is there REALLY someone out there for everyone?

[malcolm]

you've probably heard the old addage or said it to someone either right after a bad break up or after years of not dating inspired depression:

"there's somebody out there for you."

but seriously, is there really someone out there for everyone?
relationships take work even on most of the "love at first site" relationships
and there are some who would prefer to spend their lifes content
'playing the field" on both teams going from one meaningless well aside from sex it would be meaningless relationship fling after another.

and although i'd love to imagine meeting mister or misses right someday-probably misses but who knows-the fact of the matter is there is also a very rude reality to the matter that maybe there isnt someone out there looking for me.

not to sound depressing and trust me, im not depressed over it. being single is great and i dont plan on being in a relationship with anyone until after i've gotten what i need to do taken care of but i've grown to believe a few of the old sayings we tell people are simply sayings we say to cheer people up because noone wants to be around someone freaking out over being lonely or crying and that in actuality there may not be someone out there for eveyrone, there arent enough fish in the sea and not every ugly duckling grows up to be a beautiful swan.

i think some people probably are meant to be alone in the bedroom maybe alone altogether. it's nott hat it's a bad thing, jus tthat's how things are meant to be.

what do you think?

[OliX]

nay

[malcolm]

i concur.. good way to put it btw.

[mystoo]

You know what. I just ended an 8 year relationship, well ok, it's been about a year now but....I thought, this is it, I'm never going to find love again but....I did. I don't know, it seems so right, like we're meant to be together but I suppose that could go for the big shit as well, hopefully not....I don't know what I'm trying to say and I'm rambling, I'm sketched out and I haven't slept in a long time...........

[Ajax Knucklebones]

I can only put it this way...."Do you think there was really someone out there for Jeffrey Dahmer?"

[Xavialune]

Yeah of course there is. Someone out there will like you..it depends on how the two of you are athard work and compromising that will make it work.

If we're talking some crazy person though..maybe not.

[Valerian Reign]

I can only put it this way...."Do you think there was really someone out there for Jeffrey Dahmer?"

Yeah, little boys.

Duh.

On a serious note, maybe there was someone out there for him. Of course, Dahmer would have been more likely to kill the man, eat his body parts, and then have sex with his mutilated corpse, than get to know him enough to have a serious relationship.

As for my personal beliefs regarding the original question, I think that someone is bound to find someone else. Relationships just take a lot of hard work, work that many people are not willing to undertake.

[Bikerpunk]

Nope.

I will die alone.

[Clockwork Jello]

If you mean in a "destined" kind of way then hell no. In a more logical manner, however, yes I think that with 6 billion + people out there in this crazy world there is bound to be plenty of people out there that will like you. If someone goes through life and doesn't find someone then they probably did not want to find them or be found in the first place.

[Aza]

In response to this post, and the very good question it poses, I have clipped and revamped one of my old essays. Enjoy!

The "Soulmate" Phenomenon:

As I've mentioned far too many times before in other blogs, my parents have the perfect relationship (or as perfect as perfect gets anyway). To my knowledge, there does not anywhere exist a better example of a happy relationship functioning within the confines of marriage vows than that shared by my own mother and father. This was both a burden and a blessing growing up; a blessing because I got to see how women are supposed to be treated and how problems between couples were supposed to be handled, and a burden because what they have is unachievable by practically everyone in our self-centered generation and after.

There are always, of course, people we mesh with more effortlessly than others, and there's no denying how great a feeling that is! I'd be a hypocrite (especially at present) if I tried to belittle or blow off that endorphin-rush that accompanies the thrill of really meshing with another human being! This adrenalizing sensation has inspired songs by every musician ever to lift an instrument or a microphone, brought down empires in its wake, and made Hallmark the household name it's been for years. What does it really mean though? Just because we're supposedly "in love" with someone, does that mean we should pair off exclusively like penguins (as much respect as I have for penguins) and call our life experiences over and done with unless they involve that one other person? An even better question is, are we only able to be "in love" with one person at a time? Personally, I remember occasions where I've had strong personal feelings for at least three people at a time! Some I wasn't able to act on, much less make public mention of, based on who was "exclusive" with who and all that petty bullshit, but the feelings were still there, and no less powerful because of their inability to be pursued or consummated.

For a while I managed to convince myself that I'd never truly been "in love" simply because it had never lasted. In fact, I have been "in love" with many people, I've come to discover; I feel no shame in this. Does that mean I constantly dream of us being together, or harbor secret plans to steal these people away from their significant others? Why would I try to alter the life of someone I feel strongly for, when the whole reason I feel strongly for them is because of who they are and how they live? It would be positively fucking cruel of me - of anyone - to selfishly cage something we find so free and beautiful! We only succeed in diminishing or destroying the beauty we've come to love! "I love you for your sexual prowess/promiscuity... but from now on you're only allowed to fuck me!" ??? "I love you because you're such a great listener... but what the hell was that other guy talking to you for?!?" *rolls his eyes*

I must thank my friend Mike (again) for introducing me to the greatest body of fiction ever written, that I would make mandatory reading for the world if I could: Robert A. Heinlein's "A Stranger in a Strange Land." The human Martian, Valentine Michael Smith, creates at the end a perfect fucking utopia in the form of a "religion" in which, in mimicry of certain ancient Eskimo societies, women and men have "mates" in a sense, but in such a pure form that the issue of jealousy never even comes up! If a person wants to, they can enjoy the company of anyone they wish, sexually or otherwise, and that person's "mate" or "spouse" or however you want to label it is free to do the same! Because of the freedom they each grant one another, break-ups just don't happen. Previously-existing marriages are strengthened and renewed between couples who enter Smith's society, and others are even formed, all because restriction was removed from the institution of "marriage." Smith, as an outsider to Earth mating customs, understood right away what few of us ever come to seriously realize... that true love starves to death when one attempts to contain and control it! Set it free... and then if it decides to continue to bless you with its presence, you'll know it's because it finds you just as amazing!

In a "marriage" like that, a couple could stay genuinely in love and probably sexually gratified well into their senior years! Well... other medical issues permitting.

Everyone who's ever experienced feelings of jealousy in a relationship... you're not wrong to do so; tradition is hard to part with, and it's human nature to want to hold onto what we love. I get that... I've been there. That having been said, you're doing yourself and your partner a terrible injustice with such a petty emotion, even if you don't want to believe it, and no matter how much your partner may try to assure you otherwise. If you don't believe me, or better still if you're feeling jealousy that you'd like to shrug off your shoulders... read "A Stranger in a Strange Land." It will calm you, captivate you, and convince you so much better than these words of mine. (Plus, you'll get to find out why Jubal Harshaw is one of my idols!)

But back to the subject...

Do you have a Soulmate? Eh... maybe. I don't know all the mysteries of the universe. If you do though... consider the possibility that souls are social entities meant to be occasionally "mated," and that you may have more than one! I know I've mated on one or more levels with souls of both "genders" (fucking labels) stretching all across the Sphere, and I hope to mate with many more between now and the end of the universe. Some more regularly (and more carnally) than others perhaps, but still...

So consider yourselves soul-mated to me, and know that I love you all. Hell, I'd even say I have the potential to fall "in love" with a select few of you! Would that scare you? Perhaps I'd fall in love with you because of how well you mesh with the person you're already with and how happy I see that they make you; you needn't feel romantically threatened in any case. It just means you're a hell of an amazing soul in my eyes, and that's a good thing.

I hope this was as uplifting for you to read as it was for me to write...

[malcolm]

I can only put it this way...."Do you think there was really someone out there for Jeffrey Dahmer?"

hmmmmm i dunno he sure did have good TASTE in men though....too soon?

[nathanmbailey]

Probably not, but it's sure a lot of fun finding out...

[Velvet-Tongue]

I think so.

[LeilaHazlett]

Maybe but I don't really care. If you can't be happy by yourself then you have issues you need to work on before you can have a decent relationship.

[Nos]

I can only put it this way...."Do you think there was really someone out there for Jeffrey Dahmer?"

Well said

I personally believe people are meant to be in your life at certain points. Sometimes it lasts 60 years ... sometimes it lasts 1 moment. We need to stop putting a "forever" stamp on everything.

Love is beautiful, strange, demanding, and unmeasurable.

[Aza]

If you can't be happy by yourself then you have issues you need to work on before you can have a decent relationship.

Ab-so-fucking-LUTELY!!! Contrary to what allah says above, self-love is anything but worthless. It's in fact the most important prerequisite to genuine happiness, which any genuinely happy person will confirm.

[Nos]

Oh and thank you Aza for posting your essay

[malcolm]

Maybe but I don't really care. If you can't be happy by yourself then you have issues you need to work on before you can have a decent relationship.

i know that one way too well. it's taken me along time to get to where i am now with myself being open and honest about myself instead of denying what i am and what i believe-which is partially why my vacation was so long- but now that ive gotten here, I feel a great deal more content with myself. i still have along way to go before im a hundred percent okay with me but that's mainly because of how i look not fitting with how i feel which im also working on.

just wish it didnt cost so much to get there lol

[malcolm]

Well said

I personally believe people are meant to be in your life at certain points. Sometimes it lasts 60 years ... sometimes it lasts 1 moment. We need to stop putting a "forever" stamp on everything.

Love is beautiful, strange, demanding, and unmeasurable.

i think that way too. and yeah aza, that was a great article.

[malcolm]

her and i have been apart for over three eyars now i think? last i heard she was with someone new who is just hwat she was looking for and her daughter has a daddy she deserves which i think is great.
we just were too different to work together and it really straind on our relationship

[malcolm]

what happened to suicidal tendencies?

why'd ya ask?

[malcolm]

Curiosity.

nifty.

[Anna Evans]

I do not think there is someone for everyone.

I do think a lot of people settle.

[Morning Glory]

what happened to suicidal tendencies?

they became a thug metal band and their bassist joined metallica.

as to the question, there's not one person that is compatible above any other possible person no. but there is someone for anyone, because just about anyone can be compatible with someone, depending on how demanding you are.

[VoldtaEngler]

Known my wife since 15. I'm now 27.

My grandfather was married for almost 60 years..i think. Wife's parents 40th anniversary is coming up.

So I think there is someone for everyone...but it takes patience, understanding and a partnership to keep it together. In my opinion of course..

[Ajax Knucklebones]

hmmmmm i dunno he sure did have good TASTE in men though....too soon?

Not soon enough.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

what happened to suicidal tendencies?

"Send me Your Money" is one of my all time favs.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

they became a thug metal band and their bassist joined metallica.

as to the question, there's not one person that is compatible above any other possible person no. but there is someone for anyone, because just about anyone can be compatible with someone, depending on how demanding you are.

Is Mike Muir still the lead singer?

[malcolm]

they became a thug metal band and their bassist joined metallica.

as to the question, there's not one person that is compatible above any other possible person no. but there is someone for anyone, because just about anyone can be compatible with someone, depending on how demanding you are.

dont forget about that lame moment in their career when they were "infectous grooves" lol i miss the old s.t........not kayla but the band lol

[malcolm]

"no mom ,i just want a pepsi"
"NO! you're on drugs!"

[Nos]

"no mom ,i just want a pepsi"
"NO! you're on drugs!"

all I wanted was a pepsi ....

[malcolm]

No you're on drugs!

[malcolm]

lol i havent heard that song in ages.

[Morning Glory]

dont forget about that lame moment in their career when they were "infectous grooves"

aw, I thought that was pretty sweet. funk is so much cooler than tuff guy hardcore.

[Mr Karl]

solemate.................that's one of those foot things right?

[Wickedanima]

I do not believe in soul-mates, however I do believe there is someone in the world who you can tolerate, and who can tolerate you. I honestly don't think there is such a thing as a standard too high, if you want to wait a good long time to meet the person that is "right for you".

[BigBoy]

I do belive that there is someone out there that is just right for me, and while I cant say I have exactly been lucky with girls all of my life, I have recently met someone on-line that has brought back my faith in Romance, she is from wyoming and she is also into the Goth scene like me, she is so GORGEOUS im afraid to send her my pic in case she would find my style too mainstream boring.

[malcolm]

word of advice,bigboy? be careful with online dating,okay?

[TheDeathKnight]

I think that some people will never have a perfect match.

Why?

Because some people are too far out on the extremes.

For example:

What if you were teleported back to the 1700's.
As a man, or as a woman, would you find a match for yourself?
No one would like the same music you like. Few people would
have the same intelligence or knowledge as you would.
People would not accept many of your ideas or beliefs.
You would simply not fit in, and definitely not find a "soulmate".
You would be lucky not to be burned at the stake.

So the same is true today.

If you fit in with society 100%, and want a normal life, normal job, normal friends, normal family, and you are normal too, it's MUCH easier to find someone who wants EXACTLY the same things you do, and who has the exact same ideas, hopes, and dreams. But the more you are off into the extreme sides of life, and the stranger your personality is, the harder it is to find someone perfectly matched to you.

I think it's much better for people to look for someone who "accepts" you, and who is compatible. Someone you can live with, and get along with, even if they are not an ideal match. Because honestly, that "ideal" match sometimes does not exist. And if the perfect man or woman does exist, who has the same interests, are totally hot and sexy, and intelligent, and everything else, those awesome people are probably already in relationships with other equally awesome and hot people. That is another fact to keep in mind. If you are not perfect, then your partner will not be perfect either.

[Dusk]

But no one is perfect. I dont think there is a perfect person out there and you are stupid to look because if you find some one to love then why would you get rid of them in the hope of finding someone better, epically when if you stay with the same person long enough then you become comfortable with who they are and vice versa whil at the same time sub consciously changing to make them happy, there fore become the perfect person for them, of course this dosent work for everyone