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Thread: Halloween safety...oh and im back!

  1. #1
    SomethingSelfrighteous's Avatar Dancing Jesus Figurine
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    Default Halloween safety...oh and im back!

    yeah, the papers are true, im back.

    and a friend sent these to me via e-mail, i dont know how original they are


    The 21 Rules Of Halloween! With Halloween upon us,
    it is worthwhile to remember a few
    simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy
    and SAFE!
    Please use these helpful hints this and every year!!

    1. When it appears that you have killed the monster,
    NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

    2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even
    as a joke.

    3. Do not search the basement, especially if the
    power has gone out.

    4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any
    other language which they
    should not know, SHOOT them immediately. It will
    save you a lot of grief in
    the long run. However, it will probably take several
    rounds to kill them, so
    be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak
    with somebody else's voice.

    5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair
    off and go alone.

    6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open
    portals to Hell.

    7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or
    crypt. This would apply to
    any other house of the dead as well.

    8. If you're searching for something which caused a
    loud noise and find out
    that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

    9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do
    not check for short circuits; just get out.

    10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

    11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's
    probably a good reason
    for it. Don't stop and look around.

    12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology
    unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

    13. If you're running from the monster, expect to
    trip or fall down at east
    twice, more if you are female. Also note that,
    despite the fact that you are
    running and the monster is merely shambling along,
    it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

    14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
    uncharacteristic behavior
    such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing
    eyes, increasing hairiness,
    and so on, kill them immediately.

    15. Stay away from certain geographical locations,
    some of which are listed
    here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog
    (you're in trouble if you
    recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where
    chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda
    Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

    16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely
    road, do not go to he
    nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If
    you think that it is
    strange you ran out of gas because you thought you
    had most of a tank, shoot
    yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and
    most likely be eaten.

    17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example:
    chainsaws, staple guns,
    hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
    lawnmowers, butane
    torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices
    made from deceased companions.

    18. If you find that your house is built upon a
    cemetery, now is the time to
    move in with the in-laws. This also applies to
    houses that had previous
    inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or
    died in some horrible
    fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic
    practices.

    19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise
    downstairs in an old
    house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And
    carry a flashlight, not a candle.

    20. Do not mention the names of demons around open
    flames, as these can flare
    suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in
    this regard.

    21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland
    countryside.

    HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

  2. #2
    Weblogger
    Join Date
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    Born in London, bred in Yorkshire, laid in Dublin.
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    Default Re: Halloween safety...oh and im back!

    I like that, so I stole it for my LJ (with credits). Now, let's see how many people take it seriously, since they took my PORN 101 seriously (One said he was going to write to his congressman, and he meant it ...).

  3. #3
    SomethingSelfrighteous's Avatar Dancing Jesus Figurine
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    Default Re: Halloween safety...oh and im back!

    porn 101...ha thats funny

  4. #4
    Weblogger
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    Born in London, bred in Yorkshire, laid in Dublin.
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    Default Re: Halloween safety...oh and im back!

    Quote Originally Posted by SomethingSelfrighteous
    porn 101...ha thats funny
    Yup. But there are really people out there who believe that the Weekly World News is a serious, trustworthy newspaper.

  5. #5
    hewhoisagod's Avatar Captain Obvious
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    Chicago IL
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    Default Re: Halloween safety...oh and im back!

    The University of Kansas had a class on pornography, for a semester. But that's a cool list all......hail.....hypno........toad.

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