How to Annoy Metal Fans...

[Black Spiral Dancer]

1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil.
2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of them.
3. Hide their joint under their library card.
4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot.
5. If they're listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream band. Doesn't matter who.
6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway.
7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet.
8. Vaguely imply that you're gay and would like their company for the evening.
9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference.
10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D.
11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little. (ouch!)
12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with.
13. If they're listening to metal, tell them "These guys don't have talent. Now, those guys have talent!"
14. Say "What is vinyl?"
15. Point out how stupid Manowar is. If they agree, which they shouldn’t, tell them the only thing more stupid is Black Sabbath with Dio.
16. Tell them it all sounds the same.
17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked musically.
18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison.
19. Tell them you like underground music too, like Godsmack.
20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can't sing.
21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe.
22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band.
23. Divert their CD shipments to the local Jewish community center.
24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch.
25. Point out that just about every genre of music has an underground with bands who have integrity, so metal really isn't that unique.
26. Post under their nickname on a power metal board and say Ray Alder sh*ts all over John Arch.
27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent.
28. Give them a spiky pop-punk haircut while they sleep.
29. Pronounce "Celtic Frost" correctly.
30. If they're over 25, say that people can still rock even if they have an unplanned child or two and drive a grocery getter. Then point and laugh.
31. Tell them you're not hiring and to try the other Cinnabon down the street.
32. Sit quietly and applaud politely at a metal show.
33. Make them be sober for five whole seconds.
34. Ask if Randy Rhoads was on the same flight as John Denver.
35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s.
36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo.
37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show.
38. Call Doro fat.
39. Call them on their horrible grammar and/or spelling.
40. Remind them that metal is partially derived from the blues. Then accuse them of being widgets.
41. Use the phrase "balls in a vice" at least three times when talking about classic metal and/or power metal vocalists.
42. If it's a guy with long hair, address him as if he were female. Don't correct yourself about it.
43. Be impressed with how much RoadRunner Records has improved over the past ten years.
44. Say you love Metallica's debut, The Black Album. (lol!)
45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass. Haha.
46. Refer to metal as "that kill-your-father ****-your-mother stuff."
47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them.
48. Pine for the good old days when Pour Some Sugar On Me was a big hit.
49. Tell them you used to be a metalhead, but grew out of it when you started listening to more intellectual stuff like...
50. Post a list of "Ways To Annoy Metal Fans" knowing full well that so many of them internalize everything and can't take a joke.

[ScarlettSin]

lolercaust! I've done at least 45 of those.....

S

[Lady Alias]

Good stuff.

[GnArKiLL]

lolercaust! I've done at least 45 of those.....

S

omg.. lolercaust, im so stealing that!

[Oil~Boy 26]

Ha Ha Classic yea I did this as a bulliten on the My Face page

[HempKnight]

Remind fanboys Pantera started out as a glam band.



Vulgar Display Of Hairspray!

[Amelia G]

Ronnie James Dio played Stuart Little in something?

[Velvet-Tongue]

12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with.

I lol'd

[CherryCola]

ahaha in back in high school people asked me if i worshiped the devil and marilyn manson lol

[Flip]

omg, this is the worst post EVER! metal bands consist of some of the most talented musicians, and pantera are great, so what if they were glam, what matters is the music man! i honestly never thought id see such a close minded view of alternative music.

*sarcasm ended*

yes i like metal and i found that pretty funny :P

[HempKnight]

omg, this is the worst post EVER! metal bands consist of some of the most talented musicians, and pantera are great, so what if they were glam, what matters is the music man! i honestly never thought id see such a close minded view of alternative music.

*sarcasm ended*

yes i like metal and i found that pretty funny :P

Holy fuck.. the limey twat LIVES...
great to see you, thought I saw
you pop up on MSN while I was
trying to ignore everyone.

Think we still need to meet up in
Amsterdam in August.. at Bulldog
or Dampkring, I owe you a space
cake at least and you can buy the
bubble hash.

[Black Spiral Dancer]

Holy fuck.. the limey twat LIVES...
great to see you, thought I saw
you pop up on MSN while I was
trying to ignore everyone.

Think we still need to meet up in
Amsterdam in August.. at Bulldog
or Dampkring, I owe you a space
cake at least and you can buy the
bubble hash.

Flip is not a Limey, he's a Mackem!

[HempKnight]

Flip is not a Limey, he's a Mackem!

I know... he's not a Limey, but he plays
one on the internet.

Really can't expect much from someone
who jumps from a moving auto to only
get his own leg ran over... at least we
don't have to call him Stumpy or Eileen.

But no matter what, he's still a TWAT.

[KilLAtomiK]

"Hip Hop is a superior form of music", and i stand by that statement no sarcasm intended . It always seems to piss off my metalhead friends, but they just havent heard any good hip hop and think im talkin about mainstream crap.

[Flip]

Holy fuck.. the limey twat LIVES...
great to see you, thought I saw
you pop up on MSN while I was
trying to ignore everyone.

Think we still need to meet up in
Amsterdam in August.. at Bulldog
or Dampkring, I owe you a space
cake at least and you can buy the
bubble hash.

if i read this thread a month earlier id have said, "great idea ya fat bastard! when?"

I know... he's not a Limey, but he plays
one on the internet.

Really can't expect much from someone
who jumps from a moving auto to only
get his own leg ran over... at least we
don't have to call him Stumpy or Eileen.

But no matter what, he's still a TWAT.

look, im sure i can run 30mph, i may not try ever again but im SURE i can!


again, sorry for the bump :P

[VoltaireBlue]

best thread EVER.

[ObscureZan]

47 is the one that gets me the most...but I just have to answer "Well...I can read Japanese, they're Japanese...I import my magazines and my clothes you know that...Oh! and the reason nobody around here has heard of them is because I live in REDNECK LAND!" seeing as everybody around where I live thinks that NOBODY is Everybody in the world when really the nobody they're addressing are just people within three little towns that people don't even know exist...

[Donald Rilea]

No. 51. Play some folk music, ANY folk music, or Mexican mariachi or ranchera nortena, within their ear shot.

[Tinman]

Lmao, ive done no27 on a long car journey, lol, didnt go down well, and every radio station we could pick up was playing umberella lol