What do you consider betrayal by a friend?

[Amelia G]

A friend of mine asks this question and it is kind of interesting to see responses from different people. What is the worst thing a "friend" has ever done to you?

[ForrestBlack]

This one time, someone I liked and trusted, well, they spit BANANA juice in my mouth! BANANA JUICE! It was the most terrible thing EVER! BLEH!

[One Eyed Cat]

A friend of mine asks this question and it is kind of interesting to see responses from different people. What is the worst thing a "friend" has ever done to you?

How would you qualify the term "friends"? I know a truckload of people, many I would call friends in a loose sense. In my "inner circle"; you don't lie, talk shit behind by back, betray my confidence etc. I think to sum it all up is that the worst thing a "friend" can do to you is to pretend to be one in the first place. It sucks having to cut ties, but sometimes you just have to for your own happiness.

OEC

[MistressJennifer]

Oh god Amelia, I just wrote an ENTIRE SCREENPLAY about betrayal by numerous "friends". But I guess they are not friends...

Usually jealous girlfriends, basically that do anything they can to mess up your life in every way... I would consider that betrayel...

I think that it just might be impossible to have real friends in any kind of show biz world, and that includes nightclubs, (especially nightclubs)

[franziska]

Betrayal by a friend is when they do something you expressly asked them not to, within reason. Example, very recently I had a talk with a friend of mine about how I was worried about my boyfriend. I asked him not tell my boyfriend we'd had this talk, I was going to talk to him soon. This friend is also sort of friends with my boyfriend. This so-called friend told my boyfriend directly that I had talked to him, screwing up a of of shit in the process.

Friends just ignoring you when you need them most. That's betrayal, too.

[DharmaLion]

A friend of mine asks this question and it is kind of interesting to see responses from different people. What is the worst thing a "friend" has ever done to you?

I once caught a "friend" boning my GF. Maybe I'm uptight but that's usually not considered a good thing. I did manage to get my revenge, but it still stings to this day. This is also the first time in my life that I truely felt/understood rage and was unable to control my actions. Betrayal is a bitch.

Thanks Aden, you piece of shit.

[tinstar]

Thanks Aden, you piece of shit.

The words of a man in need of catharsis and closure....

[DharmaLion]

The words of a man in need of catharsis and closure....

nah, I'm over it. Though, honestly, I miss his friendship way more than I miss the girl.

[tinstar]

Last August, I had finally brought my band to a point where I thought I could really accomplish something. I had recorded several new songs and touched up all the already established pieces. I had fired the entire band. Brought back the guitar player (who I have been friends with for 7 years). Found the best rhythm section (drummer and bass player) I have EVER played with. Played ONE show as a 4-piece (I sang and played the keyboards and samplers myself). Turned out great. Little glitches here and there, but definitely one of the best shows I have ever played - also a personal best since I quit smoking and really started to use my voice to its full potential.

Preparations for the next show were made. Two weeks, 6 rehearsals. I prepared video presentations to be performed with our stage show, entirely synced to the music. The promoter hired a video company (also a friend of mine and the owner of our rehearsal space) to bring in a huge bank of 12 TV screens and an 8' tall screen for projections. Flyers were made. Advertisements were paid for. Interviews were handled. Girlfriends went neglected. At least mine did...

Four hours before stage time. All band and crew members present and accounted for in rehearsal space for warm-up. Except one. The guitar player. Three hours... time to pack up - no guitar player. Two hours... time for load-in - no guitar player.

I make a phone call. Guitar player: "No dude, I told you I can't make the show. I have been at work for 12 hours today and my wife has been taking care of our baby all day. I am going home to my wife and kid."

(Author's note: Guitar player works in a liquor store and has been with his wife since his junior year in high school.)

Being the representative of the band, I am forced to go to the venue and tell the promoter that we have to cancel. As the headlining act, there were at least 100 people in this place waiting specifically to see us. Pretty good for our 3rd(?) show ever. The promoter is pissed. The patrons are pissed cause they are drunk and the opening band sucks. The band and crew are pissed. I am pissed.

And the guitar player is at home watching TV with his wife and kid.

[ravenofdeath]

I guess im lunky my friends have never done anything to hurt me but they do get on my nerves a lot.

[MistressJennifer]

Last August, I had finally brought my band to a point where I thought I could really accomplish something. I had recorded several new songs and touched up all the already established pieces. I had fired the entire band. Brought back the guitar player (who I have been friends with for 7 years). Found the best rhythm section (drummer and bass player) I have EVER played with. Played ONE show as a 4-piece (I sang and played the keyboards and samplers myself). Turned out great. Little glitches here and there, but definitely one of the best shows I have ever played - also a personal best since I quit smoking and really started to use my voice to its full potential.

Preparations for the next show were made. Two weeks, 6 rehearsals. I prepared video presentations to be performed with our stage show, entirely synced to the music. The promoter hired a video company (also a friend of mine and the owner of our rehearsal space) to bring in a huge bank of 12 TV screens and an 8' tall screen for projections. Flyers were made. Advertisements were paid for. Interviews were handled. Girlfriends went neglected. At least mine did...

Four hours before stage time. All band and crew members present and accounted for in rehearsal space for warm-up. Except one. The guitar player. Three hours... time to pack up - no guitar player. Two hours... time for load-in - no guitar player.

I make a phone call. Guitar player: "No dude, I told you I can't make the show. I have been at work for 12 hours today and my wife has been taking care of our baby all day. I am going home to my wife and kid."

(Author's note: Guitar player works in a liquor store and has been with his wife since his junior year in high school.)

Being the representative of the band, I am forced to go to the venue and tell the promoter that we have to cancel. As the headlining act, there were at least 100 people in this place waiting specifically to see us. Pretty good for our 3rd(?) show ever. The promoter is pissed. The patrons are pissed cause they are drunk and the opening band sucks. The band and crew are pissed. I am pissed.

And the guitar player is at home watching TV with his wife and kid.

But that is not a friend! That is a GUITAR PLAYER!! Guitar players are not human!!! Their brains are underdeveloped!!!

[MistressJennifer]

OK, you brought up guitar players, I mean you think that's bad, here is a list of all the horrible things guitar players have done to methis list represents about five or six DIFFERENT guitar players:

1. Tried to strangle me

2. Played a huge show, 3,000 people, his string broke the first song, played the whole set without him, just a keyboard. After show, he just aked us to get him some heroin.

3. Couldn't get him to leave (he lived with me). Finally, we found him a new girl and she came and took him away.

4.Stole my amplifier and hocked it for drugs.

Oh the list goes on and on!!!! Guitar players are like retarded, dude...

[SerialLover]

A friend of mine. Who is more like an acquaintance now, slept with the guy I was living with and dating. I had introduced them because I was so happy to have a guy in my life and I wanted him to meet my friends. The funny thing was is she didn't see why this was a problem. They slept together a feew more times I think.

[Kidthorazine]

OK, you brought up guitar players, I mean you think that's bad, here is a list of all the horrible things guitar players have done to methis list represents about five or six DIFFERENT guitar players:

1. Tried to strangle me

2. Played a huge show, 3,000 people, his string broke the first song, played the whole set without him, just a keyboard. After show, he just aked us to get him some heroin.

3. Couldn't get him to leave (he lived with me). Finally, we found him a new girl and she came and took him away.

4.Stole my amplifier and hocked it for drugs.

Oh the list goes on and on!!!! Guitar players are like retarded, dude...

As a guitar player i must say that yeah a lot of guitar players ive met are cocky assholes but on the other side of the coin a lot of us aren't i actually know quite a few guitar players from locals bands that are some of the nicest most intellegent people ive ever met

[hewhoisagod]

I've never been in a place long enough to really do anything.

[TheDeathKnight]

I've been on both sides of the coin. Both the betrayer, and the betrayed.

I think it mostly has to do with how much you really care for the friend.
If they are really close to you, really important to you, then you will not
betray them or hurt them. And if you do, you will feel really bad about it,
and will do what you need to do to make up for it, and make sure they
understand that you did not intend to hurt them. But in other cases,
I have had someone who thought I was *their* friend, but in my eyes,
we were not close, and they were not important to me. I would hang
out with them, and thought they were cool, but I did not care for
them deeply, or feel a close bond. So it would not be a big deal for
me to do something they did not like, or to say something about
them to someone else, because I did not really care what they
would think or feel about it. But that does not change the fact
that I like them in general. But you have to really care for someone
in order to treat them as a true friend.

I think most people do not even have real friends.
They are just people who like hanging out together.
They do not share a close bond, or really care for each other.
They just like to do similar things, laugh together, have fun, etc...
That's what most people see as friendship.
But it has to be deeper, if you want that person to be loyal
and trustworthy in all ways, and stick with you for life.

My mom, in all her years, says she has had several people
she considered her best friends. But almost all of them,
over the years, changed, left, became enemies, etc...
(Mostly because they became born-agains...)
She says she has very few friends who have lasted
over the whole of her life. So that should warn all
of you, that you should not put too much trust in
your friends. They will probably eventually turn
on you, go away, or let you down.

As far as the question of what someone would do, that I would consider betrayal,
I would say that it has to do with them doing something bad, and then lying
about it, or if not, they do not feel any remorse. If someone does something,
and I am upset by it, and they feel bad about it, and try to make it right,
then I am more likely to forgive them. But once they know that I am not
cool with it, they had better not do it again. I forgive a couple times,
but I will not accept a friend doing lame shit over and over, if they
know I am not cool with it. The lying thing is a big deal. I need to
be able to trust people. I can handle a lot of shit, as long as they
are up front about it. I have done that with friends of mine before.
I felt that we were no longer close, and no longer enjoying being
friends, so I told them why I was not hanging around so much
anymore. Rather than lying about it or making lame excuses.
I figured it was better to be honest about it, rather than to
be caught talking behind their back, etc...

[karyn]

I think most people do not even have real friends.
They are just people who like hanging out together.
They do not share a close bond, or really care for each other.
They just like to do similar things, laugh together, have fun, etc...
That's what most people see as friendship.
But it has to be deeper, if you want that person to be loyal
and trustworthy in all ways, and stick with you for life.

i think what you wrote here is very true and good insight

if someone is a true friend i consider it betrayal if they do things likely to cause me pain when they know those things are likely to cause me pain and i consider it betrayal if they are not happy for me when things cause me happiness

[LrdSatanas]

lets see one of them stole all the money out of my moms walet and then broken back in latter and trashed the house stealing a ton of shit
another took a girl i was dating
another one kept watch while another broke into my house and stole my super nintendo
3 guys i grew up with broke into the dude that stole the girl from me's car and stole his speaker box and amp
and the worst one ever one of my friends of like 4 years didn;t beleve me when i was accused of stealing (alot happened after i was accused. got jumped and shit)
and i had my ex love of my life play the shit out of me (thats a bad one too)

[sheramil]

4.Stole my amplifier and hocked it for drugs.

Oh the list goes on and on!!!! Guitar players are like retarded, dude...

did he steal the amp because he was a guitarist, or because he was a junkie?

[sheramil]

[sheramil]

when her new girlfriend walks in from the bedroom, and she's wearing your Sisters of Mercy T-shirt.