little update

[Jax]

Just wanted to let everyone know whats been going down the past few weeks if you care.

My ex fiance has taken everything I have. My car, drained my bank account, and has emotionally drained me. Spent a day in the hospital for putting a gun to my head. Im not proud of it, but at the time I just didnt know what else to do. He is the only person in my entire life who I thought cared about me, and ended up ruining my life. Now Im sitting in the apartment we lived in while hes out at bars and spending the money I have worked hard to get. Out of the thousand I had, he has only given me 100 of it. I have no way to buy food, go to work, get electricity for my apt, anything.

At the end of August, I am attempting to get enough money together somehow to move to Chicago with a very good friend. For now, I have no desire to model anymore, and that destroys me. I had a photographer who used to be an international agent interested in working with me, and its all gone now.

Anyone ever get tired of building their life back up from nothing over and over again? I hate being so nice, and I cant stand myself for falling for it again. My mind is reeling with how to get out of this mess, and I dont see any possible way it will happen.

I would love to have just a little luck in my life. A little love. Is there anyone out there who can relate to these feelings? How did you pull through?

[devil13]

yea it just happened to me. but not as bad as what your going through. after 5 years of living together, planning to get married after I got through school, and I would have done anything / everything for her she tells me she doesnt love me any more. I gave her everything. helped her get her life together, put her through school, paid off the courts on her DUI from before I met her, and helped her get her license back. Now I am on my own trying to get over it and just better myself, for myself, by myself.
I am sorry to hear that he was such an asshole to you. be strong and get better. love is a heartless bitch sometimes but we all need it, want it, and strive to acheave that perfect love. I know some day I will find it and I hope you do too.

[devil13]

the one good thing about my break up has been that I used to be really depressed over a lot of things when we were together and now I have the chance to work on it to better myself. I still get depressed but not really for the same reasons. I have been working out right now to get back into shape so Im starting to feel better about myself. I think wats getting me through it is trying to finally do something for myself.

[Tequila Zaire]

It's a kick in the teeth that feels unfair each and every time...you let yourself fall into a new pattern in life and something mind fucks it into oblivion. With love one can say "well you'll find it again" but that's never really the point...it's the toll of dealing with the aftermath of it and basic day to day. What happened to you is nothing new...guys and gals pull that kinda shit all the time and it's disgusting. It's the ultimate betrayal because here you had a person you cared for and protected and now they turn around and screw you over to the point of death. The only way I've seen people get through it is to look at it as an opportunity...not in that "what does not kill me makes me stronger" way but in a manner that you can define how you want the rest of your life to play out. If course one can't dictate how it will pan out but at least you're not under anothers control...he may have left you without a thin dime or a light to see yourself in the dark...but it also means you owe him nothing. That's kinda the key since normally people still feel attached to the one who wronged them so badly and allow it to happen again and again in their life.

Head to Chicago like you have planned and keep an eye out for the good things you do have that can't be taken away and the talents you do hold. Granted many here are fans of your look...but we've also come to know the woman that you've shared with us so we do care about you. I doubt I'd have been alone in feeling very saddened had you chosen a darker action with that gun.

I've been feeling that eternal "back at square one" feeling lately and it's a hit to the ego but as long as I have a pulse and the will to do something for myself if no one else...it keeps me going.

We here may not be able to take away the hassle and pain of your current position but I'm pretty sure most will help you out in any way they can. I know that may sound odd but you shouldn't underestimate how much you're liked by those here. I know it sounds odd but it's true...even if all we can help is with moral support and 1001 instant ramen recipes.

[malcolm]

that sucks ass jax.really does. I ahve had my share of lumps and burises in the past too. Given up on a few things I wish i hadnt. but the most important thing to remember is to do the best you can and fuck what everyone else thinks. this guy? he's a dickhead. you want me to bash his skull in with my size twelves....point him out.

Noone should ever mistreat a woman

Sue his ass too. the cars in your name? the money was yours? you got paper s on it? take him to court.

and whats this about a gun? did he put a gun to you or did you put a gun to you? Baby girl, it aint worth all that if it was self done. life is more important than the lfeeting moments in betweens....step out of the forest a little bit and take a good look at all the trees.

You're young, you're original (that biohazard tat by the way? FUCKING PIMP!)
You deserve better so go out and get better. do a modeling gig for old times sakes, get the dinero and get the hell out of p-town and into the Big windy!

I sent you an email of some avys along with my cell if you wanted to hang and get some rounders (on me ofcourse) And I read a little about you on your own site. I know Im fucking bold. lol You've lead an interesting life so far jax, I wanna see what happens down the road for you cuz I know

YOU'RE GONNA BE SOMETHING BIG!!!!!!!

The best way to get over this is to not quit. don't alienate yourself form what you love and what you do. call your work place, tell them whats up, see if a friend coul give you a ride
(I would but IM a hoofer and my niece kinda threw me away form giving people piggy backs...lol)

Don't quit modeling, Don't give up And above all Don't let this jackass back into your life.

You're a great prson form what i can tell. seem real fun to hang with and shit.

YOU'VE GOTTA BE WHO YOU ARE AND LET NOONE OR NOTHING GET IN YOUR WAY AND IF IT DOES? BITCH SMACK IT.

[Evilbink]

Stay strong sweetie, cause you know you are. All my best wishes go straight to you, and much love.

"Don't let'em grind ya down"

[killerkat]

Jax, we all love you,you know that(even when i thought you were a guy on here,haha)....


my xfiencee(my only person thta cared for me too) did basically the same thing to be.....

and yea,i was in similar situiation,i was well past being on Thorazine....

yea just gotta stay with it,time is the ultimate healer.....

you know we're all here for you,and hell even open our homes and lifes for you,in an instant....


we all love ya girl,lets see that beutiful smile ya got,

[malcolm]

YOuRE GONNA BE SOMETHING HUGE JAX!!!!!!!! Dont let this stop that from happening. Sometimes Whe Im alone and I feel shits getting too thick-I just close my eyes and feel all the enegy flowing in me and let it out in one loud....very utteral shout.

[Mirren]

Woman to woman, no one can understand more what you are going through. You have been betrayed and basically stripped of every last thing you had by a man you felt loved you. It's strange that this person had such a disregard for you and your life. You always spoke of him so highly. I just think that at least you now know what he is capable of doing, which is beyond awful. If he would have asked you for money , I am sure you would have given some, but he stole it, that is dispicable. Sometimes when we have been through traumatic times in our lives, we tend to put up with a lot of things we shouldn't. I know you have a heart of gold and that's just what I can gather from reading your posts. You know things take time to heal and this is just a nightmare for you. You have a gentle and kind soul, I am the same way. It was a good thing that you made it to the hospital and got some type of treatment. He only got 900.00 from you, imagine what else he may have taken. That's a small price to pay to get rid of a person who apparently doesn't give a damn about you. You are beautiful inside and out and there will be more agents and more photo sessions, this is just a moment in time. Right now, you need to think in survival mode, as I am sure you are. You have friends who would help you, I am sure. Friends are forever, men are a dime a dozen. That's the last thing on your mind, I am sure. Stay positive and know things will get better. They always have right? There's tomorrow Jax.

[Hypnotic Vampire]

we all love ya girl,lets see that beutiful smile ya got,

Agreed, you have a lovely smile Jax, so let's hope you're not down with a frown for too long. Looking for the silver lining here, now you've been through it, at least you know you won't make the same mistakes again....and you'll come back stronger because of it!

[Sceptic_Messiah]

sing sing sing

I heard you singing in jessie evil (i wanted to be your guitarist if you ever toured england remember :P) and i have to admit your an excellent singer. Music soothes the savage beast and life is a bitch of a beast sometimes. But take every step at the time put the past into music and rip it to pieces to an excellent guitar riff......it works trust me i'de be dead if i didnt have a guitar

[Pzychotic]

I had a situation about 3 years ago where I moved in with my G/F and sold everything in my apt. to do so, I kept the apt. though... I living with this woman for about six months when one night while I was at work she calls me on my cell to tell me she couldn't sleep, so I ask why and she proceeds to tell me that she slept with some other dude the night before... OK so I calmly freak out, I am at work, and tell her I will talk to her when I get home... We talked it through and I tried to make it right in my head but, I couldn't so after 2 weeks of beating my head against the wall I moved back into my apt. with only my clothes, books and computer... About a month prior to this we took out a loan together to square up some bills and take a vacation, well needless to say I was stuck holding everything, to the tune of about $11,000.00, believe me honey that ass wasn't worth all that...

Now, 3 years later, I still live in my same apt. and it is furnished even better then before, the loan is paid off and I still see her from time to time, haven't spoke to her yet though but, I have no hard feelings toward her... My life moved on and my G/F today is far better a woman then she ever will be and far better looking...

In other words all things happen for a reason although we may not know why right away, I hope all goes well for you and that you don't give up your modeling, it looked as though you had a great career started... You will come out of this alright, and <b>PLEASE<b> no more guns, that is only a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

[malcolm]

I hate to say it but....paina nd betrayal are gender blind. anyone who has suffered in some way knows what suffering is.

Jax, it's okay to feel mad and hurt and betrayed. just don't let it consume you. IT consumed me for a long long long time and If I hadnt woken up and stepped back, it woul have destroyed me.

Vent it out. Keep doing your thing but do it hard core kid! take it to the next level.

AND DON'T LET ANYONE OR ANYTHING GET IN YOUR WAY!
I'm not kidding when i say I see you being something big. i have kind of a natural instinct that i can see a little bit if someones gonna make something big of themselves or if theyre gonna fall waste side. Youre one of the special ones. Youre gonna be something bigger than most of us could ever imagine and all you gotta do is step up to the plate and take it. It's that simple. reach out and take it.

"do or do not, there is no in betweens."

[cheinara wraithwalker]

Just wanted to let everyone know whats been going down the past few weeks if you care.

My ex fiance has taken everything I have. My car, drained my bank account, and has emotionally drained me. Spent a day in the hospital for putting a gun to my head. Im not proud of it, but at the time I just didnt know what else to do. He is the only person in my entire life who I thought cared about me, and ended up ruining my life. Now Im sitting in the apartment we lived in while hes out at bars and spending the money I have worked hard to get. Out of the thousand I had, he has only given me 100 of it. I have no way to buy food, go to work, get electricity for my apt, anything.

At the end of August, I am attempting to get enough money together somehow to move to Chicago with a very good friend. For now, I have no desire to model anymore, and that destroys me. I had a photographer who used to be an international agent interested in working with me, and its all gone now.

Anyone ever get tired of building their life back up from nothing over and over again? I hate being so nice, and I cant stand myself for falling for it again. My mind is reeling with how to get out of this mess, and I dont see any possible way it will happen.

I would love to have just a little luck in my life. A little love. Is there anyone out there who can relate to these feelings? How did you pull through?

Everything will end up fine. I know you're probably tired of hearing that, but things like this will only make you a better person, as cliche as it sounds. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. I know what it's like to have your heart feel like a huge hole. I couldn't eat for days, and sleeping was out of the question for weeks. It was horrible, but I'm okay now. I'm a little scarred, but better for it.

[OliX]

just hang out there.... I know what you are going trought.... I wish you best. And why killing your self, you don't look so weak. I think you'll be fine...

[grebo]

the best revenge is success!

when you are famous and being interviewed you can tell everyone about what a fuckin prick he was.

[scabre]

stay strong babe
ur strong and beautiful, and you can get past this.
if you ever fancy talking to a complete stranger, you know where i am
xx

[Shadow]

I here ya love, I wish there was something i could do to make things better for you I know thats not what you really want to here and im sorry theres not much we can do but be here for you when you need some one to talk to just know that we are here when you need us just keep that beautiful face of yours up and try not to let this get the best of you.. you can write me if you need to talk thats up to you
Shadow~

[badkittyamy]

we all love you and if ya want i know some good and crazy out islanders. We could call up some of them and have them put some obeah on him. But yeah luv you're awesome and if someone was stupid enough to hurt you then they'll get there's sooner or later, just watch

[Jax]

Thank you everyone so much for the nice comments. I havent heard much of anything like this in a very long time. Today I found out that he was planning on robbing me blind, he still has an apt key. Its scarey being here alone knowing that last time I saw him he said hed beat me into the ground. But I do know if he touches me I have um *ah hem* ways to take care of it. Hes being closely monitored by some very good friends, so hopefully Ill get SOME money back, if not, itd please me just as much to have him OUT of my life, and see whats coming to him. Im so tired of giving everything I have to a person, and I just dont understand how people can do this to other people. Im so darn tired of being the nice guy, and getting screwed like this. I just have to give myself time before I jump back into anything. This is by far the worst I have ever felt in my life, and Im trying to sort everything out in my head. Thank you all so much for the support, I really need it right now. XO to all!

[malcolm]

have um *ah hem* ways to take care of it. itd please me just as much to have him OUT of my life, and see whats coming to him.

Send me a pic of hm and an adress.....I'll take care of that for ya.

[malcolm]

would also recommend a restraining order against him.

[OliX]

jax... you need to learn to be a bitch peole will respect you more when you bitch them from time to time

[malcolm]

she shoulnt have to be a bitch to be respected. thats just dum and not very helpful. This guy was a no good jackass who If i see wi9ll be disposed of very properly and horrorshow, it can happen to anyone. jax is a star. shes perfect the way she is.

[Camby Savelle]

You know, I've walked that path before and I still walk that path. Even now I search day to day to find a reason not to give up. Maybe now it's because I've given up before and know that it didn't make things any easier, just one more branch on an already heavy load.

I try to not think about my life because when I do, I cry to myself. I'm not as strong as I pretend to be.

I know my words won't help you, but know that you're not alone.

[scabre]

anything u need jus ask xxx

[TheDeathKnight]

Here's a quick question, and some advice...

Why do you date assholes?

It's not that hard to figure out if someone is genuinely nice or not.
If you date someone who has a violent side, or a selfish side, or
a vindictive side, then the outcome is predictable. They may love
you, but they will treat you like crap. I really feel the problem is
not always that the guy is an asshole. I place 50% of the blame
on the women, for chosing to be with guys who treat women
like shit. Women want aggressive assholes, who are all independent
and macho and aggro and tough, and then they act surprised when
it turns out bad. Why do girls like bouncers, guys in bands, artists, etc?
Because they seem to be tough, independent, and wild.
But they are also flaky, irresponsible, and selfish.

Find yourself some sweet, nice, caring EMO kid or something.

Find some computer geek who would worship you.

Or some dork who works in an office.

But if you keep going for assholes, you know what's going to happen.

Mistress Jennifer seems to have the same problem.
Falling in love with rock star guys, or models, or actors,
who are self-centered assholes, who are only into themselves...

Get a clue, and realize that a lot of those guys are players,
and scumbags, and assholes...

[Jax]

Here's a quick question, and some advice...

Why do you date assholes?

It's not that hard to figure out if someone is genuinely nice or not.
If you date someone who has a violent side, or a selfish side, or
a vindictive side, then the outcome is predictable. They may love
you, but they will treat you like crap. I really feel the problem is
not always that the guy is an asshole. I place 50% of the blame
on the women, for chosing to be with guys who treat women
like shit. Women want aggressive assholes, who are all independent
and macho and aggro and tough, and then they act surprised when
it turns out bad. Why do girls like bouncers, guys in bands, artists, etc?
Because they seem to be tough, independent, and wild.
But they are also flaky, irresponsible, and selfish.

Find yourself some sweet, nice, caring EMO kid or something.

Find some computer geek who would worship you.

Or some dork who works in an office.

But if you keep going for assholes, you know what's going to happen.

Mistress Jennifer seems to have the same problem.
Falling in love with rock star guys, or models, or actors,
who are self-centered assholes, who are only into themselves...

Get a clue, and realize that a lot of those guys are players,
and scumbags, and assholes...

Out of respect for Forrest and Amelia, I will tell you one thing right now. I cant STAND models, actors, musicians/rock star whatever the hell they are. He wasnt this way when we got together, its like a switch changed him when he turned 40 a few months ago. So, its NOT like I am CHOOSING or DID CHOOSE to be with an asshole. Mistress Jennifer and I are nothing alike, so please do not compare us. She is into the glamour of life, I am into the happiness of life. Period.

[ForrestBlack]

That's a drag Jax, sorry to hear things went so badly for you. I know you had high hopes for that relationship.

[drewblood]

that's horrible jax....hope things work out. i guess i'm pretty ignorant b/c i always thought people who modeled for BB etc, were at the level where they could make quick (and good) cash in just a little time and would always be in high demand. good luck in any event.

[inox]

You know, even if one partner betrays the trust of the other, there's no excuse for grinding them into the earth (stealing their money, trying to rob them of possessions, physically threatening them, etc.)

In a situation like this, where you seem to have no idea what prompted the change, and he's gone out of his way to ruin your life...well, let's just say I think that there's no room for pity when karma catches up with him.

The sooner you can put some geographical distance between him and you the better. Catch the first transport to ***-town and begin again.

I am not very good at the warm fuzzies and the consoling, but if you take anything away from this post...seriously...get some distance from him ASAP. No excuses, no rationalizations...just go.

I have a very bad feeling about you being anwhere local to this guy.

[Jax]

that's horrible jax....hope things work out. i guess i'm pretty ignorant b/c i always thought people who modeled for BB etc, were at the level where they could make quick (and good) cash in just a little time and would always be in high demand. good luck in any event.

Wouldnt be so bad if I had a car to run around to do these things. And in AZ there is very little demand for alternative models.

[Jax]

You know, even if one partner betrays the trust of the other, there's no excuse for grinding them into the earth (stealing their money, trying to rob them of possessions, physically threatening them, etc.)

In a situation like this, where you seem to have no idea what prompted the change, and he's gone out of his way to ruin your life...well, let's just say I think that there's no room for pity when karma catches up with him.

The sooner you can put some geographical distance between him and you the better. Catch the first transport to ***-town and begin again.

I am not very good at the warm fuzzies and the consoling, but if you take anything away from this post...seriously...get some distance from him ASAP. No excuses, no rationalizations...just go.

I have a very bad feeling about you being anwhere local to this guy.

Thanks, I have parted myself from the apartment for a few days to stay with a friend (about 50 miles away), but all of a sudden these weird notes keep showing up. He always seems to know when Im coming and going, I just want him out of my life.

[Kevin]

Wouldnt be so bad if I had a car to run around to do these things. And in AZ there is very little demand for alternative models.

What's keeping you there? Could you use his revelation as an A-1 nutjob jackhole as an excuse to pick up and relocate to LA or SF or NY... or anyplace else where you'll be happy?

[mbrozek]

Jax stay strong and remeber who and what you are and that is what counts ok i hope the best for you and you will be missed if you dont stay modeling. hoping you will be strong and overcome this situation. my best thoughts go out to you as well as my love.

[Jax]

What's keeping you there? Could you use his revelation as an A-1 nutjob jackhole as an excuse to pick up and relocate to LA or SF or NY... or anyplace else where you'll be happy?

Yep, Im getting the hell out of here;]

[drewblood]

sweet. i'm in NY and have couch space if you need a place to crash.






haha...i just offered couch space to a BB model. (sorry didnt mean to downplay your situation... but now I feel god-like).

[cheinara wraithwalker]

haha...i just offered couch space to a BB model. (sorry didnt mean to downplay your situation... but now I feel god-like).

I think Jax knows she's welcome in anyone's house.

[Jax]

Lol, I like humor, it feels good to smile;] I think Ill play a dart game with a map, but itd suck if I got like Fargo North Dakota. Chicago is looking like the best possibility right now, so we'll see. I hate decisions like this.

[devil13]

just do what's going to make you happy and put you in a better place in your life. I know how bad it must suck to be constantly reminded of that cock knocker so just do what you need to do. hope you find happiness in whatever you do.