Advice

[vulfgrl]

While replying to another thread, I thought of this and maybe I could get opinions.

A few years ago, I came across a bag. I had noticed it sitting there for days, and finally decided to look inside. I discovered photocopies of a girl's journal (Jennifer), lots of cards like the ones you leave with flowers at a funeral, some letters to her from her sister and friends, a newspaper article about her suicide, and a photo of her in her coffin.
The journal is full of poetry, some of it quite good, and her thoughts.
Through research I found her mother is homeless, and travels the northwest and most likely was the one to leave the bag there. She became a ward of the state and lived in foster homes and troubled youth centers when she was 5. Her father who abused her and her sister, remarried and lives in Colorado with new daughters. I didn't contact him. Her mother's parents also live in Colorado and weren't interested. Her penpal back then (this was 1988) was moving when I called her, and had never known what had happened to her. Her sister is also homeless, and I couldn't find her. A long time family friend I was able to track down had moved about a month before, no forwarding address.
After tracking down her grave site, and using RAOGK (Random Acts of Genealogical Kindness), which I belong to, I got someone to send me a photo of her gravestone.

So, what do I do? Should I just keep the stuff in a folder like I have been doing? Go downtown and ask the homeless people if they know her mom? I am friends with some, so that wouldn't be a problem. But if her mom did get rid of it before, maybe she doesn't want it? Or maybe it was stolen from her? Should I publish it and give any profits to a teen suicide program? Make a website and post it online? Would that be right or should it be kept private? Whose property is it since she's dead? Should I contact her father (or maybe his current wife and let her know what a bastard he was)? Maybe it would make him feel guilty for what he caused. Some of her poetry is about him, asking him why.

Discuss!

[Camby Savelle]

If it was me I would just place it on her grave and let fate decide what happens to it.

[Mirren]

So, who does this bag really belong to I guess would be the question. I am amazed you were able to get all these private details about her family. Good footwork/research.You have kept it this long, I don't think you should part with it. Where exactly did you find this bag? You say you had seen it for a while. If her mother left it there as you suspect, she probably couldn't carry it anymore as she is/was homeless or just decided to let it go. You are taking care of it and the bag is safe. Again, I would keep it.

[vulfgrl]

I am amazed you were able to get all these private details about her family. Good footwork/research.You have kept it this long, I don't think you should part with it. Where exactly did you find this bag?

I research for a hobby and a living. I love it.
Found it on a sidewalk near where I lived. Not residential, so no garbage service. I left it for a few days, then finally looked in it.

[vulfgrl]

If it was me I would just place it on her grave and let fate decide what happens to it.

Depends on the cemetery, but it would probably go in the garbage. They usually either have rules about what you can place there, or every few days they do a sweep to pick everything up. This is stuff that can get wet and yucky.
The one I took care of was the only one around where we didn't care what was on the graves. I would pick up the dead flowers, but that was about it.

On another note, if you like dried flowers, many cemeteries pick them up from the gravesites and put them in a pile to compost. If you ask, they usually don't have a problem with you taking them from the pile.

[ForrestBlack]

Honestly, I think after going through that much effort and finding out what you did, at this point I feel that it simply belongs with you. These are items of emotional value, rather than physical value, and it sounds like there is nobody left that would still appreciate them. They are only worth the importance and significance one is willing to put on them. So, to give them away would potentially just be destructive. Publishing is a different question that might require more consideration.

[vulfgrl]

These are items of emotional value, rather than physical value, and it sounds like there is nobody left that would still appreciate them.

I did get emotionally involved, even though I never met her, reading her thoughts and letters, how she felt so alone. Much of what she said reminded me of myself when I was younger.
I would love to share her story, but I don't know how or if I should. It has been a few years since I found it and contacted anyone.

[One Eyed Cat]

Glad this isn't a test question. In terms of property, it is probably yours. I am not too sure about publishing it. You would want to contact an attorney about copyright and estate laws.

OEC

[vulfgrl]

You would want to contact an attorney about copyright and estate laws.

Both of my parents are attorneys. I kind of mentioned it to my mom when I first got here, but anything about death is yucky to her, and she tends to ignore uncomfortable topics.
They mostly do constitutional law (that 10 commandments courthouse thing was one of his), but I could ask my dad.
I'm not looking to make money from it. How ethical would it be to type it all into a website?

[Amelia G]

Can you tell from the journals whether the person who wrote them would feel violated if the world read them or if they were really a letter to the world to tell her story?

I think what the writer would have wanted is really key.

[TheDeathKnight]

If you published a book, her mom would probably hear about it, or someone would track her down, and then she would probably sue you for any money you made off the book.

But if you just want to publish it on the net, and do not intend to make
any money off it, I think that even if she were to complain, or take
legal action, the only thing they could get you to do, would be to
take down the info...

So yeah, I would publish it on the net.

I think if it was done well, it would help people see that they are
not alone in dealing with the problems they deal with...

[vulfgrl]

Can you tell from the journals whether the person who wrote them would feel violated if the world read them or if they were really a letter to the world to tell her story?

She wrote to penpals, and told them a lot. Her story about being abused was in the newspaper.

I think I will do a website. I'll do the poetry and front page out of it, and the newspaper clippings, but not the letters and journal or photograph.

I'll only use her first name. That should minimize any bad feelings.

I go home in 3 weeks, so I have some time to think about how to do this, what would be best to say. Any help is welcome.

[One Eyed Cat]

Both of my parents are attorneys. I kind of mentioned it to my mom when I first got here, but anything about death is yucky to her, and she tends to ignore uncomfortable topics.
They mostly do constitutional law (that 10 commandments courthouse thing was one of his), but I could ask my dad.
I'm not looking to make money from it. How ethical would it be to type it all into a website?

That's really your call to make. The intent of the author should be a factor. It doesn't sound like there was a definitive indication either way. If I was to do it, I'd print it under a pseudonym. Would I personally do it? No. That is based on my own circumstances, however. I don't see a clear answer here.

OEC

[TheDeathKnight]

Yeah, not using her real name is a great way to get the story out there, without hurting anyone's feelings...

[vulfgrl]

It doesn't sound like there was a definitive indication either way.

I haven't read it in so long, when I get home I'll go thru it again and see if I can get a clearer view.

[Wickedanima]

*nodnod* I agree with DeathKnight, change the names to avoid any discomfort.

I would also consider, instead of a website, maybe start a Blog of some sort. That way if there is a great deal of writing, you can make a daily entry rather that trying to put all the info in at once.

[vulfgrl]

I would also consider, instead of a website, maybe start a Blog of some sort. That way if there is a great deal of writing, you can make a daily entry rather that trying to put all the info in at once.

Where others can comment?

[malcolm]

id give it back to her mom or her sister.

[vulfgrl]

id give it back to her mom or her sister.

How, is the question. It's kind of difficult to find people who travel the Northwest and don't have a home. I don't know what they look like, or even if they're using their real names. I could ask a few people to keep an eye out, but there's no way of knowing.

[malcolm]

How, is the question. It's kind of difficult to find people who travel the Northwest and don't have a home. I don't know what they look like, or even if they're using their real names. I could ask a few people to keep an eye out, but there's no way of knowing.

good point. I dunno then. Id put it on her tombstone fi you can find that.

[vulfgrl]

good point. I dunno then. Id put it on her tombstone fi you can find that.

Answered that earlier, why it's not a good idea. I'd have to find someone in Colorado to do it, and the cemetery (one of those with a lot of rules) would throw it out.

One thing I want to know, should I contact her abusive father?

[Mirren]

One thing I want to know, should I contact her abusive father?

How do I put this... If he didn't give a fuck about her when she was alive. I doubt he would now that she is dead. Maybe I am too judgmental. It's wrong to abuse your child, period. It's all up to you. Weigh the pros and cons. I know it's a difficult circumstance but I feel you will do the proper thing.

[Morning Glory]

hmm. anyway that you could publish it without crediting it to yourself? unless she has a will or something that specified her intents, I don't think that anything that belonged to her legally get's passed on to anyone else. so if you published it, her mom or dad or whomever, couldn't try and take credit and get the money from it. unless your intention was to try and give money to any of them, but the as truth is, like mirren said, if they didn't care then, than they won't now. but sounds to me like a story that should be shared. it might be worth it to just go the self publishing route, and maybe it will catch the attention of someone who is used to dealing with things like this from a business standpoint, and they can get invovled.

[TheDeathKnight]

If you change her name, and your name, to pseudonyms, no one will know who wrote it, or who it is about... Just good info for people in the same situations...