Rate my poem

[rayvanfire]

Endless dreams,
butterflywings,
things i used to know,
looking at you,
looking at me,
my feelings seem to grow,
it's not wise to look in your eyse,
it's hypnotising you see,
to think that you could ever like
someone kinda like me

[cheinara wraithwalker]

Hey, I like that! I like the rhythym to it. It reminds me of the song I wrote like a year ago. They almost go together!

See:

The butterfly kisses
The flower that misses
Its mistress.

Sunlight sings
To a man with wings
And no eyes.

The butterfly kisses
The flower that misses
It's lost love.

Sulight fades
In a man that wades
In sadness.

The butterfly kisses
The flower that misses
Its mistress;

Like I miss you (la da da dow, la da da da dow, da dow dow)
Mmm mm MM mm (la da da dow, la da da da dow, da dow dow)


It sounds silly, I know, but you should hear it outloud.

[Camby Savelle]

Endless dreams,
butterflywings,
things i used to know,
looking at you,
looking at me,
my feelings seem to grow,
it's not wise to look in your eyse,
it's hypnotising you see,
to think that you could ever like
someone kinda like me

It's not that it's bad, it's that it seems incomplete. I think you should write more & perhaps make it deeper. there really isn't any content to it at all. I can see feelings, but can't connect with any.

[23*]

i dont like it.
it seems very amateur ....but...hey...what do i know.....

[Evilbink]

I agree that it seems incomplete, but it does seem to be going in the right direction. Try expanding on the emotional pull and maybe more people could relate with it.

[rayvanfire]

can you feel the love??

[BeyondDeath]

its a nice poem .....

[Ellis]

Its okay, I suppose. Poetry has to really be something special for me to jump about for it, so dont be suprised by my lack or afformentioned action.