Teh funny jokes thread

just figured id make a dedicated thread, before OK overflows the interwebs :p
heres my contribution, to be fair:

three guys and a woman are stranded on an island. a few weeks in, the woman decides she cant take it any longer, and commits suicide. a week later, the men decide they cant take it any longer, and dig up the woman. :)

and...

A lawyer, a priest, and a class of young bible school children were on a week long winter cruise. A few days into the vacation the ship hits an iceberg and it begins to sink. The priest readies a lifeboat for their escape. The kids, as instructed, form a single file line to get off the ship and, just as they’re about to board the lifeboat, the the lawyer runs pass them and jumps into the small inflateable raft and demands of the priest “Let’s Go!” In shock, the priest says to the lawyer “What about the children?” to which lawyer replys, “Screw the children!”
Says the surprised priest: “Wait, we have time for that?”

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said, "Lord, I don't have anyone to talk to."

God said, "Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a 'woman'. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give 'love' and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don't have time for nonsense..."

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg..."

Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

Two flies land on a steaming rancid dog turd, and begin chowing down.

One of them lifts his little fly leg, grunts, and farts.

The other fly glares at him and says "do you mind? I'm eating, here!"

For some reason I find this hilarious. A friend made it up. "Two genes(as in DNA) meet and one says to another: 'Heey, Eugene!'
Retarded, but funny.

or

An electron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The waiter says to him: 'For you, no charge.'

God, I love nerdy jokes:1orglaugh

Me too!!! thanks for sharing.

Ahh, funny jokes...there's nothing I like better...except perhaps funny and offensive jokes!

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?

-Quarter pounder with cheese!


Yeah, I got more of those.

sickybuaaaaa:
two atoms are walking along when one of them says "i think ive lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" asks his friend.
"I'm positive!"

Hahahahaha. Keep 'em coming:thumb:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sickybuaaaaa

Hahahahaha. Keep 'em coming:thumb:

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Was that not a perfect follow up?!!:D

sorry. every now and then someonme tells me im funny. thats actually the closest i ever get to it. i actually use that as a pick up line:
"hi thesetwoatomswalkintoabarivedroppedanelectronimpos itive haha pleasedontwalkawayimfunny awwshit"

one day ill get laid....

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was
constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to
meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after
dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in
Vermont.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood
nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his
birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"

She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,
but down there I am still mourning."
He knew he was not getting lucky that night. The following night was
the same--she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in
his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"
He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
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A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

A man walks into a shrinks office wearing nothing but a pair of short made of bubble wrap. The shrink looks at the man and says "Well I can clearly see your nuts."

Q. Whats the difference between a onion and a hitch hiker?
A. I don't cry when I cut up a hitch hiker.

HAHA! Thats funny... I do believe there are a few ppl who will appreciate the genius of these jokes.

DUSK, thanks for posting

If you took all the porn sites off the web there would only be one site left, and Im pretty sure it would be called Bring Back The Porn.

Q. How many cats does it take to paint a wall?
A. One if you through It hard enough

A scientist discovers a tribe of undiscorered African midgets.
After learning their tounge he asks the cheif the tribes name.
The cheif replies "We are the Fukawi"
The scientist asks why and the tribe jumps into the long grass and shouts "Where the Fukawi!"

Paddy and Shamus are out fishing one day when the boat springs a leak. Shamus starts bailing the water and paddy dive up the other end and stabs a hole in the bottom. "What did you do that for?" Screams Shamus and Pabby replies "To let the water out."

Two men are out hunting when one gets hit by friendly fire.
The second guy starts freaking out and dials emergancy. When the operator answers he explains the situation.
The operator says "calm down and check if your fruend is dead"
the man says okay and a few seconds later the operator hears a gunshot and the hunter asks "OK now what?"