago he said to her in front of us; "i've been cheated on in every relationship but this one" and all she did was smile and hold his hands).

you know... if he can wait for almost the whole pregnancy so far, he can wait another couple months i think. eventually itll all go back to normal... (even better i think, honestly hehe)
but yeah. cheating... nothanx! fuck that. i really dont understand how someone can take their significant other back after they cheated. i wouldnt be able to do it, no matter how much i loved them or what we had. i could maybe be friends with them again after awhile but i really dont think i could be with them again.
i hope your friend does the right thing though :D

It seems really childish, and impatient, for him to be so demanding.

Yes, you want to have sex in your relationship.
But what if your parner is pregnant, or sick, or gets in an accident, etc?

The whole point of being married, is that you stick with that person through the tough times.

He should just jack off, until she gets through with the pregnancy. If he still isn't getting any sex after a year or something, then talk to her about it. When you talk about spending a lifetime with someone, dealing with a couple bad years is not the end of the world. It's not like he's never going to get laid again.

And yes, cheating is not cool.
If he really needs sex that bad, and is thinking of cheating, he should tell her. Maybe she will be willing to give him a blowjob or something, until she feels more in the mood. She should be given the chance to make a compromise with him. Heck, maybe she will give him permission to fool around, while she is out of commission. Who knows? But lying about it is totally not cool. If he respects her, and loves her, then he should talk to her about the problem...

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Originally Posted by TheDeathKnight

It seems really childish, and impatient, for him to be so demanding.

Yes, you want to have sex in your relationship.
But what if your parner is pregnant, or sick, or gets in an accident, etc?

The whole point of being married, is that you stick with that person through the tough times.

He should just jack off, until she gets through with the pregnancy. If he still isn't getting any sex after a year or something, then talk to her about it. When you talk about spending a lifetime with someone, dealing with a couple bad years is not the end of the world. It's not like he's never going to get laid again.

And yes, cheating is not cool.
If he really needs sex that bad, and is thinking of cheating, he should tell her. Maybe she will be willing to give him a blowjob or something, until she feels more in the mood. She should be given the chance to make a compromise with him. Heck, maybe she will give him permission to fool around, while she is out of commission. Who knows? But lying about it is totally not cool. If he respects her, and loves her, then he should talk to her about the problem...

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:yeeaaahh:

I definitely don't think that all men or all people are like that though. Sometimes sex is an area where people behave in ways they never would in other areas of life. Sometimes this is good and evolutionarily successful and sometimes it is just kind of tragic and icky.

People act like they are going to die
if they don't get laid all the time or something...

I've been single for years at a time before, and did just fine taking
care of things for myself... So why the hell would it be the end of
the world if my wife or girlfriend couldn't fuck for a little while?

Sure, having no sexual release can drive people crazy.
But if you are getting too horny, and getting none at home,
then jack off for god's sake! Don't go out and cheat,
just because you aren't getting laid all the time...

Now yes, if you realize your partner does not want sex, at all,
and it will never change, or improve, then maybe the relationship
won't work. But this seems like a temporary thing, not a permanant thing.

I was thinking about this, DeviantMommy, and maybe your friend's wife is kind of starving him for intimacy and love. I think, if it is just sexual release, you would have mentioned if he had broken fingers or freakishly short arms. But, if the woman he loves and centers himself on is sleeping in another room, that seems like more of a rejection than simply not being able to have intercourse because it is painful. Maybe he is longing for affection and cuddling and a kind word as much as he is longing for an orgasm. If that is the case, maybe he can talk to her because she could feel weird being physically close, if she can't have intercoruse, and you did mention that she has been sort of hostile. It would be sad for them to lose their relationship because he was essentially missing their relationship.