If You Died Today What Would They Say

[MistressJennifer]

OK this is a nice morbid topic: If you died today, what would the news article say? What picture would print? What is your claim to fame? What is your story? Are you famous enough that someone would even write ANYTHING about you?

The main reason I have never committed suicide is that I am simply NOT FAMOUS ENOUGH FOR ANYONE TO NOTICE!!!

Who would come to your funeral? See, I don't think anyone would even HAVE a funeral for me.... I do want to set up my website so that it goes on forever....

[Evilbink]

Last night in a drunken bar fight, local artist (me) is killed by an obsessed fan. Funeral services will be held at local gallery, with snacks and live music being served afterwards. The family requests no flowers be sent. Instead the family prefers cash as Mr. Wood was a poor bastard and has left his family in squalor.

[Evilbink]

Who would come to your funeral? See, I don't think anyone would even HAVE a funeral for me.... I do want to set up my website so that it goes on forever....

Well I would come to your funeral, even if they just dumped you into a paupers grave in the rain.

[aliquis]

Aliquis died yesterday after a prolonged period of failing health. Largely seen as one of themost influential people of the 20th century, he has been cited as one of the prominent architechs of the fall of Communism in Eastern Europe. In recent years, his conservative positions on moral issues have been the source of considerable debate within the larger church .... oh ... hold on ... we've got the wrong guy here ... Aliquis? Who the hell is he? Nevermind.

[cheinara wraithwalker]

Cheinara died last week in a trainwreck. The funeral was on Tuesday. She is survived by her husband and two step daughters. She is originally from bum-fuck nowhere. Exactly 134,995,245,280,452,405 people came to her funeral. It looks like all the people (and more!) on our planet Earth, loved her. AmeliaG was quoted to say, "She represented, being buried in a Blue Blood T-shirt!" And Keanu Reeves was quoted to say, "Whoa." Christopher Walken gave a speech to the crowd about Cheinara and her life:

"...she was cool. You can't ask for more than that. She was a ninja, Queen of all ninjas. We will miss her."

[MistressJennifer]

Brilliant!!! God I can't think of anything that clever... Maybe after a few drinks....

[Camby Savelle]

I don't think anybody would say much about me.

I do think that alot more people then I would expect would show up at my funeral though.

[Toe Cutter]

I would'nt tell anybody, I'd keep it a secret.

Although getting bulldosed into a mass grave would be crazy. It would be like a ghost orgy.

[nyar]

Christopher Walken gave a speech to the crowd about Cheinara and her life:

"...she was cool. You can't ask for more than that. She was a ninja, Queen of all ninjas. We will miss her."

"... cause shes fast."
(If anyone gets that joke I'll do backflips)-

oh and I won't die- I'll just ascend-

[devil13]

Headline: COPS SHOOT UNARMED MAN FOR TRAFIC VIOLATION

I prefer cremation. I would have my ashes put in small viles for my loved ones and the rest can be scatered over San Francisco Bay. even though I am an aithest my parents would still have a christian serimony for me. I would say about 50 or so people would attend.

[ashtray_heart]

*girl killed by cannabals in lift*

personally i would like my ashes to get into the water supplies so i could polute eveyone...

[Tequila Zaire]

"A casket exploded today at the funeral for a man known as "Tequila Zaire". Investigators found what looked to be a secret message in his will saying "If I gotta die then I'm taking all you bastards with me." Fortunately no one was killed as it exploded just after it was placed at the bottom of his grave. His corpse flew nearly 400ft in the air before landing in the birthday cake of little Johnny Redmond. When interviewed about the incident all little Johnny could say was "Coooooooooooooool."

[hewhoisagod]

"A casket exploded today at the funeral for a man known as "Tequila Zaire". Investigators found what looked to be a secret message in his will saying "If I gotta die then I'm taking all you bastards with me." Fortunately no one was killed as it exploded just after it was placed at the bottom of his grave. His corpse flew nearly 400ft in the air before landing in the birthday cake of little Johnny Redmond. When interviewed about the incident all little Johnny could say was "Coooooooooooooool."

hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

When asked in a CNN poll if they would attend the funeral of hewhoisagod. 1% said yes, 2% said no, 97% said "who the fuck is hewhoisagod?" Free cake and ice cream will be provided.

[Nudemuse]

Of course on the news there would be the toothless redneck saying, "That goddamn woman was crazy. I tell you what when I saw that smoke comin' outta her ears I told the boys, duck and cover she's gonna blow."

Followed of course by thousands of purple haired naked people chanting my name for 2 hours followed by a mass orgy on the Whitehouse lawn.

And my ashes being smoked by naked hippies.

Edited to add
I almost forgot. There would be two pictures. One with me tightly laced and giving the finger, the other would be of my ass with the caption, "You missed your chance to kiss it."

[Lady Alias]

Those were are all freaking brilliant.

I'd probably die from taking too much caffine. What they do with the body after that, I really have no preference. I'm dead, I don't think I'd really mind too much, anyway. Though, I did like that idea of a ghost orgy. The funeral would be held in such a secret place, my corpse wouldn't even be able to find it. (Take that, your lifeless piece of flesh!) I'd be remembered as that one chick who liked the scent of vanilla a little too much. Actually, probably just that one chick.

[the_plague]

none to soon....

[killerkat]

Fuck a funeral, i'm the undead,baby!!!,hahaha, no really fuck that, just stick a sword through me,make shure i'm dead, toss me in the river i don't care, as long as im dead.........


i don't care if there was people or not, they propbally wouldn't say much......

[Morning Glory]

"services will be held at yadda yadda yadda...
blue blood message board members will be permitted to punch the corpse in the head or groin."

[swansblood]

those who knew me would say I was a good servent that always did his best to please who he served.
swan

[cheinara wraithwalker]

Hahahaahahah Morning Glory, that's hilarious

[TheQuietPlace]

Those were are all freaking brilliant.

I'd probably die from taking too much caffine. What they do with the body after that, I really have no preference. I'm dead, I don't think I'd really mind too much, anyway. Though, I did like that idea of a ghost orgy. The funeral would be held in such a secret place, my corpse wouldn't even be able to find it. (Take that, your lifeless piece of flesh!) I'd be remembered as that one chick who liked the scent of vanilla a little too much. Actually, probably just that one chick.

This is a bit off topic, but it'd take A LOT of caffiene to die. It'd take about 80 cups of coffee in 2 minutes to kill you.

[BrightStar]

This is a bit off topic, but it'd take A LOT of caffiene to die. It'd take about 80 cups of coffee in 2 minutes to kill you.

That is possible is they are all lined up, though the person is more likely to vomit from all the liquid. **

[Azekiel]

Posterity will ne'er survey
a nobler grave than this:
Here lie the bones of Castlereagh:
Stop, traveller, and piss.

[Titus]

'Though he committed suicide, the Catholic Church forgave him and held a mass..Rumours about noises from inside the coffin were explained as accustic hallucinations..The priest alluded to 'the way it's done in Texas'..Personal friends were allowed to bring six-packs and a ghetto-blaster, playing a song by Radio Werewolf ('Buried Alive') in constant loops...'

[OliX]

damn... what we gonna do now.... we're doomed!

[Drakken]

'My, what a beautiful corpse.'

[sheramil]

"Sixteen thousand dollars in student supplement loans! the bastard got away with it!"

on the tombstone: "NOT DEAD YET"

or perhaps "GET OFF THE GODDAMN GRASS"

or maybe a tombstone made of inch-thick perspex, the same size as the monolith from 2001. filled with water. with goldfish in it.

with the url of my website on a plaque at the base.

[cheinara wraithwalker]

"Sixteen thousand dollars in student supplement loans! the bastard got away with it!"

on the tombstone: "NOT DEAD YET"

or perhaps "GET OFF THE GODDAMN GRASS"

or maybe a tombstone made of inch-thick perspex, the same size as the monolith from 2001. filled with water. with goldfish in it.

with the url of my website on a plaque at the base.

I like this one.

[HellDragon]

"... cause shes fast."
(If anyone gets that joke I'll do backflips)-

oh and I won't die- I'll just ascend-

Start yer backflips.

And I won't miss her, 'cause my car has a nice fast 7.7 liter (although she weighs 3 tons). Hah.

Oh, and I wanna be buried from my '71 Caddy hearse, and have an Irish wake, buried with whisky at my feet & a barrel o' porter at my head (Now get THAT song reference).

~HellDragon~
"They say, 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people."
- Eddie Izzard -

[tinstar]

"services will be held at yadda yadda yadda...
blue blood message board members will be permitted to punch the corpse in the head or groin."