The charms * charms * charms of insecurity.

So today I am feeling insecure.

A few months into the dating adventure n which I am currently involved my lover made out with some other (lame) chick. Now, at the time the talks of "rules" had only jsut begu, so technically he was allowe, but for some reason he made no mention of this event until about 3 months after it happened. So then, being a chick I over analyzed the whole thing and ealized he had been very deceptive about the whole thing, and am still irked by it. Is irked a real word??

So tonight, on my much valued Friday, I have to go to her (stupid) birthday party. I really really don't wanna go.. I have only one before met her, about a week after they "made out", when she did my make-up for a photo shoot he and I were doing (can I say tacky??)

So am I being overly sensative to hold a grudge about it and feel insecure?

I feel like if he'd told me I'd have goten over it by now but he didn't, which makes me feel like maybe more than making out happened....

I feel like when we leave the party someone's gonna say "now that's a good looking man" and she'll be all "yeah, I totally made out with him behind his chicks back".

I feel embarassed to be the girlfriend, cause they had this secret make-out session, and I don't like that she shared a secret with him.

Please, put my mibnd at ease. Am I being nuts-o???

You are a knockout. You always have hot pictures. If he was looking at another girl, he was probably setting up a threesome.

You are being human. But that being said if there was no understanding between you and your squeeze then there was no understanding. It might have been better for him to have come clean earlier. Chances are he thought it would never come up or he thought it was so boring and so unimportant that he didn't mention it. Yes the whole thing with her doing your make up is a bit "tacky" but honestly boys are usually clueless about those types of things.

You are being a little insecure, as after all even after making out with her he picked you. Sounds like he is a smart guy to me. Chances are after the party someone will say "well he totally picked the right one". Hold your head up high after all you won!

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Originally Posted by Exquisite

boys are usually clueless about those types of things.

You are being a little insecure, as after all even after making out with her he picked you.

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Bullshit... He picked you...blah blah blah :rolleyes: give me fucking break. Your full of shit. Why don't you have your rich clueless boyfriend buy you a ring and you shut the fuck up.



Look your lover fucked up and broke trust. The only insecurity is an insecurity in trust in him, which is justified. If I were you I'd be pissed off too. I'm sure he's a cool guy and you can work it out, but you have every right to be angry about it. Especially if you were building a real relationship with this guy. He better be sorry, really sorry.

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Originally Posted by Toe Cutter

Bullshit... He picked you...blah blah blah :rolleyes: give me fucking break. Your full of shit. Why don't you have your rich clueless boyfriend buy you a ring and you shut the fuck up.

Look your lover fucked up and broke trust. The only insecurity is an insecurity in trust in him, which is justified. If I were you I'd be pissed off too. I'm sure he's a cool guy and you can work it out, but you have every right to be angry about it. Especially if you were building a real relationship with this guy. He better be sorry, really sorry.

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Wow anger issues?

That came out wrong. I tried to edit it after I posted that but I missed the few minute deadline... I didn't mean that totally. I could have been a bit more eloquent in my objection to your post.

I'm sorry.

No worries thanks for the sorry.

maybe he waited to tell you because he was feeling inscure, and didn't want to fuck things up royally at the time, and wasn't sure of his situation with you?

i dunno... if i'd made out with some lame chick, but then totally got to date a super cool girl, i might feel a bit weird about the whole thing if it all happened 'before rules' or however these things go...

i've learned enough about women to know that telling them 'i'm dating you now, so that's that.' might not be enough... but i'm generally clueless beyond that.

on the other hand, maybe you should throw her out of a second story window, just so she knows what's what...

Scar you are gorgeous and men are all cheating, two timing, no good, good for nothing dogs!!!! I say kill both the boyfriend and the ho makeup artist! Sharpen one of her lip pencils and stick it into her eye... Heh! Heh!!!

It doesn't matter what you do or think or say, boys just cheat on girls, cute ones, ugly ones, rich ones, poor ones. They all cheat. Just use them for sex. Try not to get too involved with any of these playboy model types... Any cute boys in show biz that are players, just don't take them seriously. Guys in bands, club boys, male models, actually this is what you told me once....I am giving you your own advice...

WHAT???

not all boys cheat MJ. that's just silly...

... i mean really, if you were a guy, and dating Scar, would YOU cheat?

think about it... this is SCAR we're talking about here...

...and while we're at it, what kind of retards did you date Jennifer? who'd ever want to cheat on you? you're so sweet, and silly... you seem like you'd be alot of fun.

...but if you must use us for sex ladies... well, who am i to stand in the way of Natural Order?

:pbbt:

(sooner or later, you're gonna find an awesome guy MJ... one who isn't a total dipshit.... that's a threat!)

guys slip...girls slip, Bryan and I both did in the beginning of our realtionship, but now there's no way.... Besides, obviously he didn't fully know just how freaking awesome you are back then.

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Originally Posted by Scar

So today I am feeling insecure.
my lover made out with some other (lame) chick.
Now, at the time the talks of "rules" had only jsut begu, so technically he was allowe, but for some reason he made no mention of this event until about 3 months after it happened.

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are you pissed because the person doesnt hold up to the standards you expect from your lover, or because he didnt tell you for 3 months?

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So am I being overly sensative to hold a grudge about it and feel insecure?
I feel like if he'd told me I'd have goten over it by now but he didn't, which makes me feel like maybe more than making out happened....

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the not telling you part is probably the thing which hurts the most cos it makes you wonder why he didnt tell you

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Am I being nuts-o???

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no your being human

I still don't understand stuff like this from guys? My girlfriends ex-fiance' (notice the word ex boys and girls) had a beautiful goth/punk girl, and wanted a preppy girl instead. Though, he wanted a "alternative" girl still. Well, his loss.:D

he was probably going to tell you about it right away and it just slipped his mind

of course I could be wrong

How many woman have you kissed/sexed while you've been with him? If you're trying to have a monogomous relationship and have not done any of that then congrats. If you have though then don't get too on his case about it. If all it was is some kissing then you're lucky.

Think about the mindframe he was in when he did it.

**ment to add this but missed the deadline

Guess because i'm a very monogomous person (have as many friends as you want but only one lover.) that trying to understand the situation is hard for me.

Bringing more then one person into the bed or the relationship just screws it up.

Sorry it took so long to chime in, I was very busy cheating and two timing. Woof. :male:

On a more serious note, I gotta ask, why would he bring this up? I mean, my relationship record is pretty go awful but I can't see why he would want to bring this up. If it was technically allowed it seems kinda pointless to bring up in most cases. Stop for a moment and try to imagine a what a "good" way for him to bring this up would have been.

I am not saying you are unjustified for being upset. After all relationships aren't built on technicalities and even if it was technically ok it would still be upsetting to most people. You are right in that if you found out before you probably would be over it by now, but most likely that is likely because you would have had a 3 month head start not because it would have actually been any better by then.

If this is the only thing he did that is causing the insecurity I wouldn't sweat it too much. Getting mad or insecure is only natural, you don't need to be "right" to feel any particular way. Don't let people whip you into a frenzy and nuke the guy, but don't hide how you feel from him either. If people don't know shit bugs you and why, they are a lot more likely to repeat the mistakes. I don't know the guy, maybe he is awesome, maybe he is a cock with ears, but he will continue to irk you unless you tell him to stop.

Course, like I said, I know nothing about relationships. Just my stray sunday morning thoughts.

emo ball out

a little side question...are you planning on keeping him?

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Originally Posted by Velvet-Tongue

Guess because i'm a very monogomous person (have as many friends as you want but only one lover.) that trying to understand the situation is hard for me.

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Well, I think that a lot of people try to ease their way into relationships because they hate to limit their options, and they want to know that what they are giving up (opportunity-wise) is of lesser value than what they are getting in being dedicated to one person.

Usually this is more of a subconscious process, though; it's seldom ever stated outright.

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Originally Posted by Velvet-Tongue

Bringing more then one person into the bed or the relationship just screws it up.

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It works for some people, or seems to, but at this point in my life, I can't see being focused on more than one person at a time. At all.

sweetie, he's just a boy, I wouldn't worry about it, or feel wierd in front of her.... besides, he's with you now, isn't he?