Its beardkrieg! Mein gott... Aieee!!

The thinly papered-over wounds of World War II have once again reared their brazenly strange looking heads at The world Beard and Moustache Championships commencing September 1 in Brighton, England.

Looks like Jerry has finally made it across the channel and poor old Tommy has once again drawn Team USA into the conflict.... but "the thousand hair reich" will take a lot of beating as they've been dominant over the years ... and that's just their eugenic stormtrooper uber-frauleins from the old East german swimming team never mind the fellas!

Obviously the latest technology will be used to enforce the ban on performance enhancing "artificial styling aids" with specially trained sniffer moles ready to re-enact the night of the long razors at the mere whiff of hairspray or concealed curling wands.

Why wait until Movember? There's still time to scoff a crate of testosterone, rub your skin in extract of the hairy-berry bush and transform from Yul Brynner to Yeti in time to represent us other poor saps who can't even grow one properly.