Not a complaint, but a curiousity?

[BrightStar]

Now, everybody knows that I still cant even get a date, but that isnt what this question is about.

Why do Girls keep acting like they are interested in Me, only to lead Me on, and then tear My Heart out and stomp on it, speaking figuratively?

This seems to happen all the time, in the same way:

I get so depressed that I give up on finding anybody, and then some Girl aproaches Me, flirts with Me, acting like she is interested in Me, and then does all of that only to crush Me?

I don't care anymore, since I doubt I will find anybody, but I am curious as to why random people keep doing this.

Is there an explanation? **

[TheDeathKnight]

Well, I would need a more detailed explanation of the entire date, friendship, etc...
Maybe they are interested, and then they meet your family.
What leads up to her changing her mind about being interested?
One thing that happens sometimes, is that they may see someone, and think they are cute, so they may go on some dates. But once you get to know the other person, you decide they are nuts, or they have big problems, so you stop seeing them.

The other possibility, is the thing some people do, which is to see if people are interested, because it helps to boost their ego. Even if they are not really interested, they want to see if you are, so it will make them feel better. I've seen girls flirt and stuff, just to see if the guy would go for it. But they are not really interested in dating the guy. They just wanted to see if the guy would be interested.

[BrightStar]

They dont even get to know Me. They do that just to hurt Me apparently.**

[TheDeathKnight]

You really need to describe the situation in detail.

People often will say that everyone treats them like crap, and no one wants to be their friend. Then when you ask the details, you find out that they are crazy, do not bathe, etc, etc. Then it becomes pretty damn clear why people do not want to be around that person. I'm not saying you do those things, but knowing your background, I would guess you are not 100% sane and happy. So I could imagine some girl seeing you, and meeting you, and thinking you look ok, etc. But once she talks to you, she may decide she does not like you, and then act lame towards you. It's hard to tell, unless you explain the situation exactly...

As I said before, it may not be you, it may be them.

It may also be the age and type of girl you try to date and meet.

[BrightStar]

I dont introduce them to My father or grandmother anymore, and I don't tell them about them.


It seems like the Girls around here enjoy leading Me on for some reason.
I generally dont talk to them unless they talk to Me, since I am kind of traumatized from the events at the previous college.

In many cases, their exact words were, " I found somebody better, so you can go away now." Then they act similar to Cheerleaders like in those horrible Teen Movies.

On the bright side of that though, it is kind of amusing how the person they said was better turns out to be a piece of trash and then cheats on them, and treats them like crap. **

[TheDeathKnight]

Well, here is my view of girls of that age, who act that way:

They see you, and maybe they are curious.
So they go up to you, and say hi, want to hang out, etc.
You do not do anything strange, or bad, or let them meet your family.
But you must not be doing what they want you to do.
You may not be doing anything "wrong", but you aren't doing what they would like you to do.
Those other guys have something you do not, or act in some way the girl likes more.
Maybe you should try asking them.
Ask them to tell you what they liked more about the other guy.
Tell them you are just trying to figure out what girls want.
They might be willing to tell you.
You may find out that it is stupid reasons.
When I was in highschool, the main reason a girl liked a guy,
is because he was "cool" or because he had a car, or because he dressed nice.
It was not because he was "nice" or a "good guy".
That's why I am saying to look at what types of girls you talk to.
If you talk to a loser girl, maybe she will be happy for your attention,
where these girls you are talking to now, are more interested in dating
these other assholes, etc... But you have to figure out what it is they want.
Once you do, you can decide if you want to give them what they want,
and play the game, or if you want to look for a different kind of girl.
One who will be interested in you, for who you are...

[BrightStar]

Their response is: " I don't know, I just like him better than you."



**

[TheDeathKnight]

Yeah, that may be true.

But why?

Is he nicer?
More trendy?
Likes cooler music?
Says she looks pretty?
Writes her poetry?

What does he do that she liked better than what you do?

Most girls can tell you what they like in a guy.

If you listen to the girls on here, you will see that they like certain things.
Maybe not always the most healthy things, but...

Also, sometimes they tell you they just like someone else better,
because they are trying not to be rude or brutally honest.

I bet if I was there, and saw both you, and this other guy, and the girl,
I could tell instantly what the differences are. The problem is that you
are young, and you do not recognize what the girls are looking for.
If you want a good way to make some progress, look at the extreme
examples. Look at the guys who are the most successful at dating.
What do those guys do? If you can look and act even remotely
like those guys, maybe you will be closer to being something
the girls will like...

[BrightStar]

Dont know, but probably Money, and Cars.

I dont know for sure though. **

[TheDeathKnight]

Bingo.

That's exactly what most girls who are younger are impressed by.

Money, car, clothes, looks, etc...

Either that, or someone who is "cool".
The "football hero", the "bad boy", or "the rocker".

Girls generally want two things at that age.

They want to be popular.
They want to have people think they are pretty.

So in order to be popular, they would prefer to be with a guy who
makes them look good. If they guy can drive them to school in a nice
car, they will get attention from the other girls. If the guy looks really
good, that will also get them attention from their peers.

They also want to feel like they are sexy, and pretty.
So that is where the girls like to dress up sexy, and
see if guys are interested. Even if they are not interested
in sex, or in having a boyfriend, they still dress up sexy,
and flirt, in order to feel sexy and wanted.

You need to find a girl who is not into all that stuff,
and who is just looking for love and attention.

[Tequila Zaire]

No offense but I don't think it's only the girls fault in this situation. But to be fair...what do you usually do on dates or tell a girl? If you come off desperate or overley romantic to the point of comical fakeness you're gonna get off on the wrong foot.

[BrightStar]

No offense but I don't think it's only the girls fault in this situation. But to be fair...what do you usually do on dates or tell a girl? If you come off desperate or overley romantic to the point of comical fakeness you're gonna get off on the wrong foot.

Not saying it is only the Girl's fault.


The key part of that is being on the date

they lead Me along, but dont actually go out with Me, but flirt with Me, and say they like Me, and are interested in Me.

As for how I act on the date, I just act casual, but I act romantic in accordance to how they act first.**

[Tequila Zaire]

Bingo.

That's exactly what most girls who are younger are impressed by.

Money, car, clothes, looks, etc...

Either that, or someone who is "cool".
The "football hero", the "bad boy", or "the rocker".

Girls generally want two things at that age.

They want to be popular.
They want to have people think they are pretty.

So in order to be popular, they would prefer to be with a guy who
makes them look good. If they guy can drive them to school in a nice
car, they will get attention from the other girls. If the guy looks really
good, that will also get them attention from their peers.

They also want to feel like they are sexy, and pretty.
So that is where the girls like to dress up sexy, and
see if guys are interested. Even if they are not interested
in sex, or in having a boyfriend, they still dress up sexy,
and flirt, in order to feel sexy and wanted.

You need to find a girl who is not into all that stuff,
and who is just looking for love and attention.

Yeah cause guys at that aga are so much better...all that is such a generalization and limited to few women at ANY age. You do have women like that...and guys...it's about attitude not age. It's not just about love and attention or affection...you as a MAN have to bring something to the table more than all that. You have to be able to show a woman you have your OWN life...too many guys fuck all that up and really look weak and desperate as a result. No one respects a guy who has no confidence or ability to make himself happy. I hear too many times from guys about a girl bringing happiness into their life...it's a very sweet thing to say and even romanitic...but these same guys end up putting ALOT of their emotional stability on the girls they are with...and that's jsut too much to ask of anybody. You have to be able to show that you're a complete person...not some guy looking to be fixed or remolded...I know the running joke is women try to change men all the time...and their is truth to that...but no woman wants to be a mother to the guy they are with in any form. I've seen too many guys do things that really make you wonder if they are looking for a girlfriend or someone to to just fill their needs and weaknesses.

Also...you gotta be able to show a girl a good time and make an effort to really be yourself around her...you can do the whole impressing her bit with whatever your car and cash allows but that only goes so far. I mean really...what girl does not want to feel sexy and wanted?...if you want a girl not into anything you listed above in SOME way...I'm not talking extremes here or some kinda golddigger....then you may want to question what kind of girl you are looking for...one with a pulse or one dead on arrival.

[ForrestBlack]

I think you need to fix your living situation before you can fix your loving situation. Perhaps they are initially interested in some spark they see inside you, but your life is a little creepy right now. I'm not sure you can blame them for not wanting to get involved in that. You've been given advice on this before. Step out on your own and with that confidence, the girls shouldn't be nearly as much of a problem. Even if you are struggling, it's your life, and they usually have some respect for that. It's really hard to open your heart to someone that has as much pain in their life as you currently do.

[Tequila Zaire]

Not saying it is only the Girl's fault.


The key part of that is being on the date

they lead Me along, but dont actually go out with Me, but flirt with Me, and say they like Me, and are interested in Me.

As for how I act on the date, I just act casual, but I act romantic in accordance to how they act first.**

Then if that's the case...have some sense to realize that maybe you are either reading her attention to you the wrong way or simply just flirting. Flirting does not mean more than what it entails...sometimes it's just shallow fun...other times it can mean a girl is interested...but if that's a case they would actually go out with you.

I'm not getting what the problem is exactly...if the girls are not going out with you how are they leading you on and breaking your heart?

[Tequila Zaire]

I think you need to fix your living situation before you can fix your loving situation. Perhaps they are initially interested in some spark they see inside you, but your life is a little creepy right now. I'm not sure you can blame them for not wanting to get involved in that. You've been given advice on this before. Step out on your own and with that confidence, the girls shouldn't be nearly as much of a problem. Even if you are struggling, it's your life, and they usually have some respect for that. It's really hard to open your heart to someone that has as much pain in their life as you currently do.

Dead on truth right there.

[BrightStar]

I think you need to fix your living situation before you can fix your loving situation. Perhaps they are initially interested in some spark they see inside you, but your life is a little creepy right now. I'm not sure you can blame them for not wanting to get involved in that. You've been given advice on this before. Step out on your own and with that confidence, the girls shouldn't be nearly as much of a problem. Even if you are struggling, it's your life, and they usually have some respect for that. It's really hard to open your heart to someone that has as much pain in their life as you currently do.

I wasnt asking about getting dates, but was asking about why Girls seemed to like to toy with Me and make My sad like that. **

[ForrestBlack]

I wasnt asking about getting dates, but was asking about why Girls seemed to like to toy with Me and make My sad like that. **

Because somewhere inside you is a likable guy, but they need an excuse to get away once they see the warning signs that your situation is going to be a huge factor in any sort of relationship. Also, you are in so much need of positive attention and care to make up for all the negativity in your life that it can really scare people off, and potentially adversely effect your behaviour towards others. I'm only saying this to help you, so don't take that too bad. It sounds a little like you press these girls for 'why' and if you do that too much, all you are likely to get are good solid excuses. If a girl breaks off her connection with you, sometimes you have to ask yourself the question why, rather than debate the reasons with her.

[BrightStar]

Because somewhere inside you is a likable guy, but they need an excuse to get away once they see the warning signs that your situation is going to be a huge factor in any sort of relationship. Also, you are in so much need of positive attention and care to make up for all the negativity in your life that it can really scare people off, and potentially adversely effect your behaviour towards others. I'm only saying this to help you, so don't take that too bad. It sounds a little like you press these girls for 'why' and if you do that too much, all you are likely to get are good solid excuses. If a girl breaks off her connection with you, sometimes you have to ask yourself the question why, rather than debate the reasons with her.

I know what you mean.

Because somewhere inside you is a likable guy.

**

[BrightStar]

Because somewhere inside you is a likable guy, .

Seriously though, thanks!


**

[TheDeathKnight]

I was just giving the "shallow" and "materialistic" version of the situation, because that is how a large percentage of the average young people are these days.

I'm not saying that is how you should be.

But if he really wants a girlfriend, he has to do something different, because what he is doing now is not working...

One of the comments someone made, about being on your own, really struck home.
I was thinking about how the mere fact that you still live at home, instead of
in a dorm, or in an apartment with friends, can be a big turn off to some girls.
Sometimes it is really small things that can turn someone off.
I have met girls before, gone on dates, and then they said or mentioned
one thing, that blew it for me, and I did not want to see them anymore,
because I knew I was not interested. It's not that they were not nice.
It is that they mentioned something that set of warning bells for me.
Or mentioned something I do not like to have in my life.
Like lots of heavy drugs, or several fatherless kids, etc...
I may think a girl is cool, hot, nice, etc, but as soon as
she mentions that she lives in a trailer, with her
abusive parents, and needs to meet with her
drug dealer, before she goes to pick up her
6 kids at school, then I am out of there...

That is an extreme example, but it is very easy
for people to pick up on the fact that something
is not right with someone, and then they tend to
avoid future dates, etc...

[TheDeathKnight]

I would also add that girls like confidence and strength.

They also like romance and heart, but they need strength as well.

Not physical strength, as much as confidence.

And with your situation, it sure does not seem like you are someone with a lot of strength and confidence. Yes, you have the strength to endure a lot. But not the strength to fight back, and get out, or make a better life. A girl is going to want someone who is out on their own, doing their own thing, living their own life, and doing what they want to do. That is why girls like wanna-be rock stars. Because even though they are poor, they are striving to do something great. A girl would rather date a broke musician, over a guy working at Dominos, because the musician has dreams, and has the drive to make something big of himself. The Dominos guy is not aspiring to greatness. He is aspiring to be assistant manager... That is not what girls want. They would rather believe in a dreamer, than settle for a normal guy. Someone who is still living at home does not seem like someone with great plans and aspirations. It looks like someone who will still be living in their parent's basement when they are 35.

[Tequila Zaire]

I was just giving the "shallow" and "materialistic" version of the situation, because that is how a large percentage of the average young people are these days.

I dunno about that...you always have people like that in any place and time..."large percentage" seems a bit much. I think too many forget that after 18 and before 25 you are really in that frame of mind of really WANTING things in your life and feeling you can really make it happen...you are at the start of a key part of your life after all. After a while you start to really see what you can have and what you really want...it's nice to have that point in life where you want EVERYTHING under the sun.

[TheDeathKnight]

But take your "average" high school girl...

What does she want in a guy she is dating?

[Tequila Zaire]

But take your "average" high school girl...

What does she want in a guy she is dating?

High School is not exactly the bastion of maturity and growth. It's like a prison...you can only do and learn so much within it's walls and community. High School girls usually mature faster...so a 15 year old high school girl pretty much thinks like say an 10 or 20 year old guy (being genrous here)...wich makes them a bit smarter but not exactly a pool with much depth. It's very rare that a girl that age (yes I said GIRL cause until they stop being a felony conviction they are not a woman :P ) has a deep sense of the world outside of what she has been able to interact with and know. I'm not gonna generalize them and say they are shallow idiots but I'm not going to give them credit like a would an older woman. Every girl I know changes at around key ages...16...18...20...24. The girl I'm with now I meet when she was 17...she's 24 now and I've seen here change a lot. Same with other gals I meet when they were in their late teens. Girls at that age want what they feel they should have...everything. Some guys see that as charming...others as intimidating and shallow.

At that age...when I was in ye old H.S. I just wanted to fuck em...I didn't much care for their aspirations and dreams which is probably why H.S. girls tend to date College guys...cause they know how to fake interest and THEN fuck em. So really the universe has a way to balance all this out.

But really...unless you are in H.S. it's a good rule of thumb NOT to date H.S. Girls...they are just too much of a hassle. They still have that bratty little girl in them to some degree that I can deal with in older women but not at that age since given I am over 18 can get me arrested.

All that said though...as a teen guy at that age...WHY do we spend so much time in say looking good, having a cool car, and all that other stuff? For self expression? For growth and maturity? Challenge?

No. We do it so girls notice us and we get laid. We're equally to blame in all this.

[TheDeathKnight]

And if I were BrightStar, I would look for women who are not in that superficial category.

Which would mean dating women who are also messed up, or women who are older, or women who are more mature. And yet, at the same time, a woman with maturity, and who is smart enough not to be into superficial things, is probably not going to be into a young guy, still living at home, playing warhammer, etc...

That's the problem here.

When I was a young guy, I was into D&D, metal music, and was generally a loser.
Unless I was able to completely change who I was, I would have had no chance
with the typical high school girls. They all wanted either the cool guys, or
college guys. They would not want to date a loser who plays D&D with his
few loser friends, etc... It would not be appealing, no matter how nice I was.

I really think that the only girl he will get, is one who is similar to him,
which he will be unlikely to find. Or he will need to change, and try
to act the part that the normal girls want. Or he will have to wait, until
he is mature enough, and independent enough, to attract smart, mature women...

I suggest you start a band.

[Tequila Zaire]

I was equally the uber geek in H.S. and as a young fella...thing is I knew WHY women did not find that appealing and stopped making my hobbies the main part of my personality...that's the problem with said "losers" they are great people but they let their interest dominate who they are. As a result you get a very whacked out kind of guy who looks at women as something of an intimidating "final boss" like in a video game. Plus lets face it...warhammer, D&D, and video games can only teach you so much...and very little of it is useful with women.

I think every guy needs to at least have a female FRIEND to teach him some things about the opposite sex...and that's what it seems old Brightstar needs most...some genuine friends.

I don't agree with the older women thing though...older women are fun to date ....but getting into a relationship with them is pretty hard on the mind. You want drama...date an older woman.

[Amelia G]

D&D (Well, really Tunnels & Trolls) had a huge beneficial impact on my growing from a shy introverted bookish kid who hid during recess into an entirely date-able (Is that a word?) class president who always knew where the most fun was at over a period of just a couple years. As an adult, I carry all the social functions I've held in my heart, but it was actually really helpful to me to act them out in a friend's basement (yes, the stereotypical basement) first.

As an adult, it actually regularly perturbs me that people draw such huge distinctions over certain things that I find to be superficial. I know that my core self was pretty darn similar at times I made hugely different impressions on people. But one can rail against the unfairness of the universe or learn to function well enough within it to be able to make it a better and more just universe.

[CPRB]

I think Amelia makes a beautiful point....as Does Forest and evryone else there is little left to say except you have alot of living to do champ and there's no point fussing over women when you could be living it. as for Interes don't ever give em up if you aren't real of who you are and have to make it up your alwasy going to be with people that never fullfill you.

[Tequila Zaire]

I'm not saying such things have no benefit...but if they remain your ONLY way of being social...it can be limiting. I'm a warhammer geek to this day and feel the game has many benefits but at the same time one has to go beyond the game and it's fluff...

As much as I love the game I don't want to be the creepy 30+ year olds in the back room of hobby shops who spend every night of the weekend battling till dawn...as much I personally love that it can be a trap and I've seen it in my fellow gamers. More so when they complain why they can't get a date or get laid...it's hard not say "Well dude it's cause you're HERE every night of the week and never hang around women."

Lets face it...as a guy you can only learn so much from other guys about dealing with women.

"D&D (Well, really Tunnels & Trolls) had a huge beneficial impact on my growing from a shy introverted bookish kid who hid during recess into an entirely date-able (Is that a word?) class president who always knew where the most fun was at over a period of just a couple years"

That's a great thing and I totally agree it can help...I've seen it happen with various others games and hobbies people have when they are shy as all hell. Lord knows I had my years like that and comic books sure helped me (screwed up my sense of reality but really who needs that anyhow?) Thing is though unless a person at least TRIES to go beyond what limits them then any beneficial part of a hobby or game is lost...and that that happens a lot...people just don't try.

[KilLAtomiK]

i used to ask myself the same thing turns out girls arent interest in how pissed off i was to find that the princess was in anothere castle

[Tequila Zaire]

i used to ask myself the same thing turns out girls arent interest in how pissed off i was to find that the princess was in anothere castle

Just like a woman...never in the place they said they'd be.

[Amelia G]

i used to ask myself the same thing turns out girls arent interest in how pissed off i was to find that the princess was in anothere castle