surprised? Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study

[karyn]

from yahoo


By Belinda Goldsmith Mon Jun 2, 1:26 AM ET

SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) - Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.

Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single -- and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.

He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage -- but they were afraid of a bad marriage.

"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.

"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."

The release of his book "So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed," comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men -- and women -- to tie the knot.

Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.

AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES

Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.

Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.

But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.

"It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated," he said.

Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men's fear of commitment.

"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.

"While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."

Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.

"A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married."

For him, researching the book made him also look at himself -- and he ended up living with a girlfriend for the first time.

"Now we're looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would," he said.

(Editing by Miral Fahmy)

[Head Wreck]

not afraid of mistakes, afraid of divorce courts, being cut out of any offspring's lives in favour for the replacement model.

i'm just terrified by women fullstop, i seem to be attracted to the psychopathic ones.

[Bikerpunk]

"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.

"While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."

I just spent four days with my kids - last time I managed that was November of last year.

Not a sitch anyone wants to be in if one can avoid it.

And I make a **LOT** of money, but keep very very little for myself. For all intents and purposes, I'm "with little money and nothing to offer a partner".

[One Eyed Cat]

Being single is awesome. I can't deny tragedies in my life may have led me to this viewpoint. Regardless, I am now able to have productive associations with both men and women. I still make mistakes on occasion. Friendship is just way more important. Sex is always there. It should be secondary and not contingent on my validation of them and/or conformity to a silly ideal of how I should live.

OEC

[Amelia G]

So, boys, would you prefer being single to a poke in the eye with a sharp stick? Would the decision tree on this by modern men make a good study?

[One Eyed Cat]

So, boys, would you prefer being single to a poke in the eye with a sharp stick? Would the decision tree on this by modern men make a good study?

What? I just said I liked being single. I don't speak for modern men though. Leave my eyes alone

[OrganizedKhaos]

I'd rather stay single than enter a bad marriage.

[Head Wreck]

happily single here.

used to be bitter but realised thatit takes two to tango as they say.

for now just content as i am, get a little twitterpatted now and then (theres a temp in work at the moment actually, and she's not my normal type tbh.) but who doesn't

[Bikerpunk]

So, boys, would you prefer being single to a poke in the eye with a sharp stick? Would the decision tree on this by modern men make a good study?

I look at a beautiful girl who I'm interested in, who's sweet and kind.

I consider getting up.
And I say "wait, I have to go up and talk to her. and 90% chance is, she'll not want me to talk to her, even. 40% of the time she'll be hostile, 50% just simply awkward."

Then I say "and that one time in ten, nine times out of that ten she's already got someone or is getting over someone or wants someone else."

So really, the odds are 1 in 100 that you screwing up your courage to think of something witty to say will get somwhere.

BUT!

Suppose you say hi and she says hi and you hit it off.

She'll probably not want a second date: find you creepy, want something better.

BUT SAY YOU HIT THE JACKPOT.

Six months into your "relationship" she'll stop having fun with you, stop having sex. She'll worry about "where it's going".

She'll either leave then or leave when you get married, taking your money, self-respect and self-esteem.

So wait, why am I doing this again?

[Amelia G]

I look at a beautiful girl who I'm interested in, who's sweet and kind.

I consider getting up.
And I say "wait, I have to go up and talk to her. and 90% chance is, she'll not want me to talk to her, even. 40% of the time she'll be hostile, 50% just simply awkward."

Then I say "and that one time in ten, nine times out of that ten she's already got someone or is getting over someone or wants someone else."

So really, the odds are 1 in 100 that you screwing up your courage to think of something witty to say will get somwhere.

BUT!

Suppose you say hi and she says hi and you hit it off.

She'll probably not want a second date: find you creepy, want something better.

BUT SAY YOU HIT THE JACKPOT.

Six months into your "relationship" she'll stop having fun with you, stop having sex. She'll worry about "where it's going".

She'll either leave then or leave when you get married, taking your money, self-respect and self-esteem.

So wait, why am I doing this again?

So you are saying you would prefer not to get the poke in the eye with the sharp stick?

[OrganizedKhaos]

I've heard that KINSEY enjoyed eye hole (penis) insertions and could take the end of a toothbrush

[Head Wreck]

no elationship is without work.

communication (some thing i am god awfull at and this is where i often go wrong)
respect
compromise

any of those not present and your in for rocky shores

[mystoo]

I just ended a 8 year marriage. I lost my freedom. I will NEVER let that happen again.