A "Harmless" Bit of Sh*t-Talk

[Aza]

I’ve known for a while that shit-talking (and not baseball, shopping, or sex) is the real pastime of this country. What I recently hit upon was the truth of how few individuals are willing to let someone know to their face where the two of them really stand.

I’m apparently not the norm when it comes to communicating with people who piss me off. If you’ve done something to me or made me feel in such a way as warrants me to say something derogatory about you or your behavior, you may rest assured at all times that you will be the first person I approach with these issues; never will you have to worry about finding out my true feelings by hearing me complain about you to someone else through walls or closed doors. As soon as I’m confident that you know what I think of you, then I might venture to say the same to someone else who inquires... though I prefer to keep our business just between us.

With most everyone else I’ve met, the opposite method seems widely preferred and practiced (which might lead me to think I was doing something wrong, if it hadn’t already been proven multiple times that I make wiser decisions than the rest of the world). It’s tough for me to meet people who are willing to let me know in face-to-face conversation that they have a problem with me; most of them would rather I overhear them talking to someone else. More often (since I don’t piss that many people off), people wishing to vent about others will attempt to lure me into a shit-talking session for the express purpose of letting the person they have a problem with overhear that people have a problem with them. It’s almost as though they think they’re giving their complaints validation by having a shit-talking army already raised against the person before the person even knows there’s an issue. Sorry, but how is that not chicken-shit? How is that even mature?!? Is that how you would want to find out you’ve upset someone?

Here’s an example: If I were to leave the toilet seat up one night in a house/apartment where I had female roommates (which I would never do... again), I would much prefer that the girl who first had a problem with it found me and kindly (or not-so-kindly) asked me not let the incident repeat itself. What would probably happen instead is that I would overhear her bitching about me to or with the rest of the household, who would all look up in unison as I finally entered the room to find out why everyone was suddenly muttering my name under their breath. Of course, I more often find myself in the position of one of the other roommates, plagued by questions or statements urging me to agreement such as “Isn’t that mean of So-‘n-So?” or “What would you do with an asshole like that?”, or other phrases obliging me to pick a side in an argument that I’m sure both I and the other person involved agree shouldn’t be my business.

So tell me truthfully, if that’s within anyone’s capabilities: What kind of shit-talker are you? Are you the passive venter who talks shit about others in the hopes that they won’t hear, and that you’ll never have to raise the issue to their face? Are you the passive-aggressive who talks shit about others in the hopes that they will overhear, just to put them at the emotional disadvantage where they think everyone’s already against them? Perhaps you’re so passive that you’ll never do more than mutter the occasional derogatory comment behind your opponent’s back. Or perhaps you, like me, choose to defy the status quo and practice good old-fashioned manners at the same time, by not talking shit at all and instead telling the people you disagree with why you disagree with them in one-on-one conversation. (I’m imagining that all of you are going to try to claim this last option... which is why I’m calling “bullshit” on at least three quarters of you in advance.)

So c’mon... let’s have it. Why does talking shit about others get you off, and be honest.

[Buster Friendly]

Asian cultures consider showing your true feelings to one's enemies to be weak and foolish. If you don't have the self control to appear calm, and at peace in the face of opposition you probably should have been smothered in the crib.

That being said I run the gamut.

Sometimes I backbite, sometimes I facestab.

My favorite thing to do is to pretend to be friendly and calm, and oblivious to the malice of others, and then twist the knife in public with a smile.

I love saying horrible shit to people's faces with an innocent look on my face, and a bland smile.



(Although sometimes I get pissed and smash shit in a rage.)

[Morning Glory]

man, that aza is really an asshole.

whoops wrong, thread.

[mystoo]

If I have a problem with a friend or someone close I go right to them or I'll sometimes talk to another friend about it (depending), ask advice or something and then I'll confront the person.
It really irritates me though when people start talking to me about other people, like I give a shit. I've got my own problems thanks.

[Raza]

I rarely 'have a problem' with anyone, and while I'm surprisingly sincere for a sociopath I don't really see a reason to ritualise confrontations. Unflattering views I may have of people are, like any other opinion, voiced whenever I feel it pertains to the situation or my would-be audience's interests enough to be worth saying; whether that's to whomever it's about, to someone else in their presence, or 'behind their back'. Secrecy isn't my thing and I tend to work from the assumption that anything I say or do may be found out by anyone else - present or otherwise - so I don't generally keep track of who isn't around to hear me at the time.

[keiko]

I don't say anything to anyone else that I wouldn't say to the face of said so-and-so. The thing is, usually when I get frustrated with someone it's over something petty and ridiculous and I'd rather just vent it out to a harmless third party that stir up shit by flicking shit at the perpetrator who wasn't being intentionally malicious.

Now if someone IS being intentionally malicious, yes I will attempt to make sure so-and-so hears me venting through the wall, usually to myself, occasionally to other roomies, and come in to defend themselves, putting them at a disadvantage. It's not the best way to handle it, but if they don't over hear and we never confront eachother, the incident has a tendency to pass through time and fade away.

If someone is an ass, like my old landlord, I'll save it all up and make sure that when we do finally confront each other all my wit and verbal skill are part of the list of complaints and burn the S.O.B. and leave them a quivering mass of spineless jelly, that has been told so hard they need medical attention.

~K

[VoltaireBlue]

I run the gammut, depending on the situation. the saying "choose your battles" comes to mins. sometimes its better not to say anything and just vent or laugh about it with a friend.

on the toilet seat subject I grew up around five boys , and I learned the value of "looking before I leap" at a young age. I've never understood what makes chicks so special that they can't put the seat down themselves...

[Wickedanima]

I spend most of my time trying not to blurt the utter truth to someone's face. Its about 70/30.

When I'm managing my natural urge to say what is in my mind, I'm trying to also balance saying what I think with not being needlessly cruel. I find there is a line between being harsh and guising it as honest, and just being a generally blunt person.

[OliX]

You all just need to chill out!

This will help

[LeilaHazlett]

I run the gammut, depending on the situation. the saying "choose your battles" comes to mins. sometimes its better not to say anything and just vent or laugh about it with a friend.

on the toilet seat subject I grew up around five boys , and I learned the value of "looking before I leap" at a young age. I've never understood what makes chicks so special that they can't put the seat down themselves...

Well, these were pretty much the exact two points I was going to make. The toilet seat thing always seemed really sexist to me. I can put the fucking seat down myself, I don't need someone else to do that for me. However I must admit I never complained when my parents made my bother do yard work instead of me because "boys should do physical labor" or whatever BS they used to justify that with.

[Morning Glory]

The toilet seat thing always seemed really sexist to me.

goddamnit, you're right! Why do I have to put the seat down? Why doesn't she have to put it up? I'm going to start a movement.

[Rockwulf]

goddamnit, you're right! Why do I have to put the seat down? Why doesn't she have to put it up? I'm going to start a movement.

Man, don't say "I'm gonna start a movement" when you're talking about toilets.

[OliX]

Man, don't say "I'm gonna start a movement" when you're talking about toilets.

Well... there is already one involving amputees and handjobs.

[nathanmbailey]

I talk shit to the person in public. I say everything to their face (no matter what their rank is because, well, what's the worst they can do, kick me out of the army for using common sense?) and usually have a witness handy. Of course, I do this tactfully.

Example: There's a certain pilot who doesn't seem to know how to work the GPS on the helicopter. Every time he flew, he wrote up a fault on that system, I'd go out and find nothing wrong with it, sign it off and go along my way. Finally after having to check GPS systems on most of the model he flew (Blackhawks, I work on Chinooks too), I went to check on the birds to see if they had any problems and he gets out and tries to tell me there's a GPS issue. It wouldn't take a fill, wouldn't let him select a mode, and had no data input. I told him in front of some dumb bimbo LT that didn't know shit either and both crew members to get in the bird, climbed into the other pilot seat and turned the shit on. Being as much of an asshole as possible, I went through each thing he had said and basically called him a fucking idiot. Needless to say, he hasn't written anything up since. Seems I even saved someone else the trouble of having to constantly go over the faults he wrote up and making sure it wasn't just him being an idiot.

Most of the time, if it's something that will get someone in trouble if it gets out everywhere, I'll talk to them and drop the subject. On the other hand, if it's something someone is doing that I can tell is pissing other people off too, I'll get people together and figure out exactly what is causing the trouble for everyone, then we talk shit, call the person names, and all feel better. Then her husband tells her because he's practically a spy inside our work area and she has him by the balls, not to mention anyone specifically or anything.

[Aza]

Hmm... what started out as a harmless example of a pointless subject for an argument seems to have become a major issue now. Very well; about the toilet seat thing. First, I should say that this incident never actually happened to me; it was again only an example of a situation that would, for all the right reasons, piss me off. However, I agree wholeheartedly with those of you who've been saying that some women need to learn to put the seat down themselves.

Women in this country have it better than they realize, I gather. Years after they've achieved equal rights in this country, they also continue to keep up their dainty reputation as "the weaker sex." Most men assume that this reputation is one that all women shun, but I know better. I've heard the phrase "chivalry is dead" from more than one woman's lips over the last 33 years of my life. You want to know something? They're almost right. Chivalry is not actually dead yet, but it is dying. Want to know who's killing it?

WOMEN!!!

They want everything to be equal so far as their jobs and careers are concerned: equal pay, equal benefits, equal vacation time, etc. However, go outside the subject of jobs and careers, and you'll quickly find that women as a whole don't want equal treatment to men... they want better treatment! They want all the pay and perks men get in the business world, but they also want special treatment for maternity and feminine issues. They want men to hold doors open for them still, and to forfeit life boats, and to lower toilet seats. They complain about being seen as pieces of meat, yet they're not above wearing revealing or form-fitting clothing to get a job or a loan or anything else they want. (Whether they realize it or not, women as a whole use sex as a weapon and as a bargaining chip far more often than they use it either for recreation or to express love.) They expect chivalry to live on in the face of sexual equality, and I'm sorry ladies but that's ridiculous; you can't have the best of all worlds.

Perhaps the worst crime of the female gender: many of them use their monthly cycle as an excuse... an EXCUSE... to treat the world like shit for one week out of every month with no repercussions. Listen ladies, I've never experienced menstrual discomfort before, and I hope I never have to. However, I've sustained and maintained physical injuries far more uncomfortable that plagued me for far longer, and while I may have felt the urge to be irritable and nasty to everyone I met, I never caved to that urge. I seriously don't care what's happening to your body; unless you're some sort of medical mystery and your period reduces you to tears of near-fatal agony every month, you've no excuse for being a bitch. You're each perfectly capable of employing a little self-control to override the emotions brought on by pain and hormonal flux. I know this, because a few of you actually choose to, and you're the women I respect. To the rest of you: I've been through much, much worse than your measly little periods, and I managed to be perfectly courteous and civil the entire fucking time. It's not that you're not incapable of self-control; it's that you want the excuse to throw it out the window.

Again, this behavior is not exhibited by all women, but I guarantee that each of you ladies who doesn't fit my behavioral description knows another of your female colleagues who fit it perfectly. But back to the subject at hand...

It sounds like everyone has their own definitions of what shit-talking is, or at least their own excuses for engaging in the behavior. I wish I could gather from your varying accounts something I didn't already know, but I guess I'm forced to accept that human beings are confrontational by nature... that they actually gain pleasure and enjoyment from arguments and shouting matches... that they love to judge, hate and persecute one another. Humans are not happiest with being happy, or they'd go out of their way (and not even need to go very far out of their way) to maintain happiness and peace. Humans are happiest when they're at odds with their fellow humans; happiest when they can prove their supposed superiority over their fellow humans; happiest of all when they can completely ruin and destroy the respect, reputation, and lives of their fellow humans.

I can't say I'm surprised to have any of this confirmed, but I can say I'm happier every day that I'm not quite human.

[keiko]

I really only take pleasure in crushing dreams...

~K

[Buster Friendly]

I really only take pleasure in crushing dreams...

~K

Tears sustain me.

[keiko]

Crushing Dreams while Shopping is what heaven must be like... If there's chocolate.
~K