Do you decide whether you are happy or not?

[Amelia G]

To what extent do you believe happiness is found and to what extent do you believe you make your own happiness? Do you decide whether you are happy or not?

[TheDeathKnight]

It's a little of both.

In some cases, if you are really positive, you can put a happy spin on even the crappiest situations. But in reality, it's hard to be happy, if life is sucking.

It's all a matter of perspective.

Even if your life seems shitty, there are probably people in other countries who have much worse lives, and would be very happy to be in America, and have the same stuff we have. So even if you are out of work, in some crappy crash pad with 10 other people, at least you are warm and dry, and probably have some food. So you can dwell on that, or be happy for the things you do have.

It's easy to do sometimes, but hard to maintain.

[OliX]

Sometimes I willingly fall into despair and sadness.

Even happiness can be tiring.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

I think we decide everyday if we are going to be happy or not. We just don't realize we are doing it.

[Mr Karl]

Happiness to me is one of those strange words that doesn't seem to mean as much as people make it out to be, so I don't really bother with this"happiness" crap.

I really do enjoy being content

[malcolm]

to an extent i think you do have control on wether or not you are happy.
most of the time that's the case.
it just depends on how you take things that come your way.

[suicidal_tendencies]

i think you can. you can be happy and content with your life and be having a bad day and miserable.

[Valerian Reign]

No. I think it's unhealthy to force yourself to be happy. Is it possible? I suppose. But I believe doing that is going to make you get used to things you shouldn't. People should writhe in the misery of unfortunate situations so they will know what it feels like so they can take better steps to avoid the same pitfalls in the future.

[VoltaireBlue]

I choose to be content.

[Raza]

It's mostly in what you believe. Pleasure and pain are one thing, but happiness results from approving of who you are and where you are in the world, from a sense of 'rightness' in which the intellectual plays a very large role.

You can't directly force yourself to be happy though; certainly all the factors required for happiness are within your ability to modify, but doing so requires that you start out where you are and with what you currently believe, and find the motivation or persuasion to line them up more favorably from there. There are a lot of things you can believe and principles you can hold yourself to that'll help you build and sustain an enjoyable perception of life, but those things too need to gain ground in your mind before you can start using them for all they're worth.

No. I think it's unhealthy to force yourself to be happy. Is it possible? I suppose. But I believe doing that is going to make you get used to things you shouldn't. People should writhe in the misery of unfortunate situations so they will know what it feels like so they can take better steps to avoid the same pitfalls in the future.

I don't think our minds work like that. Unhappiness does not motivate us to be constructive and seek change, just to cower from further threats and fall into angsty loops of passivity. Conversely, if you're happy, no physical pain or inconvenience is really as bad as you'd expect, and optimism creates a drive to improve things further.

[inox]

I believe that some things are very difficult to overcome and maintain a perspective of happiness (serious illness, death of a loved one, etc.).

However, in general, yes, I think we are largely in control of our day-to-day gratitude and optimism. It's always seemed to me that you find more of what you expect to find in life, so having a dour, world-is-out-to-get-me mindset leads to individuals choosing the paths that lead to that, while ignoring the opportunities for more positive change.

That's getting into life philosophy more than answering the question, though.

[Mindgames]

You can decide if you're happy, but if you live in the Glorious Motherland expressing it on here will cost you (Dr Evil voice) "one biiiillion rubles".

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology...perty-internet


(if you want me, I'll be in Moscow filing claims on a dancing banana)


*insert generically non-derivative emoticon here*

[ROGIZOID]

It took me a very long time to understand that i have the power to control my happiness.

There are too many situations that can dictate ones mood.
But if you have self control then when things happen you can learn to react in a different/calm mode.

I guess you could say im a natural pessimist/realist.
So i always happen to look at the darker side of things.
But as i mature more and more each day, i find that i have something to smile about.

Which is strange because i never did that before.

?

[FedorasBox]

We create our own reality. "it" is all a choice.

[Valerian Reign]

I don't think our minds work like that. Unhappiness does not motivate us to be constructive and seek change, just to cower from further threats and fall into angsty loops of passivity. Conversely, if you're happy, no physical pain or inconvenience is really as bad as you'd expect, and optimism creates a drive to improve things further.

I disagree. Forcing oneself to feel happy all the time is in fact unnatural. We have more than that one emotion. If it was not okay to feel sad, then our emotional spectrum would to include sadness. If it was not okay to feel a spiraling depression, than our brains would be incapable of experiencing such a cataclysm. The fact is the mind does work in those ways. It is not always happy. We have many complex emotions, not one happiness setting. If a person is in pain from some incident, s/he will be damn sure not to be in that situation again.

I don't have a problem with being optimistic and thinking that nothing will go wrong. But when things go wrong, a person needs to experience the feelings that occur. Forcing them to go away is ridiculous, but it is just as ridiculous as forcing them to stay. The sadness will pass. If it's a large inconvenience, though, then perhaps it is time to move on. But, to say that it is "unnatural" for humans to experience anything but happiness is a blatant falsity because we are able to experience a wide range of emotions. Also, forcing oneself to be happy in negative situations makes one tolerant of things that should not be tolerated.

[toxicat]

I think we can choose to be happy...or accepting, content or euphoric. You can do a "change state" with NLP, meditate, make art...or just let your hypomania go untreated. I've used all those techniques with varying degrees of success.

[mystoo]

I used to be miserable all the time and people would tell me it was because of my shitty attitude. Turns out they were right. I'm uber happy now, which is not to say that I don't still have shitty moods once in a while but when I'm in a crust I really just try to think about all the great people and things in my life and the clouds soon lift. My boyfriend is awesome too and it's almost impossible to be in a bad mood when he's around. The people you surround yourself with definitely have an impact as well.

[toxicat]

Gratitude and cattitude are fun together.

[Raza]

I disagree. Forcing oneself to feel happy all the time is in fact unnatural. We have more than that one emotion. If it was not okay to feel sad, then our emotional spectrum would to include sadness. If it was not okay to feel a spiraling depression, than our brains would be incapable of experiencing such a cataclysm. The fact is the mind does work in those ways. It is not always happy. We have many complex emotions, not one happiness setting. If a person is in pain from some incident, s/he will be damn sure not to be in that situation again.

I think you're defining happiness far too narrowly. Happiness is not a single emotion, but a whole spectrum of emotional states characterised by the absence of cognitive stress caused by internal conflict; and 'forcing yourself to be happy' merely refers to the process of proactively working out or avoiding such conflict.

You can be quite happy while grieving or while angry, if you really feel these emotions 'need to be experienced' just because they naturally exist, although such feelings might be more difficult to manage harmoniously alongside others than more unambiguously positive ones such as affection or accomplishment.

I don't have a problem with being optimistic and thinking that nothing will go wrong. But when things go wrong, a person needs to experience the feelings that occur. Forcing them to go away is ridiculous, but it is just as ridiculous as forcing them to stay.

Why do you 'need' to experience these feelings? Why is it 'ridiculous' to seek to influence them, if you can?

Feelings aren't some kind of divine judgement, that is always 'right' and 'appropriate' to whatever situation evoked it. In fact, feelings are mere biological cause-and-effect; 'right' and 'appropriate' don't even apply to them; they're merely there or not there, or perhaps desired or undesired. People can learn to experience a certain emotion in response to a certain thought or situation, and they can unlearn it; no single reaction is more 'correct' than any other. So why do we 'need' to subject ourselves to the specific one we're inclined to when an event occurs?

The sadness will pass. If it's a large inconvenience, though, then perhaps it is time to move on. But, to say that it is "unnatural" for humans to experience anything but happiness is a blatant falsity because we are able to experience a wide range of emotions. Also, forcing oneself to be happy in negative situations makes one tolerant of things that should not be tolerated.

Nothing that can be done within our natural universe is 'unnatural', and attempts to argue this anyway are generally self-serving rationalizations of mere dislike. Trying to do things because they are more or less natural is absurd; anything that is done becomes the only natural outcome for that situation by implication.

[theDragon_svDragcos]

"AMEILA",....

- I HAVE NO IDEA whether One would Know
when they Feel "HAPPINESS",...
..Wouldn't really understand
Exactly What DEFINES it,.....

How CAN one Know? ~ Anyway?..............

[OliX]

I tried here.

[DJ Bat]

An oldie:

Rosalie and Abie got married. Mama was worried.
After all, this was her only daughter, and she was a virgin, and
Mama knew what lustful, ravaging beasts men could be. So, Mama
worked out a secret code with Rosalie. After the first night,
Rosalie should send Mama a postcard with the secret code word on
it and Mama would then know that Rosalie had not been ravaged.
A few days after the wedding Mama became very worried - no
card from Rosalie. Five days passed and no card. Mama told Papa
how worried she was. Finally, after a week went by, Mama said to
Papa, "What can we do, I'm so worried - no word from Rosalie."
Papa told her not to worry. And, it so happens that on the eighth
day, Mama received a postcard from Rosalie but the card didn't seem to have a code on it. Mama went screaming to Papa.
"Papa, Papa, a card from Rosalie, and no secret word,
something is wrong." She handed Papa the card. "Look what it
says Papa - only two words - 'Such happiness!'."
Papa took the card from Mama and read it. "Oh, Mama, you're
wrong. Rosalie is okay. See - she writes 'SUCH A PENIS!'."

/Insert drunk monkey and a drum set rim-shot sound.