A Cowell-centric rant

For those of you unlucky to be blessed with UK television, that commercial behemoth known as X Factor has its final in a few hours. For those of you unaware of it, and those who don't own a TV, never watch anyone elses' TV and never talk to another human being, you will know the name Simon Cowell. X Factor is, of course, a ploy by Mr Cowell to fund the diamond-studded extension to his dog's en-suite gymnasium. The gym equipment being funded by American Idol.

Normally I wouldn't care. American Idol, Pop Factor, Guatemalan X Idol, whatever. A bunch of blatent pop packaging and promotion to make money for everyone but the contestants, and spawn a new candidate for Celebrity Rehab. But, X Factor has always had a cunning plan - the winner releases a single, with more post work than Cher's I Believe, designed to take the Xmas No1 slot. Pure, unadulterated plastic pop of the lowest order, with Mr C bathing in unicorn semen on the takings. The music industry's version of stealing candy from a baby and selling it back to starving children.


Again, I don't care, not usually. But this time, the single will be Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah.

It may be me getting old and crabby, it may be the lack of claret this fine evening, but that pisses me off. I've worked with hundreds of musicians over the years who know they daren't touch it. We all have a favorite version, and despite over 100 attempts to cover it those favorites will be no more than 4 names. It took him a year to write and 70 verses, it's a polemic of religion, sex, music and relationships on multiple levels, and is not, most absolutely not, a pop song. Especially not a pop song for a boy band or a teenage girl, who are the likely contenders in this case. You can sing it when you've lived enough to understand it, and not before.

Mr Cowell 'encountered' the song when he heard it on American Idol, and immediately released it though his previous reality show winners, Il Divo, though it didn't float. I very much doubt he even knows which Cohen album it's on, nor what the lyric is about, but it's a shoe-in for the Xmas sales. To the X Factor machine it's just "that song they used on the OC", which is a case in point - Hallelujah is very very rarely used in synch, because almost everyone in the industry sees it as something strangely special. We often think about using it for a scene and pick something else, because as with the OC, you can only get away with it once.

Unfortunately, Leonard is more than a little strapped for cash at the moment, and so the pile of Benjamins is going to win. He's always said the song isn't really 'his' anymore; it grew beyond that. To me, that still doesn't mean you can drive a truck over it to make a rich man richer.

So anyway, rant over, we return you to your scheduled program.

pray tell, what does unicorn semen look like?

wow that's truly sucktacular.

that's even worse than my discovery of the mind numbing horror that is Lazy Town this morning.

...um.

yep.

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Originally Posted by VoltaireBlue

pray tell, what does unicorn semen look like?

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:yelrotflm

Unicorn semen eh? I'm listening...

Fear Factor was a pretty cool show. I'm just sayin...

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Originally Posted by VoltaireBlue

pray tell, what does unicorn semen look like?

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Im guessing it's rainbow colored...and smells/tastes like strawberry.http://www.prozakworld.com/images/sprites/starlite.gif

Ugh, I've seen some furry videos and... well. yick.

back to the subject at hand, I would like to say that I'm not a fan of mr. cowell.... or most, if any of his productions.

I hope, if nothing else, it can give a little boost to Leonard Cohen's popularity. While some people get a bit touchy when their favorite music is mishandled (and believe me, some suck-fest of a pop version of Hallelujah is a pretty fucking huge desecration), It could also serve to show a few people how really awesome Leonard Cohen is. Hopefully. He needs more fans. ^_^

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Originally Posted by VoltaireBlue

pray tell, what does unicorn semen look like?

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He sent us a bottle for Labor Day. Kinda tastes of kittens.

http://backstage.draftlight.net/6F0B...corn-semen.jpg

haha.

yeah, British people suck.

I actually had to google that name before I could say 'oh that guy'

Why is he kept around?

omg not hallelujah D:
OMFG.
that song is one of the most brilliant songs in the history of the world and he's bastardizing it? FUCKWAD. i hate him with renewed passion.
:twak:

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Originally Posted by Wickedanima

I hope, if nothing else, it can give a little boost to Leonard Cohen's popularity. While some people get a bit touchy when their favorite music is mishandled (and believe me, some suck-fest of a pop version of Hallelujah is a pretty fucking huge desecration), It could also serve to show a few people how really awesome Leonard Cohen is. Hopefully. He needs more fans. ^_^

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more likely people won't even know it's a cover. they'll think it's an original song. or if they do realise it's a cover, they won't care who it's by, this being the version they are comfortable with.

Yeah, that song should be strictly left alone by people who have no fucking soul whatsoever.

I can't wait till the jonas brothers sing it.

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Originally Posted by soma_stardust

more likely people won't even know it's a cover. they'll think it's an original song. or if they do realise it's a cover, they won't care who it's by, this being the version they are comfortable with.

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I know. :/ The same thing happened with "Heroes" when the Wallflowers butchered it. However, I did make a few Bowie converts out of that, so sometimes, there is a small sliver of win.

They didn't butchered it. Look at the both versions again :)

Wallflowers version was better.

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Originally Posted by allah

Don't blame Simon Cowell because dumb people eat shit. He just lays his eggs in it.

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Simon Cowell is a mastermind at figuring out how stupid people are and how easy it is to sell them a sack of shit and tell them it's brown gold.

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Originally Posted by Ajax Knucklebones

Simon Cowell is a mastermind at figuring out how stupid people are and how easy it is to sell them a sack of shit and tell them it's brown gold.

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and people thank him for it.........................go figure

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Originally Posted by Mr Karl

and people thank him for it.........................go figure

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That's why he's a mastermind:1orglaugh

Music rights get very tricky.

If Cohen makes a metric butt ton of money for what will most likely be an audio abortion, then I am all for it. To me, a bad cover cannot ruin a good song. The problem is, a lot of times people only get a nominal amount from covers of thier song, no matter how much it makes the artist who covered it.

I don't mean to imply that mr cowell would use every tool he could to keep every penny for himself and deny mr cohen his fair share as songwriter.i mean, not with his sterling ethics

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Originally Posted by Mr Karl

and people thank him for it.........................go figure

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Originally Posted by Ajax Knucklebones

That's why he's a mastermind:1orglaugh

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Originally Posted by allah

Right. And thats why you've gotta respect him a little.

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kinda like hitler...