Do you go to funerals?

[Amelia G]

Do you go to funerals? Why or why not? What do you find would motivate you to go or to skip it?

[suicidal_tendencies]

i try to always go. i find that its my way of getting past things.

[KilLAtomiK]

ive only gone to one funeral and i hope i dont have to go to another anytime soon, i did skip the funeral of my cousin a few months ago, he was only 16 and shot to death so i didint think i could bare to attend., it realy bummed me out for a while.

[keiko]

I try to go whether it was some one I knew or some one a friend knew and they want me there for support. You only get one to a customer kind of deal and not to be morbid but the closure and finality of a funeral is healthy for hte psyche.
K

[One Eyed Cat]

I tend not to go to funerals. I prefer to visit my loved ones' gravesites on my own. This allows me to process the grief and celebrate their lives in a more authentic fashion. I plan to attend more as the years go by, but the true connections I make are ultimately private.

OEC

[Amelia G]

I really don't like mortality.

There is something which feels wrong to me about funerals. Like the person you are going to see won't really be there.

[HeadlessBill]

I can't say I've ever been to a funeral. Not one person I've been close to has died, which I find rather odd, considering I'm nearly 40.

I would probably go once it happens, but I hope I won't have to eulogize. Oddly enough, I hate speaking in front of people even though I'm an actor.

I hope I've not jinxed myself by mentioning this.

[One Eyed Cat]

I really don't like mortality.

There is something which feels wrong to me about funerals. Like the person you are going to see won't really be there.

We all have to deal with our own mortality at some point. People live on in memories and the spirit they impart in the living. You just develop your own way in marking the transition.

OEC

[Stealpawn]

Hey guys haven't posted in a long while...das what college abroad does to you but I don't like funerals at all. You have to be a close relative for me to go....just too depressing sometimes.

[Evilbink]

Are we talking just the boring funeral, or the after funeral wake, with all those home cooked goodies to ease the suffering. (nothing beats suffering and loss like a good casserole, it's a fact)

[Zombie_Fatale]

I was only one at funeral - three years ago -when my Dad's died.

Alike HeadlessBill said - the people that are close to me hasn't died yet...
Though I go to cemeteries alot and quite often, I even live near one.

Visiting graveyards helps me find inner peace, realize things good or bad anyway gonna end, thus I can concentrate on truly important things, instead of worriyng on useless stuff.

And the tumbs and memorials are very beautiful . Especially at autumn...

[vixta]

i've only ever missed one funeral i was invited to, because i had to sit my history 'a' level that day. it was my then boyfriends mums one, but i made it to the wake.

but i've been to quite a few, when i was 19 a friend of mine topped himself, so i went to his. when i was 17 my great grandmother died and she ha a huge catholic affir, including the best wake i've ever been to. then, last year my neighbours husband died, she was really upset (as you would be) and my husband and i pretty much took turns to check she was alright etc. she asked if i'd go to the funeral with her so she'd be able to talk to me afterwards about it, as a lot of her family live quite far away.

[evilassmaster]

I Haev To Go 2 Fuenralz Cuz Dey Refletc Teh Pain I Feel Adn Hte Dakrness In My Soul Adn Then I Rite Pomes Aboot Dem In My Xanga.

De Backgroudn Of My Xanga Is Blakc

[inox]

I don't go, because I prefer to remember people as they were.

[Amelia G]

I don't go, because I prefer to remember people as they were.

That is a lot of how I feel too.

[Amelia G]

I Haev To Go 2 Fuenralz Cuz Dey Refletc Teh Pain I Feel Adn Hte Dakrness In My Soul Adn Then I Rite Pomes Aboot Dem In My Xanga.

De Backgroudn Of My Xanga Is Blakc

I might be a bit short-tempered at the moment because I just had a death in the family, but what is wrong with you? I asked a serious question of personal philosophy, because I am deciding whether or not to go to a funeral, and everyone else here is responding with intelligent and well thought-out ideas of their own.

A number of respected board members have complained about you, but I like to give everyone a chance to acclimate. I know the community here is unique and I want everyone to be given a chance to be a part of it, based on merit, but ultimately it is up to the individual whether they have what it takes to participate. I'd actually like an apology from you for this one. If you think the intelligent exchange of varying ideas and perspectives on important issues is a bad thing, then you really might want to go somewhere else.

[One Eyed Cat]

I might be a bit short-tempered at the moment because I just had a death in the family, but what is wrong with you? I asked a serious question of personal philosophy, because I am deciding whether or not to go to a funeral, and everyone else here is responding with intelligent and well thought-out ideas of their own.

A number of respected board members have complained about you, but I like to give everyone a chance to acclimate. I know the community here is unique and I want everyone to be given a chance to be a part of it, based on merit, but ultimately it is up to the individual whether they have what it takes to participate. I'd actually like an apology from you for this one. If you think the intelligent exchange of varying ideas and perspectives on important issues is a bad thing, then you really might want to go somewhere else.

I find it pretty pathetic he has "cat rapist" as a title. I've never complained about this guy, but I tend to wonder why he comes here. Halcyon just lost his best friend from childhood recently (I knew him too) Actual death has nothing to do with this dork's conception of "gothic" scenes.

OEC

[Amelia G]

I find it pretty pathetic he has "cat rapist" as a title. I've never complained about this guy, but I tend to wonder why he comes here. Halcyon just lost his best friend from childhood recently (I knew him too) Actual death has nothing to do with this dork's conception of "gothic" scenes.

OEC

I agree with you on every point there.

[karyn]

I find it pretty pathetic he has "cat rapist" as a title. I've never complained about this guy, but I tend to wonder why he comes here. Halcyon just lost his best friend from childhood recently (I knew him too) Actual death has nothing to do with this dork's conception of "gothic" scenes.

OEC

maybe his unrequired lust for you makes him angry. maybe he is just a dick.

[karyn]

i meant to type unrequited. condolances, Amelia.

[Vitorro]

Ive been to too many Funerals, My Dads, all of My Grandpoarents but one, cousions , Friends and people I just knew. I really hate to go, but in thinking of them, it is the last thing I could do for them as a gesture of Love. afterwards, I think of the good things I remember, and try to forget the bad. I put them up to a new level of memory in My thoughts, since I know I will never see them again, nor touch, or do things with them again. Now I havent cried at a Funeral since My Dads back in 85, not that I wouldnt at a later time, but at the funeral, I think of how they have gone to the next level of existence as a spirit, and want to be happy for them.

[latex_layer]

AmeliaG,

First, death sucks. I'm with you on that one. Here's to immortality! *Drinks his liquor heavily (and his irony)*

Second, NO OPEN CASKET! If it's going to be that, don't go. Honestly. Keep the memory of this person at the last time you saw them alive. Every time I think of my Grandma Winnie, I think of my last image of her in the casket, horrible make-up, sewn lips, cold hands... it's really fucked up. THEN I think about watching her last breath and all the times that she told me she loved me.

I appreciate your question because my Mom died when I was 4 and ever since I have been fascinated with death. I watched both my Grandmothers take their last breath and saw the decline of both of my Grandfathers. My uncle had a fight with my Aunt, then got in his truck and ran it headlong into a semi. That scene in the movie American Beauty where the videographer boy stares with fascination at Kevin Spacey's slumped-over body gives me chills in the understanding. But enough.

I think the key is to ask yourself "would this person want me at the funeral?" and "how would they expect me to behave?" I think it also depends on how they are going to have the proceedings. Will there be a wake? Will there be a open-mic memorial? Something to honor that life's achievements? My Dad demands that when he dies we all have to get drunk-off-our-asses and go to the strip bar and get lap dances. Then we have to sing Irish wake songs all night and drink Guiness until we pass out. But you have to understand that he spent his whole life in Vegas as a drunk Irishman.

HONOR. To me, that's the key word to funerals. You have to honor the person. Their memory. Their philosophy. At my grandfather's funeral, I talked at length about just how fucked up he could be to people but still showed so much love. As humans we're all contradictory and full of shit in so many ways. When we die, it's time to celebrate the good we have done and leave the judgement behind.

I hope you can find one way to honor this person whether you do or do not go to the funeral. Know that they might have done some fucked up things in their life, but who doesn't? We all find some kindness somewhere along the way.

Please keep taking the stunning photographs of the vibrantly beautiful alternatives. Today I honor you and them. In all our living moments.

Latex_Layer

[keiko]

Condolances Amelia. I agree with Latex on this one. It'a all about honouring hte person in your own way, in their way (ie: mine better have lots of booze and nekkid chicks good music and good food).

The going to a party for someone who won't be there is solidifying, to me, that they really aren't comming, like a dress rehersal for the life that you will live from that point on.

Just remember that no one is ever truely gone unless they are forgotten. Remember all the good parts, remember even some of the bad parts. Just don't make up hero qualities for some one that wasn't.


K

[DARKGYM]

First of all, my condolences Amelia. As far as going to funerals I usually go, this is the last time that there won't be a physical barrier between you and that person and I prefer to pay my respects like that, not just to a tombstone.

As of late I have been going to too many funerals in another form.....a pallbearer. Most recently I lost one of my best friends at the start of september. I was honored to be a pallbearer at his funeral, but there is a different feeling to put someone in the grave that you've shared soo many good and bad times together.

On a final note. I try to keep an open mind about everyone's opinions here, but I'm thinking about updating that pet peeves thread to include evilassmaster. What was said was totally uncalled for.

[evilassmaster]

you kids need fresh air.

does it help you all if I share MY personal secret, involving a death in my circle of close friends?

no.

I don't want to know yours or how you cope with it, either... the internet is not the place.

I apologise if you're thinking nasty thoughts because of what I said.

[Amelia G]

you kids need fresh air.

does it help you all if I share MY personal secret, involving a death in my circle of close friends?

no.

I don't want to know yours or how you cope with it, either... the internet is not the place.

I apologise if you're thinking nasty thoughts because of what I said.

Congratulations. You are a pig. (I hope the Pig Anti-Defamation League doesn't come after me for saying so.)

You are also the first person I have banned.

[takes9months]

I do not congratulate you

[RobLongshot]

I really don't like mortality.

There is something which feels wrong to me about funerals. Like the person you are going to see won't really be there.

Every point in that statement i agree with. I personally admit that i dont have a good handle on my own mortality and that the very thought of the temporaryness of life has kept me awake for weeks before.

[killerkat]

i've tried not to really get in this thread,but i am compleatly ok with death.Including my own,if the time comes,then well,let it come.


i don't really have a problem with funerals ,i just don't like the mood.i think we should celebrate the life of the individual,not get all sad and grieve in their death.


sorry if that steps on any toes

[One Eyed Cat]

i've tried not to really get in this thread,but i am compleatly ok with death.Including my own,if the time comes,then well,let it come.


i don't really have a problem with funerals ,i just don't like the mood.i think we should celebrate the life of the individual,not get all sad and grieve in their death.


sorry if that steps on any toes

I've come to terms with mortality in general (mostly out of necessity)

OEC

[keiko]

i've tried not to really get in this thread,but i am compleatly ok with death.Including my own,if the time comes,then well,let it come.


i don't really have a problem with funerals ,i just don't like the mood.i think we should celebrate the life of the individual,not get all sad and grieve in their death.


sorry if that steps on any toes

Some how as a species, Humans tend to dwell on death and grief. From the Egyptians to the modern funeral. We even focus more on the death of Jesus Christ than on the life he lived and words of wisdom that he shared. I feel that we should evolve beyond the greiving and celebrate the life of our loved ones. All the things that we did together that made us happy. The way they would smile when they were happy, the sound of their laugh, the way they'd "dance" whe intoxicated, the way they screamed on roller coasters, those are really the things that we should focus on.

aside- thank you amelia for banning the asshole. it was all I could do not to reach through the screen and bitch slap him.

K

[Toe Cutter]

Sorry to hear about your loss.
Hypothetically speaking if I was your family member who passed away I'd want you to come to my funeral. In addition to that, it would be a nice show of respect and solidarity to be there.

[badkittyamy]

I've only ever been to two funerals, one for my maternal granfather and the other for my paternal grandmother. The first was fairly small while my grammy's own was huge and people were standing outside the cathedral. I went to the firs knowing it would be a small affair and I went to the second because I was going to be singing for it.