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Thread: love stinks and whatever

  1. #1
    soma_stardust's Avatar ~soul-eating model~
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    Default love stinks and whatever


    idunno, Amelia said to post more new threads so this is me, trying.
    i did the most awesomely stupid thing i've ever done... there's this guy i've known for two years... i've been crushing on him since i met him, he was teaching me japanese until i lost my will to study after my mom passed... we finally kinda started being in the same places at the same times again...
    ok, so i was all happy and squooshy and was picking up on all these signals, right? all the right things. i even conferred with a friend or two who were like "yeah, you're right, he must be into you! you're not imagining it!"
    so the first time we've hung out alone in over a year, i make a fool out of myself and let him know in my own retarded way....
    yeah, no. he's not interested. the last chick broke him so bad, i don't think he feels anymore. i put the whole "friends-with-benefits" thing on the table and have yet to hear if he's up for that. (honestly, i would really fuck him up in a relationship-type thing anyway... )
    i have never EVER EVER done anything like that. in. my. life. never have i revealed any soft and squishy love-type feelings for anyone unless they did so first.
    does this mean i've grown as a person? (even if the subsequent rejection made me sleep and cry for about a week straight...)
    does anyone else have similar experiences? (i don't know what People Do....)
    why do i always fall for the weirdest people?
    i have nothing more to say about this at.... 3:33 am (in the morning, even.)
    i'm tired and loopy, maybe i can sleep.

  2. #2

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Admitting to affection isn't a bad thing. The problem, if one exists, seems to lie more in the gambit where you 'ask for a relationship' or word your feelings in a way that amounts to that rather than letting your feelings be expressed through the actions they inspire, so that he can enjoy and respond to them on the fly without worrying about figuring your future together out right there and then.

    Mind you, american dating culture is very much about that gambit, but that way you're asking somebody's opinion on the matter, rather than probing their feelings - which runs a major risk of things like this happened when they needn't, because both realistically assessing your capacity to enjoy intimacy with somebody (without resorting to 'one issue' perceptions like this) and voicing that assessment when surprised by somebody asking for it in a social situation are harsh challenges, and doing either wrong projects your misjudgement on the future of your real relationship.

    Friends with benefits would be a good fall back. If he was giving 'yes' signs even as he believes that romance is a no go for him then they may well have been primarily about sexual chemistry, and that'd give you all the chance in the world to act intimately and bring his feelings out from under his opinion. Again though, I'd rather have just made a move than 'proposed to be friends with benefits', but after the first confession I can see how your willingness to go no-strings-attached needed to be made clear.

  3. #3
    Deetz's Avatar Member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    I once knew a guy (though it was mainly long distance) for over 5 years. We were really good friends and spoke everyday. We were flirty but never thought anything about it. I didn't want to be in a relationship and I knew he was single, so I felt fine.

    Well..after a time, I broke down and started to like him. I didn't get it, he lived in Michigan, I was still in California. Plus, he kept saying he had been hurt, etc. So we stayed friends. Perfectly fine with me, I started dating again.
    After about a year or two, maybe three..we started getting closer. Speaking for hours on end, every day. I was even planning on moving over to Michigan, because it was getting to the point where both of us liked each other, a lot.
    He was starting to open up to me and I was beyond thrilled. Then the trouble started..he started closing in and becoming effortless. He wouldn't tell me his feelings and I was starting to become confused. He confessed that he cought himself opening up and starting to really like me. He also told me that the girl he was with for 4 years, hurt him..to the point where he didn't know if he could trust another female again.

    I tried for months, almost a year to just be friends with him and not let my feeling get in the way. He was one of my best friends and I didn't want to lose that. I remember the night I told him I couldn't have him in my life anymore. I didn't want to talk to him, hear anything from him. I was hurting and I didn't want to like someone who didn't want anyone liking them from being hurt. So I told him goodbye for now. I felt like something shattered and I cried for months on end, depressed and hurt.

    Months later, I wrote him. Saying maybe one day I'll be able to speak to him without crying.

    Nowadays, I honestly don't see any attraction in him. Maybe it's due to him hurting me, because of his hurt. or maybe it's because of my husband that I met after I had been through that, heh.

    You're human. Whether it's long distance, face to face, in a boat, on the moon, what have you..it happens. I'd see it as something you'll grow from. Plus, it gets you closer to someone who won't end up hurting you like that.

  4. #4
    and the porridge was just
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    im a scaredy cat and i always keep my mouth shut.
    always.

  5. #5

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Deetz
    He also told me that the girl he was with for 4 years, hurt him..to the point where he didn't know if he could trust another female again.
    It's kinda fucked how people project that sort of thing onto an entire sex, as if there's only two lovers' personalities in the world. The role of gender gets way overplayed in all matters intimate in our culture, of course, but it's bizarre that the habit runs so deeply that people will act on these sentiments even when they know without a doubt that it makes no sense.

    I imagine that it's a product of monogender sexual orientations, where he projects his experience of intimacy on females in general because those are the people he views in an intimate context. But then, some people actually go on to switch sexual orientations after an experience like this, which is a whole new level of absurd when you were only grouping a gender together in the first place because of your self-prescribed attraction to them. That's the human psyche for you, I guess.

    Anyway, what picture is your avatar? Who shot that? The style looks familiar.

  6. #6

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    The whole "She broke me man. Broke me down I can no longer..n..no..longer..feel......." "My hearts a black void of black lipstick and chamber music...."

    Sounds like an anime.

    Yeah I've had times where I've never wanted to date someone again etc etc, due to being hurt. However once you find someone you click with and take the first step of moving on and meeting new girls/boys it goes away. We all have bad experiences, fights, bad breakups and all but humans are wonderfully rubberbandy and can snap back when you find someone else. of course I got to make sure not to fall into the trap that all people think/feel alike, but being unable to do anything with another person forever seems rather dramatic.

    That or, not to be mean but maybe hes just not into you Soma? Thats his kinda passive way of saying no? It sounds a lot deeper then "Your just not my type."

  7. #7
    Morning Glory's Avatar Apathetic Voter
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    sounds like he's gay.

    yeah, really VT, what guy would say that? Unless she literally broke his penis.

  8. #8
    Ajax Knucklebones's Avatar God fearing atheist
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by soma_stardust

    idunno, Amelia said to post more new threads so this is me, trying.
    i did the most awesomely stupid thing i've ever done... there's this guy i've known for two years... i've been crushing on him since i met him, he was teaching me japanese until i lost my will to study after my mom passed... we finally kinda started being in the same places at the same times again...
    ok, so i was all happy and squooshy and was picking up on all these signals, right? all the right things. i even conferred with a friend or two who were like "yeah, you're right, he must be into you! you're not imagining it!"
    so the first time we've hung out alone in over a year, i make a fool out of myself and let him know in my own retarded way....
    yeah, no. he's not interested. the last chick broke him so bad, i don't think he feels anymore. i put the whole "friends-with-benefits" thing on the table and have yet to hear if he's up for that. (honestly, i would really fuck him up in a relationship-type thing anyway... )
    i have never EVER EVER done anything like that. in. my. life. never have i revealed any soft and squishy love-type feelings for anyone unless they did so first.
    does this mean i've grown as a person? (even if the subsequent rejection made me sleep and cry for about a week straight...)
    does anyone else have similar experiences? (i don't know what People Do....)
    why do i always fall for the weirdest people?
    i have nothing more to say about this at.... 3:33 am (in the morning, even.)
    i'm tired and loopy, maybe i can sleep.
    What were "all these signals"?

  9. #9
    TheDeathKnight's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    It's always worth a shot...

    The best thing is to not be all weird and obsessive about it.
    If you make it seem casual, people won't get freaked out.

    No one wants a love-obsessed stalker for a friend.

    But if you keep it sounding like a casual question,
    and you keep your response non-emotional, then most people
    will simply consider it a compliment.

    I had a female friend I thought was attractive, and we had
    been friends for years. I eventually let her know, but she was
    still with her current boyfriend. But she eventually broke up
    with him, and we started dating. And ended up together for
    6 years or so. So sometimes it's worth it to toss it out there,
    even if they are not ready right now. They may be ready
    later, and then they know you might be interested, and will
    hit you up later on...

    So I say do it.

    But don't worry about it if they aren't ready, or aren't interested.

    Sometimes it's just about attraction to a specific kind of person.
    And sometimes that changes over time.
    Maybe right now, they are obsessed with wanting a blonde girl.
    But maybe after dating a few of them, they will decide they want
    to go out with someone with pink hair instead. It could be as
    simple as that, or as complex as a heartbreak and emotional
    damage. But there is nothing wrong with telling someone you
    are interested.

    The ONLY reason that turns out bad, is if they are worried
    you will start stalking them, and making things uncomfortable.
    So the only rule is to keep it casual, and don't freak the other
    person out...

  10. #10
    Mindgames's Avatar A guy who makes girls
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Ajax Knucklebones
    What were "all these signals"?

    Signals a girl is interested in you

    - She plays with her hair absent-mindedly
    - She asks her friend to ask their friend to ask your friend your name
    - She vaguely smiles when you walk in
    - She acts disinterested when you walk out


    Signals a guy is interested in you

    HE'S STARING AT YOUR TITS

  11. #11
    nathanmbailey's Avatar Batteries not included
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    I think what's most fucked up, is that I've been fucked over in so many relationships that I don't even try to start them anymore. And yet, since I stopped caring, I've been involved in better relationships, that ended on decent-to-good notes (one breakup was mutual, we figured we'd be better as friends, another moved while I was deployed so we broke it off).

    Yeah, so love sucks, I agree. And the signals go both ways where I would have a lady friend that I was interested in and I thought she was interested in me. Yup, so I was wrong... Basically, I made a move when I dropped her off at her place, got slapped in the face and lost a friend. But on the bright side, you know there's nothing there, so now you're free to find someone else. And hopefully you'll be able to keep your friend.

    Oh, and Mindgames, I stare at tits all the time, but that's just because I'm a fan of tits in general.

  12. #12
    toxicat's Avatar catty member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    If it's love it doesn't stink.
    If it's ego, it does.
    I don't know how the hell people confuse them but they/we do it all the time. Personally, I have more love in my life than ever before now that I no longer date or have ltr's.
    So yeah, what were the signals? (curious)
    It's good to like people, as long as there are no expectations of reciprocity. Happy chemicals make for an ephemerally happy planet.

  13. #13

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    "Reciprocity". I like that word.

  14. #14
    Mr Karl's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    well, obviously this guys thinking with the wrong head.

  15. #15
    toxicat's Avatar catty member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Some say it's the Golden Rule, not to be confused with quid pro quo, aka tit for tat.

  16. #16
    Deetz's Avatar Member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Raza
    It's kinda fucked how people project that sort of thing onto an entire sex, as if there's only two lovers' personalities in the world. The role of gender gets way overplayed in all matters intimate in our culture, of course, but it's bizarre that the habit runs so deeply that people will act on these sentiments even when they know without a doubt that it makes no sense.

    I imagine that it's a product of monogender sexual orientations, where he projects his experience of intimacy on females in general because those are the people he views in an intimate context. But then, some people actually go on to switch sexual orientations after an experience like this, which is a whole new level of absurd when you were only grouping a gender together in the first place because of your self-prescribed attraction to them. That's the human psyche for you, I guess.

    Anyway, what picture is your avatar? Who shot that? The style looks familiar.

    I had told him multiple times to stop putting me in her shoes, in his life. I wasn't really surprised by it, because it had happened in a lot of relationships I was in. but I guess since I was so close to him, it hit even harder.

    I dislike it when any gender what so ever, goes on a kick about how they won't trust anyone ever again because of them getting hurt. If I had done that after all the dumbass guys (and girls not to mention) I've dated, I wouldn't be with a guy who treats me really good. It's understandable that when you get hurt, you need time to heal. You need time to kinda reorganize yourself and make sure that -you- are okay, no matter who you are. but to single out a gender and say, "I won't date this gender EVER again because i'm so hurt" is like screaming wolf to me, in a way. Though on some level to me it's understandable why they'd be saying it, it doesn't make it right.

    My avatar? My avatar is me, lol. My husband shot that photo of me and I did the editing. Though the blood part isn't from editing. I work with liquid latex, fake blood, etc.

  17. #17
    Morning Glory's Avatar Apathetic Voter
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    haha. a girl blew me off and didn't return my call when she said she would...

    and then posted a blog about how she is sad because people are treating her shitty.
    would you call that irony or poetic justice?

    I replied to it saying only nice things and lies about how she's great, other people are too dumb to see it, things will get better...

    and then talked shit about her to everyone else, but with the foresight to not make it public.

    Yes, this is what we are reduced to, these kinds of "victories" in the face of long lost dignity.

    Love is splendid, but lovers suck.

  18. #18
    Amelia G's Avatar chick in charge
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Mindgames
    Signals a girl is interested in you

    - She plays with her hair absent-mindedly
    - She asks her friend to ask their friend to ask your friend your name
    - She vaguely smiles when you walk in
    - She acts disinterested when you walk out


    Signals a guy is interested in you

    HE'S STARING AT YOUR TITS


    I've always found the direct approach most effective with the most minimal wear and tear on the soul.

  19. #19
    soma_stardust's Avatar ~soul-eating model~
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    *long post rather than hundreds of small ones*

    Quote Originally Posted by Raza
    the gambit where you 'ask for a relationship' or word your feelings in a way that amounts to that rather than letting your feelings be expressed through the actions they inspire, so that he can enjoy and respond to them on the fly without worrying about figuring your future together out right there and then.
    that's the thing... i thought that's what we were doing kind of... flirty thing. except it was never clear to me what was going on. well, i did think he might have a thing for me, but i was obviously wrong. i may not have said anything at all, except that he asked what was wrong (i was acting weird.) so either i could say something or i would have done something... either way, i'd have embarrassed myself...

    Quote Originally Posted by Raza
    Again though, I'd rather have just made a move than 'proposed to be friends with benefits', but after the first confession I can see how your willingness to go no-strings-attached needed to be made clear.
    yep, yep. like i said, i would have rather done it your way to begin with... but like he said... he had no clue whatsoever that i felt anything and he doesn't feel anything. omg. totally clueless man! XD but i'm not sure he's into the casual sex thing? idk. so i put it out there and if he decides to go for it (stupid not to, but that's ok...) then it's all good!

    Quote Originally Posted by Deetz
    I'd see it as something you'll grow from. Plus, it gets you closer to someone who won't end up hurting you like that.
    word. i've definitely already grown a lot after my initial week-long breakdown. plus, i think it drew the two of us closer. i mean, i got to make out. and i he agreed that i can hold his hand, and light smooches are ok. i'll wear him down. not only that, i think it brought us closer as friends. it's a deeper thing than it used to be, and i think that may be a really good thing!

    Quote Originally Posted by Velvet-Tongue
    That or, not to be mean but maybe hes just not into you Soma? Thats his kinda passive way of saying no? It sounds a lot deeper then "Your just not my type."
    no offense taken. it's possible that he's not into me, but there's a definite physical attraction. in his words, i'm very attractive, and we'd have a wild time together. hey, i didn't think i was his type or w/e... but... after being friends, i know he likes me as a person (he hates pretty much everyone) and admitting physical attraction.... well. it sounds like it rules out the "not his type" idea, but who knows?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDeathKnight
    It's always worth a shot...

    The best thing is to not be all weird and obsessive about it.
    If you make it seem casual, people won't get freaked out.

    No one wants a love-obsessed stalker for a friend.

    But if you keep it sounding like a casual question,
    and you keep your response non-emotional, then most people
    will simply consider it a compliment.

    ...

    But don't worry about it if they aren't ready, or aren't interested.

    ...

    So the only rule is to keep it casual, and don't freak the other
    person out...
    definitely how i'm playing it. i've been very careful about not texting or anything unless i have something relevant to say that isn't about "US." he knows how i feel, i've given him options, he knows the rest is up to him, no pressure involved.
    after 31 years of life, i have learned to play it cool. my obsessive days have been over for a good decade or so. haha. teenagerhood - early 20's can be a bitch.

    Quote Originally Posted by toxicat
    If it's love it doesn't stink.
    If it's ego, it does.
    I don't know how the hell people confuse them but they/we do it all the time. Personally, I have more love in my life than ever before now that I no longer date or have ltr's.
    So yeah, what were the signals? (curious)
    It's good to like people, as long as there are no expectations of reciprocity. Happy chemicals make for an ephemerally happy planet.
    you are such a doll. *muwahs*
    this all may very well be true.
    i'm pretty damaged, so idk what to think of love any more.
    i'm glad there are beautiful people like you to balance out the rest of us

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Karl
    well, obviously this guys thinking with the wrong head.
    yeah, i'd be a lot happier if he wasn't over-thinking it with his actual brain.

  20. #20
    soma_stardust's Avatar ~soul-eating model~
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    "the signals"

    ok... let's see... it started a few months ago? just little things. first, we'd just be in the same place.
    there was wondercon where he smacked my bottom to check my weight, noticing how i'd gained a few pounds... (thanks a lot... ^.^; )
    then, there was a show we were at (my roommate's band, brocas helm - s.f. people can totally come to the show on the 27th, i'd so love it.) and i was a bit tipsy. i was sitting on a table at annie's social club and he came over to talk. i wrapped my leg around his leg, and he rested his hand on my leg. *hand on my leg is a normal "i'm interested" signal, i'm pretty sure.* he also brought me candy.
    then... oh, fanime. i guess i made up the thing about how he showed up in san jose every day because he might like my company... but anyway, he smacked my bottom and complimented my recent weight gain yet again (more cushion, etc.) he heard that i had asked about the best black sabbath albums, and proceeded to give me a cd case filled with black sabbath and other bands. (to me, this is a TOKEN OF LUV. but, um... possibly not to the normal person.)
    the most recent brocas helm show really did me in though... we stood in the cold forever waiting for the metallica cover band to finish their set.... i so could have leaned in for a smooch but i was so chickenshit (even buzzed) after the brocas helm set, we were sitting on this couch, and i leaned against him... his friend asked if he wanted to go and he said to give him a few minutes... he left and came back and leaned in real close and said "let me know when you wanna hang out." after a year of not seeing him one-on-one, this was (to me) practically asking for a date. u_u
    idk.... looking back on it i can kinda see how i could be wrong. i guess. maybe i was just seeing what i wanted to see? i should have been less subtle because he wasn't picking up anything from me. >.< and these were all, evidently, innocent gestures. but i guess for two ultimately shy people... it just seemed... like *something...*
    ass-smacking, leg-touching, gift-giving, being alone together for lengthened periods of time, asking to hang out...
    not that it matters now! now i know... i don't think it was stupid to make a move based on these signals, i just probably should have done it differently. it doesn't really matter since it's done! and i'm relatively pleased about it. i think. he's not going anywhere and neither am i.

  21. #21
    soma_stardust's Avatar ~soul-eating model~
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    the only thing really worrying me is having made an ass out of myself, but i'm.... sort of over that part u_u
    and the part about how i was really heart-broken (yey, song material) despite what i logically knew to be true... that we're still friends, only maybe a bit better than before.

  22. #22
    soma_stardust's Avatar ~soul-eating model~
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Amelia G


    I've always found the direct approach most effective with the most minimal wear and tear on the soul.

    i think i was being almost kind of obvious. only slightly cool and detached.
    however, i did eat sexy ice cream cones and i do so love playing with that little marble in the ramune bottle. (what kind of guy doesn't notice that?)
    i think staring at tits = staring at my ass, smacking my ass, any notice of my ass whatsoever.

  23. #23
    Deetz's Avatar Member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by soma_stardust
    "the signals"

    ok... let's see... it started a few months ago? just little things. first, we'd just be in the same place.
    there was wondercon where he smacked my bottom to check my weight, noticing how i'd gained a few pounds... (thanks a lot... ^.^; )
    then, there was a show we were at (my roommate's band, brocas helm - s.f. people can totally come to the show on the 27th, i'd so love it.) and i was a bit tipsy. i was sitting on a table at annie's social club and he came over to talk. i wrapped my leg around his leg, and he rested his hand on my leg. *hand on my leg is a normal "i'm interested" signal, i'm pretty sure.* he also brought me candy.
    then... oh, fanime. i guess i made up the thing about how he showed up in san jose every day because he might like my company... but anyway, he smacked my bottom and complimented my recent weight gain yet again (more cushion, etc.) he heard that i had asked about the best black sabbath albums, and proceeded to give me a cd case filled with black sabbath and other bands. (to me, this is a TOKEN OF LUV. but, um... possibly not to the normal person.)
    the most recent brocas helm show really did me in though... we stood in the cold forever waiting for the metallica cover band to finish their set.... i so could have leaned in for a smooch but i was so chickenshit (even buzzed) after the brocas helm set, we were sitting on this couch, and i leaned against him... his friend asked if he wanted to go and he said to give him a few minutes... he left and came back and leaned in real close and said "let me know when you wanna hang out." after a year of not seeing him one-on-one, this was (to me) practically asking for a date. u_u
    idk.... looking back on it i can kinda see how i could be wrong. i guess. maybe i was just seeing what i wanted to see? i should have been less subtle because he wasn't picking up anything from me. >.< and these were all, evidently, innocent gestures. but i guess for two ultimately shy people... it just seemed... like *something...*
    ass-smacking, leg-touching, gift-giving, being alone together for lengthened periods of time, asking to hang out...
    not that it matters now! now i know... i don't think it was stupid to make a move based on these signals, i just probably should have done it differently. it doesn't really matter since it's done! and i'm relatively pleased about it. i think. he's not going anywhere and neither am i.
    I could see how those could be signals to someone. but I can also see as it just being flirty andor overly flirty. I use to be that way if I felt close to someone.
    I've had guy friends do the same to me, but only find me attractive, not wanting a full blown relationship. So thats probably where it might be heading, not in a relationship, but at least theres attraction and you both are fond of each others company. You never know what may happen!

  24. #24

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Morning Glory
    haha. a girl blew me off and didn't return my call when she said she would...

    and then posted a blog about how she is sad because people are treating her shitty.
    would you call that irony or poetic justice?
    It call it kinda humiliating, tbh. With most people, the idea that they're too good for you dissolves rather quickly when they're not getting their daily dose of external validation, but apparently she is pretty sure of her case.

  25. #25

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Soma
    but i'm not sure he's into the casual sex thing? idk. so i put it out there and if he decides to go for it (stupid not to, but that's ok...) then it's all good!
    See, there's that thing again. Everybody is into casual sex - or has the potential to enjoy it when the timing's right, leastwise. Many people believe that it's 'not for them' though, for any number of silly reasons. If you ask them, they're going to tell you (or at least repeat to themselves) what they believe - and what's worse, if they answered a negative that opinion just got fortified through expression and social pressure's on you to 'respect' their self-prescribed limitations.

    The trick is to catch somebody at the opportune moment and just seduce them through action. If they thought of themselves as being into it and would've given you a yes if you'd asked, you can't go wrong trying it unasked - but if they'd have said no, you've still got a very reasonable shot at evoking some feelings before they realise what's going on and preemptively kill the mood.

    That said, I'm not all that great at spotting those opportune moments myself; I just know that it's the tactic with the highest chance of success with people not already devoded to taking all they can from life. (and giving nothing back, arrrrr!)

  26. #26

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Raza
    It's kinda fucked how people project that sort of thing onto an entire sex, as if there's only two lovers' personalities in the world. The role of gender gets way overplayed in all matters intimate in our culture, of course, but it's bizarre that the habit runs so deeply that people will act on these sentiments even when they know without a doubt that it makes no sense....
    It's called The Game.

  27. #27

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    That doesn't make any sense.

  28. #28
    Deetz's Avatar Member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    I had an lol moment.

  29. #29
    TheDeathKnight's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Yeah, those "signals" would have confused me as well.

    Maybe when he was a little drunk, part of him hoped something would happen when you hung out alone sometime. But when you actually brought up the relationship idea, he freaked out, because he's not ready for one. Even when people are not that into you, or not looking for a relationship, they all have physical needs. For example, if I was single, and hanging out with a girl who was not really totally my type, or I knew I did not want a long-term relationship with her, and she offered to blow me, I'd probably have a physical interest in the sexual experience. But if she had come to me in broad daylight, totally sober, and had a very serious discussion about us dating, I would probably tell her I was not interested. Because I would not want to lead her on, or cause her heartbreak in the long run. So maybe that's what he is doing. Maybe he does have some level of physical interest in you, but is afraid of hurting you, or hurting himself, and so he says there is no interest at all. He's probably waiting for some girl he feels is "perfect" for him. Someone he knows he won't leave, someone he knows he really wants to commit to.

  30. #30
    Morning Glory's Avatar Apathetic Voter
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    guy slaps your ass and isn't interested in you?

    yup, definitely gay.

  31. #31
    Deetz's Avatar Member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDeathKnight
    Yeah, those "signals" would have confused me as well.

    Maybe when he was a little drunk, part of him hoped something would happen when you hung out alone sometime. But when you actually brought up the relationship idea, he freaked out, because he's not ready for one. Even when people are not that into you, or not looking for a relationship, they all have physical needs. For example, if I was single, and hanging out with a girl who was not really totally my type, or I knew I did not want a long-term relationship with her, and she offered to blow me, I'd probably have a physical interest in the sexual experience. But if she had come to me in broad daylight, totally sober, and had a very serious discussion about us dating, I would probably tell her I was not interested. Because I would not want to lead her on, or cause her heartbreak in the long run. So maybe that's what he is doing. Maybe he does have some level of physical interest in you, but is afraid of hurting you, or hurting himself, and so he says there is no interest at all. He's probably waiting for some girl he feels is "perfect" for him. Someone he knows he won't leave, someone he knows he really wants to commit to.
    I wonder how a person would know the "perfect" type without spending much time with the other person. Do you just know or is it based on looks?

    I guess i havn't really thought about that subject in awhile.

  32. #32
    mystoo's Avatar Pirate Hooker
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Love doesn't stink. It's fucking awesome.
    My last one night stand turned into a repeat offender turned into the love of my life.
    After my last relationship (8 years) I swore I'd never do it again, but really, who was I kidding?
    You just have to let things progress as they will. Don't try and force anything. If it's meant to happen, it will.

  33. #33

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Raza
    That doesn't make any sense.
    I agree. Games don't make any sense but people still play them. I hate when I need to play it to get to something.

  34. #34

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    You don't. Games have artificial rulesets; if you insist on calling conventional romance with all of its failings 'the game' (sounds rather too validating for my tastes), then those failings are among those. But when your objectives lie in the real world, the only rules that matter are the mechanics of nature (as a pirate you should bloody well know this, it's the single wisest thing Sparrow says in the trilogy). Artificial rules are either the illusion of habit or the trappings of social psychology and can be broken; usually to your benefit, occasionally (such as with the sexist crap littering romantic traditions) to everybody's benefit.

    To consent to play a game is to have your options defined for you. There's always another way.

  35. #35
    toxicat's Avatar catty member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by soma_stardust

    you are such a doll. *muwahs*
    this all may very well be true.
    i'm pretty damaged, so idk what to think of love any more.
    i'm glad there are beautiful people like you to balance out the rest of us
    Aw, pay me a couple hundred bucks and I can be a real beeotch!

  36. #36
    Ajax Knucklebones's Avatar God fearing atheist
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by soma_stardust
    "the signals"

    ok... let's see... it started a few months ago? just little things. first, we'd just be in the same place.
    there was wondercon where he smacked my bottom to check my weight, noticing how i'd gained a few pounds... (thanks a lot... ^.^; )
    then, there was a show we were at (my roommate's band, brocas helm - s.f. people can totally come to the show on the 27th, i'd so love it.) and i was a bit tipsy. i was sitting on a table at annie's social club and he came over to talk. i wrapped my leg around his leg, and he rested his hand on my leg. *hand on my leg is a normal "i'm interested" signal, i'm pretty sure.* he also brought me candy.
    then... oh, fanime. i guess i made up the thing about how he showed up in san jose every day because he might like my company... but anyway, he smacked my bottom and complimented my recent weight gain yet again (more cushion, etc.) he heard that i had asked about the best black sabbath albums, and proceeded to give me a cd case filled with black sabbath and other bands. (to me, this is a TOKEN OF LUV. but, um... possibly not to the normal person.)
    the most recent brocas helm show really did me in though... we stood in the cold forever waiting for the metallica cover band to finish their set.... i so could have leaned in for a smooch but i was so chickenshit (even buzzed) after the brocas helm set, we were sitting on this couch, and i leaned against him... his friend asked if he wanted to go and he said to give him a few minutes... he left and came back and leaned in real close and said "let me know when you wanna hang out." after a year of not seeing him one-on-one, this was (to me) practically asking for a date. u_u
    idk.... looking back on it i can kinda see how i could be wrong. i guess. maybe i was just seeing what i wanted to see? i should have been less subtle because he wasn't picking up anything from me. >.< and these were all, evidently, innocent gestures. but i guess for two ultimately shy people... it just seemed... like *something...*
    ass-smacking, leg-touching, gift-giving, being alone together for lengthened periods of time, asking to hang out...
    not that it matters now! now i know... i don't think it was stupid to make a move based on these signals, i just probably should have done it differently. it doesn't really matter since it's done! and i'm relatively pleased about it. i think. he's not going anywhere and neither am i.
    It's called "I want to bang you at night and leave and never hear from you again." ...AKA The douche' move.

  37. #37

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by Raza
    That doesn't make any sense.

  38. #38

    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Dudes with emotional problems suck. If he has major emotional problems cause some girl hurt him then it's not going to work out anyway. I dated a guy for two years who was like that thinking I could help him and all that crap and it just made me miserable. Sorry to sound really negative but your probably better off that he isn't interested. I know it sucks anyway to feel rejected but you're insanely hot so you'll find someone better.

  39. #39
    TheDeathKnight's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by LeilaHazlett
    I know it sucks anyway to feel rejected but you're insanely hot so you'll find someone better.
    But hot girls can never date the guys that are openly interested in them! They have to date the emotionally unavailable guys... Haha!

  40. #40
    nathanmbailey's Avatar Batteries not included
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    Default Re: love stinks and whatever

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDeathKnight
    But hot girls can never date the guys that are openly interested in them! They have to date the emotionally unavailable guys... Haha!
    Then why am I constantly single?

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